the secret sharer- 第9部分

out　and　get　overboard　through　the　open　quarter…deck　port。

I've　had　them　both　fastened　up。　　Use　a　rope's　end　to　lower

yourself　into　the　water　so　as　to　avoid　a　splashyou　know。

It　could　be　heard　and　cause　some　beastly　complication。〃



He　kept　silent　for　a　while；　then　whispered；　〃I　understand。〃



〃I　won't　be　there　to　see　you　go；〃　I　began　with　an　effort。

〃The　rest　。　。　。　I　only　hope　I　have　understood；　too。〃



〃You　have。　　From　first　to　last〃and　for　the　first　time　there

seemed　to　be　a　faltering；　something　strained　in　his　whisper。

He　caught　hold　of　my　arm；　but　the　ringing　of　the　supper　bell

made　me　start。　　He　didn't　though；　he　only　released　his　grip。



After　supper　I　didn't　come　below　again　till　well　past　eight

o'clock。　The　faint；　steady　breeze　was　loaded　with　dew；　and　the　wet；

darkened　sails　held　all　there　was　of　propelling　power　in　it。

The　night；　clear　and　starry；　sparkled　darkly；　and　the　opaque；

lightless　patches　shifting　slowly　against　the　low　stars

were　the　drifting　islets。　　On　the　port　bow　there　was　a　big

one　more　distant　and　shadowily　imposing　by　the　great　space

of　sky　it　eclipsed。



On　opening　the　door　I　had　a　back　view　of　my　very　own　self　looking　at　a　chart。

He　had　come　out　of　the　recess　and　was　standing　near　the　table。



〃Quite　dark　enough；〃　I　whispered。



He　stepped　back　and　leaned　against　my　bed　with　a　level；　quiet　glance。

I　sat　on　the　couch。　　We　had　nothing　to　say　to　each　other。

Over　our　heads　the　officer　of　the　watch　moved　here　and　there。

Then　I　heard　him　move　quickly。　　I　knew　what　that　meant。

He　was　making　for　the　companion；　and　presently　his　voice　was

outside　my　door。



〃We　are　drawing　in　pretty　fast；　sir。　　Land　looks　rather　close。〃



〃Very　well；〃　I　answered。　　〃I　am　coming　on　deck　directly。〃



I　waited　till　he　was　gone　out　of　the　cuddy；　then　rose。　　My　double　moved　too。

The　time　had　come　to　exchange　our　last　whispers；　for　neither　of　us　was　ever

to　hear　each　other's　natural　voice。



〃Look　here！〃　　I　opened　a　drawer　and　took　out　three　sovereigns。

〃Take　this　anyhow。　　I've　got　six　and　I'd　give　you　the　lot；

only　I　must　keep　a　little　money　to　buy　some　fruit　and　vegetables

for　the　crew　from　native　boats　as　we　go　through　Sunda　Straits。〃



He　shook　his　head。



〃Take　it；〃　I　urged　him；　whispering　desperately。

〃No　one　can　tell　what〃



He　smiled　and　slapped　meaningly　the　only　pocket　of　the　sleeping　jacket。

It　was　not　safe；　certainly。　　But　I　produced　a　large　old　silk　handkerchief

of　mine；　and　tying　the　three　pieces　of　gold　in　a　corner；　pressed　it　on　him。

He　was　touched；　I　supposed；　because　he　took　it　at　last　and　tied　it　quickly

round　his　waist　under　the　jacket；　on　his　bare　skin。



Our　eyes　met；　several　seconds　elapsed；　till；　our　glances

still　mingled；　I　extended　my　hand　and　turned　the　lamp　out。

Then　I　passed　through　the　cuddy；　leaving　the　door　of　my　room　wide　open。

。　。　。　〃Steward！〃



He　was　still　lingering　in　the　pantry　in　the　greatness　of　his　zeal；

giving　a　rub…up　to　a　plated　cruet　stand　the　last　thing　before　going　to　bed。

Being　careful　not　to　wake　up　the　mate；　whose　room　was　opposite；　I　spoke

in　an　undertone。



He　looked　round　anxiously。　　〃Sir！〃



〃Can　you　get　me　a　little　hot　water　from　the　galley？〃



〃I　am　afraid；　sir；　the　galley　fire's　been　out　for　some　time　now。〃



