after the house was quiet for the night。 Dexter said to them； 'I
suppose there is no harm in my going into the study to read？ I
can't sleep after what has happened； I must relieve my mind
somehow。' The men had no orders to keep any one out of the study。
They knew that the door of communication with the bedchamber was
locked； and that the keys of the two other doors of communication
were in the possession of Mr。 Gale。 They accordingly permitted
Dexter to go into the study。 He closed the door （the door that
opened on the corridor）； and remained absent for some timein
the study as the men supposed； in the bedchamber as we know from
what he let out at his interview with you。 Now he could enter
that room； as you rightly imagine； in but one wayby being in
possession of the missing key。 How long he remained there I
cannot discover。 The point is of little consequence。 The servant
remembers that he came out of the study again 'as pale as death；'
and that he passed on without a word on his way back to his own
room。
〃These are facts。 The conclusion to which they lead is serious in
the last degree。 It justifies everything that I confided to you
in my office at Edinburgh。 You remember what passed between us。 I
say no more。
〃As to yourself next。 You have innocently aroused in Miserrimus
Dexter a feeling toward you which I need not attempt to
characterize。 There is a certain somethingI saw it myselfin
your figure； and in some of your movements； which does recall the
late Mrs。 Eustace to those who knew her well； and which has
evidently had its effect on Dexter's morbid mind。 Without
dwelling further on this subject； let me only remind you that he
has shown himself （as a consequence of your influence over him）
to be incapable； in his moments of agitation； of thinking before
he speaks while he is in your presence。 It is not merely
possible； it is highly probable； that he may betray himself far
more seriously than he has betrayed himself yet if you give him
the opportunity。 I owe it to you （knowing what your interests
are） to express myself plainly on this point。 I have no sort of
doubt that you have advanced one step nearer to the end which you
have in view in the brief interval since you left Edinburgh。 I
see in your letter （and in my discoveries） irresistible evidence
that Dexter must have been in secret communication with the
deceased lady （innocent communication； I am certain； so far as
_she_ was concerned）； not only at the time of her death； but
perhaps for weeks before it。 I cannot disguise from myself or
from you； my own strong persuasion that if you succeed in
discovering the nature of this communication； in all human
likelihood you prove your husband's innocence by the discovery of
the truth。 As an honest man； I am bound not to conceal this。 And；
as an honest man also； I am equally bound to add that； not even
with your reward in view； can I find it in my conscience to
advise you to risk what you must risk if you see Miserrimus
Dexter again。 In this difficult and delicate matter I cannot and
will not take the responsibility： the final decision must rest
with yourself。 One favor only I entreat you to grantlet me hear
what you resolve to do as soon as you know it yourself。〃
The difficulties which my worthy correspondent felt were no
difficulties to me。 I did not possess Mr。 Playmore's judicial
mind。 My resolution was settled before I had read his letter
through。
The mail to France crossed the frontier the next day。 There was a
place for me； under the protection of the conductor； if I chose
to take it。 Without consulting a living creaturerash as usual；
headlong as usualI took it。
CHAPTER XXXVIII。
ON THE JOURNEY BACK。
IF I had been traveling homeward in my own carriage； the
remaining chapters of this narrative would never have been
written。 Before we had been an hour on the road I should have
called to the driver； and should have told him to turn back。
Who can be always resolute？
In asking that question； I speak of the women； not of the men。 I
had been resolute in turning a deaf ear to Mr。 Playmore's doubts
and cautions； resolute in holding out against my mother…in…law；
resolute in taking my place by the French mail。 Until ten minutes
after we had driven away from the inn my courage held outand
then it failed me； then I said to myself； 〃You wretch； you have
deserted your husband！〃 For hours afterward； if I could have
stopped the mail； I would have done it。 I hated the conductor；
the kindest of men。 I hated the Spanish ponies that drew us； the
cheeriest animals that ever jingled a string of bells。 I hated
the bright day that _would_ make things pleasant； and the bracing
air that forced me to feel the luxury of breathing whether I
liked it or not。 Never was a journey more miserable than my safe
and easy journey to the frontier。 But one little comfort helped
me to bear my heart…ache resignedlya stolen morsel of Eustace's
hair。 We had started at an hour of the morning when he was still
sound asleep。 I could creep into his room； and kiss him； and cry
over him softly； and cut off a stray lock of his hair； without
