end of the tether- 第20部分

spread　out　a　sheet　of　thin　grayish　paper　covered　with



a　mass　of　printed　figures　and　began　to　scan　them　at…



tentively　for　the　twentieth　time　this　trip　at　least。







With　his　elbows　propped；　his　head　between　his　hands；



he　seemed　to　lose　himself　in　the　study　of　an　abstruse



problem　in　mathematics。　　It　was　the　list　of　the　winning



numbers　from　the　last　drawing　of　the　great　lottery



which　had　been　the　one　inspiring　fact　of　so　many　years



of　his　existence。　　The　conception　of　a　life　deprived　of



that　periodical　sheet　of　paper　had　slipped　away　from



him　entirely；　as　another　man；　according　to　his　nature；



would　not　have　been　able　to　conceive　a　world　without



fresh　air；　without　activity；　or　without　affection。　　A



great　pile　of　flimsy　sheets　had　been　growing　for　years



in　his　desk；　while　the　Sofala；　driven　by　the　faithful



Jack；　wore　out　her　boilers　in　tramping　up　and　down　the



Straits；　from　cape　to　cape；　from　river　to　river；　from



bay　to　bay；　accumulating　by　that　hard　labor　of　an



overworked；　starved　ship　the　blackened　mass　of　these



documents。　　Massy　kept　them　under　lock　and　key　like



a　treasure。　　There　was　in　them；　as　in　the　experience



of　life；　the　fascination　of　hope；　the　excitement　of　a　half…



penetrated　mystery；　the　longing　of　a　half…satisfied



desire。







For　days　together；　on　a　trip；　he　would　shut　himself



up　in　his　berth　with　them：　the　thump　of　the　toiling



engines　pulsated　in　his　ear；　and　he　would　weary　his



brain　poring　over　the　rows　of　disconnected　figures；　be…



wildering　by　their　senseless　sequence；　resembling　the



hazards　of　destiny　itself。　　He　nourished　a　conviction



that　there　must　be　some　logic　lurking　somewhere　in　the



results　of　chance。　　He　thought　he　had　seen　its　very



form。　　His　head　swam；　his　limbs　ached；　he　puffed　at



his　pipe　mechanically；　a　contemplative　stupor　would



soothe　the　fretfulness　of　his　temper；　like　the　passive



bodily　quietude　procured　by　a　drug；　while　the　intellect



remains　tensely　on　the　stretch。　　Nine；　nine；　aught；　four；



two。　　He　made　a　note。　　The　next　winning　number　of



the　great　prize　was　forty…seven　thousand　and　five。　　These



numbers　of　course　would　have　to　be　avoided　in　the　future



when　writing　to　Manilla　for　the　tickets。　　He　mumbled；



pencil　in　hand　。　。　。　〃and　five。　　Hm　。　。　。　hm。〃　　He



wetted　his　finger：　the　papers　rustled。　　Ha！　　But　what's



this？　　Three　years　ago；　in　the　September　drawing；　it



was　number　nine；　aught；　four；　two　that　took　the　first



prize。　　Most　remarkable。　　There　was　a　hint　there　of



a　definite　rule！　　He　was　afraid　of　missing　some　recondite



principle　in　the　overwhelming　wealth　of　his　material。



What　could　it　be？　and　for　half　an　hour　he　would　remain



dead　still；　bent　low　over　the　desk；　without　twitching　a



muscle。　　At　his　back　the　whole　berth　would　be　thick



with　a　heavy　body　of　smoke；　as　if　a　bomb　had　burst



in　there；　unnoticed；　unheard。







At　last　he　would　lock　up　the　desk　with　the　decision　of



unshaken　confidence；　jump　and　go　out。　　He　would



walk　swiftly　back　and　forth　on　that　part　of　the　foredeck



which　was　kept　clear　of　the　lumber　and　of　the　bodies　of



the　native　passengers。　　They　were　a　great　nuisance；　but



they　were　also　a　source　of　profit　that　could　not　be　dis…



dained。　　He　needed　every　penny　of　profit　the　Sofala



could　make。　　Little　enough　it　was；　in　all　conscience！



The　incertitude　of　chance　gave　him　no　concern；　since



he　had　somehow　arrived　at　the　conviction　that；　in　the



course　of　years；　every　number　was　bound　to　have　his



winning　turn。　　It　was　simply　a　matter　of　time　and　of



taking　as　many　tickets　as　he　could　afford　for　every



drawing。　　He　generally　took　rather　more；　all　the　earn…



ings　of　the　ship　went　that　way；　and　also　the　wages　he



allowed　himself　as　chief　engineer。　　It　was　the　wages　he



paid　to　others　that　he　begrudged　with　a　reasoned　and



at　the　same　time　a　passionate　regret。　　He　scowled　at



the　lascars　with　their　deck　brooms；　at　the　quarter…



masters　rubbing　the　brass　rails　with　greasy　rags；　he



was　eager　to　shake　his　fist　and　roar　abuse　in　bad　Malay



at　the　poor　carpentera　timid；　sickly；　opium…fuddled



Chinaman；　in　loose　blue　drawers　for　all　costume；　who



invariably　dropped　his　tools　and　fled　below；　with　stream…



ing　tail　and　shaking　all　over；　before　the　fury　of　that



〃devil。〃　　But　it　was　when　he　raised　up　his　eyes　to　the



bridge　where　one　of　these　sailor　frauds　was　always



planted　by　law　in　charge　of　his　ship　that　he　felt　almost



dizzy　with　rage。　　He　abominated　them　all；　it　was　an



old　feud；　from　the　time　he　first　went　to　sea；　an　un…



licked　cub　with　a　great　opinion　of　himself；　in　the



engine…room。　　The　slights　that　had　been　put　upon　him。



