miscalled firmness； which was the bane of both our lives。 I believe
I was kept at home for that purpose。 I had been apt enough to
learn； and willing enough； when my mother and I had lived alone
together。 I can faintly remember learning the alphabet at her
knee。 To this day； when I look upon the fat black letters in the
primer； the puzzling novelty of their shapes； and the easy good…
nature of O and Q and S； seem to present themselves again before
me as they used to do。 But they recall no feeling of disgust or
reluctance。 On the contrary； I seem to have walked along a path of
flowers as far as the crocodile…book； and to have been cheered by
the gentleness of my mother’s voice and manner all the way。 But
these solemn lessons which succeeded those； I remember as the
death…blow of my peace； and a grievous daily drudgery and
misery。 They were very long； very numerous； very hard—perfectly
unintelligible； some of them； to me—and I was generally as much
bewildered by them as I believe my poor mother was herself。
Let me remember how it used to be； and bring one morning
back again。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
I come into the second…best parlour after breakfast； with my
books； and an exercise…book； and a slate。 My mother is ready for
me at her writing…desk； but not half so ready as Mr。 Murdstone in
his easy…chair by the window （though he pretends to be reading a
book）； or as Miss Murdstone； sitting near my mother stringing
steel beads。 The very sight of these two has such an influence over
me； that I begin to feel the words I have been at infinite pains to
get into my head； all sliding away； and going I don’t know where。 I
wonder where they do go； by the by？
I hand the first book to my mother。 Perhaps it is a grammar；
perhaps a history； or geography。 I take a last drowning look at the
page as I give it into her hand； and start off aloud at a racing pace
while I have got it fresh。 I trip over a word。 Mr。 Murdstone looks
up。 I trip over another word。 Miss Murdstone looks up。 I redden；
tumble over half…a…dozen words； and stop。 I think my mother
would show me the book if she dared； but she does not dare； and
she says softly：
‘Oh； Davy； Davy！’
‘Now； Clara；’ says Mr。 Murdstone； ‘be firm with the boy。 Don’t
say； “Oh； Davy； Davy！” That’s childish。 He knows his lesson； or he
does not know it。’
‘He does not know it；’ Miss Murdstone interposes awfully。
‘I am really afraid he does not；’ says my mother。
‘Then； you see； Clara；’ returns Miss Murdstone； ‘you should just
give him the book back； and make him know it。’
‘Yes； certainly；’ says my mother； ‘that is what I intend to do； my
dear Jane。 Now； Davy； try once more； and don’t be stupid。’
I obey the first clause of the injunction by trying once more； but
am not so successful with the second； for I am very stupid。 I
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
tumble down before I get to the old place； at a point where I was
all right before； and stop to think。 But I can’t think about the
lesson。 I think of the number of yards of net in Miss Murdstone’s
cap； or of the price of Mr。 Murdstone’s dressing…gown； or any such
ridiculous problem that I have no business with； and don’t want to
have anything at all to do with。 Mr。 Murdstone makes a movement
of impatience which I have been expecting for a long time。 Miss
Murdstone does the same。 My mother glances submissively at
them； shuts the book； and lays it by as an arrear to be worked out
when my other tasks are done。
There is a pile of these arrears very soon； and it swells like a
rolling snowball。 The bigger it gets； the more stupid I get。 The case
is so hopeless； and I feel that I am wallowing in such a bog of
nonsense； that I give up all idea of getting out； and abandon myself
to my fate。 The despairing way in which my mother and I look at
each other； as I blunder on； is truly melancholy。 But the greatest
effect in these miserable lessons is when my mother （thinking
nobody is observing her） tries to give me the cue by the motion of
her lips。 At that instant； Miss Murdstone； who has been lying in
wait for nothing else all along； says in a deep warning voice：
‘Clara！’
My mother starts； colours； and smiles faintly。 Mr。 Murdstone
comes out of his chair； takes the book； throws it at me or boxes my
ears with it； and turns me out of the room by the shoulders。
Even when the lessons are done； the worst is yet to happen； in
the shape of an appalling sum。 This is invented for me； and
delivered to me orally by Mr。 Murdstone； and begins； ‘If I go into a
cheesemonger’s shop； and buy five thousand double…Gloucester
cheeses at fourpence…halfpenny each； present payment’—at which
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
I see Miss Murdstone secretly overjoyed。 I pore over these cheeses
without any result or enlightenment until dinner…time； when；
having made a Mulatto of myself by getting the dirt of the slate
