knows behind； and not knowing what’s before him。 A young man
really well deserves constant support and patronage；’ looking at
the Doctor； ‘who makes such sacrifices。’
‘Time will go fast with you； Mr。 Jack Maldon；’ pursued the
Doctor； ‘and fast with all of us。 Some of us can hardly expect；
perhaps； in the natural course of things； to greet you on your
return。 The next best thing is to hope to do it； and that’s my case。 I
shall not weary you with good advice。 You have long had a good
model before you； in your cousin Annie。 Imitate her virtues as
nearly as you can。’
Mrs。 Markleham fanned herself； and shook her head。
‘Farewell； Mr。 Jack；’ said the Doctor； standing up； on which we
all stood up。 ‘A prosperous voyage out； a thriving career abroad；
and a happy return home！’
We all drank the toast； and all shook hands with Mr。 Jack
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Maldon； after which he hastily took leave of the ladies who were
there； and hurried to the door； where he was received； as he got
into the chaise； with a tremendous broadside of cheers discharged
by our boys； who had assembled on the lawn for the purpose。
Running in among them to swell the ranks； I was very near the
chaise when it rolled away； and I had a lively impression made
upon me； in the midst of the noise and dust； of having seen Mr。
Jack Maldon rattle past with an agitated face； and something
cherry…coloured in his hand。
After another broadside for the Doctor； and another for the
Doctor’s wife； the boys dispersed； and I went back into the house；
where I found the guests all standing in a group about the Doctor；
discussing how Mr。 Jack Maldon had gone away； and how he had
borne it； and how he had felt it； and all the rest of it。 In the midst
of these remarks； Mrs。 Markleham cried： ‘Where’s Annie？’
No Annie was there； and when they called to her； no Annie
replied。 But all pressing out of the room； in a crowd； to see what
was the matter； we found her lying on the hall floor。 There was
great alarm at first； until it was found that she was in a swoon； and
that the swoon was yielding to the usual means of recovery； when
the Doctor； who had lifted her head upon his knee； put her curls
aside with his hand； and said； looking around：
‘Poor Annie！ She’s so faithful and tender…hearted！ It’s the
parting from her old playfellow and friend—her favourite cousin—
that has done this。 Ah！ It’s a pity！ I am very sorry！’
When she opened her eyes； and saw where she was； and that
we were all standing about her； she arose with assistance： turning
her head； as she did so； to lay it on the Doctor’s shoulder—or to
hide it； I don’t know which。 We went into the drawing…room； to
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leave her with the Doctor and her mother； but she said； it seemed；
that she was better than she had been since morning； and that she
would rather be brought among us； so they brought her in； looking
very white and weak； I thought； and sat her on a sofa。
‘Annie； my dear；’ said her mother； doing something to her
dress。 ‘See here！ You have lost a bow。 Will anybody be so good as
find a ribbon； a cherry…coloured ribbon？’
It was the one she had worn at her bosom。 We all looked for it； I
myself looked everywhere； I am certain—but nobody could find it。
‘Do you recollect where you had it last； Annie？’ said her
mother。
I wondered how I could have thought she looked white； or
anything but burning red； when she answered that she had had it
safe； a little while ago； she thought； but it was not worth looking
for。
Nevertheless； it was looked for again； and still not found。 She
entreated that there might be no more searching； but it was still
sought for； in a desultory way； until she was quite well； and the
company took their departure。
We walked very slowly home； Mr。 Wickfield； Agnes； and I—
Agnes and I admiring the moonlight； and Mr。 Wickfield scarcely
raising his eyes from the ground。 When we； at last； reached our
own door； Agnes discovered that she had left her little reticule
behind。 Delighted to be of any service to her； I ran back to fetch it。
I went into the supper…room where it had been left； which was
deserted and dark。 But a door of communication between that and
the Doctor’s study； where there was a light； being open； I passed
on there； to say what I wanted； and to get a candle。
The Doctor was sitting in his easy…chair by the fireside； and his
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young wife was on a stool at his feet。 The Doctor； with a
complacent smile； was reading aloud some manuscript
explanation or statement of a theory out of that interminable
Dictionary； and she was looking up at him。 But with such a face as
I never saw。 It was so beautiful in its form； it was so ashy pale； it
was so fixed in its abstraction； it was so full of a wild； sleepwalking； dreamy horror of I don’t know what。 The eyes were wide
open； and her brown hair fell in two rich clusters on her shoulders；
