the diary of a man of fifty- 第5部分

…but　this　announcement；　instead　of　shocking　me；　caused　me　to　feel　a　

strange　exhilaration。　　Most　assuredly；　after　all　these　years；　I　bear　

the　poor　man　no　resentment。　　Of　course　I　controlled　my　manner；　and　

simply　remarked　to　the　Countess　that　as　his　fault　had　been　so　was　his　

punishment。　　I　think；　however；　that　the　feeling　of　which　I　speak　was　

at　the　bottom　of　my　saying　to　her　that　I　hoped　that；　unlike　her　

mother's；　her　own　brief　married　life　had　been　happy。



〃If　it　was　not；〃　she　said；　〃I　have　forgotten　it　now。〃I　wonder　if　

the　late　Count　Scarabelli　was　also　killed　in　a　duel；　and　if　his　

adversary　。　。　。　Is　it　on　the　books　that　his　adversary；　as　well；　shall　

perish　by　the　pistol？　　Which　of　those　gentlemen　is　he；　I　wonder？　　Is　

it　reserved　for　poor　little　Stanmer　to　put　a　bullet　into　him？　　No；　

poor　little　Stanmer；　I　trust；　will　do　as　I　did。　　And　yet；　

unfortunately　for　him；　that　woman　is　consummately　plausible。　　She　was　

wonderfully　nice　last　evening；　she　was　really　irresistible。　　Such　

frankness　and　freedom；　and　yet　something　so　soft　and　womanly；　such　

graceful　gaiety；　so　much　of　the　brightness；　without　any　of　the　

stiffness；　of　good　breeding；　and　over　it　all　something　so　

picturesquely　simple　and　southern。　　She　is　a　perfect　Italian。　　But　

she　comes　honestly　by　it。　　After　the　talk　I　have　just　jotted　down　she　

changed　her　place；　and　the　conversation　for　half　an　hour　was　general。　　

Stanmer　indeed　said　very　little；　partly；　I　suppose；　because　he　is　shy　

of　talking　a　foreign　tongue。　　Was　I　like　thatwas　I　so　constantly　

silent？　　I　suspect　I　was　when　I　was　perplexed；　and　Heaven　knows　that　

very　often　my　perplexity　was　extreme。　　Before　I　went　away　I　had　a　few　

more　words　tete…a…tete　with　the　Countess。



〃I　hope　you　are　not　leaving　Florence　yet；〃　she　said；　〃you　will　stay　a　

while　longer？〃



I　answered　that　I　came　only　for　a　week；　and　that　my　week　was　over。



〃I　stay　on　from　day　to　day；　I　am　so　much　interested。〃



〃Eh；　it's　the　beautiful　moment。　　I'm　glad　our　city　pleases　you！〃



〃Florence　pleases　meand　I　take　a　paternal　interest　to　our　young　

friend；〃　I　added；　glancing　at　Stanmer。　　〃I　have　become　very　fond　of　

him。〃



〃Bel　tipo　inglese；〃　said　my　hostess。　　〃And　he　is　very　intelligent；　he　

has　a　beautiful　mind。〃



She　stood　there　resting　her　smile　and　her　clear；　expressive　eyes　upon　

me。



〃I　don't　like　to　praise　him　too　much；〃　I　rejoined；　〃lest　I　should　

appear　to　praise　myself；　he　reminds　me　so　much　of　what　I　was　at　his　

age。　　If　your　beautiful　mother　were　to　come　to　life　for　an　hour　she　

would　see　the　resemblance。〃



She　gave　me　a　little　amused　stare。



〃And　yet　you　don't　look　at　all　like　him！〃



〃Ah；　you　didn't　know　me　when　I　was　twenty…five。　　I　was　very　handsome！　　

And；　moreover；　it　isn't　that；　it's　the　mental　resemblance。　　I　was　

ingenuous；　candid；　trusting；　like　him。〃



〃Trusting？　　I　remember　my　mother　once　telling　me　that　you　were　the　

most　suspicious　and　jealous　of　men！〃



〃I　fell　into　a　suspicious　mood；　but　I　was；　fundamentally；　not　in　the　

least　addicted　to　thinking　evil。　　I　couldn't　easily　imagine　any　harm　

of　any　one。〃



〃And　so　you　mean　that　Mr。　Stanmer　is　in　a　suspicions　mood？〃



〃Well；　I　mean　that　his　situation　is　the　same　as　mine。〃



