a far country- 第45部分

〃Why　should　you　beeven　if　there　were　anything　to　be　jealous　about？　　You
didn't　consult　me　when　you　got　married。　　You　merely　announced　an
irrevocable　decision。〃

Nancy　leaned　forward　and　laid　her　hand　on　my　arm。

〃My　dear；〃　she　said；　〃strange　as　it　may　seem；　I　want　you　to　be　happy。　　I
don't　want　you　to　make　a　mistake；　Hugh；　too　great　a　mistake。〃

I　was　surprised　and　moved。　　Once　more　I　had　a　momentary　glimpse　of　the
real　Nancy。。。。

Our　conversation　was　interrupted　by　the　arrival　of　Ralph　Hambleton。。。。




XIV。

However；　thoughts　of　Maude　continued　to　possess　me。　　She　still　appeared
the　most　desirable　of　beings；　and　a　fortnight　after　my　repulse；　without
any　excuse　at　all；　I　telegraphed　the　George　Hutchinses　that　I　was　coming
to　pay　them　a　visit。　　Mrs。　George；　wearing　a　knowing　smile；　met　me　at　the
station　in　a　light　buck…board。

〃I've　asked　Maude　to　dinner；〃　she　said。。。。

Thus　with　masculine　directness　I　returned　to　the　charge；　and　Maude's
continued　resistance　but　increased　my　ardour；　could　not　see　why　she
continued　to　resist　me。

〃Because　I　don't　love　you；〃　she　said。

This　was　incredible。　　I　suggested　that　she　didn't　know　what　love　was；　and
she　admitted　it　was　possible：　she　liked　me　very；　very　much。　　I　told　her；
sagely；　that　this　was　the　best　foundation　for　matrimony。　　That　might　be；
but　she　had　had　other　ideas。　　For　one　thing；　she　felt　that　she　did　not
know　me。。。。　　In　short；　she　was　charming　and　maddening　in　her　defensive
ruses；　in　her　advances　and　retreats；　for　I　pressed　her　hard　during　the
four　weeks　which　followed；　and　in　them　made　four　visits。　　Flinging
caution　to　the　winds；　I　did　not　even　pretend　to　George　that　I　was　coming
to　see　him　on　business。　　I　had　the　Hutchins　family　on　my　side；　for　they
had　the　sense　to　see　that　the　match　would　be　an　advantageous　one；　I　even
summoned　up　enough　courage　to　talk　to　Ezra　Hutchins　on　the　subject。

〃I'll　not　attempt　to　influence　Maude；　Mr。　ParetI've　always　said　I
wouldn't　interfere　with　her　choice。　　But　as　you　are　a　young　man　of　sound
habits；　sir；　successful　in　your　profession；　I　should　raise　no　objection。
I　suppose　we　can't　keep　her　always。〃

To　conceal　his　emotion；　he　pulled　out　the　watch　he　lived　by。　　〃Why；　it's
church　time！〃　he　said。。。。　　I　attended　church　regularly　at　Elkington。。。。

On　a　Sunday　night　in　June；　following　a　day　during　which　victory　seemed
more　distant　than　ever；　with　startling　unexpectedness　Maude　capitulated。
She　sat　beside　me　on　the　bench；　obscured；　yet　the　warm　night　quivered
with　her　presence。　　I　felt　her　tremble。。。。　　I　remember　the　first
exquisite　touch　of　her　soft　cheek。　　How　strange　it　was　that　in　conquest
the　tumult　of　my　being　should　be　stilled；　that　my　passion　should　be
transmuted　into　awe　that　thrilled　yet　disquieted！　　What　had　I　done？　　It
was　as　though　I　had　suddenly　entered　an　unimagined　sanctuary　filled　with
holy　flame。。。。

Presently；　when　we　began　to　talk；　I　found　myself　seeking　more　familiar
levels。　　I　asked　her　why　she　had　so　long　resisted　me；　accusing　her　of
having　loved　me　all　the　time。

〃Yes；　I　think　I　did；　Hugh。　　OnlyI　didn't　know　it。〃

〃You　must　have　felt　something；　that　afternoon　when　I　first　proposed　to
you！〃

〃You　didn't　really　want　me；　Hugh。　　Not　then。〃

Surprised；　and　a　little　uncomfortable　at　this　evidence　of　intuition；　I
started　to　protest。　　It　seemed　to　me　then　as　though　I　had　always　wanted
her。

