robert falconer- 第80部分

nature；　or　fact　of　the　universe。



I　do　know　that　the　first　thing　he　always　did　on　reaching　any　new

place　was　to　visit　the　church　with　the　loftiest　spire；　but　he　never

looked　into　the　church　itself　until　he　had　left　the　earth　behind　him

as　far　as　that　church　would　afford　him　the　possibility　of　ascent。

Breathing　the　air　of　its　highest　region；　he　found　himself　vaguely

strengthened；　yes　comforted。　　One　peculiar　feeling　he　had；　into

which　I　could　enter　only　upon　happy　occasion；　of　the　presence　of　God

in　the　wind。　　He　said　the　wind　up　there　on　the　heights　of　human

aspiration　always　made　him　long　and　pray。　　Asking　him　one　day

something　about　his　going　to　church　so　seldom；　he　answered　thus：



'My　dear　boy；　it　does　me　ten　times　more　good　to　get　outside　the

spire　than　to　go　inside　the　church。　　The　spire　is　the　most

essential；　and　consequently　the　most　neglected　part　of　the　building。

It　symbolizes　the　aspiration　without　which　no　man's　faith　can　hold

its　own。　　But　the　effort　of　too　many　of　her　priests　goes　to　conceal

from　the　worshippers　the　fact　that　there　is　such　a　stair；　with　a

door　to　it　out　of　the　church。　　It　looks　as　if　they　feared　their

people　would　desert　them　for　heaven。　　But　I　presume　it　arises

generally　from　the　fact　that　they　know　of　such　an　ascent　themselves；

only　by　hearsay。　　The　knowledge　of　God　is　good；　but　the　church　is

better！'



'Could　it　be；'　I　ventured　to　suggest；　'that；　in　order　to　ascend；

they　must　put　off　the　priests'　garments？'



