'Sir （cried Lismahago）； I must insist upon taking personal
vengeance for the personal injuries I have sustained。'
After some debate； the affair was adjusted in this manner。 His
lordship； meeting us at our friend's house； declared he was sorry
for what had happened； and that he had no intention to give
umbrage。 The valet de chambre asked pardon of the lieutenant
upon his knees； when Lismahago； to the astonishment of all
present； gave him a violent kick on the face； which laid him on
his back； exclaiming in a furious tone； 'Oui je te pardonne； gens
foutre。'
Such was the fortunate issue of this perilous adventure； which
threatened abundance of vexation to our family； for the 'squire
is one of those who will sacrifice both life and fortune； rather
than leave what they conceive to be the least speck or blemish
upon their honour and reputation。 His lordship had no sooner
pronounced his apology； with a very bad grace； than he went away
in some disorder； and； I dare say； he will never invite another
Welchman to his table。
We forthwith quitted the field of this atchievement； in order to
prosecute our journey； but we follow no determinate course。 We
make small deviations； to see the remarkable towns； villas； and
curiosities on each side of our route； so that we advance by slow
steps towards the borders of Monmouthshire： but in the midst of
these irregular motions； there is no abberration nor eccentricity
in that affection with which I am； dear Wat；
Yours always；
J。 MELFORD
Sept。 28。
To Dr LEWIS。
DEAR DICK；
At what time of life may a man think himself exempted from the
necessity of sacrificing his repose to the punctilios of a
contemptible world？ I have been engaged in a ridiculous
adventure； which I shall recount at meeting； and this； I hope；
will not be much longer delayed； as we have now performed almost
all our visits； and seen every thing that I think has any right
to retard us in our journey homewards A few days ago；
understanding by accident； that my old friend Baynard was in the
country； I would not pass so near his habitation without paying
him a visit； though our correspondence had been interrupted for a
long course of years。
I felt my self very sensibly affected by the idea of our past
intimacy； as we approached the place where we had spent so many
happy days together； but when we arrived at the house； I could
not recognize any one of those objects； which had been so deeply
impressed upon my remembrance The tall oaks that shaded the
avenue； had been cut down； and the iron gates at the end of it
removed； together with the high wall that surrounded the court
yard。 The house itself； which was formerly a convent of
Cistercian monks； had a venerable appearance： and along the front
that looked into the garden； was a stone gallery； which afforded
me many an agreeable walk； when I was disposed to be
contemplative。 Now the old front is covered with a screen of
modern architecture； so that all without is Grecian； and all
within Gothic。 As for the garden； which was well stocked with the
best fruit which England could produce； there is not now the
least vestage remaining of trees； walls； or hedges Nothing
appears but a naked circus of loose sand； with a dry bason and a
leaden triton in the middle。
You must know； that Baynard； at his father's death； had a clear
estate of fifteen hundred pounds a…year； and was in other
respects extremely well qualified to make a respectable figure in
the commonwealth； but； what with some excesses of youth； and the
expence of a contested election； he in a few years found himself
encumbered with a debt of ten thousand pounds； which he resolved
to discharge by means of a prudent marriage。 He accordingly
married a miss Thomson； whose fortune amounted to double the sum
that he owed She was the daughter of a citizen； who had failed
in trade； but her fortune came by an uncle； who died in the East…Indies
Her own parents being dead； she lived with a maiden aunt；
who had superintended her education； and； in all appearance； was
well enough qualified for the usual purposes of the married
state Her virtues； however； stood rather upon a negative； than a
positive foundation She was neither proud； insolent； nor
capricious； nor given to scandal； nor addicted to gaming； nor
inclined to gallantry。 She could read； and write； and dance； and
sing； and play upon the harpsichord； and smatter French； and take
a hand at whist and ombre； but even these accomplishments she
possessed by halves She excelled in nothing。 Her conversation
was flat； her stile mean； and her expression embarrassed In a
word； her character was totally insipid。 Her person was not
disagreeable； but there was nothing graceful in her address； nor
engaging in her manners； and she was so ill qualified to do the
honours of the house； that when she sat at the head of the table；
one was always looking for the mistress of the family in some
other place。
Baynard had flattered himself； that it would be no difficult
matter to mould such a subject after his own fashion； and that
she would chearfully enter into his views； which were wholly
