universal anarchy and uproar must ensue。 Will any sensible man
affirm； that the national advantages of opulence are to be sought
on these terms？' 'No； sure； but I am one of those who think；
that； by proper regulations； commerce may produce every national
benefit； without the allay of such concomitant evils。'
So much for the dogmata of my friend Lismahago； whom I describe
the more circumstantially； as I firmly believe he will set up his
rest in Monmouthshire。 Yesterday； while I was alone with him he
asked； in some confusion； if I should have any objection to the
success of a gentleman and a soldier； provided he should be so
fortunate as to engage my sister's affection。 I answered without
hesitation； that my sister was old enough to judge for
herself； and that I should be very far from disapproving any
resolution she might take in his favour。 His eyes sparkled at
this declaration。 He declared； he should think himself the
happiest man on earth to be connected with my family； and that he
should never be weary of giving me proofs of his gratitude and
attachment。 I suppose Tabby and he are already agreed； in which
case； we shall have a wedding at Brambleton…hall； and you shall
give away the bride。 It is the least thing you can do； by way
of atonement for your former cruelty to that poor love…sick
maiden； who has been so long a thorn in the side of
Yours；
MATT。 BRAMBLE
Sept。 20。
We have been at Buxton； but； as I did not much relish either the
company or the accommodations； and had no occasion for the water；
we stayed but two nights in the place。
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS； Bart。 of Jesus college； Oxon。
DEAR WAT；
Adventures begin to thicken as we advance to the southward。
Lismahago has now professed himself the admirer of our aunt； and
carries on his addresses under the sanction of her brother's
approbation； so that we shall certainly have a wedding by
Christmas。 I should be glad you was present at the nuptials； to
help me throw the stocking； and perform other ceremonies peculiar
to that occasion。 I am sure it will be productive of some
diversion； and； truly； it would be worth your while to come
across the country on purpose to see two such original figures in
bed together； with their laced night caps； he； the emblem of good
cheer； and she； the picture of good nature。 All this agreeable
prospect was clouded； and had well nigh vanished entirely； in
consequence of a late misunderstanding between the future
brothers…in…law； which； however； is now happily removed。
A few days ago； my uncle and I； going to visit a relation； met
with lord Oxmington at his house； who asked us to dine with him；
next day； and we accepted the invitation。 Accordingly； leaving
our women under the care of captain Lismahago； at the inn where
we had lodged the preceding night； in a little town； about a mile
from his lordship's dwelling； we went at the hour appointed； and
had a fashionable meal served up with much ostentation to a
company of about a dozen persons； none of whom he had ever seen
before。 His lordship is much more remarkable for his pride and
caprice； than for his hospitality and understanding； and； indeed；
it appeared； that he considered his guests merely as objects to
shine upon； so as to reflect the lustre of his own magnificence
There was much state； but no courtesy； and a great deal of
compliment without any conversation。 Before the desert was
removed； our noble entertainer proposed three general toasts；
then calling for a glass of wine； and bowing all round； wished us
a good afternoon。 This was the signal for the company to break
up； and they obeyed it immediately； all except our 'squire who
was greatly shocked at the manner of this dismission He changed
countenance； bit his lip in silence； but still kept his seat； so
that his lordship found himself obliged to give us another hint；
by saying； he should be glad to see us another time。 'There is no
time like the present （cried Mr Bramble）； your lordship has not
yet drank a bumper to the best in Christendom。' 'I'll drink no
more bumpers to…day （answered our landlord）； and I am sorry to
see you have drank too many。 Order the gentleman's carriage to
the gate。' So saying； he rose and retired abruptly； our 'squire
starting up at the same time； laying his hand upon his sword； and
eyeing him with a most ferocious aspect。 The master having
vanished in this manner； our uncle bad one of the servants to see
what was to pay； and the fellow answering； 'This is no inn；' 'I
cry you mercy （cried the other）； I perceive it is not； if it
were； the landlord would be more civil。 There's a guinea；
however； take it； and tell your lord； that I shall riot leave the
country till I have had the opportunity to thank him in person
for his politeness and hospitality。'
We then walked down stairs through a double range of lacqueys；
and getting into the chaise； proceeded homewards。 Perceiving the
'squire much ruffled； I ventured to disapprove of his resentment；
observing； that as lord Oxmington was well known to have his
brain very ill timbered； a sensible man should rather laugh； than
