one cheap morsel of oily butter； and his darned dirty tablecloth。
It sickens me to think of it。
〃I coaxed and comforted the miserable old creature till the tears
stood in his eyes； and he quite blushed with pleasure。 He
undertakes to look after the Pedgifts with the utmost alacrity。
Pedgift the elder he described； when once roused； as the most
obstinate man livin g； nothing will induce him to give way；
unless Armadale gives way also on his side。 Pedgift the younger
is much the more likely of the two to make attempts at a
reconciliation。 Such； at least； is Bashwood's opinion。 It is of
very little consequence now what happens either way。 The only
important thing is to tie my elderly admirer safely again to my
apron…string。 And this is done。
〃The post is late this morning。 It has only just come in； and has
brought me a letter from Midwinter。
〃It is a charming letter； it flatters me and flutters me as if I
was a young girl again。 No reproaches for my never having written
to him； no hateful hurrying of me； in plain words； to marry him。
He only writes to tell me a piece of news。 He has obtained；
through his lawyers； a prospect of being employed as occasional
correspondent to a newspaper which is about to be started in
London。 The employment will require him to leave England for the
Continent； which would exactly meet his own wishes for the
future； but he cannot consider the proposal seriously until he
has first ascertained whether it would meet my wishes too。 He
knows no will but mine； and he leaves me to decide； after first
mentioning the time allowed him before his answer must be sent
in。 It is the time； of course （if I agree to his going abroad）；
in which I must marry him。 But there is not a word about this in
his letter。 He asks for nothing but a sight of my handwriting to
help him through the interval while we are separated from each
other。
〃That is the letter； not very long； but so prettily expressed。
〃I think I can penetrate the secret of his fancy for going
abroad。 That wild idea of putting the mountains and the seas
between Armadale and himself is still in his mind。 As if either
he or I could escape doing what we are fated to dosupposing we
really are fatedby putting a few hundred or a few thousand
miles between Armadale and ourselves！ What strange absurdity and
inconsistency！ And yet how I like him for being absurd and
inconsistent； for don't I see plainly that I am at the bottom of
it all？ Who leads this clever man astray in spite of himself？ Who
makes him too blind to see the contradiction in his own conduct；
which he would see plainly in the conduct of another person？ How
interested I do feel in him！ How dangerously near I am to
shutting my eyes on the past； and letting myself love him！ Was
Eve fonder of Adam than ever； I wonder； after she had coaxed him
into eating the apple？ I should have quite doted on him if I had
been in her place。 （Memorandum： To write Midwinter a charming
little letter on my side； with a kiss in it； and as time is
allowed him before he sends in his answer； to ask for time； too；
before I tell him whether I will or will not go abroad。）
〃Five o'clock。A tiresome visit from my landlady； eager for a
little gossip； and full of news which she thinks will interest
me。
〃She is acquainted； I find； with Mrs。 Milroy's late nurse； and
she has been seeing her friend off at the station this afternoon。
They talked； of course； of affairs at the cottage； and my name
found its way into the conversation。 I am quite wrong； it seems；
if the nurse's authority is to be trusted； in believing Miss
Milroy to be responsible for sending Mr。 Armadale to my reference
in London。 Miss Milroy really knew nothing about it； and it all
originated in her mother's mad jealousy of me。 The present
wretched state of things at the cottage is due entirely to the
same cause。 Mrs。 Milroy is firmly persuaded that my remaining at
Thorpe Ambrose is referable to my having some private means of
communicating with the major which it is impossible for her to
discover。 With this conviction in her mind； she has become so
unmanageable that no person； with any chance of bettering
herself； could possibly remain in attendance an her； and sooner
or later； the major； object to it as he may； will be obliged to
place her under proper medical care。
〃That is the sum and substance of what the wearisome landlady；
had to tell me。 Unnecessary to say that I was not in the least
interested by it。 Even if the nurse's s assertion is to be
depended onwhich I persist in doubtingit is of no importance
now。 I know that Miss Milroy； and nobody but Miss Milroy has
utterly ruined my prospect of becoming Mrs。 Armadale of Thorpe
Ambrose； and I care to know nothing more。 If her mother was
really alone in the attempt to expose my false reference； her
mother seems to be suffering for it； at any rate。 And so good…by
to Mrs。 Milroy； and Heaven defend me from any more last glimpses
at the cottages seen through the medium of my landlady's
spectacles！
〃Nine o'clock。Bashwood has just left me； having come with news
