the research magnificent- 第42部分

9

A　few　days　later　Benham　went　down　to　Cambridge；　where　Prothero　was　now　a　fellow　of　Trinity　and　Brissenden　Trust　Lecturer。　。　。　。　All　through　Benham's　writing　there　was　manifest　a　persuasion　that　in　some　way　Prothero　was　necessary　to　his　mind。　　It　was　as　if　he　looked　to　Prothero　to　keep　him　real。　　He　suspected　even　while　he　obeyed　that　upward　flourish　which　was　his　own　essential　characteristic。　　He　had　a　peculiar　feeling　that　somehow　that　upward　bias　would　betray　him；　that　from　exaltation　he　might　presently　float　off；　into　the　higher；　the　better；　and　so　to　complete　unreality。　　He　fled　from　priggishness　and　the　terror　of　such　sublimity　alike　to　Prothero。　Moreover；　in　relation　to　so　many　things　Prothero　in　a　peculiar　distinctive　manner　SAW。　　He　had　less　self…control　than　Benham；　less　integrity　of　purpose；　less　concentration；　and　things　that　were　before　his　eyes　were　by　the　very　virtue　of　these　defects　invariably　visible　to　him。　　Things　were　able　to　insist　upon　themselves　with　him。　　Benham；　on　the　other　hand；　when　facts　contradicted　his　purpose　too　stoutly；　had　a　way　of　becoming　blind　to　them。　　He　repudiated　inconvenient　facts。　　He　mastered　and　made　his　world；　Prothero　accepted　and　recorded　his。　　Benham　was　a　will　towards　the　universe　where　Prothero　was　a　perception　and　Amanda　a　confusing　responsive　activity。　　And　it　was　because　of　his　realization　of　this　profound　difference　between　them　that　he　was　possessed　by　the　idea　of　taking　Prothero　with　him　about　the　world；　as　a　detachable　kind　of　vision　rather　like　that　eye　the　Graiae　used　to　hand　one　another。　。　。　。　After　the　busy　sunlit　streets　of　Maytime　Cambridge；　Prothero's　rooms　in　Trinity；　their　windows　full　of　Gothic　perspectives　and　light…　soaked　blue　sky；　seemed　cool　and　quiet。　　A　flavour　of　scholarship　pervaded　thema　little　blended　with　the　flavour　of　innumerable　breakfasts　nearly　but　not　completely　forgotten。　　Prothero's　door　had　been　locked　against　the　world；　and　he　had　appeared　after　a　slight　delay　looking　a　little　puffy　and　only　apprehending　who　his　visitor　was　after　a　resentful　stare　for　the　better　part　of　a　second。　　He　might　have　been　asleep；　he　might　have　been　doing　anything　but　the　examination　papers　he　appeared　to　be　doing。　　The　two　men　exchanged　personal　details；　they　had　not　met　since　some　months　before　Benham'　s　marriage；　and　the　visitor's　eye　went　meanwhile　from　his　host　to　the　room　and　back　to　his　host's　face　as　though　they　were　all　aspects　of　the　thing　he　was　after；　the　Prothero　humour；　the　earthly　touch；　the　distinctive　Prothero　flavour。　　Then　his　eye　was　caught　by　a　large　red；　incongruous；　meretricious…looking　volume　upon　the　couch　that　had　an　air　of　having　been　flung　aside；　VENUS　IN　GEM　AND　MARBLE；　its　cover　proclaimed。　。　。　。　His　host　followed　that　glance　and　blushed。　　〃They　send　me　all　sorts　of　inappropriate　stuff　to　review；〃　he　remarked。　And　then　he　was　denouncing　celibacy。　The　transition　wasn't　very　clear　to　Benham。　　His　mind　had　been　preoccupied　by　the　problem　of　how　to　open　his　own　large　project。　Meanwhile　Prothero　got；　as　it　were；　the　conversational　bit　between　his　teeth　and　bolted。　　He　began　to　say　the　most　shocking　things　right　away；　so　that　Benham's　attention　was　caught　in　spite　of　himself。　〃Inflammatory　classics。〃　〃What's　that？〃　〃Celibacy；　my　dear　Benham；　is　maddening　me；〃　said　Prothero。　　〃I　can't　stand　it　any　longer。〃　It　seemed　to　Benham　that　somewhere；　very　far　away；　in　another　world；　such　a　statement　might　have　been　credible。　　