be angry at his ridiculous want of breeding。 Mr Bramble took
umbrage at my presuming to be wiser than he upon this occasion；
and told me； that as he had always thought for himself in every
occurrence in life； he would still use the same privilege； with
my good leave。
When we returned to our inn； he closeted Lismahago； and having
explained his grievance； desired that gentleman to go and demand
satisfaction of lord Oxmington in his name。 The lieutenant
charged himself with this commission； and immediately set out a
horseback for his lordship's house； attended； at his own request；
by my man Archy Macalpine； who had been used to military service；
and truly； if Macalpine had been mounted upon an ass； this couple
might have passed for the knight of La Mancha and his 'squire
Panza。 It was not till after some demur that Lismahago obtained a
private audience； at which he formally defied his lordship to
single combat； in the name of Mr Bramble； and desired him to
appoint the time and place。 Lord Oxmington was so confounded at
this unexpected message； that he could not； for some time； make
any articulate reply； but stood staring at the lieutenant with
manifest marks of perturbation。 At length； ringing a bell with
great vehemence； he exclaimed； 'What！ a commoner send a challenge
to a peer of the realm！ Privilege！ privilege！ Here's a person
brings me a challenge from the Welshman that dined at my table
An impudent fellow。 My wine is not yet out of his head。'
The whole house was immediately in commotion。 Macalpine made a
soldierly retreat with two horses； but the captain was suddenly
surrounded and disarmed by the footmen； whom a French valet de
chambre headed in this exploit； his sword was passed through a
close…stool； and his person through the horse…pond。 In this
plight he returned to the inn； half mad with his disgrace。 So
violent was the rage of his indignation； that he mistook its
object。 He wanted to quarrel with Mr Bramble； he said； he had
been dishonoured on his account； and he looked for reparation at
his hands。 My uncle's back was up in a moment； and he desired
him to explain his pretensions。 'Either compel lord Oxmington to
give me satisfaction （cried he）； or give it me in your own
person。' 'The latter part of the alternative is the most easy and
expeditious （replied the 'squire； starting up）： if you are
disposed for a walk； I'll attend you this moment。'
Here they were interrupted by Mrs Tabby； who had overheard all
that passed。 She now burst into the room； and running betwixt
them； in great agitation； 'Is this your regard for me （said she
to the lieutenant）； to seek the life of my brother？' Lismahago；
who seemed to grow cool as my uncle grew hot； assured her he had
a very great respect for Mr Bramble； but he had still more for
his own honour； which had suffered pollution； but if that could
be once purified； he should have no further cause of
dissatisfaction。 The 'squire said； he should have thought it
incumbent upon him to vindicate the lieutenant's honour； but； as
he had now carved for himself； he might swallow and digest it as
well as he could In a word； what betwixt the mediation of Mrs
Tabitha； the recollection of the captain； who perceived he had
gone too far； and the remonstrances of your humble servant； who
joined them at this juncture； those two originals were perfectly
reconciled； and then we proceeded to deliberate upon the means of
taking vengeance for the insults they had received from the
petulant peer； for； until that aim should be accomplished； Mr
Bramble swore； with great emphasis； that he would not leave the
inn where we now lodged； even if he should pass his Christmas on
the spot。
In consequence of our deliberations； we next day； in the
forenoon； proceeded in a body to his lordship's house； all of us；
with our servants； including the coachman； mounted a…horseback；
with our pistols loaded and ready primed。 Thus prepared for
action； we paraded solemnly and slowly before his lordship's
gate； which we passed three times in such a manner； that he could
not but see us； and suspect the cause of our appearance。 After
dinner we returned； and performed the same cavalcade； which was
again repeated the morning following； but we had no occasion to
persist in these manoeuvres。 About noon； we were visited by the
gentleman； at whose house we had first seen lord Oxmington。 He
now came to make apologies in the name of his lordship； who
declared he had no intention to give offence to my uncle； in
practising what had been always the custom of his house； and that
as for the indignities which had been put upon the officer； they
were offered without his Lordship's knowledge； at the instigation
of his valet de chambre。 'If that be the case （said my uncle； in
a peremptory tone）； I shall be contented with lord Oxmington's
personal excuses； and I hope my friend will be satisfied with his
lordship's turning that insolent rascal out of his service。'
'Sir （cried Lismahago）； I must insist upon taking personal
vengeance for the personal injuries I have sustained。'