danger of discovery。 How I summoned resolution enough to leave
him is； to this hour； not clear to my mind。 I think my
mother…in…law must have helped me； without meaning to do it。 She
came into the room with an erect head and a cold eye； she said；
with an unmerciful emphasis on the word； 〃If you _mean_ to go；
Valeria； the carriage is here。〃 Any woman with a spark of spirit
in her would have 〃meant〃 it under those circumstances。 I meant
itand did it。
And then I was sorry for it。 Poor humanity！ Time has got all the
credit of being the great consoler of afflicted mortals。 In my
opinion； Time has been overrated in this matter。 Distance does
the same beneficent work far more speedily； and （when assisted by
Change） far more effectually as well。 On the railroad to Paris； I
became capable of taking a sensible view of my position。 I could
now remind myself that my husband's reception of meafter the
first surprise and the first happiness had passed awaymight not
have justified his mother's confidence in him。 Admitting that I
ran a risk in going back to Miserrimus Dexter； should I not have
been equally rash； in another way； if I had returned； uninvited；
to a husband who had declared that our conjugal happiness was
impossible； and that our married life was at an end？ Besides； who
could say that the events of the future might not y et justify
menot only to myself； but to him？ I might yet hear him say；
〃She was inquisitive when she had no business to inquire； she was
obstinate when she ought； to have listened to reason； she left my
bedside when other women would have remained； but in the end she
atoned for it allshe turned out to be right！〃
I rested a day at Paris and wrote three letters。
One to Benjamin； telling him to expect me the next evening。 One
to Mr。 Playmore； warning him； in good time； that I meant to make
a last effort to penetrate the mystery at Gleninch。 One to
Eustace （of a few lines only）； owning that I had helped to nurse
him through the dangerous part of his illness； confessing the one
reason which had prevailed with me to leave him； and entreating
him to suspend his opinion of me until time had proved that I
loved him more dearly than ever。 This last letter I inclosed to
my mother…in…law； leaving it to her discretion to choose the
right time for giving it to her son。 I positively forbade Mrs。
Macallan； however； to tell Eustace of the new tie between us。
Although he _had_ separated himself from me； I was determined
that he should not hear it from other lips than mine。 Never mind
why。 There are certain little matters which I must keep to
myself； and this is one of them。
My letters being written； my duty was done。 I was free to play my
last card in the gamethe darkly doubtful game which was neither
quite for me nor quite against me as the chances now stood。
CHAPTER XXXIX。
ON THE WAY TO DEXTER。
〃I DECLARE to Heaven； Valeria； I believe that monster's madness
is infectiousand you have caught it！〃
This was Benjamin's opinion of me （on my safe arrival at the
villa） after I had announced my intention of returning Miserrimus
Dexter's visit； in his company。
Being determined to carry my point； I could afford to try the
influence of mild persuasion。 I begged my good friend to have a
little patience with me。 〃And do remember what I have already
told you；〃 I added。 〃It is of serious importance to me to see
Dexter again。〃
I only heaped fuel on the fire。 〃See him again？〃 Benjamin
repeated indignantly。 〃See him； after he grossly insulted you；
under my roof； in this very room？ I can't be awake； I must be
asleep and dreaming！〃
It was wrong of me； I know。 But Benjamin's virtuous indignation
was so very virtuous that it let the spirit of mischief loose in
me。 I really could not resist the temptation to outrage his sense
of propriety by taking an audaciously liberal view of the whole
matter。
〃Gently； my good friend； gently；〃 I said。 〃We must make
allowances for a man who suffers under Dexter's infirmities； and
lives Dexter's life。 And really we must not let our modesty lead
us beyond reasonable limits。 I begin to think that I took rather
a prudish view of the thing myself at the time。 A woman who
respects herself； and whose whole heart is with her husband； is
not so very seriously injured when a wretched crippled creature
is rude enough to put his arm around her waist。 Virtuous
indignation （if I may venture to say so） is sometimes very cheap
indignation。 Besides； I have forgiven himand you must forgive
him too。 There is no fear of his forgetting himself again； while
you are with me。 His house is quite a curiosityit is sure to
interest you； the pictures alone are worth the journey。 I will
write to him to…day； and we will go and see him together
to…morrow。 We owe it to ourselves （if we don't owe it to Mr。
Dexter） to pay this visit。 If you will look about you； Benjamin；
you will see that benevolence toward everybody is the great
virtue of the time we live in。 Poor Mr。 Dexter must have the
benefit of the prevailing fashion。 Come； come； march with the
age！ Op