the man who was afraid- 第31部分

〃Why　leave　you　alone？　You　will　get　married；　I　am　sure。〃

〃There！〃　exclaimed　the　girl　softly；　with　a　sigh。　〃That's　just　what　I　am　thinking　ofit　is　necessary。　That　is；　I'll　have　to　get　married。　But　how？　Do　you　know；　I　feel　now　as　though　a　mist　stood　between　other　people　and　myselfa　thick；　thick　mist！〃

〃That's　from　your　books；〃　Foma　interposed　confidently。

〃Wait！　And　I　cease　to　understand　what　is　going　on　about　me。　Nothing　pleases　me。　Everything　has　become　strange　to　me。　Nothing　is　as　it　should　be。　Everything　is　wrong。　I　see　it。　I　understand　it；　yet　I　cannot　say　that　it　is　wrong；　and　why　it　is　so。〃

〃It　is　not　so；　not　so；〃　muttered　Foma。　〃That's　from　your　books。　Yes。　Although　I　also　feel　that　it's　wrong。　Perhaps　that　is　because　we　are　so　young　and　foolish。〃

〃At　first　it　seemed　to　me；〃　said　Lubov；　not　listening　to　him；　〃that　everything　in　the　books　was　clear　to　me。　But　now〃

〃Drop　your　books；〃　suggested　Foma；　with　contempt。

〃Ah；　don't　say　that！　How　can　I　drop　them？　You　know　how　many　different　ideas　there　are　in　the　world！　O　Lord！　They're　such　ideas　that　set　your　head　afire。　According　to　a　certain　book　everything　that　exists　on　earth　is　rational。〃

〃Everything？〃　asked　Foma。

〃Everything！　While　another　book　says　the　contrary　is　true。〃

〃Wait！　Now　isn't　this　nonsense？〃

〃What　were　you　discussing？〃　asked　Mayakin；　appearing　at　the　door；　in　a　long　frock…coat　and　with　several　medals　on　his　collar　and　his　breast。

〃Just　so；〃　said　Lubov；　morosely。

〃We　spoke　about　books；〃　added　Foma。

〃What　kind　of　books？〃

〃The　books　she　is　reading。　She　read　that　everything　on　earth　is　rational。〃

〃Really！〃

〃Well；　and　I　say　it　is　a　lie！〃

〃Yes。〃　Yakov　Tarasovich　became　thoughtful；　he　pinched　his　beard　and　winked　his　eyes　a　little。

〃What　kind　of　a　book　is　it？〃　he　asked　his　daughter；　after　a　pause。

〃A　little　yellow…covered　book；〃　said　Lubov；　unwillingly。

〃Just　put　that　book　on　my　table。　That　is　said　not　without　reflectioneverything　on　earth　is　rational！　See　someone　thought　of　it。　Yes。　It　is　even　very　cleverly　expressed。　And　were　it　not　for　the　fools；　it　might　have　been　perfectly　correct。　But　as　fools　are　always　in　the　wrong　place；　it　cannot　be　said　that　everything　on　earth　is　rational。　And　yet；　I'll　look　at　the　book。　Maybe　there　is　common　sense　in　it。　Goodbye；　Foma！　Will　you　stay　here；　or　do　you　want　to　drive　with　me？〃

〃I'll　stay　here　a　little　longer。〃

〃Very　well。〃

Lubov　and　Foma　again　remained　alone。

〃What　a　man　your　father　is；〃　said　Foma；　nodding　his　head　toward　the　direction　of　his　godfather。

〃Well；　what　kind　of　a　man　do　you　think　he　is？〃

〃He　retorts　every　call；　and　wants　to　cover　everything　with　his　words。〃

〃Yes；　he　is　clever。　And　yet　he　does　not　understand　how　painful　my　life　is；〃　said　Lubov；　sadly。

〃Neither　do　I　understand　it。　You　imagine　too　much。〃

〃What　do　I　imagine？〃　cried　the　girl；　irritated。

〃Why；　all　these　are　not　your　own　ideas。　They　are　someone　else's。〃

〃Someone　else's。　Someone　else's。〃

She　felt　like　saying　something　harsh；　but　broke　down　and　became　silent。　Foma　looked　at　her　and；　setting　Medinskaya　by　her　side；　thought　sadly：

〃How　different　everything　isboth　men　and　womenand　you　never　feel　alike。〃

They　sat　opposite　each　other；　both　were　lost　in　thought；　and　neither　one　looked　at　the　other。　It　was　getting　dark　outside；　and　in　the　room　it　was　quite　dark　already。　The　wind　was　shaking　the　linden…trees；　and　their　branches　seemed　to　clutch　at　the　walls　of　the　house；　as　though　they　felt　cold　and　implored　for　shelter　in　the　rooms。

