the secret sharer- 第7部分

〃I　quite　understand；〃　I　conveyed　that　sincere　assurance　into　his　ear。

He　was　out　of　breath　with　whispering；　I　could　hear　him　pant　slightly。

It　was　all　very　simple。　　The　same　strung…up　force　which　had　given　twenty…four

men　a　chance；　at　least；　for　their　lives；　had；　in　a　sort　of　recoil；

crushed　an　unworthy　mutinous　existence。



But　I　had　no　leisure　to　weigh　the　merits　of　the　matter

footsteps　in　the　saloon；　a　heavy　knock。　　〃There's　enough　wind

to　get　under　way　with；　sir。〃　　Here　was　the　call　of　a　new　claim

upon　my　thoughts　and　even　upon　my　feelings。



〃Turn　the　hands　up；〃　I　cried　through　the　door。　　〃I'll　be　on　deck　directly。〃



I　was　going　out　to　make　the　acquaintance　of　my　ship。

Before　I　left　the　cabin　our　eyes　metthe　eyes　of　the　only

two　strangers　on　board。　　I　pointed　to　the　recessed　part　where

the　little　campstool　awaited　him　and　laid　my　finger　on　my　lips。

He　made　a　gesturesomewhat　vaguea　little　mysterious；

accompanied　by　a　faint　smile；　as　if　of　regret。



This　is　not　the　place　to　enlarge　upon　the　sensations　of　a　man

who　feels　for　the　first　time　a　ship　move　under　his　feet　to　his

own　independent　word。　　In　my　case　they　were　not　unalloyed。

I　was　not　wholly　alone　with　my　command；　for　there　was　that　stranger

in　my　cabin。　　Or　rather；　I　was　not　completely　and　wholly　with　her。

Part　of　me　was　absent。　　That　mental　feeling　of　being　in　two

places　at　once　affected　me　physically　as　if　the　mood　of　secrecy

had　penetrated　my　very　soul。　　Before　an　hour　had　elapsed　since

the　ship　had　begun　to　move；　having　occasion　to　ask　the　mate

（he　stood　by　my　side）　to　take　a　compass　bearing　of　the　pagoda；

I　caught　myself　reaching　up　to　his　ear　in　whispers。

I　say　I　caught　myself；　but　enough　had　escaped　to　startle　the　man。

I　can't　describe　it　otherwise　than　by　saying　that　he　shied。

A　grave；　preoccupied　manner；　as　though　he　were　in　possession

of　some　perplexing　intelligence；　did　not　leave　him　henceforth。

A　little　later　I　moved　away　from　the　rail　to　look　at　the　compass

with　such　a　stealthy　gait　that　the　helmsman　noticed　it

and　I　could　not　help　noticing　the　unusual　roundness　of　his　eyes。

These　are　trifling　instances；　though　it's　to　no　commander's

advantage　to　be　suspected　of　ludicrous　eccentricities。

But　I　was　also　more　seriously　affected。　　There　are　to　a　seaman

certain　words；　gestures；　that　should　in　given　conditions　come

as　naturally；　as　instinctively　as　the　winking　of　a　menaced　eye。

A　certain　order　should　spring　on　to　his　lips　without　thinking；

a　certain　sign　should　get　itself　made；　so　to　speak；

without　reflection。　　But　all　unconscious　alertness　had　abandoned　me。

I　had　to　make　an　effort　of　will　to　recall　myself　back

（from　the　cabin）　to　the　conditions　of　the　moment。

I　felt　that　I　was　appearing　an　irresolute　commander　to　those

people　who　were　watching　me　more　or　less　critically。



And；　besides；　there　were　the　scares。　　On　the　second　day　out；

for　instance；　coming　off　the　deck　in　the　afternoon　（I　had　straw

slippers　on　my　bare　feet）　I　stopped　at　the　open　pantry　door　and　spoke

to　the　steward。　　He　was　doing　something　there　with　his　back　to　me。

At　the　sound　of　my　voice　he　nearly　jumped　out　of　his　skin；

as　the　saying　is；　and　incidentally　broke　a　cup。



〃What　on　earth's　the　matter　with　you？〃　　I　asked；　astonished。



