the man who was afraid- 第18部分

He　often　recalled　Pelageya；　and　at　first　he　felt　melancholy　whenever　her　image　flashed　before　his　imagination。　But　time　went　on；　and　little　by　little　rubbed　off　the　bright　colours　of　this　woman；　and　before　he　was　aware　of　it　his　thoughts　were　occupied　by　the　slender；　angel…like　Medinskaya。　She　used　to　come　up　to　Ignat　almost　every　Sunday　with　various　requests；　all　of　which　generally　had　but　one　aimto　hasten　the　building　of　the　lodging…asylum。　In　her　presence　Foma　felt　awkward；　huge；　heavy；　this　pained　him；　and　he　blushed　deeply　under　the　endearing　look　of　Sophya　Pavlovna's　large　eyes。　He　noticed　that　every　time　she　looked　at　him；　her　eyes　would　grow　darker；　while　her　upper　lip　would　tremble　and　raise　itself　slightly；　thus　displaying　very　small　white　teeth。　This　always　frightened　him。　When　his　father　noticed　how　steadfastly　he　was　staring　at　Medinskaya　he　told　him　one　day：

〃Don't　be　staring　so　much　at　that　face。　Look　out；　she　is　like　a　birch　ember：　from　the　outside　it　is　just　as　modest；　smooth　and　dark　altogether　cold　to　all　appearancesbut　take　it　into　your　hand　and　it　will　burn　you。〃

Medinskaya　did　not　kindle　in　the　youth　any　sensual　passion；　for　there　was　nothing　in　her　that　resembled　Pelageya；　and　altogether　she　was　not　at　all　like　other　women。　He　knew　that　shameful　rumours　about　her　were　in　the　air；　but　he　did　not　believe　any　of　them。　But　his　relations　to　her　were　changed　when　he　noticed　her　one　day　in　a　carriage　beside　a　stout　man　in　a　gray　hat　and　with　long　hair　falling　over　his　shoulders。　His　face　was　like　a　bladderred　and　bloated；　he　had　neither　moustache　nor　beard；　and　altogether　he　looked　like　a　woman　in　disguise。　Foma　was　told　that　this　was　her　husband。　Then　dark　and　contradicting　feelings　sprang　up　within　him：　he　felt　like　insulting　the　architect；　and　at　the　same　time　he　envied　and　respected　him。　Medinskaya　now　seemed　to　him　less　beautiful　and　more　accessible；　he　began　to　feel　sorry　for　her；　and　yet　he　thought　malignantly：

〃She　must　surely　feel　disgusted　when　he　kisses　her。〃

And　after　all　this　he　sometimes　perceived　in　himself　some　bottomless　and　oppressive　emptiness；　which　could　not　be　filled　up　by　anything　neither　by　the　impressions　of　the　day　just　gone　by　nor　by　the　recollection　of　the　past；　and　the　Exchange；　and　his　affairs；　and　his　thoughts　of　Medinskayaall　were　swallowed　up　by　this　emptiness。　It　alarmed　him：　in　the　dark　depth　of　this　emptiness　he　suspected　some　hidden　existence　of　a　hostile　power；　as　yet　formless　but　already　carefully　and　persistently　striving　to　become　incarnate。

In　the　meantime　Ignat；　changing　but　little　outwardly；　was　growing　ever　more　restless　and　querulous　and　was　complaining　more　often　of　being　ill。

〃I　lost　my　sleep。　It　used　to　be　so　sound　that　even　though　you　had　torn　off　my　skin；　I　would　not　have　felt　it。　While　now　I　toss　about　from　side　to　side；　and　I　fall　asleep　only　toward　morning。　And　every　now　and　then　I　awaken。　My　heart　beats　unevenly；　now；　though　tired　out；　often　thus：　tuk…tuk…tuk。　And　sometimes　it　sinks　of　a　suddenand　it　seems　as　though　it　would　soon　tear　itself　away　and　fall　somewhere　into　the　deep；　into　the　bosom。　0h　Lord；　have　pity　upon　me　through　Thy　great　mercy。〃　And　heaving　a　penitent　sigh；　he　would　lift　heavenward　his　stern　eyes；　grown　dim　now；　devoid　of　their　bright；　sparkling　glitter。

〃Death　keeps　an　eye　on　me　somewhere　close　by；〃　he　said　one　day　morosely；　but　humbly。　And　indeed；　it　soon　felled　his　big；　sturdy　body　to　the　ground。

