resolution to study hard during another term at the college had
been formed； not for the sake of becoming learned； but that she
might become more worthy of Smilash； and when she learned the
truth about him from his own lips； the idea of returning to the
scene of that humiliation became intolerable to her。 She left
under the impression that her heart was broken； for her smarting
vanity； by the law of its own existence； would not perceive that
it was the seat of the injury。 So she bade Miss Wilson adieu； and
the bee on the window pane was heard no more at Alton College。
The intelligence of Henrietta's death shocked her the more
because she could not help being glad that the only other person
who knew of her folly with regard to Smilash （himself excepted）
was now silenced forever。 This seemed to her a terrible discovery
of her own depravity。 Under its influence she became almost
religious； and caused some anxiety about her health to her
mother； who was puzzled by her unwonted seriousness； and； in
particular； by her determination not to speak of the misconduct
of Trefusis； which was now the prevailing topic of conversation
in the family。 She listened in silence to gossiping discussions
of his desertion of his wife； his heartless indifference to her
decease； his violence and bad language by her deathbed； his
parsimony； his malicious opposition to the wishes of the
Janseniuses； his cheap tombstone with the insulting epitaph； his
association with common workmen and low demagogues； his suspected
connection with a secret society for the assassination of the
royal family and blowing up of the army； his atheistic denial； in
a pamphlet addressed to the clergy； of a statement by the
Archbishop of Canterbury that spiritual aid alone could improve
the condition of the poor in the East…end of London； and the
crowning disgrace of his trial for seditious libel at the Old
Bailey； where he was condemned to six months' imprisonment； a
penalty from which he was rescued by the ingenuity of his
counsel； who discovered a flaw in the indictment； and succeeded；
at great cost to Trefusis； in getting the sentence quashed。
Agatha at last got tired of hearing of his misdeeds。 She believed
him to be heartless； selfish； and misguided； but she knew that he
was not the loud； coarse； sensual； and ignorant brawler most of
her mother's gossips supposed him to be。 She even felt； in spite
of herself； an emotion of gratitude to the few who ventured to
defend him。
Preparation for her first season helped her to forget her
misadventure。 She 〃came out〃 in due time； and an extremely dull
season she found it。 So much so； that she sometimes asked herself
whether she should ever be happy again。 At the college there had
been good fellowship； fun； rules； and duties which were a source
of strength when observed and a source of delicious excitement
when violated； freedom from ceremony； toffee making； flights on
the banisters； and appreciative audiences for the soldier in the
chimney。
In society there were silly conversations lasting half a minute；
cool acquaintanceships founded on such half…minutes； general
reciprocity of suspicion； overcrowding； insufficient ventilation；
bad music badly executed； late hours； unwholesome food；
intoxicating liquors； jealous competition in useless expenditure；
husband…hunting； flirting； dancing； theatres； and concerts。 The
last three； which Agatha liked； helped to make the contrast
between Alton and London tolerable to her； but they had their
drawbacks； for good partners at the dances； and good performances
at the spiritless opera and concerts； were disappointingly
scarce。 Flirting she could not endure； she drove men away when
they became tender； seeing in them the falsehood of Smilash
without his wit。 She was considered rude by the younger gentlemen
of her circle。 They discussed her bad manners among themselves；
and agreed to punish her by not asking her to dance。 She thus got
rid； without knowing why； of the attentions she cared for least
（she retained a schoolgirl's cruel contempt for 〃boys〃）； and
enjoyed herself as best she could with such of the older or more
sensible men as were not intolerant of girls。
At best the year was the least happy she had ever spent。 She
repeatedly alarmed her mother by broaching projects of becoming a
hospital nurse； a public singer； or an actress。 These projects
led to some desultory studies。 In order to qualify herself as a
nurse she read a handbook of physiology； which Mrs。 Wylie thought
so improper a subject for a young lady that she went in tears to
beg Mrs。 Jansenius to remonstrate with her unruly girl。 Mrs。
Jansenius； better advised； was of opinion that the more a woman
knew the more wisely she was likely to act； and that Agatha would
soon drop the physiology of her own accord。 This proved true。
Agatha； having finished her book by dint of extensive skipping；
proceeded to study pathology from a volume of clinical lectures。
Finding her own sensations exactly like those described in the
book as symptoms of the direst diseases； she put it by in alarm；
