the difficulties of the proposal were clearly； and even eagerly；
pointed out。 It was urged； for instance； by Miss Younghusband
that it was substantially impossible for her to play the part
assigned to her； Miss Mann was in a similar dilemma； from which
no modern views on the sexes could apparently extricate her；
and some young ladies； whose surnames happened to be Low； Coward；
and Craven； were quite enthusiastic against the idea。
But all this happened afterwards。 What happened at the crucial
moment was that the lecturer produced several horseshoes and a
large iron hammer from his bag； announced his immediate intention
of setting up a smithy in the neighbourhood； and called on every
one to rise in the same cause as for a heroic revolution。
The other mistresses and I attempted to stop the wretched man；
but I must confess that by an accident this very intercession
produced the worst explosion of his insanity。 He was waving
the hammer； and wildly demanding the names of everybody；
and it so happened that Miss Brown； one of the younger teachers；
was wearing a brown dressa reddish…brown dress that went quietly
enough with the warmer colour of her hair； as well she knew。
She was a nice girl； and nice girls do know about those things。
But when our maniac discovered that we really had a Miss Brown
who WAS brown； his ~idee fixe~ blew up like a powder magazine；
and there； in the presence of all the mistresses and girls；
he publicly proposed to the lady in the red…brown dress。
You can imagine the effect of such a scene at a girls' school。
At least； if you fail to imagine it； I certainly fail
to describe it。
〃Of course； the anarchy died down in a week or two； and I can
think of it now as a joke。 There was only one curious detail；
which I will tell you； as you say your inquiry is vital； but I should
desire you to consider it a little more confidential than the rest。
Miss Brown； who was an excellent girl in every way； did quite
suddenly and surreptitiously leave us only a day or two afterwards。
I should never have thought that her head would be the one
to be really turned by so absurd an excitement。Believe me；
yours faithfully； Ada Gridley。
〃I think；〃 said Pym； with a really convincing simplicity and seriousness；
〃that these letters speak for themselves。〃
Mr。 Moon rose for the last time in a darkness that gave no hint
of whether his native gravity was mixed with his native irony。
〃Throughout this inquiry；〃 he said； 〃but especially in this its
closing phase； the prosecution has perpetually relied upon one argument；
I mean the fact that no one knows what has become of all the unhappy
women apparently seduced by Smith。 There is no sort of proof
that they were murdered； but that implication is perpetually made
when the question is asked as to how they died。 Now I am not
interested in how they died； or when they died； or whether they died。
But I am interested in another analogous questionthat of how they
were born； and when they were born； and whether they were born。
Do not misunderstand me。 I do not dispute the existence of
these women； or the veracity of those who have witnessed to them。
I merely remark on the notable fact that only one of these victims；
the Maidenhead girl； is described as having any home or parents。
All the rest are boarders or birds of passagea guest； a solitary
dressmaker； a bachelor…girl doing typewriting。 Lady Bullingdon；
looking from her turrets； which she bought from the Whartons with
the old soap…boiler's money when she jumped at marrying an unsuccessful
gentleman from UlsterLady Bullingdon； looking out from those turrets；
did really see an object which she describes as Green。 Mr。 Trip；
of Hanbury and Bootle； really did have a typewriter betrothed
to Smith。 Miss Gridley； though idealistic； is absolutely honest。
She did house； feed； and teach a young woman whom Smith succeeded
in decoying away。 We admit that all these women really lived。
But we still ask whether they were ever born？〃
〃Oh； crikey！〃 said Moses Gould； stifled with amusement。
〃There could hardly；〃 interposed Pym with a quiet smile；
〃be a better instance of the neglect of true scientific process。
The scientist； when once convinced of the fact of vitality
and consciousness； would infer from these the previous
process of generation。〃
〃If these gals；〃 said Gould impatiently〃if these gals were all alive
（all alive O！） I'd chance a fiver they were all born。〃
〃You'd lose your fiver；〃 said Michael； speaking gravely out of the gloom。
〃All those admirable ladies were alive。 They were more alive for having
come into contact with Smith。 They were all quite definitely alive；
but only one of them was ever born。〃
〃Are you asking us to believe〃 began Dr。 Pym。
〃I am asking you a second question；〃 said Moon sternly。 〃Can the court
now sitting throw any light on a truly singular circumstance？
Dr。 Pym； in his interesting lecture on what are called； I believe；
the relations of the sexes； said that Smith was the slave
of a lust for variety which would lead a man first to a negress
