any heart。〃
〃That's unfair；〃 I put in。
〃I don't wish to be unfair；〃 she replied。 〃Only； since you ask me； I
have to tell you that that is the way it seems to me。 I don't want to
introduce the question of right and wrong into this； Hugh； I'm not
capable of unravelling it； I can't put myself into your life； and see
things from your point of view； weigh your problems and difficulties。 In
the first place； you won't let me。 I think I understand you； partlybut
only partly。 You have kept yourself shut up。 But why discuss it？ I
have made up my mind。〃
The legal aspect of the matter occurred to me。 What right had she to
leave me？ I might refuse to support her。 Yet even as these thoughts
came I rejected them； I knew that it was not in me to press this point。
And she could always take refuge with her father； without the children；
of course。 But the very notion sickened me。 I could not bear to think
of Maude deprived of the children。 I had seated myself again at the
table。 I put my hand to my forehead。
〃Don't make it hard； Hugh；〃 I heard her say； gently。 〃Believe me； it is
best。 I know。 There won't be any talk about it；right away； at any
rate。 People will think it natural that I should wish to go abroad for
the summer。 And laterwell； the point of view about such affairs has
changed。 They are better understood。〃
She had risen。 She was pale； still outwardly composed；but I had a
strange； hideous feeling that she was weeping inwardly。
〃Aren't you coming backever？〃 I cried。
She did not answer at once。
〃I don't know；〃 she said； 〃I don't know；〃 and left the room abruptly。。。。
I wanted to follow her； but something withheld me。 I got up and walked
around the room in a state of mind that was near to agony； taking one of
the neglected books out of the shelves； glancing at its meaningless
print； and replacing it； I stirred the fire； opened the curtains and
gazed out into the street and closed them again。 I looked around me； a
sudden intensity of hatred seized me for this big； silent； luxurious
house； I recalled Maude's presentiment about it。 Then； thinking I might
still dissuade her； I went slowly up the padded stairwayto find her
door locked； and a sense of the finality of her decision came over me。 I
knew then that I could not alter it even were I to go all the lengths of
abjectness。 Nor could I； I knew； have brought myself to have feigned a
love I did not feel。
What was it I felt？ I could not define it。 Amazement； for one thing；
that Maude with her traditional； Christian view of marriage should have
come to such a decision。 I went to my room； undressed mechanically and
got into bed。。。。
She gave no sign at the breakfast table of having made the decision of
the greatest moment in our lives； she conversed as usual； asked about the
news； reproved the children for being noisy； and when the children had
left the table there were no tears； reminiscences； recriminations。 In
spite of the slight antagonism and envy of which I was conscious；that
she was thus superbly in command of the situation； that she had developed
her pinions and was thus splendidly able to use them；my admiration for
her had never been greater。 I made an effort to achieve the frame of
mind she suggested： since she took it so calmly； why should I be tortured
by the tragedy of it？ Perhaps she had ceased to love me； after all！
Perhaps she felt nothing but relief。 At any rate； I was grateful to her；
and I found a certain consolation； a sop to my pride in the reflection
that the initiative must have been hers to take。 I could not have
deserted her。
〃When do you think of leaving？〃 I asked。
〃Two weeks from Saturday on the Olympic； if that is convenient for you。〃
Her manner seemed one of friendly solicitude。 〃You will remain in the
house this summer； as usual； I suppose？〃
〃Yes；〃 I said。
It was a sunny； warm morning； and I went downtown in the motor almost
blithely。 It was the best solution after all； and I had been a fool to
oppose it。。。。 At the office； there was much business awaiting me； yet
once in a while； during the day； when the tension relaxed； the
recollection of what had happened flowed back into my consciousness。
Maude was going！
I had telephoned Nancy； making an appointment for the afternoon。
Sometimesnot too frequentlywe were in the habit of going out into the
country in one of her motors； a sort of landaulet； I believe； in which we
were separated from the chauffeur by a glass screen。 She was waiting for
me when I arrived； at four； and as soon as we had shot clear of the city；
〃Maude is going away；〃 I told her。
〃Going away？〃 she repeated； struck more by the tone of my voice than by
what I had said。
〃She announced last night that she was going abroad indefinitely。〃
I had been more than anxious to see how Nancy would take the news。 A
flush gradually deepened in her cheeks。
〃You mean that she is going to leave you？〃
〃It looks that way。 In fact； she as much as said so。〃
〃Why？〃 said Nancy。
〃Well； she explained it pretty thoroughly。 Apparently； it isn't a sudden