Even　in　his　own　life；　it　was　now　indeed　a　remote；　forgotten　stagethere　had　been　something　distantly　akin。　。　。　。　〃You're　going　to　marry？〃　〃I　must。〃　〃Who's　the　lady；　Billy？〃　〃I　don't　know。　　Venus。〃　His　little　red…brown　eye　met　his　friend's　defiantly。　　〃So　far　as　I　know；　it　is　Venus　Anadyomene。〃　　A　flash　of　laughter　passed　across　his　face　and　left　it　still　angrier；　still　more　indecorously　defiant。　〃I　like　her　best；　anyhow。　　I　do；　indeed。　　But；　Lord！　　I　feel　that　almost　any　of　them〃　〃Tut；　tut！〃　said　Benham。　Prothero　flushed　deeply　but　stuck　to　his　discourse。　〃Wasn't　it　always　your　principle；　Benham；　to　look　facts　in　the　face？　I　am　not　pronouncing　an　immoral　principle。　　Your　manner　suggests　I　am。　　I　am　telling　you　exactly　how　I　feel。　　That　is　how　I　feel。　　I　wantVenus。　　I　don't　want　her　to　talk　to　or　anything　of　that　sort。　。　。　。　　I　have　been　studying　that　book；　yes；　that　large；　vulgar；　red　book；　all　the　morning；　instead　of　doing　any　work。　Would　you　like　to　see　it？　。　。　。　　NO！　。　。　。　〃This　spring；　Benham；　I　tell　you；　is　driving　me　mad。　　It　is　a　peculiarly　erotic　spring。　　I　cannot　sleep；　I　cannot　fix　my　mind；　I　cannot　attend　to　ordinary　conversation。　　These　feelings；　I　understand；　are　by　no　means　peculiar　to　myself。　。　。　。　　No；　don't　interrupt　me；　Benham；　let　me　talk　now　that　the　spirit　of　speech　is　upon　me。　　When　you　came　in　you　said；　‘How　are　you？'　　I　am　telling　you　how　I　am。　　You　brought　it　on　yourself。　　WellI　aminflamed。　　I　have　no　strong　moral　or　religious　convictions　to　assist　me　either　to　endure　or　deny　thisthis　urgency。　　And　so　why　should　I　deny　it？　It's　one　of　our　chief　problems　here。　　The　majority　of　my　fellow　dons　who　look　at　me　with　secretive　faces　in　hall　and　court　and　combination…room　are　in　just　the　same　case　as　myself。　　The　fever　in　oneself　detects　the　fever　in　others。　　I　know　their　hidden　thoughts。　Their　fishy　eyes　defy　me　to　challenge　their　hidden　thoughts。　　Each　covers　his　miserable　secret　under　the　cloak　of　a　wholesome　manly　indifference。　　A　tattered　cloak。　。　。　。　　Each　tries　to　hide　his　abandonment　to　this　horrible　vice　of　continence〃　〃Billy；　what's　the　matter　with　you？〃　Prothero　grimaced　impatience。　　〃Shall　I　NEVER　teach　you　not　to　be　a　humbug；　Benham？〃　he　screamed；　and　in　screaming　became　calmer。　〃Nature　taunts　me；　maddens　me。　　My　life　is　becoming　a　hell　of　shame。　‘Get　out　from　all　these　books；'　says　Nature；　‘and　serve　the　Flesh。'　The　Flesh；　Benham。　　YesI　insistthe　Flesh。　　Do　I　look　like　a　pure　spirit？　　Is　any　man　a　pure　spirit？　　And　here　am　I　at　Cambridge　like　a　lark　in　a　cage；　with　too　much　port　and　no　Aspasia。　　Not　that　I　should　have　liked　Aspasia。〃　〃Mutual；　perhaps；　Billy。〃　〃Oh！　you　can　sneer！〃　〃Well；　clearlySaint　Paul　is　my　authorityit's　marriage；　Billy。〃　Prothero　had　walked　to　the　window。　　He　turned　round。　〃I　CAN'T　marry；〃　he　said。　　〃The　trouble　has　gone　too　far。　　I've　lost　my　nerve　in　the　presence　of　women。　　I　don't　like　them　any　more。　They　come　at　onedone　up　in　a　lot　of　ridiculous　clothes；　and　chattering　about　all　sorts　of　things　that　don't　matter。　。　。　。　　He　surveyed　his　friend's　thoughtful　attitude。　　〃I'm　getting　to　hate　women；　Benham。　　I'm　beginning　now　to　understand　the　bitterness　of　spinsters　against　men。　　I'm　beginning　to　grasp　the　unkindliness　of　priests。　　The　perpetual　denial。　　To　you；　happily　married；　a　woman　is　just　a　human　being。　　You　can　talk　to　her；　like　her；　you　can　even　admire　her　calmly；　you've　got；　you　see；　no　grudge　against　her。　