〃No；　no；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃you　didn't。　　You　were　carried　away　by　your
feelingsyou　hadn't　made　up　your　mind。　　Indeed；　I　can't　see　why　you　want
me　now。〃

〃You　believe　I　do；〃　I　said；　and　drew　her　toward　me。

〃Yes；　II　believe　it；　now。　　But　I　can't　see　why。　　There　must　be　so　many
attractive　girls　in　the　city；　who　know　so　much　more　than　I　do。〃

I　sought　fervidly　to　reassure　her　on　this　point。。。。　　At　length　when　we
went　into　the　house　she　drew　away　from　me　at　arm's　length　and　gave　me　one
long　searching　look；　as　though　seeking　to　read　my　soul。

〃Hugh；　you　will　always　love　meto　the　very　end；　won't　you？〃

〃Yes；〃　I　whispered；　〃always。〃

In　the　library；　one　on　each　side　of　the　table；　under　the　lamp；　Ezra
Hutchins　and　his　wife　sat　reading。　　Mrs。　Hutchins　looked　up；　and　I　saw
that　she　had　divined。

〃Mother；　I　am　engaged　to　Hugh；〃　Maude　said；　and　bent　over　and　kissed　her。
Ezra　and　I　stood　gazing　at　them。　　Then　he　turned　to　me　and　pressed　my
hand。

〃Well；　I　never　saw　the　man　who　was　good　enough　for　her；　Hugh。　　But　God
bless　you；　my　son。　　I　hope　you　will　prize　her　as　we　prize　her。〃

Mrs。　Hutchins　embraced　me。　　And　through　her　tears　she；　too；　looked　long
into　my　face。　　When　she　had　released　me　Ezra　had　his　watch　in　his　hand。

〃If　you're　going　on　the　ten　o'clock　train；　Hugh〃

〃Father！〃　Maude　protested；　laughing；　〃I　must　say　I　don't　call　that　very
polite。〃。。。

In　the　train　I　slept　but　fitfully；　awakening　again　and　again　to　recall
the　extraordinary　fact　that　I　was　now　engaged　to　be　married；　to　go　over
the　incidents　of　the　evening。　　Indifferent　to　the　backings　and　the
bumpings　of　the　car；　the　voices　in　the　stations；　the　clanging　of
locomotive　bells　and　all　the　incomprehensible　startings　and　stoppings；
exalted　yet　troubled　I　beheld　Maude　luminous　with　the　love　I　had
amazingly　awakened；　a　love　somewhere　beyond　my　comprehension。　　For　her
indeed　marriage　was　made　in　heaven。　　But　for　me？　　Could　I　rise　now　to　the
ideal　that　had　once　been　mine；　thrust　henceforth　evil　out　of　my　life？
Love　forever；　live　always　in　this　sanctuary　she　had　made　for　me？　　Would
the　time　come　when　I　should　feel　a　sense　of　bondage？。。。

The　wedding　was　set　for　the　end　of　September。　　I　continued　to　go　every
week　to　Elkington；　and　in　August；　Maude　and　I　spent　a　fortnight　at　the
sea。　　There　could　be　no　doubt　as　to　my　mother's　happiness；　as　to　her
approval　of　Maude；　they　loved　each　other　from　the　beginning。　　I　can
picture　them　now；　sitting　together　with　their　sewing　on　the　porch　of　the
cottage　at　Mattapoisett。　　Out　on　the　bay　little　white…caps　danced　in　the
sunlight；　sail…boats　tacked　hither　and　thither；　the　strong　cape　breeze；
laden　with　invigorating　salt；　stirred　Maude's　hair；　and　occasionally
played　havoc　with　my　papers。

〃She　is　just　the　wife　for　you；　Hugh；〃　my　mother　confided　to　me。　　〃If　I
had　chosen　her　myself　I　could　not　have　done　better；〃　she　added；　with　a
smile。

I　was　inclined　to　believe　it；　but　Maude　would　have　none　of　this　illusion。

〃He　just　stumbled　across　me；〃　she　insisted。。。。

We　went　on　long　sails　together；　towards　Wood's　Hole　and　the　open　sea；　the
sprays　washing　over　us。　　Her　cheeks　grew　tanned。。。。　　Sometimes；　when　I
praised　her　and　spoke　confidently　of　our　future；　she　wore　a　troubled
expression。