The　persecutions　he　had　suffered　at　the　hands　of　skip…



persof　absolute　nobodies　in　a　steamship　after　all。



And　now　that　he　had　risen　to　be　a　shipowner　they　were



still　a　plague　to　him：　he　had　absolutely　to　pay　away



precious　money　to　the　conceited　useless　loafers：As　if



a　fully　qualified　engineerwho　was　the　owner　as　well



were　not　fit　to　be　trusted　with　the　whole　charge　of　a



ship。　　Well！　he　made　it　pretty　warm　for　them；　but　it



was　a　poor　consolation。　　He　had　come　in　time　to　hate



the　ship　too　for　the　repairs　she　required；　for　the　coal…



bills　he　had　to　pay；　for　the　poor　beggarly　freights　she



earned。　　He　would　clench　his　hand　as　he　walked　and　hit



the　rail　a　sudden　blow；　viciously；　as　though　she　could



be　made　to　feel　pain。　　And　yet　he　could　not　do　without



er；　he　needed　her；　he　must　hang　on　to　her　tooth　and



nail　to　keep　his　head　above　water　till　the　expected　flood



of　fortune　came　sweeping　up　and　landed　him　safely　on



the　high　shore　of　his　ambition。







It　was　now　to　do　nothing；　nothing　whatever；　and　have



plenty　of　money　to　do　it　on。　　He　had　tasted　of　power；



the　highest　form　of　it　his　limited　experience　was　aware



ofthe　power　of　shipowning。　　What　a　deception！



Vanity　of　vanities！　　He　wondered　at　his　folly。　　He　had



thrown　away　the　substance　for　the　shadow。　　Of　the



gratification　of　wealth　he　did　not　know　enough　to　excite



his　imagination　with　any　visions　of　luxury。　　How　could



hethe　child　of　a　drunken　boiler…makergoing



straight　from　the　workshop　into　the　engine…room　of　a



north…country　collier！　　But　the　notion　of　the　absolute



idleness　of　wealth　he　could　very　well　conceive。　　He



reveled　in　it；　to　forget　his　present　troubles；　he　imagined



himself　walking　about　the　streets　of　Hull　（he　knew　their



gutters　well　as　a　boy）　with　his　pockets　full　of　sov…



ereigns。　　He　would　buy　himself　a　house；　his　married



sisters；　their　husbands；　his　old　workshop　chums；　would



render　him　infinite　homage。　　There　would　be　nothing



to　think　of。　　His　word　would　be　law。　　He　had　been　out



of　work　for　a　long　time　before　he　won　his　prize；　and　he



remembered　how　Carlo　Mariani　（commonly　known　as



Paunchy　Charley）；　the　Maltese　hotel…keeper　at　the　



slummy　end　of　Denham　Street；　had　cringed　joyfully



before　him　in　the　evening；　when　the　news　had　come。



Poor　Charley；　though　he　made　his　living　by　ministering



to　various　abject　vices；　gave　credit　for　their　food　to



many　a　piece　of　white　wreckage。　　He　was　naively　over…



joyed　at　the　idea　of　his　old　bills　being　paid；　and　he



reckoned　confidently　on　a　spell　of　festivities　in　the



cavernous　grog…shop　downstairs。　　Massy　remembered



the　curious；　respectful　looks　of　the　〃trashy〃　white　men



in　the　place。　　His　heart　had　swelled　within　him。　　Massy



had　left　Charley's　infamous　den　directly　he　had　realized



the　possibilities　open　to　him；　and　with　his　nose　in　the　air。



Afterwards　the　memory　of　these　adulations　was　a　great



sadness。







This　was　the　true　power　of　money；and　no　trouble



with　it；　nor　any　thinking　required　either。　　He　thought



with　difficulty　and　felt　vividly；　to　his　blunt　brain　the



problems　offered　by　any　ordered　scheme　of　life　seemed



in　their　cruel　toughness　to　have　been　put　in　his　way



by　the　obvious　malevolence　of　men。　　As　a　shipowner



everyone　had　conspired　to　make　him　a　nobody。　　How



could　he　have　been　such　a　fool　as　to　purchase　that　ac…



cursed　ship。　　He　had　been　abominably　swindled；　there



was　no　end　to　this　swindling；　and　as　the　difficulties　of　his



improvident　ambition　gathered　thicker　round　him；　he



really　came　to　hate　everybody　he　had　ever　come　in　con…



tact　with。　　A　temper　naturally　irritable　and　an　amazing



sensitiveness　to　the　claims　of　his　own　personality　had



ended　by　making　of　life　for　him　a　sort　of　infernoa



place　where　his　lost　soul　had　been　given　up　to　the　tor…



ment　of　savage　brooding。







But　he　had　never　hated　anyone　so　much　as　that　old



man　who　had　turned　up　one　evening　to　save　him　from



an　utter　disaster；from　the　conspiracy　of　the　wretched



sailors。　　He　seemed　to　have　fallen　on　board　from　the



sky。　　His　footsteps　echoed　on　the　empty　steamer；　and



the　strange　deep…toned　voice　on　deck　repeating　inter…



rogatively　the　words；　〃Mr。　Massy；　Mr。　Massy　there？〃



had　been　startling　like　a　wonder。　　And　coming　up　from



the　depths　of　the　cold　engine…room；　where　he　had　been



pottering　dismally　with　a　candle　amongst　the　enormous



shadows；　thrown　on　all　sides　by　the　skeleton　limbs　of　ma…



chinery；　Massy　had　been　struck　dumb　by　astonishment



in　the　presence　of　that　imposing　old　man　with　a　beard



like　a　silver　plate；　towering　in　the　dusk　rendered　lurid



by　the　expiring　flames　of　sunset。







〃Want　to　see　me　on　business？　　What　business？　　I　am



doing　no