presently I'll dictate & thereby save some scraps of time。
He added that after January 4th he did not intend to speak again for a
yearthat he would not speak then only that the matter concerned the
reform of city government。
The occasion of January 4； 1901； was a rather important one。 It was a
meeting of the City Club； then engaged in the crusade for municipal
reform。 Wheeler H。 Peckham presided； and Bishop Potter made the opening
address。 It all seems like ancient history now； and perhaps is not very
vital any more； but the movement was making a great stir then； and Mark
Twain's declaration that he believed forty…nine men out of fifty were
honest； and that the forty…nine only needed to organize to disqualify the
fiftieth man （always organized for crime）； was quoted as a sort of slogan
for reform。
Clemens was not permitted to keep his resolution that he wouldn't speak
again that year。 He had become a sort of general spokesman on public
matters； and demands were made upon him which could not be denied。 He
declined a Yale alumni dinner； but he could not refuse to preside at the
Lincoln Birthday celebration at Carnegie Hall； February 11th； where he
must introduce Watterson as the speaker of the evening。
〃Think of it！〃 he wrote Twichell。 〃Two old rebels functioning there： I
as president and Watterson as orator of the day！ Things have changed
somewhat in these forty years； thank God！〃
The Watterson introduction is one of the choicest of Mark Twain's
speechesa pure and perfect example of simple eloquence； worthy of the
occasion which gave it utterance； worthy in spite of its playful
paragraphs （or even because of them； for Lincoln would have loved them）；
to become the matrix of that imperishable Gettysburg phrase with which he
makes his climax。 He opened by dwelling for a moment on Colonel
Watterson as a soldier； journalist； orator； statesman； and patriot； then
he said：
It is a curious circumstance that without collusion of any kind； but
merely in obedience to a strange and pleasant and dramatic freak of
destiny； he and I； kinsmen by blood＇Colonel Watterson's forebears
had intermarried with the Lamptons。＇for we are thatand one…time
rebelsfor we were thatshould be chosen out of a million
surviving quondam rebels to come here and bare our heads in
reverence and love of that noble soul whom 40 years ago we tried
with all our hearts and all our strength to defeat and dispossess
Abraham Lincoln！ Is the Rebellion ended and forgotten？ Are the
Blue and the Gray one to…day？ By authority of this sign we may
answer yes； there was a Rebellionthat incident is closed。
I was born and reared in a slave State； my father was a slaveowner；
and in the Civil War I was a second lieutenant in the Confederate
service。 For a while。 This second cousin of mine； Colonel
Watterson； the orator of this present occasion； was born and reared
in a slave State； was a colonel in the Confederate service； and
rendered me such assistance as he could in my self…appointed great
task of annihilating the Federal armies and breaking up the Union。
I laid my plans with wisdom and foresight； and if Colonel Watterson
had obeyed my orders I should have succeeded in my giant
undertaking。 It was my intention to drive General Grant into the
Pacificif I could get transportationand I told Colonel Watterson
to surround the Eastern armies and wait till I came。 But he was
insubordinate； and stood upon a punctilio of military etiquette； he
refused to take orders from a second lieutenantand the Union was
saved。 This is the first time that this secret has been revealed。
Until now no one outside the family has known the facts。 But there
they stand： Watterson saved the Union。 Yet to this day that man
gets no pension。 Those were great days； splendid days。 What an
uprising it was！ For the hearts of the whole nation； North and
South； were in the war。 We of the South were not ashamed； for； like
the men of the North； we were fighting for 'flags we loved； and when
men fight for these things； and under these convictions； with
nothing sordid to tarnish their cause； that cause is holy； the blood
spilt for it is sacred； the life that is laid down for it is
consecrated。 To…day we no longer regret the result； to…day we are
glad it came out as it did； but we are not ashamed that we did our
endeavor； we did our bravest best； against despairing odds； for the
cause which was precious to us and which our consciences approved；
and we are proudand you are proudthe kindred blood in your veins
answers when I say ityou are proud of the record we made in those
mighty collisions in the fields。
What an uprising it was！ We did not have to supplicate for soldiers
on either side。 〃We are coming； Father Abraham； three hundred
thousand strong！〃 That was the music North and South。 The very
choicest young blood and brawn and brain rose up from Maine to the