from the great house。 Pedgift the younger has made his attempt at
bringing about a reconciliation this very day； and has failed。 I
am the sole cause of the failure。 Armadale is quite willing to be
reconciled if Pedgift the elder will avoid all future occasion of
disagreement between them by never recurring to the subject of
Miss Gwilt。 This； however； happens to be exactly the condition
which Pedgift's fatherwith his opinion of me and my
doingsshould consider it his duty to Armadale _not_ to accept。
So lawyer and client remain as far apart as ever； and the
obstacle of the Pedgifts is cleared out of my way。
〃It might have been a very awkward obstacle； so far as Pedgift
the elder is concerned； if one of his suggestions had been
carried out； I mean； if an officer of the London police had been
brought down here to look at me。 It is a question； even now；
whether I had better not take to the thick veil again； which I
always wear in London and other large places。 The only difficulty
is that it would excite remark in this inquisitive little town to
see me wearing a thick veil； for the first time； in the summer
weather。
〃It is close on ten o'clock； I have been dawdling over my diary
longer than I supposed。
〃No words can describe how weary and languid I feel。 Why don't I
take my sleeping drops and go to bed？ There is no meeting between
Armadale and Miss Milroy to force me into early rising to…morrow
morning。 Am I trying； for the hundredth time； to see my way
clearly into the futuretrying； in my present state of fatigue；
to be the quick…witted woman I once was； before all these
anxieties came together and overpowered me？ or am I perversely
afraid of my bed when I want it most？ I don't know； I am tired
and miserable； I am looking wretchedly haggard and old。 With a
little encouragement； I might be fool enough to burst out crying。
Luckily； there is no one to encourage me。 What sort of a night is
it； I wonder？
〃A cloudy night； with the moon showing at intervals； and the wind
rising。 I can just hear it moaning among the ins and outs of the
unfinished cottages at the end of the street。 My nerves must be a
little shaken； I think。 I was startled just now by a shadow on
the wall。 It was only after a moment or two that I mustered sense
enough to notice where the candle was； and to see that the shadow
was my own。
〃Shadows remind me of Midwinter； or； if the shadows don't；
something else does。 I must have another look at his letter； and
then I will positively go to bed。
〃I shall end in getting fond of him。 If I remain much longer in
this lonely uncertain stateso irresolute； so unlike my usual
selfI shall end in getting fond of him。 What madness！ As if _I_
could ever be really fond of a man again！
〃Suppose I took one of my sudden resolutions； and married him。
Poor as he is； he would give me a name and a position if I became
his wife。 Let me see how the namehis own namewould look； if I
really did consent to it for mine。
〃 'Mrs。 Armadale！' Pretty。
〃 'Mrs。 Allan Armadale！' Prettier still。
〃My nerves _must_ be shaken。 Here is my own handwriting startling
me now！ It is so strange； it is enough to startle anybody。 The
similarity in the two names never struck me in this light before。
Marry which of the two I might； my name would； of course； be the
same。 I should have been Mrs。 Armadale； if I had married the
light…haired Allan at the great house。 And I can be Mrs。 Armadale
still； if I marry the dark…haired Allan in London。 It's alm ost
maddening to write it downto feel that something ought to come
of itand to find nothing come。
〃How _can_ anything come of it？ If I did go to London； and marry
him （as of course I must marry him） under his real name； would he
let me be known by it afterward？ With all his reasons for
concealing his real name； he would insistno； he is too fond of
me to do thathe would entreat me to take the name which he has
assumed。 Mrs。 Midwinter。 Hideous！ Ozias； too； when I wanted to
address him familiarly； as his wife should。 Worse than hideous！
〃And yet there would be some reason for humoring him in this if
he asked me。
〃Suppose the brute at the great house happened to leave this
neighborhood as a single man； and suppose； in his absence； any of
the people who know him heard of a Mrs。 Allan Armadale； they
would set her down at once as his wife。 Even if they actually saw
meif I actually came among them with that name； and if he was
not present to contradict ithis own servants would be the first
to say； 'We knew she would marry him； after all！' And my
lady…patronesses； who will be ready to believe anything of me now
we have quarreled； would join the chorus _sotto voce：_ 'Only
think； my dear； the report that so shocked us actually turns out
to be true！' No。 If I marry Midwinter； I must either be
perpetually putting my husband and myself in a false positionor
I must leave his real name； his pretty； romantic name； behind me
at the church door。
〃My husband！ As if I was really going to marry him！ I am _not_
going to marry him； and there's an end of it。
〃Half…past ten。Oh； dear！ oh； dear！ how