with me for life； in the matrimonial waggon She has quarrelled
with the servants of the house about vails； and such intolerable
scolding ensued on both sides； that I have been fain to appease
the cook and chambermaid by stealth。 Can't you find some poor
gentleman of Wales； to take this precious commodity off the hands
of
Yours；
MATT。 BRAMBLE
BATH； May 19。
To Dr LEWIS。
DOCTER LEWS；
Give me leaf to tell you； methinks you mought employ your talons
better； than to encourage servants to pillage their masters。 I
find by Gwyllim； that Villiams has got my skin； for which he is
an impotent rascal。 He has not only got my skin； but； moreover；
my butter…milk to fatten his pigs； and； I suppose； the next thing
he gets； will be my pad to carry his daughter to church and fair：
Roger gets this； and Roger gets that； but I'd have you to know； I
won't be rogered at this rate by any ragmatical fellow in the
kingdom And I am surprised； docter Lews； you would offer to put
my affairs in composition with the refuge and skim of the hearth。
I have toiled and moyled to a good purpuss； for the advantage of
Matt's family； if I can't safe as much owl as will make me an
under petticoat。 As for the butter…milk； ne'er a pig in the
parish shall thrust his snout in it； with my good…will。 There's a
famous physician at the Hot Well； that prescribes it to his
patience； when the case is consumptive； and the Scots and Irish
have begun to drink it already； in such quantities； that there is
not a drop left for the hogs in the whole neighbourhood of
Bristol。 I'll have our butter…milk barrelled up； and sent twice
a…week to Aberginny； where it may be sold for a half…penny the
quart； and so Roger may carry his pigs to another market I hope；
Docter； you will not go to put any more such phims in my
brother's head； to the prejudice of my pockat； but rather give me
some raisins （which hitherto you have not done） to subscribe
myself
Your humble servant；
TAB。 BRAMBLE
BATH； May 19。
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS； of Jesus college； Oxon。
DEAR PHILLIPS；
Without waiting for your answer to my last； I proceed to give you
an account of our journey to London； which has not been wholly
barren of adventure。 Tuesday last the 'squire took his place in a
hired coach and four； accompanied by his sister and mine； and Mrs
Tabby's maid； Winifrid Jenkins； whose province it was to support
Chowder on a cushion in her lap。 I could scarce refrain from
laughing when I looked into the vehicle； and saw that animal
sitting opposite to my uncle； like any other passenger。 The
squire； ashamed of his situation； blushed to the eyes： and；
calling to the postilions to drive on； pulled the glass up in my
face。 I； and his servant； John Thomas； attended them on
horseback。
Nothing worth mentioning occurred； till we arrived on the edge of
Marlborough Downs。 There one of the four horses fell； in going
down hill at a round trot； and the postilion behind； endeavouring
to stop the carriage； pulled it on one side into a deep rut；
where it was fairly overturned。 I had rode on about two hundred
yards before； but； hearing a loud scream； galloped back and
dismounted； to give what assistance was in my power。 When I
looked into the coach； I could see nothing distinctly； but the
nether end of Jenkins； who was kicking her heels and squalling
with great vociferation。 All of a sudden； my uncle thrust up his
bare pate； and bolted through the window； as nimble as a
grasshopper； having made use of poor Win's posteriors as a step
to rise in his ascent The man （who had likewise quitted his
horse） dragged this forlorn damsel； more dead than alive； through
the same opening。 Then Mr Bramble； pulling the door off its
hinges with a jerk； laid hold on Liddy's arm； and brought her to
the light； very much frighted； but little hurt。 It fell to my
share to deliver our aunt Tabitha； who had lost her cap in the
struggle； and being rather more than half frantic； with rage and
terror； was no bad representation of one of the sister Furies
that guard the gates of hell She expressed no sort of concern
for her brother； who ran about in the cold； without his periwig；
and worked with the most astonishing agility； in helping to
disentangle the horses from the carriage： but she cried； in a
tone of distraction； 'Chowder！ Chowder！ my dear Chowder！ my poor
Chowder is certainly killed！'
This was not the case Chowder； after having tore my uncle's leg
in the confusion of the fall； had retreated under the scat； and
from thence the footman drew him by the neck； for which good
office； he bit his fingers to the bone。 The fellow； who is
naturally surly； was so provoked at this assault； that he saluted
his ribs with a hearty kick； exclaiming； 'Damn the nasty son of a
bitch； and them he belongs to！' A benediction； which was by no
means lost upon the implacable virago his mistress Her brother；
however； prevailed upon her to retire into a peasant's house；
near the scene of action； where his head and hers were covered；
and poor Jenkins had a fit。 Our next care was to apply some