The　Countess　gave　me　one　of　her　serious　looks。　　〃Come；〃　she　said；　

〃what　was　itthis　famous　situation　of　yours？　　I　have　heard　you　

mention　it　before。〃



〃Your　mother　might　have　told　you；　since　she　occasionally　did　me　the　

honour　to　speak　of　me。〃



〃All　my　mother　ever　told　me　was　that　you　werea　sad　puzzle　to　her。〃



At　this；　of　course；　I　laughed　outI　laugh　still　as　I　write　it。



〃Well；　then；　that　was　my　situationI　was　a　sad　puzzle　to　a　very　

clever　woman。〃



〃And　you　mean；　therefore；　that　I　am　a　puzzle　to　poor　Mr。　Stanmer？〃



〃He　is　racking　his　brains　to　make　you　out。　　Remember　it　was　you　who　

said　he　was　intelligent。〃



She　looked　round　at　him；　and　as　fortune　would　have　it；　his　appearance　

at　that　moment　quite　confirmed　my　assertion。　　He　was　lounging　back　in　

his　chair　with　an　air　of　indolence　rather　too　marked　for　a　drawing…

room；　and　staring　at　the　ceiling　with　the　expression　of　a　man　who　has　

just　been　asked　a　conundrum。　　Madame　Scarabelli　seemed　struck　with　

his　attitude。



〃Don't　you　see；〃　I　said；　〃he　can't　read　the　riddle？〃



〃You　yourself；〃　she　answered；　〃said　he　was　incapable　of　thinking　

evil。　　I　should　be　sorry　to　have　him　think　any　evil　of　ME。〃



And　she　looked　straight　at　meseriously；　appealinglywith　her　

beautiful　candid　brow。



I　inclined　myself；　smiling；　in　a　manner　which　might　have　meant〃How　

could　that　be　possible？〃



〃I　have　a　great　esteem　for　him；〃　she　went　on；　〃I　want　him　to　think　

well　of　me。　　If　I　am　a　puzzle　to　him；　do　me　a　little　service。　　

Explain　me　to　him。〃



〃Explain　you；　dear　lady？〃



〃You　are　older　and　wiser　than　he。　　Make　him　understand　me。〃



She　looked　deep　into　my　eyes　for　a　moment；　and　then　she　turned　away。



26th。I　have　written　nothing　for　a　good　many　days；　but　meanwhile　I　

have　been　half　a　dozen　times　to　Casa　Salvi。　　I　have　seen　a　good　deal　

also　of　my　young　friendhad　a　good　many　walks　and　talks　with　him。　　I　

have　proposed　to　him　to　come　with　me　to　Venice　for　a　fortnight；　but　

he　won't　listen　to　the　idea　of　leaving　Florence。　　He　is　very　happy　in　

spite　of　his　doubts；　and　I　confess　that　in　the　perception　of　his　

happiness　I　have　lived　over　again　my　own。　　This　is　so　much　the　case　

that　when；　the　other　day；　he　at　last　made　up　his　mind　to　ask　me　to　

tell　him　the　wrong　that　Madame　de　Salvi　had　done　me；　I　rather　checked　

his　curiosity。　　I　told　him　that　if　he　was　bent　upon　knowing　I　would　

satisfy　him；　but　that　it　seemed　a　pity；　just　now；　to　indulge　in　

painful　imagery。



〃But　I　thought　you　wanted　so　much　to　put　me　out　of　conceit　of　our　

friend。〃



〃I　admit　I　am　inconsistent；　but　there　are　various　reasons　for　it。　　In　

the　first　placeit's　obviousI　am　open　to　the　charge　of　playing　a　

double　game。　　I　profess　an　admiration　for　the　Countess　Scarabelli；　

for　I　accept　her　hospitality；　and　at　the　same　time　I　attempt　to　

poison　your　mind；　isn't　that　the　proper　expression？　　I　can't　exactly　

make　up　my　mind　to　that；　though　my　admiration　for　the　Countess　and　my　

desire　to　prevent　you　from　taking　a　foolish　step　are　equally　sincere。　　

And　then；　in　the　second　place；　you　seem　to　me；　on　the　whole；　so　

happy！　　One　hesitates　to　destroy　an　illusion；　no　matter　how　

pernicious；　that　is　so　delightful　while　it　lasts。　　These　are　the　rare　

moments　of　life。　　To　be　young　and　ardent；　in　the　midst　of　an　Italian　

