lecture08- 第5部分

began　to　trace　a　relationship；　until　I　was　convinced　that　they



are　all　growths　from　the　two　roots　I　have　specified。　　I　have　felt



the　freedom　now　for　so　long　a　time　that　I　am　sure　of　my　relation



toward　it；　and　I　could　no　more　harbor　any　of　the　thieving　and



depressing　influences　that　once　I　nursed　as　a　heritage　of



humanity　than　a　fop　would　voluntarily　wallow　in　a　filthy　gutter。







〃There　is　no　doubt　in　my　mind　that　pure　Christianity　and　pure



Buddhism；　and　the　Mental　Sciences　and　all　Religions　fundamentally



teach　what　has　been　a　discovery　to　me；　but　none　of　them　have



presented　it　in　the　light　of　a　simple　and　easy　process　of



elimination。　　At　one　time　I　wondered　if　the　elimination　would　not



yield　to　indifference　and　sloth。　　In　my　experience；　the　contrary



is　the　result。　　I　feel　such　an　increased　desire　to　do　something



useful　that　it　seems　as　if　I　were　a　boy　again　and　the　energy　for



play　had　returned。　　I　could　fight　as　readily　as　（and　better　than）



ever；　if　there　were　occasion　for　it。　　It　does　not　make　one　a



coward。　　It　can't；　since　fear　is　one　of　the　things　eliminated。　　I



notice　the　absence　of　timidity　in　the　presence　of　any　audience。　



When　a　boy；　I　was　standing　under　a　tree　which　was　struck　by



lightning；　and　received　a　shock　from　the　effects　of　which　I　never



knew　exemption　until　I　had　dissolved　partnership　with　worry。　



Since　then；　lightning　and　thunder　have　been　encountered　under



conditions　which　would　formerly　have　caused　great　depression　and



discomfort；　without　＇my＇　experiencing　a　trace　of　either。　



Surprise　is　also　greatly　modified；　and　one　is　less　liable　to



become　startled　by　unexpected　sights　or　noises。







〃As　far　as　I　am　individually　concerned；　I　am　not　bothering　myself



at　present　as　to　what　the　results　of　this　emancipated　condition



may　be。　　I　have　no　doubt　that　the　perfect　health　aimed　at　by



Christian　Science　may　be　one　of　the　possibilities；　for　I　note　a



marked　improvement　in　the　way　my　stomach　does　its　duty　in



assimilating　the　food　I　give　it　to　handle；　and　I　am　sure　it　works



better　to　the　sound　of　a　song　than　under　the　friction　of　a　frown。



Neither　am　I　wasting　any　of　this　precious　time　formulating　an



idea　of　a　future　existence　or　a　future　Heaven。　　The　Heaven　that　I



have　within　myself　is　as　attractive　as　any　that　has　been　promised



or　that　I　can　imagine；　and　I　am　willing　to　let　the　growth　lead



where　it　will；　as　long　as　the　anger　and　their　brood　have　no　part



in　misguiding　it。〃＇95＇







＇95＇　H。　Fletcher：　　Menticulture；　or　the　A…B…C　of　True　Living；　New



York　and　Chicago；　1899；　pp。　26；　36；　abridged。















The　older　medicine　used　to　speak　of　two　ways；　lysis　and　crisis；



one　gradual；　the　other　abrupt；　in　which　one　might　recover　from　a



bodily　disease。　　In　the　spiritual　realm　there　are　also　two　ways；



one　gradual；　the　other　sudden；　in　which　inner　unification　may



occur。　　Tolstoy　and　Bunyan　may　again　serve　us　as　examples；



examples；　as　it　happens；　of　the　gradual　way；　though　it　must　be



confessed　at　the　outset　that　it　is　hard　to　follow　these　windings



of　the　hearts　of　others；　and　one　feels　that　their　words　do　not



reveal　their　total　secret。







Howe'er　this　be；　Tolstoy；　pursuing　his　unending　questioning；



　seemed　to　come　to　one　insight　after　another。　　First　he



perceived　that　his　conviction　that　life　was　meaningless　took　only



this　finite　life　into　account。　　He　was　looking　for　the　value　of



one　finite　term　in　that　of　another；　and　the　whole　result　could



only　be　one　of　those　indeterminate　equations　in　mathematics　which



end　with　infinity。　　Yet　this　is　as　far　as　the　reasoning　intellect



by　itself　can　go；　unless　irrational　sentiment　or　faith　brings　in



the　infinite。　　Believe　in　the　infinite　as　common　people　do；　and



life　grows　possible　again。







〃Since　mankind　has　existed；　wherever　life　has　been；　there　also



has　been　the　faith　that　gave　the　possibility　of　living。　　Faith　is



the　sense　of　life；　that　sense　by　virtue　of　which　man　does　not



destroy　himself；　but　continues　to　live　on。　　It　is　the　force



whereby　we　live。　If　Man　did　not　believe　that　he　must　live　for



something；　he　would　not　live　at　all。　　The　idea　of　an　infinite



God；　of　the　divinity　of　the　soul；　of　the　union　of　men's　actions



with　Godthese　are　ideas　elaborated　in　the　infinite　secret



depths　of　human　thought。　　They　are　ideas　without　which　there



would　be　no　life；　without　which　I　myself；〃　said　Tolstoy；　〃would



not　exist。　　I　began　to　see　that　I　had　no　right　to　rely　on　my



individual　reasoning　and　neglect　these　answers　given　by　faith；



for　they　are　the　only　answers　to　the　question。〃







Yet　how　believe　as　the　common　people　believe；　steeped　as　they　are



in　grossest　superstition？　　It　is　impossiblebut　yet　their　life！