sticking plaister to the wound in his leg； which exhibited the
impression of Chowder's teeth； but he never opened his lips
against the delinquent Mrs Tabby； alarmed at this scene； 'You
say nothing； Matt （cried she）； but I know your mind I know the
spite you have to that poor unfortunate animal！ I know you intend
to take his life away！' 'You are mistaken； upon my honour！
（replied the squire； with a sarcastic smile） I should be
incapable of harbouring any such cruel design against an object
so amiable and inoffensive； even if he had not the happiness to
be your favourite。'
John Thomas was not so delicate。 The fellow； whether really
alarmed for his life； or instigated by the desire of revenge；
came in； and bluntly demanded； that the dog should be put to
death； on the supposition； that if ever he should run mad
hereafter； he； who had been bit by him； would be infected My
uncle calmly argued upon the absurdity of his opinion； observing；
that he himself was in the same predicament； and would certainly
take the precaution he proposed； if he was not sure he ran no
risque of infection。 Nevertheless； Thomas continued obstinate；
and； at length declared； that if the dog was not shot
immediately； he himself would be his executioner This
declaration opened the flood…gates of Tabby's eloquence； which
would have shamed the first…rate oratress of Billingsgate。 The
footman retorted in the same stile； and the squire dismissed him
from his service； after having prevented me from giving him a
good horse…whipping for his insolence。
The coach being adjusted； another difficulty occurred Mrs
Tabitha absolutely refused to enter it again； unless another
driver could be found to take the place of the postilion； who；
she affirmed； had overturned the carriage from malice
aforethought After much dispute； the man resigned his place to a
shabby country fellow； who undertook to go as far as Marlborough；
where they could be better provided； and at that place we arrived
about one O'clock； without farther impediment。 Mrs Bramble；
however； found new matter of offence； which； indeed； she has a
particular genius for extracting at will from almost every
incident in life。 We had scarce entered the room at Marlborough；
where we stayed to dine； when she exhibited a formal complaint
against the poor fellow who had superseded the postilion。 She
said he was such a beggarly rascal that he had ne'er a shirt
to his back； and had the impudence to shock her sight by shewing
his bare posteriors； for which act of indelicacy he deserved to
be set in the stocks。 Mrs Winifred Jenkins confirmed the assertion；
with respect to his nakedness； observing； at the same time； that
he had a skin as fair as alabaster。
'This is a heinous offence； indeed （cried my uncle） let us hear
what the fellow has to say in his own vindication。' He was
accordingly summoned； and made his appearance； which was equally
queer and pathetic。 He seemed to be about twenty years of age； of
a middling size； with bandy legs； stooping shoulders； high
forehead； sandy locks； pinking eyes； flat nose； and long chin
but his complexion was of a sickly yellow； his looks denoted
famine； and the rags that he wore could hardly conceal what
decency requires to be covered My uncle； having surveyed him
attentively； said； with an ironical expression in his
countenance； 'An't you ashamed； fellow； to ride postilion without
a shirt to cover your backside from the view of the ladies in the
coach？' 'Yes； I am； an please your noble honour （answered the
man） but necessity has no law； as the saying is And more than
that； it was an accident。 My breeches cracked behind； after I had
got into the saddle' 'You're an impudent varlet （cried Mrs Tabby）
for presuming to ride before persons of fashion without a shirt'
'I am so； an please your worthy ladyship （said he） but I am a
poor Wiltshire lad I ha'n't a shirt in the world； that I can
call my own； nor a rag of clothes； and please your ladyship； but
what you see I have no friend nor relation upon earth to help me
out I have had the fever and ague these six months； and spent
all I had in the world upon doctors； and to keep soul and body
together； and； saving your ladyship's good presence； I han't
broke bread these four and twenty hours。'
Mrs Bramble； turning from him； said； she had never seen such a
filthy tatterdemalion； and bid him begone； observing； that he
would fill the room full of vermin Her brother darted a
significant glance at her； as she retired with Liddy into another
apartment； and then asked the man if he was known to any person
in Marlborough？ When he answered； that the landlord of the inn
had known him from his infancy； mine host was immediately called；
and being interrogated on the subject； declared that the young
fellow's name was Humphry Clinker。 That he had been a love
begotten babe； brought up in the work…house； and put out
apprentice by the parish to a country black…smith； who died
before the boy's time was out： that he had for some time worked
under his ostler； as a helper and extra postilion； till he was
taken ill of the ague； which disabled hi