and on her white dress； disordered by the want of the lost ribbon。
Distinctly as I recollect her look； I cannot say of what it was
expressive； I cannot even say of what it is expressive to me now；
rising again before my older judgement。 Penitence； humiliation；
shame； pride； love； and trustfulness—I see them all； and in them
all； I see that horror of I don’t know what。
My entrance； and my saying what I wanted； roused her。 It
disturbed the Doctor too； for when I went back to replace the
candle I had taken from the table； he was patting her head； in his
fatherly way； and saying he was a merciless drone to let her tempt
him into reading on； and he would have her go to bed。
But she asked him； in a rapid； urgent manner； to let her stay—
to let her feel assured （I heard her murmur some broken words to
this effect） that she was in his confidence that night。 And； as she
turned again towards him； after glancing at me as I left the room
and went out at the door； I saw her cross her hands upon his knee；
and look up at him with the same face； something quieted； as he
resumed his reading。
It made a great impression on me； and I remembered it a long
time afterwards； as I shall have occasion to narrate when the time
comes。
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Chapter 17
SOMEBODY TURNS UP
It has not occurred to me to mention Peggotty since I ran
away； but； of course； I wrote her a letter almost as soon as I
was housed at Dover； and another； and a longer letter；
containing all particulars fully related； when my aunt took me
formally under her protection。 On my being settled at Doctor
Strong’s I wrote to her again； detailing my happy condition and
prospects。 I never could have derived anything like the pleasure
from spending the money Mr。 Dick had given me； that I felt in
sending a gold half…guinea to Peggotty； per post； enclosed in this
last letter； to discharge the sum I had borrowed of her： in which
epistle； not before； I mentioned about the young man with the
donkey…cart。
To these communications Peggotty replied as promptly； if not
as concisely； as a merchant’s clerk。 Her utmost powers of
expression （which were certainly not great in ink） were exhausted
in the attempt to write what she felt on the subject of my journey。
Four sides of incoherent and interjectional beginnings of
sentences； that had no end； except blots； were inadequate to afford
her any relief。 But the blots were more expressive to me than the
best composition； for they showed me that Peggotty had been
crying all over the paper； and what could I have desired more？
I made out； without much difficulty； that she could not take
quite kindly to my aunt yet。 The notice was too short after so long
a prepossession the other way。 We never knew a person； she
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wrote； but to think that Miss Betsey should seem to be so different
from what she had been thought to be； was a Moral！—that was her
word。 She was evidently still afraid of Miss Betsey； for she sent her
grateful duty to her but timidly； and she was evidently afraid of
me； too； and entertained the probability of my running away again
soon： if I might judge from the repeated hints she threw out； that
the coach…fare to Yarmouth was always to be had of her for the
asking。
She gave me one piece of intelligence which affected me very
much； namely； that there had been a sale of the furniture at our
old home； and that Mr。 and Miss Murdstone were gone away； and
the house was shut up； to be let or sold。 God knows I had no part
in it while they remained there； but it pained me to think of the
dear old place as altogether abandoned； of the weeds growing tall
in the garden； and the fallen leaves lying thick and wet upon the
paths。 I imagined how the winds of winter would howl round it；
how the cold rain would beat upon the window…glass； how the
moon would make ghosts on the walls of the empty rooms；
watching their solitude all night。 I thought afresh of the grave in
the churchyard； underneath the tree： and it seemed as if the house
were dead too； now； and all connected with my father and mother
were faded away。
There was no other news in Peggotty’s letters。 Mr。 Barkis was
an excellent husband； she said； though still a little near； but we all
had our faults； and she had plenty （though I am sure I don’t know
what they were）； and he sent his duty； and my little bedroom was
always ready for me。 Mr。 Peggotty was well； and Ham was well；
and Mrs。。 Gummidge was but poorly； and little Em’ly wouldn’t
send her love； but said that Peggotty might send it； if she liked。
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All this intelligence I dutifully imparted to my aunt； only
reserving to myself the mention of little Em’ly； to whom I
instinctively felt that she would not very tenderly incline。 While I
was yet new at Doctor Strong’s； she made several excursions over