hemingway, ernest - garden of eden- 第16部分

〃Can　I　tell　you　now？〃

〃I'd　rather　skip　it。〃

〃No；　let　me　tell。　This　morning　when　I　started　the　car　I　was　frightened　and　I　tried　to　drive　very　well　and　I　felt　hollow　inside。　Then　I　could　see　Cannes　up　ahead　on　the　hill　and　the　road　was　clear　all　up　ahead　by　the　sea　and　I　looked　behind　and　it　was　clear　and　I　pulled　out　from　the　road　into　the　brush。　Where　it's　like　the　sagebrush。　I　kissed　her　and　she　kissed　me　and　we　sat　in　the　car　and　I　felt　very　strange　and　then　we　drove　into　Nice　and　I　don't　know　whether　people　could　tell　it　or　not。　I　didn't　care　by　then　and　we　went　everywhere　and　bought　everything。　She　loves　to　buy　things。　Someone　made　a　rude　remark　but　it　was　nothing　really。　Then　we　stopped　on　the　way　home　and　she　said　it　was　better　if　I　was　her　girl　and　I　said　I　didn't　care　either　way　and　really　I　was　glad　because　I　am　a　girl　now　anyway　and　I　didn't　know　what　to　do。　I　never　felt　so　not　knowing　ever。　But　she's　nice　and　she　wanted　to　help　me　I　think。　I　don't　know。　Anyway　she　was　nice　and　I　was　driving　and　she　was　so　pretty　and　happy　and　she　was　just　gentle　the　way　we　are　sometimes　or　me　to　you　or　either　of　us　and　I　said　I　couldn't　drive　if　she　did　that　so　we　stopped。　I　only　kissed　her　but　I　know　it　happened　with　me。　So　we　were　there　for　a　while　and　then　I　drove　straight　home。　I　kissed　her　before　we　came　in　and　we　were　happy　and　I　liked　it　and　I　still　like　it。〃

〃So　now　you've　done　it；〃　David　said　carefully；　〃and　you're　through　with　it。〃

〃But　I'm　not。　I　liked　it　and　I'm　going　to　really　do　it。〃

〃No。　You　don't　have

112　''3


〃I　do　and　I'm　going　to　do　it　until　I'm　through　with　it　and　I'm　over　it。〃

〃Who　says　you'll　be　over　it？〃
〃I　do。　But　I　really　have　to；　David。　I　didn't　know　I'd　ever　be　like　this。〃
He　did　not　say　anything。
〃I'll　be　back；〃　she　said。　〃I　know　I'll　get　over　it　as　well　as　I　know　anything。　Please　trust　me。
He　did　not　say　anything。
〃She's　waiting　for　me。　Didn't　you　hear　me　ask　her？　It's　like　stopping　in　the　middle　of　anything。〃
〃I'm　going　up　to　Paris；〃　David　said。　〃You　can　reach　me　through　the　bank。〃
〃No；〃　she　said。　〃No。　You　have　to　help　me。〃
〃I　can't　help　you。
〃You　can。　You　can't　go　away。　I　couldn't　stand　it　if　you　went　away。　I　don't　want　to　be　with　her。　It's　only　something　that　I　have　to　do。　Can't　you　understand？　Please　understand。　You　always　understand。〃
〃Not　this　part。〃
〃Please　try。　You　always　understood　before。　You　know　you　did。　Everything。　Didn't　you？〃
〃Yes。　Before。〃
〃It　started　with　us　and　there'll　only　be　us　when　I　get　this　finished。　I'm　not　in　love　with　anyone　else。〃
〃Don't　do　it。〃
〃I　have　to。　Ever　since　I　went　to　school　all　I　ever　had　was　chances　to　do　it　and　people　wanting　to　do　it　with　me。　And　I　never　would　and　never　did。　But　now　I　have　to。〃
He　said　nothing。
〃Please　know　how　it　is。〃
He　did　not　say　anything。
〃Anyway　she's　in　love　with　you　and　you　can　have　her　and　wash　everything　away　that　way。

114

〃You're　talking　crazy；　Devil。〃

〃I　know　it；〃　she　said。　〃I'll　stop。〃

〃Take　a　nap；〃　he　said。　〃Just　lie　close　and　quiet　and　we'll　both　go　to　sleep。〃

〃I　love　you　so；〃　she　said。　〃And　you're　my　true　partner　the　way　I　told　her。　I've　told　her　too　much　about　you　but　that's　all　she　likes　to　talk　about。　I'm　quiet　now　so　I'm　going　to　go。〃

