youth- 第30部分

were　few　among　the　throng　whom　I　knew；　and　that　only　on　terms　of

a　nod　and　a　〃How　do　you　do；　Irtenieff？〃



All　around　me　men　were　shaking　hands　and　chatting　togetherfrom

every　side　came　expressions　of　friendship；　laughter；　jests；　and

badinage。　Everywhere　I　could　feel　the　tie　which　bound　this

youthful　society　in　one；　and　everywhere；　too；　I　could　feel　that

it　left　me　out。　Yet　this　impression　lasted　for　a　moment　only；　and

was　succeeded；　together　with　the　vexation　which　it　had　caused；　by

the　idea　that　it　was　best　that　I　should　not　belong　to　that

society；　but　keep　to　my　own　circle　of　gentlemen；　wherefore　I

proceeded　to　seat　myself　upon　the　third　bench；　with；　as　neigh~

hours；　Count　B。；　Baron　Z。；　the　Prince　R。；　Iwin；　and　some　other

young　men　of　the　same　class　with　none　of　whom；　however；　was

acquainted　save　with　Iwin　and　Count　B。　Yet　the　look　which　these

young　gentlemen　threw　at　me　at　once　made　me　feel　that　I　was　not

of　their　set；　and　I　turned　to　observe　what　was　going　on　around

me。　Semenoff；　with　grey；　matted　hair；　white　teeth；　and　tunic

flying　open；　was　seated　a　little　distance　off；　and　leaning

forward　on　his　elbows　as　he　nibbled　a　pen；　while　the　gymnasium

student　who　had　come　out　first　in　the　examinations　had

established　himself　on　the　front　bench；　and；　with　a　black　stock

coming　half…way　up　his　cheek；　was　toying　with　the　silver　watch…

chain　which　adorned　his　satin　waistcoat。　On　a　bench　in　a　raised

part　of　the　hall　I　could　descry　Ikonin　（evidently　he　had

contrived　to　enter　the　University　somehow！）；　and　hear　him　fussily

proclaiming；　in　all　the　glory　of　blue　piped　trousers　which

completely　hid　his　boots；　that　he　was　now　seated　on　Parnassus。

Ilinkawho　had　surprised　me　by　giving　me　a　bow　not　only　cold；

but　supercilious；　as　though　to　remind　me　that　here　we　were　all

equalswas　just　in　front　of　me；　with　his　legs　resting　in　free　and

easy　style　on　another　bench　（a　hit；　somehow　I　thought；　at

myself）；　and　conversing　with　a　student　as　he　threw　occasional

glances　in　my　direction。　Iwin's　set　by　my　side　were　talking　in

French；　yet　every　word　which　I　overheard　of　their　conversation

seemed　to　me　both　stupid　and　incorrect　（〃Ce　n'est　pas　francais；〃

I　thought　to　myself）；　while　all　the　attitudes；　utterances；　and

doings　of　Semenoff；　Ilinka；　and　the　rest　struck　me　as　uniformly

coarse；　ungentlemanly；　and　〃comme　il　ne　faut　pas。〃



Thus；　attached　to　no　particular　set；　I　felt　isolated　and　unable

to　make　friends；　and　so　grew　resentful。　One　of　the　students　on

the　bench　in　front　of　me　kept　biting　his　nails；　which　were　raw　to

the　quick　already；　and　this　so　disgusted　me　that　I　edged　away

from　him。　In　short；　I　remember　finding　my　first　day　a　most

depressing　affair。



When　the　professor　entered；　and　there　was　a　general　stir　and　a

cessation　of　chatter；　I　remember　throwing　a　scornful　glance　at

him；　as　also　that　he　began　his　discourse　with　a　sentence　which　I

thought　devoid　of　meaning。　I　had　expected　the　lecture　to　be；　from

first　to　last；　so　clever　that　not　a　word　ought　to　be　taken　from

or　added　to　it。　Disappointed　in　this；　I　at　once　proceeded　to　draw

beneath　the　heading　〃First　Lecture〃　with　which　I　had　adorned　my

beautifully…bound　notebook　no　less　than　eighteen　faces　in

profile；　joined　together　in　a　sort　of　chaplet；　and　only

occasionally　moved　my　hand　along　the　page　in　order　to　give　the

professor　（who；　I　felt　sure；　must　be　greatly　interested　in　me）

the　impression　that　I　was　writing　something。　In　fact；　at　this

very　first　lecture　I　came　to　the　decision　which　I　maintained　to

the　end　of　my　course；　namely；　that　it　was　unnecessary；　and　even

stupid；　to　take　down　every　word　said　by　every　professor。



At　subsequent　lectures；　however；　I　did　not　feel　my　isolation　so

strongly；　since　I　made　several　acquaintances　and　got　into　the　way

of　shaking　hands　and　entering　into　conversation。　Yet　for　some

reason　or　another　no　real　intimacy　ever　sprang　up　between　us；　and

I　often　found　myself　depressed　and　only　feigning　cheerfulness。

With　the　set　which　comprised　Iwin　and　〃the　aristocrats；〃　as　they

were　generally　known；　I　could　not　make　any　headway　at　all；　for；

as　I　now　remember；　I　was　always　shy　and　churlish　to　them；　and

nodded　to　them　only　when　they　nodded　to　me；　so　that　they　had

little　inducement　to　desire　my　acquaintance。　With　most　of　the

other　students；　however；　this　arose　from　quite　a　different　cause。

As　soon　as　ever　I　discerned　friendliness　on　the　part　of　a

comrade；　I　at　once　gave　him　to　understand　that　I　went　to　luncheon

with　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch　and　kept　my　own　drozhki。　All　this　I

