david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)- 第131部分

A　silence　succeeding；　I　was　undecided　whether　to　go　or　stay。　At　

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David　Copperfield　

length　I　was　moving　quietly　towards　the　door；　with　the　intention　of　
saying　that　perhaps　I　should　consult　his　feelings　best　by　
withdrawing：　when　he　said；　with　his　hands　in　his　coat　pockets；　into　
which　it　was　as　much　as　he　could　do　to　get　them；　and　with　what　I　
should　call；　upon　the　whole；　a　decidedly　pious　air：　

‘You　are　probably　aware；　Mr。　Copperfield；　that　I　am　not　
altogether　destitute　of　worldly　possessions；　and　that　my　daughter　
is　my　nearest　and　dearest　relative？’　

I　hurriedly　made　him　a　reply　to　the　effect；　that　I　hoped　the　error　
into　which　I　had　been　betrayed　by　the　desperate　nature　of　my　
love；　did　not　induce　him　to　think　me　mercenary　too？　

‘I　don’t　allude　to　the　matter　in　that　light；’　said　Mr。　Spenlow。　‘It　
would　be　better　for　yourself；　and　all　of　us；　if　you　were　mercenary；　
Mr。　Copperfield—I　mean；　if　you　were　more　discreet　and　less　
influenced　by　all　this　youthful　nonsense。　No。　I　merely　say；　with　
quite　another　view；　you　are　probably　aware　I　have　some　property　
to　bequeath　to　my　child？’　

I　certainly　supposed　so。　

‘And　you　can　hardly　think；’　said　Mr。　Spenlow；　‘having　
experience　of　what　we　see；　in　the　Commons　here；　every　day；　of　the　
various　unaccountable　and　negligent　proceedings　of　men；　in　
respect　of　their　testamentary　arrangements—of　all　subjects；　the　
one　on　which　perhaps　the　strangest　revelations　of　human　
inconsistency　are　to　be　met　with—but　that　mine　are　made？’　

I　inclined　my　head　in　acquiescence。　

‘I　should　not　allow；’　said　Mr。　Spenlow；　with　an　evident　increase　
of　pious　sentiment；　and　slowly　shaking　his　head　as　he　poised　
himself　upon　his　toes　and　heels　alternately；　‘my　suitable　provision　
for　my　child　to　be　influenced　by　a　piece　of　youthful　folly　like　the　

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present。　It　is　mere　folly。　Mere　nonsense。　In　a　little　while；　it　will　
weigh　lighter　than　any　feather。　But　I　might—I　might—if　this　silly　
business　were　not　completely　relinquished　altogether；　be　induced　
in　some　anxious　moment　to　guard　her　from；　and　surround　her　
with　protections　against；　the　consequences　of　any　foolish　step　in　
the　way　of　marriage。　Now；　Mr。　Copperfield；　I　hope　that　you　will　
not　render　it　necessary　for　me　to　open；　even　for　a　quarter　of　an　
hour；　that　closed　page　in　the　book　of　life；　and　unsettle；　even　for　a　
quarter　of　an　hour；　grave　affairs　long　since　composed。’　

There　was　a　serenity；　a　tranquillity；　a　calm　sunset　air　about　
him；　which　quite　affected　me。　He　was　so　peaceful　and　resigned—　
clearly　had　his　affairs　in　such　perfect　train；　and　so　systematically　
wound　up—that　he　was　a　man　to　feel　touched　in　the　
contemplation　of。　I　really　think　I　saw　tears　rise　to　his　eyes；　from　
the　depth　of　his　own　feeling　of　all　this。　

But　what　could　I　do？　I　could　not　deny　Dora　and　my　own　heart。　
When　he　told　me　I　had　better　take　a　week　to　consider　of　what　he　
had　said；　how　could　I　say　I　wouldn’t　take　a　week；　yet　how　could　I　
fail　to　know　that　no　amount　of　weeks　could　influence　such　love　as　
mine？　

‘In　the　meantime；　confer　with　Miss　Trotwood；　or　with　any　
person　with　any　knowledge　of　life；’　said　Mr。　Spenlow；　adjusting　his　
cravat　with　both　hands。　‘Take　a　week；　Mr。　Copperfield。’　

