quintessence of feminine inconsistency and caprice。 Yet； as I stared at
her； she certainly did not appear capricious。 It is not too much to say
that I was fairly astounded at this evidence of self…command and
decision； of the strength of mind to refuse me。 Was it possible that
she had felt nothing and I all？ I got to my feet。
〃I hate to hurt your feelings；〃 I heard her say。 〃I'm very sorry。〃。。。
She looked up at me。 Afterwards； when reflecting on the scene； I seemed
to remember that there were tears in her eyes。 I was not in a condition
to appreciate her splendid sincerity。 I was overwhelmed and
inarticulate。 I left her there； on the bench； and went back to George's；
announcing my intention of taking the five o'clock train。。。。
Maude Hutchins had become； at a stroke； the most desirable of women。 I
have often wondered how I should have felt on that five…hour journey back
to the city if she had fallen into my arms！ I should have persuaded
myself； no doubt； that I had not done a foolish thing in yielding to an
impulse and proposing to an inexperienced and provincial young woman； yet
there would have been regrets in the background。 Too deeply chagrined to
see any humour in the situation； I settled down in a Pullman seat and
went over and over again the event of that afternoon until the train
reached the city。
As the days wore on； and I attended to my cases； I thought of Maude a
great deal； and in those moments when the pressure of business was
relaxed； she obsessed me。 She must love me；only she did not realize
it。 That was the secret！ Her value had risen amazingly； become supreme；
the very act of refusing me had emphasized her qualifications as a wife；
and I now desired her with all the intensity of a nature which had been
permitted always to achieve its objects。 The inevitable process of
idealization began。 In dusty offices I recalled her freshness as she had
sat beside me in the garden；the freshness of a flower； with Berkeleyan
subjectivism I clothed the flower with colour； bestowed it with
fragrance。 I conferred on Maude all the gifts and graces that woman had
possessed since the creation。 And I recalled； with mingled bitterness
and tenderness； the turn of her head； the down on her neck； the half…
revealed curve of her arm。。。。 In spite of the growing sordidness of Lyme
Street； my mother and I still lived in the old house； for which she very
naturally had a sentiment。 In vain I had urged her from time to time to
move out into a brighter and fresher neighbourhood。 It would be time
enough； she said； when I was married。
〃If you wait for that； mother；〃 I answered； 〃we shall spend the rest of
our lives here。〃
〃I shall spend the rest of my life here；〃 she would declare。 〃But you
you have your life before you； my dear。 You would be so much more
contented ifif you could find some nice girl。 I think you livetoo
feverishly。〃
I do not know whether or not she suspected me of being in love； nor
indeed how much she read of me in other ways。 I did not confide in her；
nor did it strike me that she might have yearned for confidences； though
sometimes； when I dined at home； I surprised her gentle faceframed now
with white hairlifted wistfully toward me across the table。 Our
relationship； indeed； was a pathetic projection of that which had existed
in my childhood； we had never been confidants then。 The world in which I
lived and fought； of great transactions and merciless consequences
frightened her； her own world was more limited than ever。 She heard
disquieting things； I am sure； from Cousin Robert Breck； who had become
more and more querulous since the time…honoured firm of Breck and Company
had been forced to close its doors and the home at Claremore had been
sold。 My mother often spent the day in the scrolled suburban cottage
with the coloured glass front door where he lived with the Kinleys and
Helen。。。。
If my mother suspected that I was anticipating marriage； and said
nothing； Nancy Durrett suspected and spoke out。
Life is such a curious succession of contradictions and surprises that I
record here without comment the fact that I was seeing much more of Nancy
since her marriage than I had in the years preceding it。 A comradeship
existed between us。 I often dined at her house and had fallen into the
habit of stopping there frequently on my way home in the evening。 Ham
did not seem to mind。 What was clear； at any rate； was that Nancy；
before marriage； had exacted some sort of an understanding by which her
〃freedom〃 was not to be interfered with。 She was the first among us of
the 〃modern wives。〃
Ham； whose heartstrings and purse…strings were oddly intertwined； had
stipulated that they were to occupy the old Durrett mansion； but when
Nancy had made it 〃livable；〃 as she expressed it； he is said to have
remarked that he might as well have built a new house and been done with
it。 Not even old Nathaniel himself would have recognized his home when
Nancy finished what she termed furnishing： out went the horsehair； the
