the book of snobs- 第30部分

Hammerly　in　curl…papers；　Mrs。　Saxby　with　her　front　awry；

Mr。　Wriggles　peering　through　the　gauze　curtains；　holding

the　while　his　hot　glass　of　rum…and…waterin　fine；　a

tremendous　commotion　in　Bittlestone　Street；　as　the

Goldmore　carriage　drove　up　to　Mr。　Raymond　Gray's　door。



'How　kind　it　is　of　him　to　come　with　BOTH　the　footmen！'

says　little　Mrs。　Gray；　peeping　at　the　vehicle　too。　　The

huge　domestic；　descending　from　his　perch；　gave　a　rap　at

the　door　which　almost　drove　in　the　building。　　All　the

heads　were　out；　the　sun　was　shining；　the　very　organ…boy

paused；　the　footman；　the　coach；　and　Goldmore's　red　face

and　white　waistcoat　were　blazing　in　splendour。　　The

herculean　plushed　one　went　back　to　open　the　carriage…

door。



Raymond　Gray　opened　hisin　his　shirt…sleeves。　　He　ran　up

to　the　carriage。　　'Come　in；　Goldmore；'　says　he；　'just　in

time；　my　boy。　　Open　the　door；　What…d'ye…call'um；　and　let

your　master　out；'and　What…d'ye…call'um　obeyed

mechanically；　with　a　face　of　wonder　and　horror；　only　to

be　equalled　by　the　look　of　stupefied　astonishment　which

ornamented　the　purple　countenance　of　his　master。



'Wawt　taim　will　you　please　have　the　CAGE；　sir？'　says

What…d'ye…call'um；　in　that　peculiar；　unspellable；

inimitable；　flunkefied　pronunciation　which　forms　one　of

the　chief　charms　of　existence。



Best　have　it　to　the　theatre　at　night；'　Gray　exclaims；　'it

is　but　a　step　from　here　to　the　Wells；　and　we　can　walk

there。　　I've　got　tickets　for　all。　　Be　at　Sadler's　Wells

at　eleven。'



'Yes；　at　eleven；'　exclaims　Goldmore；　perturbedly；　and

walks　with　a　flurried　step　into　the　house；　as　if　he　were

going　to　execution　（as　indeed　he　was；　with　that　wicked

Gray　as　a　Jack　Ketch　over　him）。　　The　carriage　drove　away；

followed　by　numberless　eyes　from　doorsteps　and　balconies；

its　appearance　is　still　a　wonder　in　Bittlestone　Street。



'Go　in　there；　and　amuse　yourself　with　Snob；'　says　Gray；

opening　the　little　drawing…room　door。　　'I'll　call　out　as

soon　as　the　chops　are　ready。　　Fanny's　below；　seeing　to

the　pudding。'



'Gracious　mercy！'　says　Goldmore　to　me；　quite

confidentially；　'how　could　he　ask　us？　　I　really　had　no

idea　of　thisthis　utter　destitution。'



'Dinner；　dinner！'　roars　out　Gray；　from　the　diningroom；

whence　issued　a　great　smoking　and　frying；　and　entering

that　apartment　we　find　Mrs。　Gray　ready　to　receive　us；　and

looking　perfectly　like　a　Princess　who；　by　some　accident；

had　a　bowl　of　potatoes　in　her　hand；　which　vegetables　she

placed　on　the　table。　　Her　husband　'was　meanwhile　cooking

mutton…chops　on　a　gridiron　over　the　fire。



Fanny　has　made　the　roly…poly　pudding；'　says　he；　the　chops

are　my　part。　　Here's　a　fine　one；　try　this；　Goldmore。'

And　he　popped　a　fizzing　cutlet　on　that　gentleman's　plate。

What　words；　what　notes　of　exclamation　can　describe　the

nabob's　astonishment？



The　tablecloth　was　a　very　old　one；　darned　in　a　score

places。　　There　was　mustard　in　a　teacup；　a　silver　fork　for

Goldmoreall　ours　were　iron。



〃I　wasn't　born　with　a　silver　spoon　in　my　mouth；'　says

Gray；　gravely。　　'That　fork　is　the　only　one　we　have。

Fanny　has　it　generally。'