decision；〃 I replied； trying to choose my words； to speak composedly as I
repeated the gist of our conversation。 Nancy； with her face averted；
listened in silencea silence that continued some time after I had
ceased to speak。
〃She didn'tshe didn't mention？〃 the sentence remained unfinished。
〃No；〃 I said quickly； 〃she didn't。 She must know； of course； but I'm
sure that didn't enter into it。〃
Nancy's eyes as they returned to me were wet； and in them was an
expression I had never seen before；of pain； reproach； of questioning。
It frightened me。
〃Oh； Hugh； how little you know！〃 she cried。
〃What do you mean？〃 I demanded。
〃That is what has brought her to this decisionyou and I。〃
〃You mean thatthat Maude loves me？ That she is jealous？〃 I don't know
how I managed to say it。
〃No woman likes to think that she is a failure；〃 murmured Nancy。
〃Well； but she isn't really；〃 I insisted。 〃She could have made another
man happya better man。 It was all one of those terrible mistakes our
modern life seems to emphasize so。〃
〃She is a woman；〃 Nancy said； with what seemed a touch of vehemence。
〃It's useless to expect you to understand。。。。 Do you remember what I
said to you about her？ How I appealed to you when you married to try to
appreciate her？〃
〃It wasn't that I didn't appreciate her；〃 I interrupted； surprised that
Nancy should have recalled this； 〃she isn't the woman for me； we aren't
made for each other。 It was my mistake； my fault； I admit； but I don't
agree with you at all； that we had anything to do with her decision。 It
is just thethe culmination of a long period of incompatibility。 She
has come to realize that she has only one life to live； and she seems
happier； more composed； more herself than she has ever been since our
marriage。 Of course I don't mean to say it isn't painful for her。。。。
But I am sure she isn't well； that it isn't because of our seeing one
another；〃 I concluded haltingly。
〃She is finer than either of us； Hugh；far finer。〃
I did not relish this statement。
〃She's fine； I admit。 But I can't see how under the circumstances any of
us could have acted differently。〃 And Nancy not replying； I continued：
〃She has made up her mind to go；I suppose I could prevent it by taking
extreme measures；but what good would it do？ Isn't it； after all； the
most sensible； the only way out of a situation that has become
impossible？ Times have changed； Nancy； and you yourself have been the
first to admit it。 Marriage is no longer what it was； and people are
coming to look upon it more sensibly。 In order to perpetuate the
institution； as it was； segregation； insulation； was the only course。
Men segregated their wives； women their husbands；the only logical
method of procedure； but it limited the individual。 Our mothers and
fathers thought it scandalous if husband or wife paid visits alone。 It
wasn't done。 But our modern life has changed all that。 A marriage； to
be a marriage； should be proof against disturbing influences； should
leave the individuals free； the binding element should be love； not the
force of an imposed authority。 You seemed to agree to all this。〃
〃Yes； I know；〃 she admitted。 〃But I cannot think that happiness will
ever grow out of unhappiness。〃
〃But Maude will not be unhappy；〃 I insisted。 〃She will be happier； far
happier； now that she has taken the step。〃
〃Oh； I wish I thought so；〃 Nancy exclaimed。 〃Hugh； you always believe
what you want to believe。 And the children。 How can you bear to part
with them？〃
I was torn； I had a miserable sense of inadequacy。
〃I shall miss them；〃 I said。 〃I have never really appreciated them。 I
admit I don't deserve to have them； and I am willing to give them up for
you； for Maude。。。〃
We had made one of our favourite drives among the hills on the far side
of the Ashuela； and at six were back at Nancy's house。 I did not go in；
but walked slowly homeward up Grant Avenue。 It had been a trying
afternoon。 I had not expected； indeed； that Nancy would have rejoiced；
but her attitude； her silences； betraying； as they did； compunctions；
seemed to threaten our future happiness。
XXII。
One evening two or three days later I returned from the office to gaze up
at my house； to realize suddenly that it would be impossible for me to
live there； in those great； empty rooms； alone； and I told Maude that I
would go to the Clubduring her absence。 I preferred to keep up the
fiction that her trip would only be temporary。 She forbore from
contradicting me； devoting herself efficiently to the task of closing the
house； making it seem； somehow； a rite；the final rite in her capacity
as housewife。 The drawing…room was shrouded； and the library； the books
wrapped neatly in paper； a smell of camphor pervaded the place； the
cheerful schoolroom was dismantled； trunks and travelling bags appeared。
The solemn butler packed my clothes； and I arranged for a room at the
Club in the wing that recently had been added for the accommodation of
bachelors and deserted husbands。 One of the ironies of those days was
that the children began