Gulf and flocked to the standardsjust as men always do when in
their eyes their cause is great and fine and their hearts are in it；
just as men flocked to the Crusades； sacrificing all they possessed
to the cause； and entering cheerfully upon hardships which we cannot
even imagine in this age； and upon toilsome and wasting journeys
which in our time would be the equivalent of circumnavigating the
globe five times over。
North and South we put our hearts into that colossal struggle； and
out of it came the blessed fulfilment of the prophecy of the
immortal Gettysburg speech which said： 〃We here highly resolve that
these dead shall not have died in vain； that this nation； under God；
shall have a new birth of freedom； and that a government of the
people； by the people； for the people； shall not perish from the
earth。〃
We are here to honor the birthday of the greatest citizen； and the
noblest and the best； after Washington； that this land or any other
has yet produced。 The old wounds are healed； you and we are
brothers again； you testify it by honoring two of us； once soldiers
of the Lost Cause； and foes of your great and good leaderwith the
privilege of assisting here； and we testify it by laying our honest
homage at the feet of Abraham Lincoln； and in forgetting that you of
the North and we of the South were ever enemies； and remembering
only that we are now indistinguishably fused together and nameable
by one common great nameAmericans！
CCXIV
MARK TWAIN AND THE MISSIONARIES
Mark Twain had really begun his crusade for reform soon after his arrival
in America in a practical hand…to…hand manner。 His housekeeper； Katie
Leary； one night employed a cabman to drive her from the Grand Central
Station to the house at 14 West Tenth Street。 No contract had been made
as to price； and when she arrived there the cabman's extortionate charge
was refused。 He persisted in it； and she sent into the house for her
employer。 Of all men； Mark Twain was the last one to countenance an
extortion。 He reasoned with the man kindly enough at first； when the
driver at last became abusive Clemens demanded his number； which was at
first refused。 In the end he paid the legal fare； and in the morning
entered a formal complaint； something altogether unexpected； for the
American public is accustomed to suffering almost any sort of imposition
to avoid trouble and publicity。
In some notes which Clemens had made in London four years earlier he
wrote：
If you call a policeman to settle the dispute you can depend on one
thinghe will decide it against you every time。 And so will the
New York policeman。 In London if you carry your case into court the
man that is entitled to win it will win it。 In New Yorkbut no one
carries a cab case into court there。 It is my impression that it is
now more than thirty years since any one has carried a cab case into
court there。
Nevertheless； he was promptly on hand when the case was called to sustain
the charge and to read the cabdrivers' union and the public in general a
lesson in good…citizenship。 At the end of the hearing； to a
representative of the union he said：
〃This is not a matter of sentiment； my dear sir。 It is simply practical
business。 You cannot imagine that I am making money wasting an hour or
two of my time prosecuting a case in which I can have no personal
interest whatever。 I am doing this just as any citizen should do。 He
has no choice。 He has a distinct duty。 He is a non…classified
policeman。 Every citizen is； a policeman； and it is his duty to assist
the police and the magistracy in every way he can； and give his time； if
necessary； to do so。 Here is a man who is a perfectly natural product of
an infamous system in this citya charge upon the lax patriotism in this
city of New York that this thing can exist。 You have encouraged him； in
every way you know how to overcharge。 He is not the criminal here at
all。 The criminal is the citizen of New York and the absence of
patriotism。 I am not here to avenge myself on him。 I have no quarrel
with him。 My quarrel is with the citizens of New York； who have
encouraged him； and who created him by encouraging him to overcharge in
this way。〃
The driver's license was suspended。 The case made a stir in the
newspapers； and it is not likely that any one incident ever contributed
more to cab…driving morals in New York City。
But Clemens had larger matters than this in prospect。 His many speeches
on municipal and national abuses he felt were more or less ephemeral。 He
proposed now to write himself down more substantially and for a wider
hearing。 The human race was behaving very badly： unspeakable corruption
was rampant in the city； the Boers were being oppressed in South Africa；
the natives were being murdered in the Philippines； Leopold of Belgium
was massacring and mutilating the blacks in the Congo； and the allied