liberty to do whatever you like。 Jip； you naughty boy； come here！’
I don’t know how I did it。 I did it in a moment。 I intercepted Jip。
I had Dora in my arms。 I was full of eloquence。 I never stopped for
a word。 I told her how I loved her。 I told her I should die without
her。 I told her that I idolized and worshipped her。 Jip barked
madly all the time。
When Dora hung her head and cried； and trembled； my
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eloquence increased so much the more。 If she would like me to die
for her； she had but to say the word； and I was ready。 Life without
Dora’s love was not a thing to have on any terms。 I couldn’t bear it；
and I wouldn’t。 I had loved her every minute； day and night； since
I first saw her。 I loved her at that minute to distraction。 I should
always love her； every minute； to distraction。 Lovers had loved
before； and lovers would love again； but no lover had loved； might；
could； would； or should ever love； as I loved Dora。 The more I
raved； the more Jip barked。 Each of us； in his own way； got more
mad every moment。
Well； well！ Dora and I were sitting on the sofa by and by； quiet
enough； and Jip was lying in her lap； winking peacefully at me。 It
was off my mind。 I was in a state of perfect rapture。 Dora and I
were engaged。
I suppose we had some notion that this was to end in marriage。
We must have had some； because Dora stipulated that we were
never to be married without her papa’s consent。 But； in our
youthful ecstasy； I don’t think that we really looked before us or
behind us； or had any aspiration beyond the ignorant present。 We
were to keep our secret from Mr。 Spenlow； but I am sure the idea
never entered my head； then； that there was anything
dishonourable in that。
Miss Mills was more than usually pensive when Dora； going to
find her； brought her back；—I apprehend； because there was a
tendency in what had passed to awaken the slumbering echoes in
the caverns of Memory。 But she gave us her blessing； and the
assurance of her lasting friendship； and spoke to us； generally； as
became a Voice from the Cloister。
What an idle time it was！ What an insubstantial； happy； foolish
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time it was！
When I measured Dora’s finger for a ring that was to be made
of Forget…me…nots； and when the jeweller； to whom I took the
measure； found me out； and laughed over his order…book； and
charged me anything he liked for the pretty little toy； with its blue
stones—so associated in my remembrance with Dora’s hand； that
yesterday； when I saw such another； by chance； on the finger of
my own daughter； there was a momentary stirring in my heart；
like pain！
When I walked about； exalted with my secret； and full of my
own interest； and felt the dignity of loving Dora； and of being
beloved； so much； that if I had walked the air； I could not have
been more above the people not so situated； who were creeping on
the earth！
When we had those meetings in the garden of the square； and
sat within the dingy summer…house； so happy； that I love the
London sparrows to this hour； for nothing else； and see the
plumage of the tropics in their smoky feathers！ When we had our
first great quarrel （within a week of our betrothal）； and when Dora
sent me back the ring； enclosed in a despairing cocked…hat note；
wherein she used the terrible expression that ‘our love had begun
in folly； and ended in madness！’ which dreadful words occasioned
me to tear my hair； and cry that all was over！
When； under cover of the night； I flew to Miss Mills； whom I
saw by stealth in a back kitchen where there was a mangle； and
implored Miss Mills to interpose between us and avert insanity。
When Miss Mills undertook the office and returned with Dora；
exhorting us； from the pulpit of her own bitter youth； to mutual
concession； and the avoidance of the Desert of Sahara！
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When we cried； and made it up； and were so blest again； that
the back kitchen； mangle and all； changed to Love’s own temple；
where we arranged a plan of correspondence through Miss Mills；
always to comprehend at least one letter on each side every day！
What an idle time！ What an insubstantial； happy； foolish time！
Of all the times of mine that Time has in his grip； there is none
that in one retrospect I can smile at half so much； and think of half
so tenderly。
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Chapter 34
MY AUNT ASTONISHES ME
Iwrote to Agnes as soon as Dora and I were engaged。 I wrote
her a long letter； in which I tried to make her comprehend
how blest I was； and what a darling Dora was。 I entreated
Agnes not to regard this as a thoughtless passion which could ever
yield to any other； or had the least resemblance to the boyish
fancies that we used to joke about。 I assured her that its
profundity was quite unfathomable； and expressed my belief that