said　merely　to　show　myself　in　the　most　favourable　light　in　his

eyes；　and　to　induce　him　to　like　me　all　the　more；　yet　almost

invariably　the　only　result　of　my　communicating　to　him　the

intelligence　concerning　the　drozhki　and　my　relationship　to　Prince

Ivan　Ivanovitch　was　that；　to　my　astonishment；　he　at　once　adopted

a　cold　and　haughty　bearing　towards　me。



Among　us　we　had　a　Crown　student　named　Operoffa　very　modest；

industrious；　and　clever　young　fellow；　who　always　offered　one　his

hand　like　a　slab　of　wood　（that　is　to　say；　without　closing　his

fingers　or　making　the　slightest　movement　with　them）；　with　the

result　that　his　comrades　often　did　the　same　to　him　in　jest；　and

called　it　the　〃deal　board〃　way　of　shaking　hands。　He　and　I　nearly

always　sat　next　to　one　another；　and　discussed　matters　generally。

In　particular　he　pleased　me　with　the　freedom　with　which　he　would

criticise　the　professors　as　he　pointed　out　to　me　with　great

clearness　and　acumen　the　merits　or　demerits　of　their　respective

ways　of　teaching　and　made　occasional　fun　of　them。　Such　remarks　I

found　exceedingly　striking　and　diverting　when　uttered　in　his

quiet；　mincing　voice。　Nevertheless　he　never　let　a　lecture　pass

without　taking　careful　notes　of　it　in　his　fine　handwriting；　and

eventually　we　decided　to　join　forces；　and　to　do　our　preparation

together。　Things　had　progressed　to　the　point　of　his　always

looking　pleased　when　I　took　my　usual　seat　beside　him　when；

unfortunately；　I　one　day　found　it　necessary　to　inform　him　that；

before　her　death；　my　mother　had　besought　my　father　never　to　allow

us　to　enter　for　a　government　scholarship；　as　well　as　that　I

myself　considered　Crown　students；　no　matter　how　clever；　to　be…

〃well；　they　are　not　GENTLEMEN；〃　I　concluded；　though　beginning　to

flounder　a　little　and　grow　red。　At　the　moment　Operoff　said

nothing；　but　at　subsequent　lectures　he　ceased　to　greet　me　or　to

offer　me　his　board…like　hand；　and　never　attempted　to　talk　to　me；

but；　as　soon　as　ever　I　sat　down；　he　would　lean　his　head　upon　his

arm；　and　purport　to　be　absorbed　in　his　notebooks。　I　was　surprised

at　this　sudden　coolness；　but　looked　upon　it　as　infra　dig；　〃pour

un　jeune　homme　de　bonne　maison〃　to　curry　favour　with　a　mere　Crown

student　of　an　Operoff；　and　so　left　him　severely　alonethough　I

confess　that　his　aloofness　hurt　my　feelings。　On　one　occasion　I

arrived　before　him；　and；　since　the　lecture　was　to　be　delivered　by

a　popular　professor　whom　students　came　to　hear　who　did　not

usually　attend　such　functions；　I　found　almost　every　seat

occupied。　Accordingly　I　secured　Operoff's　place　for　myself　by

spreading　my　notebooks　on　the　desk　before　it；　after　which　I　left

the　room　again　for　a　moment。　When　I　returned　I　perceived　that　my

