retribution。
Poor people！ They had tried to keep their ignorance of the world
from themselves by calling it the pursuit of heavenly things； and
then shutting their eyes to anything that might give them trouble。
A son having been born to them they had shut his eyes also as far as
was practicable。 Who could blame them？ They had chapter and verse
for everything they had either done or left undone； there is no
better thumbed precedent than that for being a clergyman and a
clergyman's wife。 In what respect had they differed from their
neighbours？ How did their household differ from that of any other
clergyman of the better sort from one end of England to the other？
Why then should it have been upon them； of all people in the world；
that this tower of Siloam had fallen？
Surely it was the tower of Siloam that was naught rather than those
who stood under it； it was the system rather than the people that
was at fault。 If Theobald and his wife had but known more of the
world and of the things that are therein； they would have done
little harm to anyone。 Selfish they would have always been； but not
more so than may very well be pardoned； and not more than other
people would be。 As it was； the case was hopeless； it would be no
use their even entering into their mothers' wombs and being born
again。 They must not only be born again but they must be born again
each one of them of a new father and of a new mother and of a
different line of ancestry for many generations before their minds
could become supple enough to learn anew。 The only thing to do with
them was to humour them and make the best of them till they died
and be thankful when they did so。
Theobald got my letter as I had expected； and met me at the station
nearest to Battersby。 As I walked back with him towards his own
house I broke the news to him as gently as I could。 I pretended
that the whole thing was in great measure a mistake； and that though
Ernest no doubt had had intentions which he ought to have resisted；
he had not meant going anything like the length which Miss Maitland
supposed。 I said we had felt how much appearances were against him；
and had not dared to set up this defence before the magistrate；
though we had no doubt about its being the true one。
Theobald acted with a readier and acuter moral sense than I had
given him credit for。
〃I will have nothing more to do with him；〃 he exclaimed promptly； 〃I
will never see his face again； do not let him write either to me or
to his mother； we know of no such person。 Tell him you have seen
me； and that from this day forward I shall put him out of my mind as
though he had never been born。 I have been a good father to him；
and his mother idolised him； selfishness and ingratitude have been
the only return we have ever had from him； my hope henceforth must
be in my remaining children。〃
I told him how Ernest's fellow curate had got hold of his money； and
hinted that he might very likely be penniless； or nearly so； on
leaving prison。 Theobald did not seem displeased at this； but added
soon afterwards： 〃If this proves to be the case； tell him from me
that I will give him a hundred pounds if he will tell me through you
when he will have it paid； but tell him not to write and thank me；
and say that if he attempts to open up direct communication either
with his mother or myself； he shall not have a penny of the money。〃
Knowing what I knew； and having determined on violating Miss
Pontifex's instructions should the occasion arise； I did not think
Ernest would be any the worse for a complete estrangement from his
family； so I acquiesced more readily in what Theobald had proposed
than that gentleman may have expected。
Thinking it better that I should not see Christina； I left Theobald
near Battersby and walked back to the station。 On my way I was
pleased to reflect that Ernest's father was less of a fool than I
had taken him to be； and had the greater hopes； therefore； that his
son's blunders might be due to postnatal； rather than congenital
misfortunes。 Accidents which happen to a man before he is born； in
the persons of his ancestors； will； if he remembers them at all；
leave an indelible impression on him； they will have moulded his
character so that； do what he will； it is hardly possible for him to
escape their consequences。 If a man is to enter into the Kingdom of
Heaven； he must do so； not only as a little child； but as a little
embryo； or rather as a little zoospermand not only this； but as
one that has come of zoosperms which have entered into the Kingdom
of Heaven before him for many generations。 Accidents which occur
for the first time； and belong to the period since a man's last
birth； are not； as a general rule； so permanent in their effects；
though of course they may sometimes be so。 At any rate； I was not
displeased at the view which Ernest's father took of the situation。
CHAPTER LXIV
After Ernest had been sentenced； he was taken back to the cells to
wait for the van which should take him to Coldbath Fields； where he
was to serve his term。