〃Luba！〃　said　Foma；　softly。

She　raised　her　head　and　looked　at　him。

〃Do　you　know；　I　have　quarrelled　with　Medinskaya。〃

〃Why？〃　asked　Luba；　brightening　up。

〃So。　It　came　about　that　she　offended　me。　Yes；　she　offended　me。〃

〃Well；　it's　good　that　you've　quarrelled　with　her；〃　said　the　girl；　approvingly；　〃for　she　would　have　turned　your　head。　She　is　a　vile　creature；　she　is　a　coquette；　even　worse　than　that。　Oh；　what　things　I　know　about　her！〃

〃She's　not　at　all　a　vile　creature；〃　said　Foma；　morosely。　〃And　you　don't　know　anything　about　her。　You　are　all　lying！〃

〃Oh；　I　beg　your　pardon！〃

〃No。　See　here；　Luba；〃　said　Foma；　softly；　in　a　beseeching　tone；　〃don't　speak　ill　of　her　in　my　presence。　It　isn't　necessary。　I　know　everything。　By　God！　She　told　me　everything　herself。〃

〃Herself！〃　exclaimed　Luba；　in　astonishment。　〃What　a　strange　woman　she　is！　What　did　she　tell　you？〃

〃That　she　is　guilty；〃　Foma　ejaculated　with　difficulty；　with　a　wry　smile。

〃Is　that　all？〃　There　was　a　ring　of　disappointment　in　the　girl's　question；　Foma　heard　it　and　asked　hopefully：

〃Isn't　that　enough？〃

〃What　will　you　do　now？〃

〃That's　just　what　I　am　thinking　about。〃

〃Do　you　love　her　very　much？〃

Foma　was　silent。　He　looked　into　the　window　and　answered　confusedly：

〃I　don't　know。　But　it　seems　to　me　that　now　I　love　her　more　than　before。〃

〃Than　before　the　quarrel？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃I　wonder　how　one　can　love　such　a　woman！〃　said　the　girl；　shrugging　her　shoulders。

〃Love　such　a　woman？　Of　course！　Why　not？〃　exclaimed　Foma。

〃I　can't　understand　it。　I　think；　you　have　become　attached　to　her　just　because　you　have　not　met　a　better　woman。〃

〃No；　I　have　not　met　a　better　one！〃　Foma　assented；　and　after　a　moment's　silence　said　shyly；　〃Perhaps　there　is　none　better。〃

〃Among　our　people；〃　Lubov　interposed。

〃I　need　her　very　badly！　Because；　you　see；　I　feel　ashamed　before　her。〃

〃Why　so？〃

〃Oh；　in　general；　I　fear　her；　that　is；　I　would　not　want　her　to　think　ill　of　me；　as　of　others。　Sometimes　I　feel　disgusted。　I　think　wouldn't　it　be　a　great　idea　to　go　out　on　such　a　spree　that　all　my　veins　would　start　tingling。　And　then　I　recall　her　and　I　do　not　venture。　And　so　everything　else；　I　think　of　her；　'What　if　she　finds　it　out？'　and　I　am　afraid　to　do　it。〃

〃Yes；〃　the　girl　drawled　out　thoughtfully；　〃that　shows　that　you　love　her。　I　would　also　be　like　this。　If　I　loved；　I　would　think　of　him　of　what　he　might　say。。。〃

〃And　everything　about　her　is　so　peculiar；〃　Foma　related　softly。　〃She　speaks　in　a　way　all　her　own。　And；　God！　How　beautiful　she　is！　And　then　she　is　so　small；　like　a　child。〃

〃And　what　took　place　between　you？〃　asked　Lubov。

Foma　moved　his　chair　closer　to　her；　and　stooping；　he　lowered　his　voice　for　some　reason　or　other；　and　began　to　relate　to　her　all　that　had　taken　place　between　him　and　Medinskaya。　He　spoke；　and　as　he　recalled　the　words　he　said　to　Medinskaya；　the　sentiments　that　called　forth　the　words　were　also　awakened　in　him。

〃I　told　her；　'Oh；　you！　why　did　you　make　sport　of　me？'〃　he　said　angrily　and　with　reproach。

And　Luba；　her　cheeks　aflame　with　animation；　spurred　him　on；　nodding　her　head　approvingly：

〃That's　it！　That's　good！　Well；　and　she？〃

〃She　was　silent！〃　said　Foma；　sadly；　with　a　shrug　of　the　shoulders。　〃That　is；　she　said　different　things；　but　what's　the　use？〃