and then to an albino； first to a Patagonian giantess and then
to a tiny Eskimo。 But is there any evidence of such variety here？
Is there any trace of a gigantic Patagonian in the story？
Was the typewriter an Eskimo？ So picturesque a circumstance would not
surely have escaped remark。 Was Lady Bullingdon's dressmaker a negress？
A voice in my bosom answers； ‘No！' Lady Bullingdon； I am sure；
would think a negress so conspicuous as to be almost Socialistic；
and would feel something a little rakish even about an albino。
〃But was there in Smith's taste any such variety as the learned
doctor describes？ So far as our slight materials go；
the very opposite seems to be the case。 We have only
one actual description of any of the prisoner's wives
the short but highly poetic account by the aesthetic curate。
‘Her dress was the colour of spring； and her hair of autumn leaves。'
Autumn leaves； of course； are of various colours； some of
which would be rather startling in hair （green； for instance）；
but I think such an expression would be most naturally used of
the shades from red…brown to red； especially as ladies with their
coppery…coloured hair do frequently wear light artistic greens。
Now when we come to the next wife； we find the eccentric lover；
when told he is a donkey； answering that donkeys always go
after carrots； a remark which Lady Bullingdon evidently
regarded as pointless and part of the natural table…talk of a
village idiot； but which has an obvious meaning if we suppose
that Polly's hair was red。 Passing to the next wife； the one
he took from the girls' school； we find Miss Gridley noticing
that the schoolgirl in question wore ‘a reddish…brown dress；
that went quietly enough with the warmer colour of her hair。'
In other words； the colour of the girl's hair was something redder
than red…brown。 Lastly； the romantic organ…grinder declaimed
in the office some poetry that only got as far as the words；
‘O vivid； inviolate head；
Ringed '
But I think that a wide study of the worst modern poets
will enable us to guess that ‘ringed with a glory of red；'
or ‘ringed with its passionate red；' was the line that rhymed
to ‘head。' In this case once more； therefore； there is good
reason to suppose that Smith fell in love with a girl with
some sort of auburn or darkish…red hairrather；〃 he said；
looking down at the table； 〃rather like Miss Gray's hair。〃
Cyrus Pym was leaning forward with lowered eyelids；
ready with one of his more pedantic interpellations；
but Moses Gould suddenly struck his forefinger on his nose；
with an expression of extreme astonishment and intelligence
in his brilliant eyes。
〃Mr。 Moon's contention at present；〃 interposed Pym； 〃is not；
even if veracious； inconsistent with the lunatico…criminal view
of I。 Smith； which we have nailed to the mast。 Science has
long anticipated such a complication。 An incurable attraction
to a particular type of physical woman is one of the commonest
of criminal per…versities； and when not considered narrowly；
but in the light of induction and evolution〃
〃At this late stage；〃 said Michael Moon very quietly； 〃I may perhaps
relieve myself of a simple emotion that has been pressing me
throughout the proceedings； by saying that induction and evolution
may go and boil themselves。 The Missing Link and all that is
well enough for kids； but I'm talking about things we know here。
All we know of the Missing Link is that he is missingand he won't
be missed either。 I know all about his human head and his horrid tail；
they belong to a very old game called ‘Heads I win； tails you lose。'
If you do find a fellow's bones； it proves he lived a long while ago；
if you don't find his bones； it proves how long ago he lived。
That is the game you've been playing with this Smith affair。
Because Smith's head is small for his shoulders you call
him microcephalous； if it had been large； you'd have called it
water…on…the…brain。 As long as poor old Smith's seraglio seemed
pretty various； variety was the sign of madness： now； because it's
turning out to be a bit monochromenow monotony is the sign of madness。
I suffer from all the disadvantages of being a grown…up person；
and I'm jolly well going to get some of the advantages too；
and with all politeness I propose not to be bullied with long words
instead of short reasons； or consider your business a triumphant
progress merely because you're always finding out that you were wrong。
Having relieved myself of these feelings； I have merely to add
that I regard Dr。 Pym as an ornament to the world far more beautiful
than the Parthenon； or the monument on Bunker's Hill； and that I
propose to resume and conclude my remarks on the many marriages
of Mr。 Innocent Smith。
〃Besides this red hair； thee is another unifying thread that
runs through these scattered incidents。 There is something
very peculiar and suggestive about the names of these women。
Mr。 Trip； you will remember； said he thought the typewriter's
name was Blake； but could not remember exactly。
I suggest that it might have been Black； and in that case we
have a curious series： Miss