I　submitted；　and；　with　a　countenance　as　expressive　as　I　was　
able　to　make　it　of　dejected　and　despairing　constancy；　came　out　of　
the　room。　Miss　Murdstone’s　heavy　eyebrows　followed　me　to　the　
door—I　say　her　eyebrows　rather　than　her　eyes；　because　they　were　
much　more　important　in　her　face—and　she　looked　so　exactly　as　
she　used　to　look；　at　about　that　hour　of　the　morning；　in　our　parlour　

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at　Blunderstone；　that　I　could　have　fancied　I　had　been　breaking　
down　in　my　lessons　again；　and　that　the　dead　weight　on　my　mind　
was　that　horrible　old　spelling…book；　with　oval　woodcuts；　shaped；　to　
my　youthful　fancy；　like　the　glasses　out　of　spectacles。　

When　I　got　to　the　office；　and；　shutting　out　old　Tiffey　and　the　
rest　of　them　with　my　hands；　sat　at　my　desk；　in　my　own　particular　
nook；　thinking　of　this　earthquake　that　had　taken　place　so　
unexpectedly；　and　in　the　bitterness　of　my　spirit　cursing　Jip；　I　fell　
into　such　a　state　of　torment　about　Dora；　that　I　wonder　I　did　not　
take　up　my　hat　and　rush　insanely　to　Norwood。　The　idea　of　their　
frightening　her；　and　making　her　cry；　and　of　my　not　being　there　to　
comfort　her；　was　so　excruciating；　that　it　impelled　me　to　write　a　
wild　letter　to　Mr。　Spenlow；　beseeching　him　not　to　visit　upon　her　
the　consequences　of　my　awful　destiny。　I　implored　him　to　spare　her　
gentle　nature—not　to　crush　a　fragile　flower—and　addressed　him　
generally；　to　the　best　of　my　remembrance；　as　if；　instead　of　being　
her　father；　he　had　been　an　Ogre；　or　the　Dragon　of　Wantley。　This　
letter　I　sealed　and　laid　upon　his　desk　before　he　returned；　and　
when　he　came　in；　I　saw　him；　through　the　half…opened　door　of　his　
room；　take　it　up　and　read　it。　

He　said　nothing　about　it　all　the　morning；　but　before　he　went　
away　in　the　afternoon　he　called　me　in；　and　told　me　that　I　need　not　
make　myself　at　all　uneasy　about　his　daughter’s　happiness。　He　had　
assured　her；　he　said；　that　it　was　all　nonsense；　and　he　had　nothing　
more　to　say　to　her。　He　believed　he　was　an　indulgent　father　（as　
indeed　he　was）；　and　I　might　spare　myself　any　solicitude　on　her　
account。　

‘You　may　make　it　necessary；　if　you　are　foolish　or　obstinate；　Mr。　
Copperfield；’　he　observed；　‘for　me　to　send　my　daughter　abroad　

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again；　for　a　term；　but　I　have　a　better　opinion　of　you。　I　hope　you　will　
be　wiser　than　that；　in　a　few　days。　As　to　Miss　Murdstone；’　for　I　had　
alluded　to　her　in　the　letter；　‘I　respect　that　lady’s　vigilance；　and　feel　
obliged　to　her；　but　she　has　strict　charge　to　avoid　the　subject。　All　I　
desire；　Mr。　Copperfield；　is；　that　it　should　be　forgotten。　All　you　have　
got　to　do；　Mr。　Copperfield；　is　to　forget　it。’　

All！　In　the　note　I　wrote　to　Miss　Mills；　I　bitterly　quoted　this　
sentiment。　All　I　had　to　do；　I　said；　with　gloomy　sarcasm；　was　to　
forget　Dora。　That　was　all；　and　what　was　that！　I　entreated　Miss　
Mills　to　see　me；　that　evening。　If　it　could　not　be　done　with　Mr。　
Mills’s　sanction　and　concurrence；　I　besought　a　clandestine　
interview　in　the　back　kitchen　where　the　Mangle　was。　I　informed　
her　that　my　reason　was　tottering　on　its　throne；　and　only　she；　Miss　
Mills；　could　prevent　its　being　deposed。　I　signed　myself；　hers　
distractedly；　and　I　couldn’t　help　feeling；　while　I　read　this　
composition　over；　before　sending　it　by　a　porter；　that　it　was　
something　in　the　style　of　Mr。　Micawber。　