turned to domestic happiness。 He proposed to reside always in the
country； of which he was fond to a degree of enthusiasm； to
cultivate his estate； which was very improvable； to enjoy the
exercise of rural diversions； to maintain an intimacy of
correspondence with some friends that were settled in his
neighbourhood； to keep a comfortable house； without suffering his
expence to exceed the limits of his income； and to find pleasure
and employ merit for his wife in the management and avocations
of her own family This； however； was a visionary scheme； which
he never was able to realize。 His wife was as ignorant as a new…born
babe of everything that related to the conduct of a family；
and she had no idea of a country…life。 Her understanding did not
reach so far as to comprehend the first principles of discretion；
and； indeed； if her capacity had been better than it was； her
natural indolence would not have permitted her to abandon a
certain routine； to which she had been habituated。 She had not
taste enough to relish any rational enjoyment； but her ruling
passion was vanity； not that species which arises from self…conceit
of superior accomplishments； but that which is of a
bastard and idiot nature； excited by shew and ostentation； which
implies not even the least consciousness of any personal merit。
The nuptial peal of noise and nonsense being rung out in all the
usual changes； Mr Baynard thought it high time to make her
acquainted with the particulars of the plan which he had
projected He told her that his fortune； though sufficient to
afford all the comforts of life； was not ample enough to command
all the superfluities of pomp and pageantry； which； indeed； were
equally absurd and intolerable He therefore hoped she would have
no objection to their leaving London in the spring； when he would
take the opportunity to dismiss some unnecessary domestics； whom
he had hired for the occasion of their marriage She heard him in
silence； and after some pause； 'So （said she） I am to be buried
in the country！' He was so confounded at this reply； that he
could not speak for some minutes： at length he told her； he was
much mortified to find he had proposed anything that was
disagreeable to her ideas 'I am sure （added he） I meant nothing
more than to lay down a comfortable plan of living within the
bounds of our fortune； which is but moderate。' 'Sir （said she）；
you are the best judge of your own affairs My fortune； I know；
does not exceed twenty thousand pounds Yet； even with that
pittance； I might have had a husband who would not have begrudged
me a house in London' 'Good God！ my dear （cried poor Baynard； in
the utmost agitation）； you don't think me so sordid I only
hinted what I thought But； I don't pretend to impose ' 'Yes；
sir （resumed the lady）； it is your prerogative to command； and my
duty to obey' So saying； she burst into tears and retired to her
chamber； where she was joined by her aunt He endeavoured to
recollect himself； and act with vigour of mind on this occasion；
but was betrayed by the tenderness of his nature； which was the
greatest defect of his constitution。 He found the aunt in tears；
and the niece in a fit； which held her the best part of eight
hours； at the expiration of which； she began to talk incoherently
about death and her dear husband； who had sat by her all this
time； and now pressed her hand to his lips； in a transport of
grief and penitence for the offence he had given From thence
forward； he carefully avoided mentioning the country； and they
continued to be sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex of
extravagance and dissipation； leading what is called a
fashionable life in town About the latter end of July； however；
Mrs Baynard； in order to exhibit a proof of conjugal obedience；
desired of her own accord； that they might pay a visit to his
country house； as there was no company left in London。 He would
have excused himself from this excursion which was no part of the
oeconomical plan he had proposed； but she insisted upon making
this sacrifice to his taste and prejudices； and away they went
with such an equipage as astonished the whole country。 All that
remained of the season was engrossed by receiving and returning
visits in the neighbourhood； and； in this intercourse it was
discovered that sir John Chickwell had a house…steward and one
footman in livery more than the complement of Mr Baynard's
household。 This remark was made by the aunt at table； and
assented to by the husband； who observed that sir John Chickwell
might very well afford to keep more servants than were found in
the family of a man who had not half his fortune。 Mrs Baynard ate
no supper that evening； but was seized with a violent fit； which
completed her triumph over the spirit of her consort。 The two
supernumerary servants were added The family plate was sold for
old silver； and a new service procured； fashionable furniture was
provided； and the whole house turned topsy turvy。
At their return to London in the beginning of winter； he； with a
heavy heart；