He　was　extremely　confused。　　〃Beg　your　pardon；　sir。　　I　made　sure

you　were　in　your　cabin。〃



〃You　see　I　wasn't。〃



〃No；　sir。　　I　could　have　sworn　I　had　heard　you　moving　in　there　not

a　moment　ago。　　It's　most　extraordinary　。　。　。　very　sorry；　sir。〃



I　passed　on　with　an　inward　shudder。　　I　was　so　identified

with　my　secret　double　that　I　did　not　even　mention

the　fact　in　those　scanty；　fearful　whispers　we　exchanged。

I　suppose　he　had　made　some　slight　noise　of　some　kind　or　other。

It　would　have　been　miraculous　if　he　hadn't　at　one　time　or　another。

And　yet；　haggard　as　he　appeared；　he　looked　always　perfectly

self…controlled；　more　than　calmalmost　invulnerable。

On　my　suggestion　he　remained　almost　entirely　in

the　bathroom；　which；　upon　the　whole；　was　the　safest　place。

There　could　be　really　no　shadow　of　an　excuse　for　anyone　ever

wanting　to　go　in　there；　once　the　steward　had　done　with　it。

It　was　a　very　tiny　place。　　Sometimes　he　reclined　on

the　floor；　his　legs　bent；　his　head　sustained　on　one　elbow。

At　others　I　would　find　him　on　the　campstool；　sitting　in　his　gray

sleeping　suit　and　with　his　cropped　dark　hair　like　a　patient；

unmoved　convict。　　At　night　I　would　smuggle　him　into　my　bed　place；

and　we　would　whisper　together；　with　the　regular　footfalls　of

the　officer　of　the　watch　passing　and　repassing　over　our　heads。

It　was　an　infinitely　miserable　time。　　It　was　lucky　that　some

tins　of　fine　preserves　were　stowed　in　a　locker　in　my　stateroom；

hard　bread　I　could　always　get　hold　of；　and　so　he　lived　on　stewed

chicken；　PATE　DE　FOIE　GRAS；　asparagus；　cooked　oysters；　sardines

on　all　sorts　of　abominable　sham　delicacies　out　of　tins。

My　early…morning　coffee　he　always　drank；　and　it　was　all　I

dared　do　for　him　in　that　respect。



Every　day　there　was　the　horrible　maneuvering　to　go　through　so　that　my　room

and　then　the　bathroom　should　be　done　in　the　usual　way。　　I　came　to　hate

the　sight　of　the　steward；　to　abhor　the　voice　of　that　harmless　man。

I　felt　that　it　was　he　who　would　bring　on　the　disaster　of　discovery。

It　hung　like　a　sword　over　our　heads。



The　fourth　day　out；　I　think　（we　were　then　working　down　the　east　side

of　the　Gulf　of　Siam；　tack　for　tack；　in　light　winds　and　smooth　water）

the　fourth　day；　I　say；　of　this　miserable　juggling　with　the　unavoidable；

as　we　sat　at　our　evening　meal；　that　man；　whose　slightest　movement

I　dreaded；　after　putting　down　the　dishes　ran　up　on　deck　busily。

This　could　not　be　dangerous。　　Presently　he　came　down　again；

and　then　it　appeared　that　he　had　remembered　a　coat　of　mine

which　I　had　thrown　over　a　rail　to　dry　after　having　been　wetted

in　a　shower　which　had　passed　over　the　ship　in　the　afternoon。

Sitting　stolidly　at　the　head　of　the　table　I　became　terrified　at

the　sight　of　the　garment　on　his　arm。　　Of　course　he　made　for　my　door。

There　was　no　time　to　lose。



〃Steward；〃　I　thundered。　　My　nerves　were　so　shaken　that　I

could　not　govern　my　voice　and　conceal　my　agitation。

This　was　the　sort　of　thing　that　made　my　terrifically

whiskered　mate　tap　his　forehead　with　his　forefinger。

I　had　detected　him　using　that　gesture　while　talking　on　deck

with　a　confidential　air　to　the　carpenter。　　It　was　too　far

to　hear　a　word；　but　I　had　no　doubt　that　this　pantomime　could

only　refer　to　the　strange　new　captain。



〃Yes；　sir；〃　the　pale…faced　steward　turned　resignedly　to　me。