paraphernalia　had　been　relegated　to　the　bench　behind；　and　the

place　taken　by　Operoff　himself。　I　remarked　to　him　that　I　had

already　secured　it　by　placing　my　notebooks　there。



〃I　know　nothing　about　that；〃　he　replied　sharply；　yet　without

looking　up　at　me。



〃I　tell　you　I　placed　my　notebooks　there；〃　I　repeated；　purposely

trying　to　bluster；　in　the　hope　of　intimidating　him。　〃Every　one

saw　me　do　it；〃　I　added；　including　the　students　near　me　in　my

glance。　Several　of　them　looked　at　me　with　curiosity；　yet　none　of

them　spoke。



〃Seats　cannot　be　booked　here；〃　said　Operoff。　〃Whoever　first　sits

down　in　a　place　keeps　it；〃　and；　settling　himself　angrily　where　he

was；　he　flashed　at　me　a　glance　of　defiance。



〃Well；　that　only　means　that　you　are　a　cad；〃　I　said。



I　have　an　idea　that　he　murmured　something　about　my　being　〃a

stupid　young　idiot；〃　but　I　decided　not　to　hear　it。　What　would　be

the　use；　I　asked　myself；　of　my　hearing　it？　That　we　should　brawl

like　a　couple　of　manants　over　less　than　nothing？　（I　was　very　fond

of　the　word　manants；　and　often　used　it　for　meeting　awkward

junctures。）　Perhaps　I　should　have　said　something　more　had　not；　at

that　moment；　a　door　slammed　and　the　professor　（dressed　in　a　blue

frockcoat；　and　shuffling　his　feet　as　he　walked）　ascended　the

rostrum。



Nevertheless；　when　the　examination　was　about　to　come　on；　and　I

had　need　of　some　one's　notebooks；　Operoff　remembered　his　promise

to　lend　me　his；　and　we　did　our　preparation　together。



XXXVII



AFFAIRS　OF　THE　HEART



Affaires　du　coeur　exercised　me　greatly　that　winter。　In　fact；　I

fell　in　love　three　times。　The　first　time；　I　became　passionately

enamoured　of　a　buxom　lady　whom　I　used　to　see　riding　at　Freitag's

riding…school；　with　the　result　that　every　day　when　she　was　taking

a　lesson　there　（that　is　to　say；　every　Tuesday　and　Friday）　I　used

to　go　to　gaze　at　her；　but　always　in　such　a　state　of　trepidation

lest　I　should　be　seen　that　I　stood　a　long　way　off；　and　bolted

directly　I　thought　her　likely　to　approach　the　spot　where　I　was

standing。　Likewise；　I　used　to　turn　round　so　precipitately　whenever

she　appeared　to　be　glancing　in　my　direction　that　I　never　saw　her

face　well；　and　to　this　day　do　not　know　whether　she　was　really

beautiful　or　not。



Dubkoff；　who　was　acquainted　with　her；　surprised　me　one　day　in　the

riding…school；　where　I　was　lurking　concealed　behind　the　lady's

grooms　and　the　fur　wraps　which　they　were　holding；　and；　having

heard　from　Dimitri　of　my　infatuation；　frightened　me　so　terribly

by　proposing　to　introduce　me　to　the　Amazon　that　I　fled

incontinently　from　the　school；　and　was　prevented　by　the　mere

thought　that　possibly　he　had　told　her　about　me　f