hideous chandeliers； the stuffy books； the Recamier statuary； and an army
of upholsterers； wood…workers； etc。； from Boston and New York invaded the
place。 The old mahogany doors were spared； but matched now by
Chippendale and Sheraton； the new； polished floors were covered with
Oriental rugs； the dreary Durrett pictures replaced by good canvases and
tapestries。 Nancy had what amounted to a genius for interior effects；
and she was the first to introduce among us the luxury that was to grow
more and more prevalent as our wealth increased by leaps and bounds。
Only Nancy's luxury； though lavish； was never vulgar； and her house when
completed had rather marvellously the fine distinction of some old London
mansion filled with the best that generations could contribute。 It left
Mrs。 Frederick Griersonwhose residence on the Heights had hitherto been
our 〃grandest〃breathless with despair。
With characteristic audacity Nancy had chosen old Nathaniel's sanctum for
her particular salon； into which Ham himself did not dare to venture
without invitation。 It was hung in Pompeiian red and had a little
wrought…iron balcony projecting over the yard； now transformed by an
expert into a garden。 When I had first entered this room after the
metamorphosis had taken place I inquired after the tombstone mantel。
〃Oh； I've pulled it up by the roots；〃 she said。
〃Aren't you afraid of ghosts？〃 I inquired。
〃Do I look it？〃 she asked。 And I confessed that she didn't。 Indeed； all
ghosts were laid； nor was there about her the slightest evidence of
mourning or regret。 One was forced to acknowledge her perfection in the
part she had chosen as the arbitress of social honours。 The candidates
were rapidly increasing； almost every month； it seemed； someone turned up
with a fortune and the aspirations that go with it； and it was Mrs。
Durrett who decided the delicate question of fitness。 With these； and
with the world at large； her manner might best be described as difficult；
and I was often amused at the way in which she contrived to keep them at
arm's length and make them uncomfortable。 With her intimatesof whom
there were fewshe was frank。
〃I suppose you enjoy it；〃 I said to her once。
〃Of course I enjoy it； or I shouldn't do it；〃 she retorted。 〃It isn't
the real thing； as I told you once。 But none of us gets the real thing。
It's power。。。。 Just as you enjoy what you're doingsorting out the
unfit。 It's a game； it keeps us from brooding over things we can't help。
And after all； when we have good appetites and are fairly happy； why
should we complain？〃
〃I'm not complaining；〃 I said； taking up a cigarette； 〃since I still
enjoy your favour。〃
She regarded me curiously。
〃And when you get married； Hugh？〃
〃Sufficient unto the day；〃 I replied。
〃How shall I get along； I wonder； with that simple and unsophisticated
lady when she appears？〃
〃Well；〃 I said； 〃you wouldn't marry me。〃
She shook her head at me； and smiled。。。。
〃No；〃 she corrected me； 〃you like me better as Hams' wife than you would
have as your own。〃
I merely laughed at this remark。。。。 It would indeed have been difficult
to analyze the new relationship that had sprung up between us； to say
what elements composed it。 The roots of it went back to the beginning of
our lives； and there was much of sentiment in it； no doubt。 She
understood me as no one else in the world understood me； and she was fond
of me in spite of it。
Hence； when I became infatuated with Maude Hutchins； after that Sunday
when she so unexpectedly had refused me； I might have known that Nancy's
suspicions would be aroused。 She startled me by accusing me； out of a
clear sky； of being in love。 I denied it a little too emphatically。
〃Why shouldn't you tell me； Hugh； if it's so？〃 she asked。 〃I didn't
hesitate to tell you。〃
It was just before her departure for the East to spend the summer。 We
were on the balcony； shaded by the big maple that grew at the end of the
garden。
〃But there's nothing to tell；〃 I insisted。
She lay back in her chair； regarding me。
〃Did you think that I'd be jealous？〃
〃There's nothing to be jealous about。〃
〃I've always expected you to get married； Hugh。 I've even predicted the
type。〃
She had； in truth； with an accuracy almost uncanny。
〃The only thing I'm afraid of is that she won't like me。 She lives in
that place you've been going to so much； lately；doesn't she？〃
Of course she had put two and two together； my visits to Elkington and my
manner； which I had flattered myself had not been distrait。 On the
chance that she knew more； from some source； I changed my tactics。
〃I suppose you mean Maude Hutchins；〃 I said。
Nancy laughed。
〃So that's her name！〃
〃It's the name of a girl in Elkington。 I've been doing legal work for
the Hutchinses； and I imagine some idiot has been gossiping。 She's just
a young girlmuch too young for me。〃
〃Men are queer creatures；〃 she declared。 〃Did you think I should be
jealous？〃
It was exactly what I had thought； but I denied it。
〃Why should you beeven if there were anything to be jealous about？ You
didn't consult me when you got married。