。　。　。〃　He　sat　down　abruptly。　Benham；　upon　the　hearthrug　before　the　empty　fireplace；　considered　him。　〃Billy！　this　is　delusion；〃　he　said。　　〃What's　come　over　you？〃　〃I'm　telling　you；〃　said　Prothero。　〃No；〃　said　Benham。　Prothero　awaited　some　further　utterance。　〃I'm　looking　for　the　cause　of　it。　　It's　feeding；　Billy。　　It's　port　and　stimulants　where　there　is　no　scope　for　action。　　It's　idleness。　I　begin　to　see　now　how　much　fatter　you　are；　how　much　coarser。〃　〃Idleness！　　Look　at　this　pile　of　examination　answers。　　Look　at　that　filing　system　like　an　arsenal　of　wisdom。　　Useless　wisdom；　I　admit；　but　anyhow　not　idleness。〃　〃There's　still　bodily　idleness。　　No。　　That's　your　trouble。　　You're　stuffy。　　You've　enlarged　your　liver。　　You　sit　in　this　room　of　a　warm　morning　after　an　extravagant　breakfast。　　And　peep　and　covet。〃　〃Just　eggs　and　bacon！〃　〃Think　of　it！　　Coffee　and　toast　it　ought　to　be。　　Come　out　of　it；　Billy；　and　get　aired。〃　〃How　can　one？〃　〃Easily。　　Come　out　of　it　now。　　Come　for　a　walk；　you　Pig！〃　〃It's　an　infernally　warm　morning。　〃Walk　with　me　to　Grantchester。〃　〃We　might　go　by　boat。　　You　could　row。〃　〃WALK。〃　〃I　ought　to　do　these　papers。〃　〃You　weren't　doing　them。〃　〃No。　。　。　。〃　〃Walk　with　me　to　Grantchester。　　All　this　affliction　of　yours　is　horridand　just　nothing　at　all。　　Come　out　of　it！　　I　want　you　to　come　with　me　to　Russia　and　about　the　world。　　I'm　going　to　leave　my　wife〃　〃Leave　your　wife！〃　〃Why　not？　　And　I　came　here　hoping　to　find　you　clear…headed；　and　instead　you　are　in　this　disgusting　state。　　I've　never　met　anything　in　my　life　so　hot　and　red　and　shiny　and　shameless。　　Come　out　of　it；　man！　　How　can　one　talk　to　you？〃

10

〃You　pull　things　down　to　your　own　level；〃　said　Benham　as　they　went　through　the　heat　to　Grantchester。　〃I　pull　them　down　to　truth；〃　panted　Prothero。　〃Truth！　　As　though　being　full　of　gross　appetites　was　truth；　and　discipline　and　training　some　sort　of　falsity！〃　〃Artificiality。　　And　begetting　pride；　Benham；　begetting　a　prig's　pride。〃　For　a　time　there　was　more　than　the　heat　of　the　day　between　them。　。　。　。　The　things　that　Benham　had　come　down　to　discuss　were　thrust　into　the　background　by　the　impassioned　materialism　of　Prothero。　〃I'm　not　talking　of　Love；〃　he　said；　remaining　persistently　outrageous。　　〃I'm　talking　of　physical　needs。　　That　first。　　What　is　the　good　of　arranging　systems　of　morality　and　sentiment　before　you　know　what　is　physically　possible。　。　。　。　〃But　how　can　one　disentangle　physical　and　moral　necessities？〃　〃Then　why　don't　we　up　and　find　out？〃　said　Billy。　He　had　no　patience　with　the　secrecy；　the　ignorance；　the　emotion　that　surrounded　these　questions。　　We　didn't　worship　our　ancestors　when　it　came　to　building　bridges　or　working　metals　or　curing　disease　or　studying　our　indigestion；　and　why　should　we　become　breathless　or　wordless　with　awe　and　terror　when　it　came　to　this　fundamental　affair？　　Why　here　in　particular　should　we　give　way　to　Holy　Fear　and　stifled　submission　to　traditional　suppressions　and　the　wisdom　of　the　ages？　　〃What　is　the　wisdom　of　the　ages？〃　said　Prothero。　　〃Think　of　the　corners　where　that　wisdom　was　born。　。　。　。　　Flea…bitten　sages　in　stone…age　hovels。　。　。　。　　Wandering　wise　man　with　a　rolling　eye；　a　fakir　under　a　tree；　a　Jewish　sheik；　an　Arab　epileptic。　。　。　。〃　〃Would　you　sweep　away　the　experience　of　mankind？〃　protested　Benham。　The　experience　of　mankind　in　these　matters　had　always　been　bitter　experience。　　Most　of　it　was　better　forgotten。　　It　didn't　convince。