nothing like it had ever been known。
Somehow； as I wrote to Agnes on a fine evening by my open
window； and the remembrance of her clear calm eyes and gentle
face came stealing over me； it shed such a peaceful influence upon
the hurry and agitation in which I had been living lately； and of
which my very happiness partook in some degree； that it soothed
me into tears。 I remember that I sat resting my head upon my
hand； when the letter was half done； cherishing a general fancy as
if Agnes were one of the elements of my natural home。 As if； in the
retirement of the house made almost sacred to me by her
presence； Dora and I must be happier than anywhere。 As if； in
love； joy； sorrow； hope； or disappointment； in all emotions； my
heart turned naturally there； and found its refuge and best friend。
Of Steerforth I said nothing。 I only told her there had been sad
grief at Yarmouth； on account of Emily’s flight； and that on me it
made a double wound； by reason of the circumstances attending
it。 I knew how quick she always was to divine the truth； and that
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she would never be the first to breathe his name。
To this letter； I received an answer by return of post。 As I read
it； I seemed to hear Agnes speaking to me。 It was like her cordial
voice in my ears。 What can I say more！
While I had been away from home lately； Traddles had called
twice or thrice。 Finding Peggotty within； and being informed by
Peggotty （who always volunteered that information to
whomsoever would receive it）； that she was my old nurse； he had
established a good…humoured acquaintance with her； and had
stayed to have a little chat with her about me。 So Peggotty said；
but I am afraid the chat was all on her own side； and of
immoderate length； as she was very difficult indeed to stop； God
bless her！ when she had me for her theme。
This reminds me； not only that I expected Traddles on a certain
afternoon of his own appointing； which was now come； but that
Mrs。 Crupp had resigned everything appertaining to her office
（the salary excepted） until Peggotty should cease to present
herself。 Mrs。 Crupp； after holding divers conversations respecting
Peggotty； in a very high…pitched voice； on the staircase—with
some invisible Familiar it would appear； for corporeally speaking
she was quite alone at those times—addressed a letter to me；
developing her views。 Beginning it with that statement of
universal application； which fitted every occurrence of her life；
namely； that she was a mother herself； she went on to inform me
that she had once seen very different days； but that at all periods
of her existence she had had a constitutional objection to spies；
intruders； and informers。 She named no names； she said； let them
the cap fitted； wear it； but spies； intruders； and informers；
especially in widders’ weeds （this clause was underlined）； she had
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ever accustomed herself to look down upon。 If a gentleman was
the victim of spies； intruders； and informers （but still naming no
names）； that was his own pleasure。 He had a right to please
himself； so let him do。 All that she； Mrs。 Crupp； stipulated for；
was； that she should not be ‘brought in contract’ with such
persons。 Therefore she begged to be excused from any further
attendance on the top set； until things were as they formerly was；
and as they could be wished to be； and further mentioned that her
little book would be found upon the breakfast…table every
Saturday morning； when she requested an immediate settlement
of the same； with the benevolent view of saving trouble ‘and an illconwenience’ to all parties。
After this； Mrs。 Crupp confined herself to making pitfalls on the
stairs； principally with pitchers； and endeavouring to delude
Peggotty into breaking her legs。 I found it rather harassing to live
in this state of siege； but was too much afraid of Mrs。 Crupp to see
any way out of it。
‘My dear Copperfield；’ cried Traddles； punctually appearing at
my door； in spite of all these obstacles； ‘how do you do？’
‘My dear Traddles；’ said I； ‘I am delighted to see you at last； and
very sorry I have not been at home before。 But I have been so
much engaged—’
‘Yes； yes； I know；’ said Traddles； ‘of course。 Yours lives in
London； I think。’
‘What did you say？’
‘She—excuse me—Miss D。； you know；’ said Traddles； colouring
in his great delicacy； ‘lives in London； I believe？’
‘Oh yes。 Near London。’
‘Mine； perhaps you recollect；’ said Traddles； with a serious look；
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‘lives down in Devonshire—one of ten。 Consequently； I am not so
much engaged as you—in that sense。’
‘I wonder you can bear；’ I returned； ‘to see her so seldom。’
‘Hah！’ said Traddles； thoughtfully。 ‘It does seem a wonder。
suppose it is； Copperfield； because there is no help for it？’
‘I suppose so；’ I replied with a smile； and not without a blush