〃Yes；〃　she　said。　〃You　wait　for　me。　I　won't　be　very　long。〃


When　she　came　back　to　the　room　David　was　not　there　and　she　stood　a　long　time　and　looked　at　the　bed　and　then　went　to　the　bathroom　door　and　opened　it　and　stood　and　looked　in　the　long　mirror。　Her　face　had　no　expression　and　she　looked　at　herself　from　her　head　down　to　her　feet　with　no　expression　on　her　face　at　all。　The　light　was　nearly　gone　when　she　went　into　the　bathroom　and　shut　the　door　behind　her。







Chapter　Thirteen




DAVID　DROVE　up　from　Cannes　in　the　dusk。　The　wind　had　fallen　and　he　left　the　car　in　the　usual　place　and　walked　up　the　path　to　where　the　light　came　out　onto　the　patio　and　the　garden。　Marita　came　out　of　the　doorway　and　walked　toward　him。
〃Catherine　feels　terribly；〃　she　said。　〃Please　be　kind　to　her。〃
〃The　hell　with　both　of　you；〃　David　said。　〃With　me；　yes。　But　not　with　her。　You　mustn't；　David。〃　〃Don't　tell　me　what　I　must　and　what　I　mustn't。〃　〃Don't　you　want　to　take　care　of　her？〃
〃Not　particularly。〃
〃I　do。〃
〃You　certainly　have。〃
〃Don't　be　a　fool；〃　she　said。　〃You're　not　a　fool。　I　tell　you　this　is　serious。〃
〃Where　is　she？〃
〃In　there　waiting　for　you。
David　went　in　the　door。　Catherine　was　sitting　at　the　empty　bar。
〃Hello；〃　she　said。　〃They　didn't　bring　the　mirror。　〃Hello；　Devil；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　sorry　I　was　late。〃　He　was　shocked　at　the　dead　way　she　looked　and　at　her　toneless　voice。
〃I　thought　you'd　gone　away；〃　she　said。
〃Didn't　you　see　I　hadn't　taken　anything？〃
〃I　didn't　look。　You　wouldn't　need　to　take　anything　to　go　away。
〃No；〃　David　said。　〃I　just　went　into　town。
〃Oh；〃　she　said　and　looked　at　the　wall。
〃The　wind's　dropping；〃　he　said。　〃It　will　be　a　good　day　tomorrow。
〃I　don't　care　about　tomorrow。
〃Sure　you　do。〃
〃No　I　don't。　Don't　ask　me　to。〃
〃I　won't　ask　you　to；〃　he　said。　〃Have　you　had　a　drink？〃

〃I'll　make　one。〃
〃It　won't　do　any　good。〃
〃It　might。　We're　still　us。〃　He　was　making　the　drink　and　she　watched　him　mechanically　as　he　stirred　and　then　poured　into　the　glasses。
〃Put　in　the　garlic　olive；〃　she　said。
He　handed　her　one　of　the　glasses　and　lifted　his　and　touched　it　against　hers。　〃Here　s　to　us。
She　poured　her　glass　out　on　the　bar　and　looked　at　it　flow　along　the　wood。　Then　she　picked　up　the　olive　and　put　it　in　her　mouth。　〃There　isn't　any　us；〃　she　said。　〃Not　anymore。
David　took　a　handkerchief　out　of　his　pocket　and　wiped　the　bar　and　made　another　drink。
〃It's　all　shit；〃　Catherine　said。　David　handed　her　the　drink　and　she　looked　at　it　and　then　poured　it　on　the　bar。　David　mopped　it　up　again　and　wrung　out　his　handkerchief。　Then　he　drank　his　own　martini　and　made　two　more。


〃This　one　you　drink；〃　he　said。　〃Just　drink　it。〃
〃Just　drink；〃　she　said。　She　lifted　the　glass　and　said；　〃Here's　to　you　and　your　god　damned　handkerchief。〃
She　drank　the　glass　off　and　then　held　it；　looking　at　it；　and　David　was　sure　that　she　was　going　to　throw　it　in　his　face。　Then　she　put　it　down　and　picked　the　garlic　olive　out　of　it　and　ate　it　very　carefully　and　handed　David　the　pit。
〃Semi…precious　stone；〃　she　said。　〃Put　it　in　your　pocket。　I'll　have　another　one　if　you'll　make　it。
〃But　drink　this　one　slowly。〃
〃Oh　I'm　quite　all　right　now；〃　Catherine　said。　〃You　probably　won't　notice　the　difference。　I'm　sure　it　happens　to　everybody。〃
〃Do　you　feel　better？〃
〃Much　better　really。　You　just　lose　something　and　it's　gone　that's　all。　All　we　lose　was　all　that　we　had。　But　we　get　some　more。　There's　no　problem　is　there？〃
〃Are　you　hungry？〃
〃No。　But　I'm　sure　everything　will　be　all　right。　You　said　it　would　didn't　you？〃
〃Of　course　it　will。〃
〃I　wish　I　could　remember　what　it　was　we　lost。　But　it　doesn't　matter　does　it？　You　said　it　didn't　matter。〃
〃No。〃
〃Then　let's　be　cheerful。　It's　just　gone　whatever　it　was。〃
〃It　must　have　been　something　we　forgot；〃　he　said。　〃We'll　find
it。