'Good；　my　boy！'　he　answered。　'All　are　priests　up　there；　and　must　be

clothed　in　fine　linen；　clean　and　whitethe　righteousness　of

saintsnot　the　imputed　righteousness　of　another；that　is　a　lying

doctrinebut　their　own　righteousness　which　God　has　wrought　in　them

by　Christ。'　　I　never　knew　a　man　in　whom　the　inward　was　so　constantly

clothed　upon　by　the　outward；　whose　ordinary　habits　were　so　symbolic

of　his　spiritual　tastes；　or　whose　enjoyment　of　the　sight　of　his　eyes

and　the　hearing　of　his　ears　was　so　much　informed　by　his　highest

feelings。　　He　regarded　all　human　affairs　from　the　heights　of

religion；　as　from　their　church…spires　he　looked　down　on　the　red

roofs　of　Antwerp；　on　the　black　roofs　of　Cologne；　on　the　gray　roofs

of　Strasburg；　or　on　the　brown　roofs　of　Baseluplifted　for　the　time

above　them；　not　in　dissociation　from　them。



On　the　base　of　the　missing　twin…spire　at　Strasburg；　high　over　the

roof　of　the　church；　stands　a　little　cottagehow　strange　its　white

muslin　window…curtains　look　up　there！　　To　the　day　of　his　death　he

cherished　the　fancy　of　writing　a　book　in　that　cottage；　with　the

grand　city　to　which　London　looks　a　modern　mushroom；　its　thousand

roofs　with　row　upon　row　of　windows　in　themoften　five　garret

stories；　one　above　the　other；　and　its　thickets　of　multiform

chimneys；　the　thrones　and　procreant　cradles　of　the　storks；

marvellous　in　history；　habit；　and　dignityall　below　him。



He　was　taken　ill　at　Valence　and　lay　there　for　a　fortnight；　oppressed

with　some　kind　of　low　fever。　　One　night　he　awoke　from　a　refreshing

sleep；　but　could　not　sleep　again。　　It　seemed　to　him　afterwards　as　if

he　had　lain　waiting　for　something。　　Anyhow　something　came。　　As　it

were　a　faint　musical　rain　had　invaded　his　hearing；　but　the　night　was

clear；　for　the　moon　was　shining　on　his　window…blind。　　The　sound　came

nearer；　and　revealed　itself　a　delicate　tinkling　of　bells。　　It　drew

nearer　still　and　nearer；　growing　in　sweet　fulness　as　it　came；　till

at　length　a　slow　torrent　of　tinklings　went　past　his　window　in　the

street　below。　　It　was　the　flow　of　a　thousand　little　currents　of

sound；　a　gliding　of　silvery　threads；　like　the　talking　of

water…ripples　against　the　side　of　a　barge　in　a　slow　canalall　as

soft　as　the　moonlight；　as　exquisite　as　an　odour；　each　sound　tenderly

truncated　and　dull。　　A　great　multitude　of　sheep　was　shifting　its

quarters　in　the　night；　whence　and　whither　and　why　he　never　knew。　　To

his　heart　they　were　the　messengers　of　the　Most　High。　For　into　that

heart；　soothed　and　attuned　by　their　thin　harmony；　not　on　the　wind

that　floated　without　breaking　their　lovely　message；　but　on　the

ripples　of　the　wind　that　bloweth　where　it　listeth；　came　the　words；

unlooked　for；　their　coming　unheralded　by　any　mental　premonition；　'My

peace　I　give　unto　you。'　　The　sounds　died　slowly　away　in　the

distance；　fainting　out　of　the　air；　even　as　they　had　grown　upon　it；

but　the　words　remained。



In　a　few　moments　he　was　fast　asleep；　comforted　by　pleasure　into

repose；　his　dreams　were　of　gentle　self…consoling　griefs；　and　when　he

awoke　in　the　morning'My　peace　I　give　unto　you；'　was　the　first

thought　of　which　he　was　conscious。　　It　may　be　that　the　sound　of　the

sheep…bells　made　him　think　of　the　shepherds　that　watched　their

flocks　by　night；　and　they　of　the　multitude　of　the　heavenly　host；　and

they　of　the　song'On　earth　peace'：　I　do　not　know。　　The　important

point　is　not　how　the　words　came；　but　that　the　words

remainedremained　until　he　understood　them；　and　they　became　to　him

spirit　and　life。



He　soon　recovered　strength　sufficiently　to　set　out　again　upon　his

travels；　great　part　of　which　he　performed　on　foot。　　In　this　way　he

reached　Avignon。　　Passing　from　one　of　its　narrow　streets　into　an

open　place　in　the　midst；　all　at　once　he　beheld；　towering　above　him；

on　a　height　that　overlooked　the　whole　city　and　surrounding　country；

a　great　crucifix。　　The　form　of　the　Lord　of　Life　still　hung　in　the

face　of　heaven　and　earth。　　He　bowed　his　head　involuntarily。　　No

matter　that　when　he　drew　nearer　the　power　of　it　vanished。　　The

memory　of　it　remained　with　its　first　impression；　and　it　had　a　share

in　what　followed。



He　made　his　way　eastward　towards　the　Alps。　As　he　walked　one　day

about　noon　over　a　desolate　heath…covered　height；　reminding　him　not　a

little　of　the　country　of　his　childhood；　the　silence　seized　upon　him。

In　the　midst　of　the　silence　arose　the　crucifix；　and　once　more　the

words　which　had　often　returned　upon　him　sounded　in　the　ears　of　the

inner　hearing；　'My　peace　I　give　unto　you。'　　They　were　words　he　had

known　from　the　earliest　memorial　time。　　He　had　heard　them　in

infancy；　in　childhood；　in　boyhood；　in　youth：　now　first　in　manhood　it

flashed　upon　him　that　the　Lord　did　really　mean　that　the　peace　of　his

soul　should　be　the　peace　of　their　souls；　that　the　peace　wherewith

his　own　soul　was　quiet；　the　peace　at　the　very　heart　of　the　universe；

was　henceforth　theirsopen　to　them；　to　all　the　world；　to　enter　and

be　still。　　He　fell　upon　his　knees；　bowed　down　in　the　birth　of　a

great　hope；　held　up　his　hands　towards　heaven；　and　cried；　'Lord

Christ；　give　me　thy　peace。'