〃What　are　you　thinking　about？〃　I　asked　her　once。

〃You　mustn't　put　me　on　a　pedestal；〃　she　said　gently。　　〃I　want　you　to　see
me　as　I　amI　don't　want　you　to　wake　up　some　day　and　be　disappointed。
I'll　have　to　learn　a　lot　of　things；　and　you'll　have　to　teach　me。　　I　can't
get　used　to　the　fact　that　you；　who　are　so　practical　and　successful　in
business；　should　be　such　a　dreamer　where　I　am　concerned。〃

I　laughed；　and　told　her；　comfortably；　that　she　was　talking　nonsense。

〃What　did　you　think　of　me；　when　you　first　knew　me？〃　I　inquired。

〃Well；〃　she　answered；　with　the　courage　that　characterized　her；　〃I　thought
you　were　rather　calculating；　that　you　put　too　high　a　price　on　success。
Of　course　you　attracted　me。　　I　own　it。〃

〃You　hid　your　opinions　rather　well；〃　I　retorted；　somewhat　discomfited。

She　flushed。

〃Have　you　changed　them？〃　I　demanded。

〃I　think　you　have　that　side；　and　I　think　it　a　weak　side；　Hugh。　　It's　hard
to　tell　you　this；　but　it's　better　to　say　so　now；　since　you　ask　me。　　I　do
think　you　set　too　high　a　value　on　success。'

〃Well；　now　that　I　know　what　success　really　is；　perhaps　I　shall　reform；〃　I
told　her。

〃I　don't　like　to　think　that　you　fool　yourself；〃　she　replied；　with　a
perspicacity　I　should　have　found　extraordinary。

Throughout　my　life　there　have　been　days　and　incidents；　some　trivial；　some
important；　that　linger　in　my　memory　because　they　are　saturated　with
〃atmosphere。〃　　I　recall；　for　instance；　a　gala　occasion　in　youth　when　my
mother　gave　one　of　her　luncheon　parties；　on　my　return　from　school；　the
house　and　its　surroundings　wore　a　mysterious；　exciting　and　unfamiliar
look；　somehow　changed　by　the　simple　fact　that　guests　sat　decorously
chatting　in　a　dining…room　shining　with　my　mother's　best　linen　and
treasured　family　silver　and　china。　　The　atmosphere　of　my　wedding…day　is
no　less　vivid。　　The　house　of　Ezra　Hutchins　was　scarcely　recognizable：　its
doors　and　windows　were　opened　wide；　and　all　the　morning　people　were　being
escorted　upstairs　to　an　all…significant　room　that　contained　a　collection
like　a　jeweller's　exhibit；a　bewildering　display。　　There　was　a　massive
punch…bowl　from　which　dangled　the　card　of　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Adolf　Scherer；　a
really　wonderful　tea　set　of　old　English　silver　given　by　Senator　and　Mrs。
Watling；　and　Nancy　Willett；　with　her　certainty　of　good　taste；　had　sent　an
old　English　tankard　of　the　time　of　the　second　Charles。　　The　secret　was　in
that　room。　　And　it　magically　transformed　for　me　（as　I　stood；　momentarily
alone；　in　the　doorway　where　I　had　first　beheld　Maude）　the　accustomed
scene；　and　charged　with　undivined　significance　the　blue　shadows　under　the
heavy　foliage　of　the　maples。　　The　September　sunlight　was　heavy；　tinged
with　gold。。。。

So　fragmentary　and　confused　are　the　events　of　that　day　that　a　cubist
literature　were　necessary　to　convey　the　impressions　left　upon　me。　　I　had
something　of　the　feeling　of　a　recruit　who　for　the　first　time　is　taking
part　in　a　brilliant　and　complicated　manoeuvre。　　Tom　and　Susan　Peters　flit
across　the　view；　and　Gene　Hollister　and　Perry　Blackwood　and　the　Ewanses；…
…all　of　whom　had　come　up　in　a　special　car；　Ralph　Hambleton　was　〃best
man；〃　looking　preternaturally　tall　in　his　frock…coat：　and　his　manner；
throughout　the　whole　proceeding；　was　one　of　good…natured　tolerance　toward
a　folly　none　but　he　might　escape。

〃If　you　must　do　it；　Hughie；　I　suppose　you　must；〃　he　had　said　to　me。
〃I'll　see　you　through；　of　course。　　But　don't　blame　me　afterwards。〃

Maude　was　a　little　afraid　of　him。。。。

I　dressed　at　George's；　then；　like　one　of　those　bewildering　shifts　of　a
cinematograph；　comes　the　sc