their　life！　It　is　normal。　　It　is　happy！　　It　is　an　answer　to　the



question！







Little　by　little；　Tolstoy　came　to　the　settled　convictionhe　says



it　took　him　two　years　to　arrive　therethat　his　trouble　had　not



been　with　life　in　general；　not　with　the　common　life　of　common



men；　but　with　the　life　of　the　upper；　intellectual；　artistic



classes；　the　life　which　he　had　personally　always　led；　the



cerebral　life；　the　life　of　conventionality；　artificiality；　and



personal　ambition。　　He　had　been　living　wrongly　and　must　change。　



To　work　for　animal　needs；　to　abjure　lies　and　vanities；　to　relieve



common　wants；　to　be　simple；　to　believe　in　God；　therein　lay



happiness　again。







〃I　remember；〃　he　says；　〃one　day　in　early　spring；　I　was　alone　in



the　forest；　lending　my　ear　to　its　mysterious　noises。　　I　listened；



and　my　thought　went　back　to　what　for　these　three　years　it　always



was　busy　withthe　quest　of　God。　　But　the　idea　of　him；　I　said；



how　did　I　ever　come　by　the　idea？







〃And　again　there　arose　in　me；　with　this　thought；　glad　aspirations



towards　life。　　Everything　in　me　awoke　and　received　a　meaning。　　。　



。　。Why　do　I　look　farther？　　a　voice　within　me　asked。　　He　is　there：







he；　without　whom　one　cannot　live。　　To　acknowledge　God　and　to　live



are　one　and　the　same　thing。　　God　is　what　life　is。　　Well；　then！



live；　seek　God；　and　there　will　be　no　life　without　him。　。　。　。







〃After　this；　things　cleared　up　within　me　and　about　me　better　than



ever；　and　the　light　has　never　wholly　died　away。　　I　was　saved　from



suicide。　　Just　how　or　when　the　change　took　place　I　cannot　tell。　



But　as　insensibly　and　gradually　as　the　force　of　life　had　been



annulled　within　me；　and　I　had　reached　my　moral　death…bed；　just　as



gradually　and　imperceptibly　did　the　energy　of　life　come　back。　



And　what　was　strange　was　that　this　energy　that　came　back　was



nothing　new。　　It　was　my　ancient　juvenile　force　of　faith；　the



belief　that　the　sole　purpose　of　my　life　was　to　be　BETTER。　　　I



gave　up　the　life　of　the　conventional　world；　recognizing　it　to　be



no　life；　but　a　parody　on　life；　which　its　superfluities　simply



keep　us　from　comprehending；〃and　Tolstoy　thereupon　embraced　the



life　of　the　peasants；　and　has　felt　right　and　happy；　or　at　least



relatively　so；　ever　since。＇96＇







＇96＇　I　have　considerably　abridged　Tolstoy's　words　in　my



translation。















As　I　interpret　his　melancholy；　then；　it　was　not　merely　an



accidental　vitiation　of　his　humors；　though　it　was　doubtless　also



that。　　It　was　logically　called　for　by　the　clash　between　his　inner



character　and　his　outer　activities　and　aims。　　Although　a　literary



artist；　Tolstoy　was　one　of　those　primitive　oaks　of　men　to　whom



the　superfluities　and　insincerities；　the　cupidities；



complications；　and　cruelties　of　our　polite　civilization　are



profoundly　unsatisfying；　and　for　whom　the　eternal　veracities　lie



with　more　natural　and　animal　things。　　His　crisis　was　the　getting



of　his　soul　in　order；　the　discovery　of　its　genuine　habitat　and



vocation；　the　escape　from　falsehoods　into　what　for　him　were　ways



of　truth。　　It　was　a　case　of　heterogeneous　personality　tardily　and



slowly　finding　its　unity　and　level。　And　though　not　many　of　us　can



imitate　Tolstoy；　not　having　enough；　perhaps；　of　the　aboriginal



human　marrow　in　our　bones；　most　of　us　may　at　least　feel　as　if　it



might　be　better　for　us　if　we　could。







Bunyan's　recovery　seems　to　have　been　even　slower。　　For　years



together　he　was　alternately　haunted　with　texts　of　Scripture；　now



up　and　now　down；　but　at　last　with　an　ever　growing　relief　in　his



salvation　through　the　blood　of　Christ。







〃My　peace　would　be　in　and　out　twenty　times　a　day；　comfort　now　and



trouble　presently；　peace　now　and　before　I　could　go　a　furlong　as



full　of　guilt　and　fear　as　ever　heart　could　hold。〃　　When　a　good



text　comes　home　to　him；　〃This；〃　he　writes；　〃gave　me　good



encouragement　for　the　space　of　two　or　three　hours〃；　or　〃This　was



a　good　day　to　me；　I　hope　I　shall　not　forget　it〃；　or　〃The　glory　of



these　words　was　then　so　weighty　on　me　that　I　was　ready　to　swoon



as　I　sat；　yet；　not　with　grief　and　trouble；　but　with　solid　joy　and



peace〃；　or　〃This　made　a　strange　seizure　on　my　spirit；　it　brought



light　with　it；　and　commanded　a　silence　in　my　heart　of　all　those



tumultuous　thoughts　that　before　did　use；　like　masterless



hell…hounds；　to　roar　and　bellow　and　make　a　hideous　noise　within



me。　　It　showed　me　that　Jesus　Christ　had　not　quite　forsaken　and



cast　off　my　Soul。〃







Such　periods　accumulate　until　he　can　write：　　〃And　now　remained



only　the　hinder　part　of　the　tempest；　for　the　thunder　was　gone



beyond　me；　only　some　drops　would　still　remain；　that　now　and　then



would　fall　upon　me〃；an