the natives were being murdered in the Philippines； Leopold of Belgium
was massacring and mutilating the blacks in the Congo； and the allied
powers； in the cause of Christ； were slaughtering the Chinese。 In his
letters he had more than once boiled over touching these matters； and for
New…Year's Eve； 1900； had written：
A GREETING FROM THE NINETEENTH TO THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
I bring you the stately nation named Christendom； returning；
bedraggled； besmirched； and dishonored； from pirate raids in Kiao…
Chou； Manchuria； South Africa； and the Philippines； with her soul
full of meanness； her pocket full of boodle； and her mouth full of
pious hypocrisies。 Give her soap and towel； but hide the looking…
glass。 ＇Prepared for Red Cross Society watch…meeting； which was
postponed until March。 Clemens recalled his 〃Greeting〃 for that
reason and for one other； which he expressed thus： 〃The list of
greeters thus far issued by you contains only vague generalities and
one definite namemine： 'Some kings and queens and Mark Twain。' Now
I am not enjoying this sparkling solitude and distinction。 It makes
me feel like a circus…poster in a graveyard。〃＇
This was a sort of preliminary。 Then； restraining himself no longer； he
embodied his sentiments in an article for the North American Review
entitled； 〃To the Person Sitting in Darkness。〃 There was crying need for
some one to speak the right word。 He was about the only one who could do
it and be certain of a universal audience。 He took as his text some
Christmas Eve clippings from the New York Tribune and Sun which he had
been saving for this purpose。 The Tribune clipping said：
Christmas will dawn in the United States over a people full of hope
and aspiration and good cheer。 Such a condition means contentment
and happiness。 The carping grumbler who may here and there go forth
will find few to listen to him。 The majority will wonder what is
the matter with him； and pass on。
A Sun clipping depicted the 〃terrible offenses against humanity committed
in the name of politics in some of the most notorious East Side districts
〃the unmissionaried； unpoliced darker New York。 The Sun declared that
they could not be pictured even verbally。 But it suggested enough to
make the reader shudder at the hideous depths of vice in the sections
named。 Another clipping from the same paper reported the 〃Rev。 Mr。
Ament； of the American Board of Foreign Missions；〃 as having collected
indemnities for Boxer damages in China at the rate of three hundred taels
for each murder； 〃full payment for all destroyed property belonging to
Christians； and national fines amounting to thirteen times the
indemnity。〃 It quoted Mr。 Ament as saying that the money so obtained was
used for the propagation of the Gospel； and that the amount so collected
was moderate when compared with the amount secured by the Catholics； who
had demanded； in addition to money； life for life； that is to say； 〃head
for head〃in one district six hundred and eighty heads having been so
collected。
The despatch made Mr。 Ament say a great deal more than this； but the gist
here is enough。 Mark Twain； of course； was fiercely stirred。 The
missionary idea had seldom appealed to him； and coupled with this
business of bloodshed； it was less attractive than usual。 He printed the
clippings in full； one following the other； then he said：
By happy luck we get all these glad tidings on Christmas Evejust
the time to enable us to celebrate the day with proper gaiety and
enthusiasm。 Our spirits soar and we find we can even make jokes；
taels I win； heads you lose。
He went on to score Ament； to compare the missionary policy in China to
that of the Pawnee Indians； and to propose for him a monument
subscriptions to be sent to the American Board。 He denounced the
national policies in Africa； China； and the Philippines； and showed by
the reports and by the private letters of soldiers home； how cruel and
barbarous and fiendish had been the warfare made by those whose avowed
purpose was to carry the blessed light of civilization and Gospel 〃to the
benighted native〃how in very truth these priceless blessings had been
handed on the point of a bayonet to the 〃Person Sitting in Darkness。〃
Mark Twain never wrote anything more scorching； more penetrating in its
sarcasm； more fearful in its revelation of injustice and hypocrisy； than
his article 〃To the Person Sitting in Darkness。〃 He put aquafortis on
all the raw places； and when it was finished he himself doubted the
wisdom of printing it。 Howells； however； agreed that it should be
published； and 〃it ought to be illustrated by Dan Beard；〃 he added； 〃with
such pictures as he made for the Yankee in King Arthur's Court； but you'd
better hang yourself afterward。〃
Meeting Beard a few days later； Clemens mentioned the matter and said：
〃So if you make the pictures； you hang with me。〃
But pictures were not required。 It was published in the North American