He　waved　his　hand　and　became　silent。　Luba；　playing　with　her　braid；　was　also　silent。　The　samovar　had　already　become　cold。　And　the　dimness　in　the　room　was　growing　thicker　and　thicker；　outside　the　window　it　was　heavy　with　darkness；　and　the　black　branches　of　the　linden…trees　were　shaking　pensively。

〃You　might　light　the　lamp；〃　Foma　went　on。

〃How　unhappy　we　both　are；〃　said　Luba；　with　a　sigh。

Foma　did　not　like　this。

〃I　am　not　unhappy；〃　he　objected　in　a　firm　voice。　〃I　am　simplynot　yet　accustomed　to　life。〃

〃He　who　knows　not　what　he　is　going　to　do　tomorrow；　is　unhappy；〃　said　Luba；　sadly。　〃I　do　not　know　it；　neither　do　you。　Whither　go？　Yet　go　we　must；　Why　is　it　that　my　heart　is　never　at　ease？　Some　kind　of　a　longing　is　always　quivering　within　it。〃

〃It　is　the　same　with　me；〃　said　Foma。　〃　I　start　to　reflect；　but　on　what？　I　cannot　make　it　clear　to　myself。　There　is　also　a　painful　gnawing　in　my　heart。　Eh！　But　I　must　go　up　to　the　club。〃

〃Don't　go　away；〃　Luba　entreated。

〃I　must。　Somebody　is　waiting　there　for　me。　I　am　going。　Goodbye！〃

〃Till　we　meet　again！〃　She　held　out　her　hand　to　him　and　sadly　looked　into　his　eyes。

〃Will　you　go　to　sleep　now？〃　asked　Foma；　firmly　shaking　her　hand。

〃I'll　read　a　little。〃

〃You're　to　your　books　as　the　drunkard　to　his　whisky；〃　said　the　youth；　with　pity。

〃What　is　there　that　is　better？〃

Walking　along　the　street　he　looked　at　the　windows　of　the　house　and　in　one　of　them　he　noticed　Luba's　face。　It　was　just　as　vague　as　everything　that　the　girl　told　him；　even　as　vague　as　her　longings。　Foma　nodded　his　head　toward　her　and　with　a　consciousness　of　his　superiority　over　her；　thought：

〃She　has　also　lost　her　way；　like　the　other　one。〃

At　this　recollection　he　shook　his　head；　as　though　he　wanted　to　frighten　away　the　thought　of　Medinskaya；　and　quickened　his　steps。

Night　was　coming　on；　and　the　air　was　fresh。　A　cold；　invigorating　wind　was　violently　raging　in　the　street；　driving　the　dust　along　the　sidewalks　and　throwing　it　into　the　faces　of　the　passers…by。　It　was　dark；　and　people　were　hastily　striding　along　in　the　darkness。　Foma　wrinkled　his　face；　for　the　dust　filled　his　eyes；　and　thought：

〃If　it　is　a　woman　I　meet　nowthen　it　will　mean　that　Sophya　Pavlovna　will　receive　me　in　a　friendly　way；　as　before。　I　am　going　to　see　her　tomorrow。　And　if　it　is　a　manI　won't　go　tomorrow；　I'll　wait。〃

But　it　was　a　dog　that　came　to　meet　him；　and　this　irritated　Foma　to　such　an　extent　that　he　felt　like　striking　him　with　his　cane。

In　the　refreshment…room　of　the　club；　Foma　was　met　by　the　jovial　Ookhtishchev。　He　stood　at　the　door；　and　chatted　with　a　certain　stout；　whiskered　man；　but；　noticing　Gordyeeff；　he　came　forward　to　meet　him；　saying；　with　a　smile：

〃How　do　you　do；　modest　millionaire！〃　Foma　rather　liked　him　for　his　jolly　mood；　and　was　always　pleased　to　meet　him。

Firmly　and　kind…heartedly　shaking　Ookhtishchev's　hand；　Foma　asked　him：

〃And　what　makes　you　think　that　I　am　modest？〃

〃What　a　question！　A　man；　who　lives　like　a　hermit；　who　neither　drinks；　nor　plays；　nor　likes　any　women。　By　the　way；　do　you　know；　Foma　Ignatyevich；　that　peerless　patroness　of　ours　is　going　abroad　tomorrow　for　the　whole　summer？〃

〃Sophya　Pavlovna？〃　asked　Foma；　slowly。　〃Of　course！　The　sun　of　my　life　is　setting。　And；　perhaps；　of　yours　as　well？〃

Ookhtishchev　made　a　comical；　sly　grimace　and　looked　into　Foma's　face。

And　Foma　stood　before　him；　feeling　that　his　head　was　lowering　on　his　br