It　was　this　maddening　course　of　being　shouted　at；　checked　without

rhyme　or　reason；　arbitrarily　chased　out　of　my　cabin；　suddenly　called

into　it；　sent　flying　out　of　his　pantry　on　incomprehensible　errands；

that　accounted　for　the　growing　wretchedness　of　his　expression。



〃Where　are　you　going　with　that　coat？〃



〃To　your　room；　sir。〃



〃Is　there　another　shower　coming？〃



〃I'm　sure　I　don't　know；　sir。　　Shall　I　go　up　again　and　see；　sir？〃



〃No！　never　mind。〃



My　object　was　attained；　as　of　course　my　other　self　in　there　would　have　heard

everything　that　passed。　　During　this　interlude　my　two　officers　never　raised

their　eyes　off　their　respective　plates；　but　the　lip　of　that　confounded　cub；

the　second　mate；　quivered　visibly。



I　expected　the　steward　to　hook　my　coat　on　and　come　out　at　once。

He　was　very　slow　about　it；　but　I　dominated　my　nervousness

sufficiently　not　to　shout　after　him。　　Suddenly　I　became　aware

（it　could　be　heard　plainly　enough）　that　the　fellow　for　some　reason

or　other　was　opening　the　door　of　the　bathroom。　　It　was　the　end。

The　place　was　literally　not　big　enough　to　swing　a　cat　in。

My　voice　died　in　my　throat　and　I　went　stony　all　over。

I　expected　to　hear　a　yell　of　surprise　and　terror；　and　made

a　movement；　but　had　not　the　strength　to　get　on　my　legs。

Everything　remained　still。　　Had　my　second　self　taken　the　poor

wretch　by　the　throat？　　I　don't　know　what　I　could　have　done

next　moment　if　I　had　not　seen　the　steward　come　out　of　my　room；

close　the　door；　and　then　stand　quietly　by　the　sideboard。



〃Saved；〃　I　thought。　　〃But；　no！　　Lost！　　Gone！　　He　was　gone！〃



I　laid　my　knife　and　fork　down　and　leaned　back　in　my　chair。　　My　head　swam。

After　a　while；　when　sufficiently　recovered　to　speak　in　a　steady　voice；

I　instructed　my　mate　to　put　the　ship　round　at　eight　o'clock　himself。



〃I　won't　come　on　deck；〃　I　went　on。　　〃I　think　I'll　turn　in；　and　unless

the　wind　shifts　I　don't　want　to　be　disturbed　before　midnight。

I　feel　a　bit　seedy。〃



〃You　did　look　middling　bad　a　little　while　ago；〃　the　chief　mate　remarked

without　showing　any　great　concern。



They　both　went　out；　and　I　stared　at　the　steward　clearing　the　table。

There　was　nothing　to　be　read　on　that　wretched　man's　face。

But　why　did　he　avoid　my　eyes；　I　asked　myself。　　Then　I　thought　I

should　like　to　hear　the　sound　of　his　voice。



〃Steward！〃



〃Sir！〃　　Startled　as　usual。



〃Where　did　you　hang　up　that　coat？〃



〃In　the　bathroom；　sir。〃　　The　usual　anxious　tone。

〃It's　not　quite　dry　yet；　sir。〃



For　some　time　longer　I　sat　in　the　cuddy。　　Had　my　double　vanished

as　he　had　come？　　But　of　his　coming　there　was　an　explanation；

whereas　his　disappearance　would　be　inexplicable。　　。　。　。　I　went

slowly　into　my　dark　room；　shut　the　door；　lighted　the　lamp；

and　for　a　time　dared　not　turn　round。　　When　at　last　I　did　I

saw　him　standing　bolt…upright　in　the　narrow　recessed　part。

It　would　not　be　true　to　say　I　had　a　shock；　but　an　irresistible

doubt　of　his　bodily　existence　flitted　through　my　mind。

Can　it　be；　I　asked　myself；　that　he　is　not　visible　to　other　eyes

than　mine？　　It　was　like　being　haunted。　　Motionless；　with　a

grave　face；　he　raised　his　hands　slightly　at　me　in　a　gesture

which　meant　clearly；　〃Heavens！　what　a　narrow　escape！〃

Narrow　indeed。　　I　think　I　had　come　creeping　quietly　as　near

insanity　as　any　man　who　has　not　actually　gone　over　the