into the pores of my skin； I have a slice of bread to help me out
with the cheeses； and am considered in disgrace for the rest of the
evening。
It seems to me； at this distance of time； as if my unfortunate
studies generally took this course。 I could have done very well if I
had been without the Murdstones； but the influence of the
Murdstones upon me was like the fascination of two snakes on a
wretched young bird。 Even when I did get through the morning
with tolerable credit； there was not much gained but dinner； for
Miss Murdstone never could endure to see me untasked； and if I
rashly made any show of being unemployed； called her brother’s
attention to me by saying； ‘Clara； my dear； there’s nothing like
work—give your boy an exercise’； which caused me to be clapped
down to some new labour； there and then。 As to any recreation
with other children of my age； I had very little of that； for the
gloomy theology of the Murdstones made all children out to be a
swarm of little vipers （though there was a child once set in the
midst of the Disciples）； and held that they contaminated one
another。
The natural result of this treatment； continued； I suppose； for
some six months or more； was to make me sullen； dull； and
dogged。 I was not made the less so by my sense of being daily
more and more shut out and alienated from my mother。 I believe I
should have been almost stupefied but for one circumstance。
It was this。 My father had left a small collection of books in a
little room upstairs； to which I had access （for it adjoined my own）
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
and which nobody else in our house ever troubled。 From that
blessed little room； Roderick Random； Peregrine Pickle；
Humphrey Clinker； Tom Jones； the Vicar of Wakefield； Don
Quixote； Gil Blas； and Robinson Crusoe； came out； a glorious host；
to keep me company。 They kept alive my fancy； and my hope of
something beyond that place and time；—they； and the Arabian
Nights； and the Tales of the Genii；—and did me no harm； for
whatever harm was in some of them was not there for me； I knew
nothing of it。 It is astonishing to me now； how I found time； in the
midst of my porings and blunderings over heavier themes； to read
those books as I did。 It is curious to me how I could ever have
consoled myself under my small troubles （which were great
troubles to me）； by impersonating my favourite characters in
them—as I did—and by putting Mr。 and Miss Murdstone into all
the bad ones—which I did too。 I have been Tom Jones （a child’s
Tom Jones； a harmless creature） for a week together。 I have
sustained my own idea of Roderick Random for a month at a
stretch； I verily believe。 I had a greedy relish for a few volumes of
Voyages and Travels—I forget what； now—that were on those
shelves； and for days and days I can remember to have gone about
my region of our house； armed with the centre…piece out of an old
set of boot…trees—the perfect realization of Captain Somebody； of
the Royal British Navy； in danger of being beset by savages； and
resolved to sell his life at a great price。 The Captain never lost
dignity； from having his ears boxed with the Latin Grammar。 I did；
but the Captain was a Captain and a hero； in despite of all the
grammars of all the languages in the world； dead or alive。
This was my only and my constant comfort。 When I think of it；
the picture always rises in my mind； of a summer evening； the
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
boys at play in the churchyard； and I sitting on my bed； reading as
if for life。 Every barn in the neighbourhood； every stone in the
church； and every foot of the churchyard； had some association of
its own； in my mind； connected with these books； and stood for
some locality made famous in them。 I have seen Tom Pipes go
climbing up the church…steeple； I have watched Strap； with the
knapsack on his back； stopping to rest himself upon the wicket…
gate； and I know that Commodore Trunnion held that club with
Mr。 Pickle； in the parlour of our little village alehouse。
The reader now understands； as well as I do； what I was when I
came to that point of my youthful history to which I am now
coming again。
One morning when I went into the parlour with my books； I
found my mother looking anxious； Miss Murdstone looking firm；
and Mr。 Murdstone binding something round the bottom of a
cane—a lithe and limber cane； which he left off binding when I
came in； and poised and switched in the air。
‘I tell you； Clara；’ said Mr。 Murdstone； ‘I have been often
flogged myself。’
‘To be sure； of course；’ said Miss Murdstone。
‘Certainly； my dear Jane；’ faltered my mother； meekly。 ‘But—
but do you think it did Edward good？’
‘Do you think it did Edward harm； Clara？’ asked Mr。
Murdstone； gravely。
‘That’s the point；’ said his sister。
To this my mother returned； ‘Certainly； my dear Jane；’ and said
no more。
I felt apprehensive that I was personally interested in this
dialogue； and