However；　I　sent　it。　At　night　I　repaired　to　Miss　Mills’s　street；　and　
walked　up　and　down；　until　I　was　stealthily　fetched　in　by　Miss　
Mills’s　maid；　and　taken　the　area　way　to　the　back　kitchen。　I　have　
since　seen　reason　to　believe　that　there　was　nothing　on　earth　to　
prevent　my　going　in　at　the　front　door；　and　being　shown　up　into　the　
drawing…room；　except　Miss　Mills’s　love　of　the　romantic　and　
mysterious。　

In　the　back　kitchen；　I　raved　as　became　me。　I　went　there；　I　
suppose；　to　make　a　fool　of　myself；　and　I　am　quite　sure　I　did　it。　Miss　
Mills　had　received　a　hasty　note　from　Dora；　telling　her　that　all　was　
discovered；　and　saying。　‘Oh　pray　come　to　me；　Julia；　do；　do！’　But　
Miss　Mills；　mistrusting　the　acceptability　of　her　presence　to　the　

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higher　powers；　had　not　yet　gone；　and　we　were　all　benighted　in　the　
Desert　of　Sahara。　

Miss　Mills　had　a　wonderful　flow　of　words；　and　liked　to　pour　
them　out。　I　could　not　help　feeling；　though　she　mingled　her　tears　
with　mine；　that　she　had　a　dreadful　luxury　in　our　afflictions。　She　
petted　them；　as　I　may　say；　and　made　the　most　of　them。　A　deep　
gulf；　she　observed；　had　opened　between　Dora　and　me；　and　Love　
could　only　span　it　with　its　rainbow。　Love　must　suffer　in　this　stern　
world；　it　ever　had　been　so；　it　ever　would　be　so。　No　matter；　Miss　
Mills　remarked。　Hearts　confined　by　cobwebs　would　burst　at　last；　
and　then　Love　was　avenged。　

This　was　small　consolation；　but　Miss　Mills　wouldn’t　encourage　
fallacious　hopes。　She　made　me　much　more　wretched　than　I　was　
before；　and　I　felt　（and　told　her　with　the　deepest　gratitude）　that　she　
was　indeed　a　friend。　We　resolved　that　she　should　go　to　Dora　the　
first　thing　in　the　morning；　and　find　some　means　of　assuring　her；　
either　by　looks　or　words；　of　my　devotion　and　misery。　We　parted；　
overwhelmed　with　grief；　and　I　think　Miss　Mills　enjoyed　herself　
completely。　

I　confided　all　to　my　aunt　when　I　got　home；　and　in　spite　of　all　she　
could　say　to　me；　went　to　bed　despairing。　I　got　up　despairing；　and　
went　out　despairing。　It　was　Saturday　morning；　and　I　went　straight　
to　the　Commons。　

I　was　surprised；　when　I　came　within　sight　of　our　office…door；　to　
see　the　ticket…porters　standing　outside　talking　together；　and　some　
half…dozen　stragglers　gazing　at　the　windows　which　were　shut　up。　I　
quickened　my　pace；　and；　passing　among　them；　wondering　at　their　
looks；　went　hurriedly　in。　

The　clerks　were　there；　but　nobody　was　doing　anything。　Old　

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Tiffey；　for　the　first　time　in　his　life　I　should　think；　was　sitting　on　
somebody　else’s　stool；　and　had　not　hung　up　his　hat。　

‘This　is　a　dreadful　calamity；　Mr。　Copperfield；’　said　he；　as　I　
entered。　

‘What　is？’　I　exclaimed。　‘What’s　the　matter？’　

‘Don’t　you　know？’　cried　Tiffey；　and　all　the　rest　of　them；　coming　
round　me。　

‘No！’　said　I；　looking　from　face　to　face。　

‘Mr。　Spenlow；’　said　Tiffey。　

‘What　about　him！’　

‘Dead！’　I　thought　it　was　the　office　reeling；　and　not　I；　as　one　of　
the　clerks　caught　hold　of　me。　They　sat　me　down　in　a　chair；　untied　
my　neck…cloth；　and　brought　me　some　water。　I　have　no　idea　
whether　this　took　any　time。　

‘Dead？’　said　I。　

‘He　dined　in　town　yesterday；　and　drove　down　in　the　phaeton　by　
himself；’　said　Tiffey；　‘having　sent　his　own　groom　home　by　the　
coach；　as　he　sometimes　did；　you　kno