and took up a novel； which was free from the fault she had found
in the lectures； inasmuch as none of the emotions it described in
the least resembled any she had ever experienced。
After a brief interval； she consulted a fashionable teacher of
singing as to whether her voice was strong enough for the
operatic stage。 He recommended her to study with him for six
years； assuring her that at the end of that periodif she
followed his directionsshe should be the greatest singer in the
world。 To this there was； in her mind； the conclusive objection
that in six years she should be an old woman。 So she resolved to
try privately whether she could not get on more quickly by
herself。 Meanwhile； with a view to the drama in case her operatic
scheme should fail； she took lessons in elocution and gymnastics。
Practice in these improved her health and spirits so much that
her previous aspirations seemed too limited。 She tried her hand
at all the arts in succession； but was too discouraged by the
weakness of her first attempts to persevere。 She knew that as a
general rule there are feeble and ridiculous beginnings to all
excellence； but she never applied general rules to her own case；
still thinking of herself as an exception to them； just as she
had done when she romanced about Smilash。 The illusions of
adolescence were thick upon her。
Meanwhile her progress was creating anxieties in which she had no
share。 Her paroxysms of exhilaration； followed by a gnawing sense
of failure and uselessness； were known to her mother only as
〃wildness〃 and 〃low spirits；〃 to be combated by needlework as a
sedative； or beef tea as a stimulant。 Mrs。 Wylie had learnt by
rote that the whole duty of a lady is to be graceful； charitable；
helpful； modest； and disinterested whilst awaiting passively
whatever lot these virtues may induce。 But she had learnt by
experience that a lady's business in society is to get married；
and that virtues and accomplishments alike are important only as
attractions to eligible bachelors。 As this truth is shameful；
young ladies are left for a year or two to find it out for
themselves； it is seldom explicitly conveyed to them at their
entry into society。 Hence they often throw away capital bargains
in their first season； and are compelled to offer themselves at
greatly reduced prices subsequently；when their attractions begin
to stale。 This was the fate which Mrs。 Wylie； warned by Mrs。
Jansenius； feared for Agatha； who； time after time when a callow
gentleman of wealth and position was introduced to her； drove him
brusquely away as soon as he ventured to hint that 200
his affections were concerned in their acquaintanceship。 The
anxious mother had to console herself with the fact that her
daughter drove away the ineligible as ruthlessly as the eligible；
formed no unworldly attachments； was still very young； and would
grow less coy as she advanced in years and in what Mrs。 Jansenius
called sense。
But as the seasons went by it remained questionable whether
Agatha was the more to be congratulated on having begun life
after leaving school or Henrietta on having finished it。
CHAPTER XI
Brandon Beeches； in the Thames valley； was the seat of Sir
Charles Brandon； seventh baronet of that name。 He had lost his
father before attaining his majority； and had married shortly
afterwards； so that in his twenty…fifth year he was father to
three children。 He was a little worn； in spite of his youth； but
he was tall and agreeable； had a winning way of taking a kind and
soothing view of the misfortunes of others； could tell a story
well； liked music and could play and sing a little； loved the
arts of design and could sketch a little in water colors； read
every magazine from London to Paris that criticised pictures； had
travelled a little； fished a little； shot a little； botanized a
little； wandered restlessly in the footsteps of women； and
dissipated his energies through all the small channels that his
wealth opened and his talents made easy to him。 He had no large
knowledge of any subject； though he had looked into many just far
enough to replace absolute unconsciousness of them with
measurable ignorance。 Never having enjoyed the sense of
achievement； he was troubled with unsatisfied aspirations that
filled him with melancholy and convinced him that he was a born
artist。 His wife found him selfish； peevish； hankering after
change； and prone to believe that he was attacked by dangerous
disease when he was only catching cold。
Lady Brandon； who believed that he understood all the subjects he
talked about because she did not understand them herself； was one
of his disappointments。 In person she resembled none of the types
of beauty striven after by the painters of her time； but she had
charms to which few men are insensible。 She was tall； soft； and
stout； with ample and shapely arms； shoulders； and hips。 With her
small head； little ears； pretty lips； and roguish eye； she； being
a very large creature； presented an immensity of half womanly；
half infantile loveliness which smote even grave men with a
desire to clasp her in their arm