〃I　did　something　I　know。　But　it's　gone　now。
〃That's　good。〃
〃It　wasn't　anyone　else's　fault　whatever　it　was。〃
〃Don't　talk　about　faults。〃
〃I　know　what　it　was　now；〃　she　smiled。　〃But　I　wasn't　unfaithful。　Really　David。　How　could　I　be？　I　couldn't　be。　You　know　that。　How　could　you　say　I　was？　Why　did　you　say　it？〃
〃You　weren't〃

〃Of　course　I　wasn't。　I　wish　you　hadn't　said　it　though。〃
〃I　didn't　say　it；　Devil。〃
〃Somebody　did。　But　I　wasn't。　I　just　did　what　I　said　I'd　do。　Where's　Marita？〃
〃She's　in　her　room　I　think。〃
〃I'm　glad　I'm　all　right　again。　Once　you　took　it　back　I　was　all　right。　I　wish　it　was　you　had　done　it　so　I　could　take　it　back　about　you。　We're　us　again　aren't　we？　I　didn't　kill　it。〃


She　smiled　again。　〃That's　good。　I'll　go　and　get　her。　Do　you　mind？　She　was　worried　about　me。　Before　you　came　back。〃
〃She　was？〃
〃I　talked　a　lot；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I　always　talk　too　much。　She's　awfully　nice；　David；　if　you　knew　her。　She　was　very　good　to　me。〃
〃The　hell　with　her。〃
〃No。　You　took　all　that　back。　Remember？　I　don't　want　to　have　all　that　again。　Do　you？　It's　too　confusing。　Truly。〃
〃All　right　bring　her。　She'll　be　glad　to　see　you're　feeling　good　again。〃

〃I　know　she　will　and　you　must　make　her　feel　good　too。〃
〃Sure。　Does　she　feel　badly？〃
〃Only　when　I　did。　When　I　knew　I　was　unfaithful。　I　never　was　before　you　know。　You　go　and　bring　her；　David。　Then　she　won't　feel　bad。　No　don't　bother；　I'll　go。〃
Catherine　went　out　the　door　and　David　watched　her　go。　Her　movements　were　less　mechanical　and　her　voice　was　better。　When　she　came　back　she　was　smiling　and　her　voice　was　almost　natural。
〃She's　coming　in　just　a　minute；〃　she　said。　〃She's　lovely；　David。　I'm　so　glad　you　brought　her。〃
The　girl　came　in　and　David　said；　〃We　were　waiting　for　you。〃　She　looked　at　him　and　looked　away。　Then　she　looked　back　at　him　and　held　herself　very　straight　and　said；　〃I'm　sorry　to　be　late。〃


〃You　look　very　handsome；〃　David　said　and　it　was　quite　true　but　she　had　the　saddest　eyes　he　had　ever　seen。
〃Make　her　a　drink　please；　David。　I　had　two；〃　Catherine　said　to　the　girl。
〃I'm　glad　you　feel　better；〃　the　girl　said。
〃David　made　me　feel　good　again；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I　told　him　all　about　everything　and　how　lovely　it　was　and　he　understands　perfectly。　He　really　approves。
The　girl　looked　at　David　and　he　saw　the　way　her　teeth　bit　her　upper　lip　and　what　she　said　to　him　with　her　eyes。　〃It　was　dull　in　town。　I　missed　the　swimming；〃　he　said。
〃You　don't　know　what　you　missed；〃　Catherine　said。　〃You　missed　everything。　It　was　what　I　wanted　to　do　all　my　life　and　now　I've　done　it　and　I　loved　it。〃
The　girl　was　looking　down　at　her　glass。
〃The　most　wonderful　thing　is　that　I　feel　so　grown　up　now。　But　it's　exhausting。　Of　course　it's　what　I　wanted　and　now　I've　done　it　and　I　know　I'm　just　an　apprentice　but　I　won't　always　be。〃
〃Apprentice　allowance　claimed；〃　David　said　and　took　a　chance　then　and　said　very　cheerfully；　〃Don't　you　ever　talk　on　any　other　subjects？　Perversion's　dull　and　old　fashioned。　I　didn't　know　people　like　us　even　kept　up　on　it。
〃I　suppose　it's　only　really　interesting　the　first　time　one　does　it；〃　Catherine　said。
〃And　then　only　to　the　person　who　does　it　and　a　bloody　bore　to　everyone　else；〃　David　said。　〃Do　you　agree；　Heiress？〃
〃Do　you　call　her　Heiress？〃　Cath