〃Go　and　see。〃



He　flew　up　the　stairs。



〃Now；〃　I　whispered；　loudly；　into　the　saloontoo　loudly；

perhaps；　but　I　was　afraid　I　couldn't　make　a　sound。

He　was　by　my　side　in　an　instantthe　double　captain　slipped　past

the　stairsthrough　a　tiny　dark　passage　。　。　。　a　sliding　door。

We　were　in　the　sail　locker；　scrambling　on　our　knees　over　the　sails。

A　sudden　thought　struck　me。　　I　saw　myself　wandering

barefooted；　bareheaded；　the　sun　beating　on　my　dark　poll。

I　snatched　off　my　floppy　hat　and　tried　hurriedly　in　the　dark

to　ram　it　on　my　other　self。　　He　dodged　and　fended　off　silently。

I　wonder　what　he　thought　had　come　to　me　before　he　understood

and　suddenly　desisted。　　Our　hands　met　gropingly；

lingered　united　in　a　steady；　motionless　clasp　for　a　second。

。　。　。　No　word　was　breathed　by　either　of　us　when　they　separated。



I　was　standing　quietly　by　the　pantry　door　when　the　steward　returned。



〃Sorry；　sir。　　Kettle　barely　warm。　　Shall　I　light　the　spirit　lamp？〃



〃Never　mind。〃



I　came　out　on　deck　slowly。　　It　was　now　a　matter　of　conscience

to　shave　the　land　as　close　as　possiblefor　now　he　must　go　overboard

whenever　the　ship　was　put　in　stays。　　Must！　　There　could　be　no　going

back　for　him。　　After　a　moment　I　walked　over　to　leeward　and　my

heart　flew　into　my　mouth　at　the　nearness　of　the　land　on　the　bow。

Under　any　other　circumstances　I　would　not　have　held　on　a　minute　longer。

The　second　mate　had　followed　me　anxiously。



I　looked　on　till　I　felt　I　could　command　my　voice。



〃She　will　weather；〃　I　said　then　in　a　quiet　tone。



〃Are　you　going　to　try　that；　sir？〃　he　stammered　out　incredulously。



I　took　no　notice　of　him　and　raised　my　tone　just　enough　to　be　heard

by　the　helmsman。



〃Keep　her　good　full。〃



〃Good　full；　sir。〃



The　wind　fanned　my　cheek；　the　sails　slept；　the　world　was　silent。

The　strain　of　watching　the　dark　loom　of　the　land　grow　bigger　and　denser

was　too　much　for　me。　　I　had　shut　my　eyesbecause　the　ship　must　go　closer。

She　must！　　The　stillness　was　intolerable。　　Were　we　standing　still？



When　I　opened　my　eyes　the　second　view　started　my　heart　with　a　thump。

The　black　southern　hill　of　Koh…ring　seemed　to　hang　right　over

the　ship　like　a　towering　fragment　of　everlasting　night。

On　that　enormous　mass　of　blackness　there　was　not　a　gleam　to

be　seen；　not　a　sound　to　be　heard。　　It　was　gliding　irresistibly

towards　us　and　yet　seemed　already　within　reach　of　the　hand。

I　saw　the　vague　figures　of　the　watch　grouped　in　the　waist；

gazing　in　awed　silence。



〃Are　you　going　on；　sir？〃　inquired　an　unsteady　voice　at　my　elbow。



I　ignored　it。　　I　had　to　go　on。



〃Keep　her　full。　　Don't　check　her　way。　　That　won't　do　now；〃

I　said　warningly。



〃I　can't　see　the　sails　very　well；〃　the　helmsman　answered　me；

in　strange；　quavering　tones。



Was　she　close　enough？　　Already　she　was；　I　won't　say　in　the　shadow　of　the　land；

but　in　the　very　blackness　of　it；　already　swallowed　up　as　it　were；　gone　too

close　to　be　recalled；　gone　from　me　altogether。



〃Give　the　mate　a　call；〃　I　said　to　the　young　man　who　stood　at　my　elbow

as　still　as　death。　　〃And　turn　all　hands　up。〃



My　tone　had　a　borrowed　loudness　reverberated　from　the　height　of　the　land。

Several　voices　cried　out　together：　　〃We　are　all　on　deck；　sir。〃



Then　stillness　again；　with　the　great　shadow　gliding　closer；

