a personal record- 第3部分

these　pages　there　may　emerge　at　last　the　vision　of　a　personality；



the　man　behind　the　books　so　fundamentally　dissimilar　as；　for



instance；　〃Almayer's　Folly〃　and　〃The　Secret　Agent；〃　and　yet　a



coherent；　justifiable　personality　both　in　its　origin　and　in　its



action。　　This　is　the　hope。　　The　immediate　aim；　closely　associated



with　the　hope；　is　to　give　the　record　of　personal　memories　by



presenting　faithfully　the　feelings　and　sensations　connected　with



the　writing　of　my　first　book　and　with　my　first　contact　with　the



sea。







In　the　purposely　mingled　resonance　of　this　double　strain　a　friend



here　and　there　will　perhaps　detect　a　subtle　accord。







J。　C。　K。



















A　PERSONAL　RECORD







I







Books　may　be　written　in　all　sorts　of　places。　　Verbal　inspiration



may　enter　the　berth　of　a　mariner　on　board　a　ship　frozen　fast　in　a



river　in　the　middle　of　a　town；　and　since　saints　are　supposed　to



look　benignantly　on　humble　believers；　I　indulge　in　the　pleasant



fancy　that　the　shade　of　old　Flaubertwho　imagined　himself　to　be



（among　other　things）　a　descendant　of　Vikingsmight　have　hovered



with　amused　interest　over　the　docks　of　a　2；000…ton　steamer　called



the　Adowa；　on　board　of　which；　gripped　by　the　inclement　winter



alongside　a　quay　in　Rouen；　the　tenth　chapter　of　〃Almayer's　Folly〃



was　begun。　　With　interest；　I　say；　for　was　not　the　kind　Norman



giant　with　enormous　mustaches　and　a　thundering　voice　the　last　of



the　Romantics？　　Was　he　not；　in　his　unworldly；　almost　ascetic；



devotion　to　his　art；　a　sort　of　literary；　saint…like　hermit？







〃'It　has　set　at　last；'　said　Nina　to　her　mother；　pointing　to　the



hills　behind　which　the　sun　had　sunk。〃　。　。　。　　These　words　of



Almayer's　romantic　daughter　I　remember　tracing　on　the　gray　paper



of　a　pad　which　rested　on　the　blanket　of　my　bed…place。　　They



referred　to　a　sunset　in　Malayan　Isles　and　shaped　themselves　in　my



mind；　in　a　hallucinated　vision　of　forests　and　rivers　and　seas；



far　removed　from　a　commercial　and　yet　romantic　town　of　the



northern　hemisphere。　　But　at　that　moment　the　mood　of　visions　and



words　was　cut　short　by　the　third　officer；　a　cheerful　and　casual



youth；　coming　in　with　a　bang　of　the　door　and　the　exclamation：



〃You've　made　it　jolly　warm　in　here。〃







It　was　warm。　　I　had　turned　on　the　steam　heater　after　placing　a



tin　under　the　leaky　water…cockfor　perhaps　you　do　not　know　that



water　will　leak　where　steam　will　not。　　I　am　not　aware　of　what　my



young　friend　had　been　doing　on　deck　all　that　morning；　but　the



hands　he　rubbed　together　vigorously　were　very　red　and　imparted　to



me　a　chilly　feeling　by　their　mere　aspect。　　He　has　remained　the



only　banjoist　of　my　acquaintance；　and　being　also　a　younger　son　of



a　retired　colonel；　the　poem　of　Mr。　Kipling；　by　a　strange



aberration　of　associated　ideas；　always　seems　to　me　to　have　been



written　with　an　exclusive　view　to　his　person。　　When　he　did　not



play　the　banjo　he　loved　to　sit　and　look　at　it。　　He　proceeded　to



this　sentimental　inspection；　and　after　meditating　a　while　over



the　strings　under　my　silent　scrutiny　inquired；　airily：







〃What　are　you　always　scribbling　there；　if　it's　fair　to　ask？〃







It　was　a　fair　enough　question；　but　I　did　not　answer　him；　and



simply　turned　the　pad　over　with　a　movement　of　instinctive



secrecy：　I　could　not　have　told　him　he　had　put　to　flight　the



psychology　of　Nina　Almayer；　her　opening　speech　of　the　tenth



chapter；　and　the　words　of　Mrs。　Almayer's　wisdom　which　were　to



follow　in　the　ominous　oncoming　of　a　tropical　night。　　I　could　not



have　told　him　that　Nina　had　said；　〃It　has　set　at　last。〃　　He　would



have　been　extremely　surprised　and　perhaps　have　dropped　his



precious　banjo。　　Neither　could　I　have　told　him　that　the　sun　of　my



sea…going　was　setting；　too；　even　as　I　wrote　the　words　expressing



the　impatience　of　passionate　youth　bent　on　its　desire。　　I　did　not



know　this　myself；　and　it　is　safe　to　say　he　would　not　have　cared；



though　he　was　an　excellent　young　fellow　and　treated　me　with　more



deference　than；　in　our　relative　positions；　I　was　strictly



entitled　to。







He　lowered　a　tender　gaze　on　his　banjo；　and　I　went　on　looking



through　the　port…hole。　　The　round　opening　framed　in　its　brass　rim



a　fragment　of　the　quays；　with　a　row　of　casks　ranged　on　the　frozen



ground　and　the　tail　end　of　a　great　cart。　　A　red…nosed　carter　in　a



blouse　and　a　woollen　night…cap　leaned　against　the　wheel。　　An



idle；　strolling　custom　house　guard；　belted　over　his　blue　capote；



had　the　air　of　being　depressed　by　exposure　to　the　weather　and　the



monotony　of　official　existence。　　The　background　of　grimy　houses



found　a　place　in　the　picture　framed　by　my　port…hole；　across　a



wide　stretch　of　paved　quay　brown　with　frozen　mud。　　The　colouring