This　happened　in　August；　early　in　the　morning。　Foma　was　sound　asleep　when　suddenly　he　felt　somebody　shaking　him　by　the　shoulder；　and　a　hoarse　voice　called　at　his　ear：

〃Get　up。〃

He　opened　his　eyes　and　saw　that　his　father　was　seated　in　a　chair　near　his　bed；　monotonously　repeating　in　a　dull　voice：

〃Get　up；　get　up。〃

The　sun　had　just　risen；　and　its　light；　falling　on　Ignat's　white　linen　shirt；　had　not　yet　lost　its　rosy　tints。

〃It's　early；〃　said　Foma；　stretching　himself。

〃Well；　you'll　sleep　enough　later。〃

Lazily　muffling　himself　in　the　blanket；　Foma　asked：

〃Why　do　you　need　me？〃

〃Get　up；　dear；　will　you；　please？〃　exclaimed　Ignat；　adding；　somewhat　offended：　〃It　must　be　necessary；　since　I　am　waking　you。〃

When　Foma　looked　closely　at　his　father's　face；　he　noticed　that　it　was　gray　and　weary。

〃Are　you　ill？　〃

〃Slightly。〃

〃Shall　we　send　for　a　doctor？〃

〃The　devil　take　him！〃　Ignat　waved　his　hand。　〃I　am　not　a　young　man　any　longer。　I　know　it　as　well　without　him。〃

〃What？〃

〃Oh；　I　know　it！〃　said　the　old　man；　mysteriously；　casting　a　strange　glance　around　the　room。　Foma　was　dressing　himself；　and　his　father；　with　lowered　head；　spoke　slowly：

〃I　am　afraid　to　breathe。　Something　tells　me　that　if　I　should　now　heave　a　deep　sigh；　my　heart　would　burst。　Today　is　Sunday！　After　the　morning　mass　is　over；　send　for　the　priest。〃

〃What　are　you　talking　about；　papa？〃　Foma　smiled。

〃Nothing。　Wash　yourself　and　go　into　the　garden。　I　ordered　the　samovar　to　be　brought　there。　We'll　drink　our　tea　in　the　morning　coolness。　I　feel　like　drinking　now　hot；　strong　tea。　Be　quicker。〃

The　old　man　rose　with　difficulty　from　the　chair；　and；　bent　and　barefooted；　left　the　room　in　a　staggering　gait。　Foma　looked　at　his　father；　and　a　shooting　chill　of　fear　made　his　heart　shrink。　He　washed　himself　in　haste；　and　hurried　out　into　the　garden。

There；　under　an　old；　spreading　apple…tree　sat　Ignat　in　a　big　oaken　armchair。　The　light　of　the　sun　fell　in　thin　stripes　through　the　branches　of　the　trees　upon　the　white　figure　of　the　old　man　clad　in　his　night…garments。　There　was　such　a　profound　silence　in　the　garden　that　even　the　rustle　of　a　branch；　accidentally　touched　by　Foma's　clothes；　seemed　to　him　like　a　loud　sound　and　he　shuddered。　On　the　table；　before　his　father；　stood　the　samovar；　purring　like　a　well…fed　tom…cat　and　exhaling　a　stream　of　steam　into　the　air。　Amid　the　silence　and　the　fresh　verdure　of　the　garden；　which　had　been　washed　by　abundant　rains　the　day　before；　this　bright　spot　of　the　boldly　shining；　loud　brass　seemed　to　Foma　as　something　unnecessary；　as　something　which　suited　neither　the　time　nor　the　placenor　the　feeling　that　sprang　up　within　him　at　the　sight　of　the　sickly；　bent　old　man；　who　was　dressed　in　white；　and　who　sat　alone　underneath　the　mute；　motionless；　dark…green　foliage；　wherein　red　apples　were　modestly　peeping。

〃Be　seated；〃　said　Ignat。

〃We　ought　to　send　for　a　doctor。〃　Foma　advised　him　irresolutely；　seating　himself　opposite　him。

〃It　isn't　necessary。　It's　a　little　better　now　in　the　open　air。　And　now　I'll　sip　some　tea　and　perhaps　that　will　do　me　more　good；〃　said　Ignat；　pouring　out　tea　into　the　glasses；　and　Foma　noticed　that　the　teapot　was　trembling　in　his　father's　hand。

〃Drink。〃

Silently　moving　up　one　glass　for　himself；　Foma　bent　over　it；　blowing　the　foam　off　the　surface　of　the　tea；　and　with　pain　in　his　heart；　hearing　the　loud；　heavy　breathing　of　his　father。　Suddenly　something　struck　against　the　table　with　such　force　that　the　dishes　began　to　rattle。