'Raymond！'…　cries　Mrs。　Gray；　with　an　imploring　face。

'She　was　used　to　better　things；　you　know：　and　I　hope　one

day　to　get　her　a　dinner…service。　　I'm　told　the　electro…

plate　is　uncommonly　good。　　Where　the　deuce　IS　that　boy

with　the　beer？　　And　now；'　said　he；　springing　up；　'I'll　be

a　gentleman。'　　And　so　he　put　on　his　coat；　and　sat　down

quite　gravely；　with　four　fresh　mutton…chops　which　he　had

by　this　time　broiled。



'We　don　t　have　meat　every　day；　Mr。　Goldmore；'　he

continued；　'and　it's　a　treat　to　me　to　get　a　dinner　like

this。　　You　little　know；　you　gentlemen　of　England；　who

live　at　home　at　ease；　what　hardships　briefless　barristers

endure。'



'Gracious　mercy！'　says　Mr。　Goldmore。



'Where's　the　half…and…half？　　Fanny；　go　over　to　the　'Keys'

and　get　the　beer。　　Here's　sixpence。'　　And　what　was　our

astonishment　when　Fanny　got　up　as　if　to　go！



'Gracious　mercy！　let　ME；'　cries　Goldmore。



'Not　for　worlds；　my　dear　sir。　　She's　used　to　it。　　They

wouldn't　serve　you　as　well　as　they　serve　her。　　Leave　her

alone。　　Law　bless　you！'　Raymond　said；　with　astounding

composure。　　And　Mrs。　Gray　left　the　room；　and　actually

came　back　with　a　tray　on　which　there　was　a　pewter　flagon

of　beer。　　Little　Polly　（to　whom；　at　her　christening；　I

had　the　honour　of　presenting　a　silver　mug　EX　OFFICIO）

followed　with　a　couple　of　tobacco…pipes；　and　the　queerest

roguish　look　in　her　round　little　chubby　face。



'Did　you　speak　to　Tapling　about　the　gin；　Fanny；　my　dear？'

Gray　asked；　after　bidding　Polly　put　the　pipes　on　the

chimney…piece；　which　that　little　person　had　some

difficulty　in　reaching。　　'The　last　was　turpentine；　and

even　your　brewing　didn't　make　good　punch　of　it。'



'You　would　hardly　suspect；　Goldmore；　that　my　wife；　a

Harley　Baker；　would　ever　make　gin…punch？　　I　think　my

mother…in…law　would　commit　suicide　if　she　saw　her。'



'Don't　be　always　laughing　at　mamma；　Raymond；'　says　Mrs。

Gray。



'Well；　well；　she　wouldn't　die；　and　I　DON'T　wish　she

would。　　And　you　don't　make　gin…punch；　and　you　don't　like

it　either　andGoldmore　do　you　drink　your　beer　out　of　the

glass；　or　out　of　the　pewter？'



'Gracious　mercy！'　ejaculates　Croesus　once　more；　as　little

Polly；　taking　the　pot　with　both　her　little　bunches　of

hands；　offers　it；　smiling；　to　that　astonished　Director。



And　so；　in　a　word；　the　dinner　commenced；　and　was

presently　ended　in　a　similar　fashion。　　Gray　pursued　his

unfortunate　guest　with　the　most　queer　and　outrageous

description　of　his　struggles；　misery；　and　poverty。　　He

described　how　he　cleaned　the　knives　when　they　were　first

married；　and　how　he　used　to　drag　the　children　in　a　little

cart；　how　his　wife　could　toss　pancakes；　and　what　parts　of

his　dress　she　made。　　He　told　Tibbits；　his　clerk　（who　was

in　fact　the　functionary　who　had　brought　the　beer　from　the

public…house；　which　Mrs。　Fanny　had　fetched　from　the

neighbouring　apartment）to　fetch　'the　bottle　of　port…

wine；'　when　the　dinner　was　over；　and　told　Goldmore　as

wonderful　a　history　about　the　way　in　which　that　bottle　of

wine　had　come　into　his　hands　as　any　of　his　former　stories

had　been。　　When　the　repast　was　all　over；　and　it　was　near

time　to　move　to　the　play；　and　Mrs。　Gray　had　retired；　and

we　were　sitting　ruminating　rather　silently　over　the　last

glasses　of　the　port；　Gray　suddenly　breaks　the　silence　by

slapping　Goldmore　on　the　shoulder；　and　saying；　'Now；

Goldmore；　tell　me　something。'



'What？'　asks　Croesus。



'Haven't　you　had　a　good　dinner？'