was　sombre；　and　the　most　conspicuous　feature　was　a　little　cafe



with　curtained　windows　and　a　shabby　front　of　white　woodwork；



corresponding　with　the　squalor　of　these　poorer　quarters　bordering



the　river。　　We　had　been　shifted　down　there　from　another　berth　in



the　neighbourhood　of　the　Opera　House；　where　that　same　port…hole



gave　me　a　view　of　quite　another　soft　of　cafethe　best　in　the



town；　I　believe；　and　the　very　one　where　the　worthy　Bovary　and　his



wife；　the　romantic　daughter　of　old　Pere　Renault；　had　some



refreshment　after　the　memorable　performance　of　an　opera　which　was



the　tragic　story　of　Lucia　di　Lammermoor　in　a　setting　of　light



music。







I　could　recall　no　more　the　hallucination　of　the　Eastern



Archipelago　which　I　certainly　hoped　to　see　again。　　The　story　of



〃Almayer's　Folly〃　got　put　away　under　the　pillow　for　that　day。　　I



do　not　know　that　I　had　any　occupation　to　keep　me　away　from　it；



the　truth　of　the　matter　is　that　on　board　that　ship　we　were



leading　just　then　a　contemplative　life。　　I　will　not　say　anything



of　my　privileged　position。　　I　was　there　〃just　to　oblige；〃　as　an



actor　of　standing　may　take　a　small　part　in　the　benefit



performance　of　a　friend。







As　far　as　my　feelings　were　concerned　I　did　not　wish　to　be　in　that



steamer　at　that　time　and　in　those　circumstances。　　And　perhaps　I



was　not　even　wanted　there　in　the　usual　sense　in　which　a　ship



〃wants〃　an　officer。　　It　was　the　first　and　last　instance　in　my　sea



life　when　I　served　ship…owners　who　have　remained　completely



shadowy　to　my　apprehension。　　I　do　not　mean　this　for　the



well…known　firm　of　London　ship…brokers　which　had　chartered　the



ship　to　the；　I　will　not　say　short…lived；　but　ephemeral



Franco…Canadian　Transport　Company。　　A　death　leaves　something



behind；　but　there　was　never　anything　tangible　left　from　the　F。　C。



T。　C。　　It　flourished　no　longer　than　roses　live；　and　unlike　the



roses　it　blossomed　in　the　dead　of　winter；　emitted　a　sort　of　faint



perfume　of　adventure；　and　died　before　spring　set　in。　　But



indubitably　it　was　a　company；　it　had　even　a　house…flag；　all　white



with　the　letters　F。　C。　T。　C。　artfully　tangled　up　in　a　complicated



monogram。　　We　flew　it　at　our　mainmast　head；　and　now　I　have　come



to　the　conclusion　that　it　was　the　only　flag　of　its　kind　in



existence。　　All　the　same　we　on　board；　for　many　days；　had　the



impression　of　being　a　unit　of　a　large　fleet　with　fortnightly



departures　for　Montreal　and　Quebec　as　advertised　in　pamphlets　and



prospectuses　which　came　aboard　in　a　large　package　in　Victoria



Dock；　London；　just　before　we　started　for　Rouen；　France。　　And　in



the　shadowy　life　of　the　F。　C。　T。　C。　lies　the　secret　of　that；　my



last　employment　in　my　calling；　which　in　a　remote　sense



interrupted　the　rhythmical　development　of　Nina　Almayer's　story。







The　then　secretary　of　the　London　Shipmasters'　Society；　with　its



modest　rooms　in　Fenchurch　Street；　was　a　man　of　indefatigable



activity　and　the　greatest　devotion　to　his　task。　　He　is



responsible　for　what　was　my　last　association　with　a　ship。　　I　call



it　that　be　cause　it　can　hardly　be　called　a　sea…going　experience。　



Dear　Captain　Froudit　is　impossible　not　to　pay　him　the　tribute



of　affectionate　familiarity　at　this　distance　of　yearshad　very



sound　views　as　to　the　advancement　of　knowledge　and　status　for　the



whole　body　of　the　officers　of　the　mercantile　marine。　He　organized



for　us　courses　of　professional　lectures；　St。　John　ambulance



classes；　corresponded　industriously　with　public　bodies　and



members　of　Parliament　on　subjects　touching　the　interests　of　the



service；　and　as　to　the　oncoming　of　some　inquiry　or　commission



relating　to　matters　of　the　sea　and　to　the　work　of　seamen；　it　was



a　perfect　godsend　to　his　need　of　exerting　himself　on　our



corporate　behalf。　　Together　with　this　high　sense　of　his　official



duties　he　had　in　him　a　vein　of　personal　kindness；　a　strong



disposition　to　do　what　good　he　could　to　the　individual　members　of



that　craft　of　which　in　his　time　he　had　been　a　very　excellent



master。　　And　what　greater　kindness　can　one　do　to　a　seaman　than　to



put　him　in　the　way　of　employment？　　Captain　Froud　did　not　see　why



the　Shipmasters'　Society；　besides　its　general　guardianship　of　our



interests；　should　not　be　unofficially　an　employment　agency　of　the



very　highest　class。







〃I　am　trying　to　persuade　all　our　great　ship…owning　firms　to　come



to　us　for　their　men。　There　is　nothing　of　a　trade…union　spirit



about　our　society；　and　I　really　don't　see　why　they　should　not；〃



he　said　once　to　me。　　〃I　am　always　telling　the　captains；　too；



that；　all　things　being　equal；　they　ought　to　give　preference　to



the　members　of　the　society。　　In　my　position　I　can　generally　find



for　them　what