Foma　shuddered；　threw　up　his　head　and　met　the　frightened；　almost　senseless　look　of　his　father's　eyes。　Ignat　stared　at　his　son　and　whispered　hoarsely：

〃An　apple　fell　down　（the　devil　take　it！）。　It　sounded　like　the　firing　of　a　gun。〃

〃Won't　you　have　some　cognac　in　your　tea？〃　Foma　suggested。

〃It　is　good　enough　without　it。〃

They　became　silent。　A　flight　of　finches　winged　past　over　the　garden；　scattering　a　provokingly　cheerful　twittering　in　the　air。　And　again　the　ripe　beauty　of　the　garden　was　bathed　in　solemn　silence。　The　fright　was　still　in　Ignat's　eyes。

〃0h　Lord；　Jesus　Christ！〃　said　he　in　a　low　voice；　making　the　sign　of　the　cross。　〃Yes。　There　it　isthe　last　hour　of　my　life。〃

〃Stop；　papa！〃　whispered　Foma。

〃Why　stop？　We'll　have　our　tea；　and　then　send　for　the　priest；　and　for　Mayakin。〃

〃I'd　rather　send　for　them　now。〃

〃They'll　soon　toll　for　the　massthe　priest　isn't　homeand　then　there's　no　hurry；　it　may　pass　soon。〃

And　he　noisily　started　to　sip　the　tea　out　of　the　saucer。

〃I　should　live　another　year　or　two。　You　are　young；　and　I　am　very　much　afraid　for　you。　Live　honestly　and　firmly；　do　not　covet　what　belongs　to　other　people；　take　good　care　of　your　own。〃

It　was　hard　for　him　to　speak；　he　stopped　short　and　rubbed　his　chest　with　his　hand。

〃Do　not　rely　upon　others；　expect　but　little　from　them。　We　all　live　in　order　to　take；　not　to　give。　0h　Lord！　Have　mercy　on　the　sinner！〃

Somewhere　in　the　distance　the　deep　sound　of　the　bell　fell　on　the　silence　of　the　morning。　Ignat　and　Foma　crossed　themselves　three　times。

After　the　first　sound　of　the　bell…tone　came　another；　then　a　third；　and　soon　the　air　was　filled　with　sounds　of　the　church…bells；　coming　from　all　sidesflowing；　measured；　calling　aloud。

〃There；　they　are　tolling　for　the　mass；〃　said　Ignat；　listening　to　the　echo　of　the　bell…metal。　〃Can　you　tell　the　bells　by　their　sounds？〃

〃No；〃　answered　Foma。

〃Just　listen。　This　one　nowdo　you　hear？　the　bassthis　is　from　the　Nikola　Church。　It　was　presented　by　Peter　Mitrich　Vyaginand　this；　the　hoarse　onethis　is　at　the　church　of　Praskeva　Pyatnitza。〃

The　singing　waves　of　the　bell…tones　agitated　the　air；　which　was　filled　with　them；　and　they　died　away　in　the　clear　blue　of　the　sky。　Foma　stared　thoughtfully　at　his　father's　face　and　saw　that　the　alarm　was　disappearing　from　his　eyes；　and　that　they　were　now　brighter。

But　suddenly　the　old　man's　face　turned　very　red；　his　eyes　distended　and　rolled　out　of　their　orbits；　his　mouth　opened　with　fright；　and　from　it　issued　a　strange；　hissing　sound：

〃F…F…A…A…ch。〃

Immediately　after　this　Ignat's　head　fell　back　on　his　shoulder；　and　his　heavy　body　slowly　slipped　down　from　the　chair　to　the　ground　as　if　the　earth　had　dragged　him　imperiously　unto　itself。　Foma　was　motionless　and　silent　for　awhile；　then　he　rushed　up　to　Ignat；　lifted　his　head　from　the　ground　and　looked　into　his　face。　The　face　was　dark；　motionless；　and　the　wide…open　eyes　expressed　nothingneither　pain；　nor　fear；　nor　joy。　Foma　looked　around　him。　As　before；　nobody　was　in　the　garden；　and　the　resounding　chatter　of　the　bells　was　still　roaring　in　the　air。　Foma's　hands　began　to　tremble；　he　let　go　his　father's　head；　and　it　struck　heavily　against　the　ground。　Dark；　thick　blood　began　to　gush　in　a　narrow　stream　from　his　open　mouth　across　his　blue　cheek。

Foma　struck　his　breast　wi