spring；　and　to　believe　in　the　moral　perfection　of　a　beautiful　woman

what　an　admirable　situation！　　Float　with　the　current；　I'll　stand　on　

the　brink　and　watch　you。〃



〃Your　real　reason　is　that　you　feel　you　have　no　case　against　the　poor　

lady；〃　said　Stanmer。　　〃You　admire　her　as　much　as　I　do。〃



〃I　just　admitted　that　I　admired　her。　　I　never　said　she　was　a　vulgar　

flirt；　her　mother　was　an　absolutely　scientific　one。　　Heaven　knows　I　

admired　that！　　It's　a　nice　point；　however；　how　much　one　is　hound　in　

honour　not　to　warn　a　young　friend　against　a　dangerous　woman　because　

one　also　has　relations　of　civility　with　the　lady。〃



〃In　such　a　case；〃　said　Stanmer；　〃I　would　break　off　my　relations。〃



I　looked　at　him；　and　I　think　I　laughed。



〃Are　you　jealous　of　me；　by　chance？〃



He　shook　his　head　emphatically。



〃Not　in　the　least；　I　like　to　see　you　there；　because　your　conduct　

contradicts　your　words。〃



〃I　have　always　said　that　the　Countess　is　fascinating。〃



〃Otherwise；〃　said　Stanmer；　〃in　the　case　you　speak　of　I　would　give　the　

lady　notice。〃



〃Give　her　notice？〃



〃Mention　to　her　that　you　regard　her　with　suspicion；　and　that　you　

propose　to　do　your　best　to　rescue　a　simple…minded　youth　from　her　

wiles。　　That　would　be　more　loyal。〃　　And　he　began　to　laugh　again。



It　is　not　the　first　time　he　has　laughed　at　me；　but　I　have　never　

minded　it；　because　I　have　always　understood　it。



〃Is　that　what　you　recommend　me　to　say　to　the　Countess？〃　I　asked。



〃Recommend　you！〃　he　exclaimed；　laughing　again；　〃I　recommend　nothing。　　

I　may　be　the　victim　to　be　rescued；　but　I　am　at　least　not　a　partner　to　

the　conspiracy。　　Besides；〃　he　added　in　a　moment；　〃the　Countess　knows　

your　state　of　mind。〃



〃Has　she　told　you　so？〃



Stanmer　hesitated。



〃She　has　begged　me　to　listen　to　everything　you　may　say　against　her。　　

She　declares　that　she　has　a　good　conscience。〃



〃Ah；〃　said　I；　〃she's　an　accomplished　woman！〃



And　it　is　indeed　very　clever　of　her　to　take　that　tone。　　Stanmer　

afterwards　assured　me　explicitly　that　he　has　never　given　her　a　hint　

of　the　liberties　I　have　taken　in　conversation　withwhat　shall　I　call　

it？with　her　moral　nature；　she　has　guessed　them　for　herself。　　She　

must　hate　me　intensely；　and　yet　her　manner　has　always　been　so　

charming　to　me！　　She　is　truly　an　accomplished　woman！



May　4th。I　have　stayed　away　from　Casa　Salvi　for　a　week；　but　I　have　

lingered　on　in　Florence；　under　a　mixture　of　impulses。　　I　have　had　it　

on　my　conscience　not　to　go　near　the　Countess　againand　yet　from　the　

moment　she　is　aware　of　the　way　I　feel　about　her；　it　is　open　war。　　

There　need　be　no　scruples　on　either　side。　　She　is　as　free　to　use　

every　possible　art　to　entangle　poor　Stanmer　more　closely　as　I　am　to　

clip　her　fine…spun　meshes。　　Under　the　circumstances；　however；　we　

naturally　shouldn't　meet　very　cordially。　　But　as　regards　her　meshes；　

why；　after　all；　should　I　clip　them？　　It　would　really　be　very　

interesting　to　see　Stanmer　swallowed　up。　　I　should　like　to　see　how　he　

would　agree　with　her　after　she　had　devoured　him（to　what　vulgar　

imagery；　by　the　way；　does　curiosity　reduce　a　man！）　　Let　him　finish　

the　story　in　his　own　way；　as　I　finished　it　in　mine。　　It　is　the　same　

story；　but　why；　a　quarter　of　a　century　later；　should　it　have　the　same　

denoument？　　Let　him　make　his　own　den