towering　higher；　without　a　light；　without　a　sound。

Such　a　hush　had　fallen　on　the　ship　that　she　might　have　been　a　bark

of　the　dead　floating　in　slowly　under　the　very　gate　of　Erebus。



〃My　God！　　Where　are　we？〃



It　was　the　mate　moaning　at　my　elbow。　　He　was　thunderstruck；

and　as　it　were　deprived　of　the　moral　support　of　his　whiskers。

He　clapped　his　hands　and　absolutely　cried　out；　〃Lost！〃



〃Be　quiet；〃　I　said；　sternly。



He　lowered　his　tone；　but　I　saw　the　shadowy　gesture　of　his　despair。

〃What　are　we　doing　here？〃



〃Looking　for　the　land　wind。〃



He　made　as　if　to　tear　his　hair；　and　addressed　me　recklessly。



〃She　will　never　get　out。　　You　have　done　it；　sir。　　I　knew　it'd　end　in　something

like　this。　　She　will　never　weather；　and　you　are　too　close　now　to　stay。

She'll　drift　ashore　before　she's　round。　　O　my　God！〃



I　caught　his　arm　as　he　was　raising　it　to　batter　his　poor　devoted　head；

and　shook　it　violently。



〃She's　ashore　already；〃　he　wailed；　trying　to　tear　himself　away。



〃Is　she？　。　。　。　Keep　good　full　there！〃



〃Good　full；　sir；〃　cried　the　helmsman　in　a　frightened；　thin；　childlike　voice。



I　hadn't　let　go　the　mate's　arm　and　went　on　shaking　it。　　〃Ready　about；

do　you　hear？　　You　go　forward〃shake〃and　stop　there〃shake〃and　hold

your　noise〃shake〃　and　see　these　head…sheets　properly　overhauled〃

shake；　shakeshake。



And　all　the　time　I　dared　not　look　towards　the　land　lest　my　heart

should　fail　me。　　I　released　my　grip　at　last　and　he　ran　forward

as　if　fleeing　for　dear　life。



I　wondered　what　my　double　there　in　the　sail　locker　thought　of

this　commotion。　　He　was　able　to　hear　everythingand　perhaps　he　was　able

to　understand　why；　on　my　conscience；　it　had　to　be　thus　closeno　less。

My　first　order　〃Hard　alee！〃　re…echoed　ominously　under　the　towering

shadow　of　Koh…ring　as　if　I　had　shouted　in　a　mountain　gorge。

And　then　I　watched　the　land　intently。　　In　that　smooth　water

and　light　wind　it　was　impossible　to　feel　the　ship　coming…to。　No！

I　could　not　feel　her。　　And　my　second　self　was　making　now　ready

to　ship　out　and　lower　himself　overboard。　　Perhaps　he　was　gone

already　。　。　。　？



The　great　black　mass　brooding　over　our　very　mastheads　began　to　pivot　away

from　the　ship's　side　silently。　　And　now　I　forgot　the　secret　stranger　ready

to　depart；　and　remembered　only　that　I　was　a　total　stranger　to　the　ship。

I　did　not　know　her。　　Would　she　do　it？　　How　was　she　to　be　handled？



I　swung　the　mainyard　and　waited　helplessly。　　She　was　perhaps　stopped；

and　her　very　fate　hung　in　the　balance；　with　the　black　mass

of　Koh…ring　like　the　gate　of　the　everlasting　night　towering　over

her　taffrail。　　What　would　she　do　now？　　Had　she　way　on　her　yet？

I　stepped　to　the　side　swiftly；　and　on　the　shadowy　water　I　could　see

nothing　except　a　faint　phosphorescent　flash　revealing　the　glassy

smoothness　of　the　sleeping　surface。　　It　was　impossible　to　tell

and　I　had　not　learned　yet　the　feel　of　my　ship。　　Was　she　moving？

What　I　needed　was　something　easily　seen；　a　piece　of　paper；

which　I　could　throw　overboard　and　watch。　　I　had　nothing　on　me。

To　run　down　for　it　I　didn't　dare。　　There　was　no　time。

All　at　once　my　strained；　yearning　stare　distinguished

a　white　object　floating　within　a　yard　of　the　ship's　side。

White　on　the　black　water。　　A　phosphorescent　flash　passed　under　it。

What　was　that　thing？　。　。　。　I　reco