Goldmore　started；　as　if　a　sudden　truth　had　just　dawned

upon　him。　　He　HAD　had　a　good　dinner；　and　didn't　know　it

until　then。　　The　three　mutton…chops　consumed　by　him　were

best　of　the　mutton　kind；　the　potatoes　were　perfect　of

their　order；　as　for　the　rolypoly；　it　was　too　good。　　The

porter　was　frothy　and　cool；　and　the　port…wine　was　worthy

of　the　gills　of　a　bishop。　　I　speak　with　ulterior　views；

for　there　is　more　in　Gray's　cellar。



'Well；'　says　Goldmore；　after　a　pause；　during　which　he

took　time　to　consider　the　momentous　question　Gray　put　to

him'　'Pon　my　wordnow　you　say　soII　haveI　really

have　had　a　monsous　good　dinnah　monsous　good；　upon　my

ward！　　Here's　your　health；　Gray　my　boy；　and　your　amiable

lady；　and　when　Mrs。　Goldmore　comes　back；　I　hope　we　shall

see　you　more　in　Portland　Place。'　　And　with　this　the　time

came　for　the　play；　and　we　went　to　see　Mr。　Phelps　at

Sadler's　Wells。　　The　best　of　this　story　（for　the　truth　of

every　word　of　which　I　pledge　my　honour）　is；　that　after

this　banquet；　which　Goldmore　enjoyed　so；　the　honest

fellow　felt　a　prodigious　compassion　and　regard　for　the

starving　and　miserable　giver　of　the　feast；　and　determined

to　help　him　in　his　profession。　　And　being　a　Director　of

the　newly…established　Antibilious　Life　Assurance　Company；

he　has　had　Gray　appointed　Standing　Counsel；　with　a　pretty

annual　fee；　and　only　yesterday；　in　an　appeal　from　Bombay

（Buckmuckjee　Bobbachee　v。　Ramchowder…Bahawder）　in　the

Privy　Council；　Lord　Brougham　complimented　Mr。　Gray；　who

was　in　the　case；　on　his　curious　and　exact　knowledge　of

the　Sanscrit　language。



Whether　he　knows　Sanscrit　or　not；　I　can't　say；　but

Goldmore　got　him　the　business；　and　so　I　cannot　help

having　a　lurking　regard　for　that　pompous　old　Bigwig。







CHAPTER　XXXVI



SNOBS　AND　MARRIAGE



'We　Bachelors　in　Clubs　are　very　much　obliged　to　you；〃

says　my　old　school　and　college　companion；　Essex　Temple；

'for　the　opinion　which　you　hold　of　us。　　You　call　us

selfish；　purple…faced；　bloated；　and　other　pretty　names。

You　state；　in　the　simplest　possible　terms；　that　we　shall

go　to　the　deuce。　　You　bid　us　rot　in　loneliness；　and　deny

us　all　claims　to　honesty；　conduct；　decent　Christian　life。

Who　are　you；　Mr。　Snob；　to　judge　us。　　Who　are　you；　with

your　infernal　benevolent　smirk　and　grin；　that　laugh　at

all　our　generation？



'I　will　tell　you　my　case；'　says　Essex　Temple；　'mine　and

my　sister　Polly's；　and　you　may　make　what　you　like　of　it；

and　sneer　at　old　maids；　and　bully　old　bachelors；　if　you

will。



'I　will　whisper　to　you　confidentially　that　my　sister　was

engaged　to　Serjeant　Shirkera　fellow　whose　talents　one

cannot　deny；　and　be　hanged　to　them；　but　whomwhom　I　have

always　known　to　be　mean；　selfish；　and　a　prig。　　However；

women　don't　see　these　faults　in　the　men　whom　Love　throws

in　their　way。　　Shirker；　who　has　about　as　much　warmth　as

an　eel；　made　up　to　Polly　years　and　years　ago；　and　was　no

bad　match　for　a　briefless　barrister；　as　he　was　then。



Have　you　ever　read　Lord　Eldon's　Life？　　Do　you　remember

how　the　sordid　old　Snob　narrates　his　going　out　to

purchase　twopence…worth　of　sprats；　which　he　and　Mrs。

Scott　fried　between　them？　　And　how　he　parades　his

humility；　and　exhibits　his　miserable　povertyhe　who；　at

that　time；　must　have　been　making　a　thousand　pounds　a

year？　　Well；　Shirker　was　just　as　proud　of　his　prudence