Review for February； 1901； as the opening article； after which the
cyclone。 Two storms moving in opposite directions produce a cyclone； and
the storms immediately developed； one all for Mark Twain and his
principles； the other all against him。 Every paper in England and
America commented on it editorially； with bitter denunciations or with
eager praise； according to their lights and convictions。
At 14 West Tenth Street letters； newspaper clippings； documents poured in
by the bushellaudations； vituperations； denunciations； vindications； no
such tumult ever occurred in a peaceful literary home。 It was really as
if he had thrown a great missile into the human hive； one…half of which
regarded it as a ball of honey and the remainder as a cobblestone。
Whatever other effect it may have had； it left no thinking person
unawakened。
Clemens reveled in it。 W。 A。 Rogers； in Harper's Weekly； caricatured him
as Tom Sawyer in a snow fort； assailed by the shower of snowballs；
〃having the time of his life。〃 Another artist； Fred Lewis； pictured him
as Huck Finn with a gun。
The American Board was naturally disturbed。 The Ament clipping which
Clemens had used had been public property for more than a monthits
authenticity never denied； but it was immediately denied now； and the
cable kept hot with inquiries。
The Rev。 Judson Smith； one of the board； took up the defense of Dr。
Ament； declaring him to be one who had suffered for the cause； and asked
Mark Twain； whose 〃brilliant article；〃 he said； 〃would produce an effect
quite beyond the reach of plain argument；〃 not to do an innocent man an
injustice。 Clemens in the same paper replied that such was not his
intent； that Mr。 Ament in his report had simply arraigned himself。
Then it suddenly developed that the cable report had 〃grossly
exaggerated〃 the amount of Mr。 Ament's collections。 Instead of thirteen
times the indemnity it should have read 〃one and a third times〃 the
indemnity； whereupon； in another open letter； the board demanded
retraction and apology。 Clemens would not fail to make the apologyat
least he would explain。 It was precisely the kind of thing that would
appeal to himthe delicate moral difference between a demand thirteen
times as great as it should be and a demand that was only one and a third
times the correct amount。 〃To My Missionary Critics；〃 in the North
American Review for April （1901）； was his formal and somewhat lengthy
reply。
〃I have no prejudice against apologies；〃 he wrote。 〃I trust I shall
never withhold one when it is due。〃
He then proceeded to make out his case categorically。 Touching the
exaggerated indemnity； he said：
To Dr。 Smith the 〃thirteen…fold…extra〃 clearly stood for 〃theft and
extortion；〃 and he was right； distinctly right； indisputably right。 He
manifestly thinks that when it got scaled away down to a mere 〃one…third〃
a little thing like that was some other than 〃theft and extortion。〃 Why；
only the board knows！
I will try to explain this difficult problem so that the board can get an
idea of it。 If a pauper owes me a dollar and I catch him unprotected and
make him pay me fourteen dollars thirteen of it is 〃theft and extortion。〃
If I make him pay only one dollar thirty…three and a third cents the
thirty…three and a third cents are 〃theft and extortion；〃 just the same。
I will put it in another way still simpler。 If a man owes me one dog
any kind of a dog； the breed is of no consequenceand Ibut let it go；
the board would never understand it。 It can't understand these involved
and difficult things。
He offered some further illustrations； including the 〃Tale of a King and
His Treasure〃 and another tale entitled 〃The Watermelons。〃
I have it now。 Many years ago； when I was studying for the gallows；
I had a dear comrade； a youth who was not in my line； but still a
scrupulously good fellow though devious。 He was preparing to
qualify for a place on the board； for there was going to be a
vacancy by superannuation in about five years。 This was down South；
in the slavery days。 It was the nature of the negro then； as now；
to steal watermelons。 They stole three of the melons of an adoptive
brother of mine； the only good ones he had。 I suspected three of a
neighbor's negroes； but there was no proof； and； besides； the
watermelons in those negroes' private patches were all green and
small and not up to indemnity standard。 But in the private patches
of three other negroes there was a number of competent melons。 I
consulted with my comrade； the understudy of the board。 He said
that if I would approve his arrangements he would arrange。 I said；
〃Consider me the board； I approve； arrange。〃 So he took a gun and
went and collected three large melons for my brother…on…the…
halfshell； and one over。 I was greatly pleased and asked：
〃Who gets the extra one？〃
〃Widows and orphans。〃
〃A good idea； too。 Why didn't you take thirteen？〃
〃It would have been wrong； a crime；； in fact…theft and extortion。〃
〃What i