He was still too stunned and dazed by the suddenness with which
events had happened during the last twenty…four hours to be able to
realise his position。 A great chasm had opened between his past and
future； nevertheless he breathed； his pulse beat； he could think and
speak。 It seemed to him that he ought to be prostrated by the blow
that had fallen on him； but he was not prostrated； he had suffered
from many smaller laches far more acutely。 It was not until he
thought of the pain his disgrace would inflict on his father and
mother that he felt how readily he would have given up all he had；
rather than have fallen into his present plight。 It would break his
mother's heart。 It must； he knew it wouldand it was he who had
done this。
He had had a headache coming on all the forenoon； but as he thought
of his father and mother； his pulse quickened； and the pain in his
head suddenly became intense。 He could hardly walk to the van； and
he found its motion insupportable。 On reaching the prison he was
too ill to walk without assistance across the hall to the corridor
or gallery where prisoners are marshalled on their arrival。 The
prison warder； seeing at once that he was a clergyman； did not
suppose he was shamming； as he might have done in the case of an old
gaol…bird； he therefore sent for the doctor。 When this gentleman
arrived； Ernest was declared to be suffering from an incipient
attack of brain fever； and was taken away to the infirmary。 Here he
hovered for the next two months between life and death； never in
full possession of his reason and often delirious； but at last；
contrary to the expectation of both doctor and nurse； he began
slowly to recover。
It is said that those who have been nearly drowned； find the return
to consciousness much more painful than the loss of it had been； and
so it was with my hero。 As he lay helpless and feeble； it seemed to
him a refinement of cruelty that he had not died once for all during
his delirium。 He thought he should still most likely recover only
to sink a little later on from shame and sorrow； nevertheless from
day to day he mended； though so slowly that he could hardly realise
it to himself。 One afternoon； however； about three weeks after he
had regained consciousness； the nurse who tended him； and who had
been very kind to him； made some little rallying sally which amused
him； he laughed； and as he did so； she clapped her hands and told
him he would be a man again。 The spark of hope was kindled； and
again he wished to live。 Almost from that moment his thoughts began
to turn less to the horrors of the past； and more to the best way of
meeting the future。
His worst pain was on behalf of his father and mother； and how he
should again face them。 It still seemed to him that the best thing
both for him and them would be that he should sever himself from
them completely； take whatever money he could recover from Pryer；
and go to some place in the uttermost parts of the earth； where he
should never meet anyone who had known him at school or college； and
start afresh。 Or perhaps he might go to the gold fields in
California or Australia； of which such wonderful accounts were then
heard； there he might even make his fortune； and return as an old
man many years hence； unknown to everyone； and if so； he would live
at Cambridge。 As he built these castles in the air； the spark of
life became a flame； and he longed for health； and for the freedom
which； now that so much of his sentence had expired； was not after
all very far distant。
Then things began to shape themselves more definitely。 Whatever
happened he would be a clergyman no longer。 It would have been
practically impossible for him to have found another curacy； even if
he had been so minded； but he was not so minded。 He hated the life
he had been leading ever since he had begun to read for orders； he
could not argue about it； but simply he loathed it and would have no
more of it。 As he dwelt on the prospect of becoming a layman again；
however disgraced； he rejoiced at what had befallen him； and found a
blessing in this very imprisonment which had at first seemed such an
unspeakable misfortune。
Perhaps the shock of so great a change in his surroundings had
accelerated changes in his opinions； just as the cocoons of
silkworms； when sent in baskets by rail； hatch before their time
through the novelty of heat and jolting。 But however this may be；
his belief in the stories concerning the Death； Resurrection and
Ascension of Jesus Christ； and hence his faith in all the other
Christian miracles； had dropped off him once and for ever。 The
investigation he had made in consequence of Mr Shaw's rebuke；
hurried though it was； had left a deep impression upon him； and now
he was well enough to read he made the New Testament his chief
study； going through it in the spirit which Mr Shaw had desired of
him； that is to say as one who wished neither to believe nor
disbelieve； but cared only about finding out whether he ought to
believe or no。 The more he read in this spirit the more the balance
seeme