He　said　no　more；　but　rose；　caught　up　his　stick；　and　strode　forward；

thinking。



He　had　learned　what　the　sentence　meant；　what　that　was　of　which　it

spoke　he　had　not　yet　learned。　　The　peace　he　had　once　sought；　the

peace　that　lay　in　the　smiles　and　tenderness　of　a　woman；　had

'overcome　him　like　a　summer　cloud；'　and　had　passed　away。　　There　was

surely　a　deeper；　a　wider；　a　grander　peace　for　him　than　that；　if

indeed　it　was　the　same　peace　wherewith　the　king　of　men　regarded　his

approaching　end；　that　he　had　left　as　a　heritage　to　his　brothers。

Suddenly　he　was　aware　that　the　earth　had　begun　to　live　again。　　The

hum　of　insects　arose　from　the　heath　around　him；　the　odour　of　its

flowers　entered　his　dulled　sense；　the　wind　kissed　him　on　the

forehead；　the　sky　domed　up　over　his　head；　and　the　clouds　veiled　the

distant　mountain　tops　like　the　smoke　of　incense　ascending　from　the

altars　of　the　worshipping　earth。　　All　Nature　began　to　minister　to

one　who　had　begun　to　lift　his　head　from　the　baptism　of　fire。　　He　had

thought　that　Nature　could　never　more　be　anything　to　him；　and　she　was

waiting　on　him　like　a　mother。　　The　next　moment　he　was　offended　with

himself　for　receiving　ministrations　the　reaction　of　whose　loveliness

might　no　longer　gather　around　the　form　of　Mary　St。　John。　Every

wavelet　of　scent；　every　toss　of　a　flower's　head　in　the　breeze；　came

with　a　sting　in　its　pleasurefor　there　was　no　woman　to　whom　they

belonged。　　Yet　he　could　not　shut　them　out；　for　God　and　not　woman　is

the　heart　of　the　universe。　　Would　the　day　ever　come　when　the

loveliness　of　Mary　St。　John；　felt　and　acknowledged　as　never　before；

would　be　even　to　him　a　joy　and　a　thanksgiving？　　If　ever；　then

because　God　is　the　heart　of　all。



I　do　not　think　this　mood；　wherein　all　forms　of　beauty　sped　to　his

soul　as　to　their　own　needful　centre；　could　have　lasted　over　many

miles　of　his　journey。　　But　such　delicate　inward　revelations　are　none

the　less　precious　that　they　are　evanescent。　　Many　feelings　are

simply　too　good　to　lastusing　the　phrase　not　in　the　unbelieving

sense　in　which　it　is　generally　used；　expressing　the　conviction　that

God　is　a　hard　father；　fond　of　disappointing　his　children；　but　to

express　the　fact　that　intensity　and　endurance　cannot　yet　coexist　in

the　human　economy。　　But　the　virtue　of　a　mood　depends　by　no　means　on

its　immediate　presence。　　Like　any　other　experience；　it　may　be

believed　in；　and；　in　the　absence　which　leaves　the　mind　free　to

contemplate　it；　work　even　more　good　than　in　its　presence。



At　length　he　came　in　sight　of　the　Alpine　regions。　　Far　off；　the

heads　of　the　great　mountains　rose　into　the　upper　countries　of　cloud；

where　the　snows　settled　on　their　stony　heads；　and　the　torrents　ran

out　from　beneath　the　frozen　mass　to　gladden　the　earth　below　with　the

faith　of　the　lonely　hills。　　The　mighty　creatures　lay　like　grotesque

animals　of　a　far…off　titanic　time；　whose　dead　bodies　had　been　first

withered　into　stone；　then　worn　away　by　the　storms；　and　covered　with

shrouds　and　palls　of　snow；　till　the　outlines　of　their　forms　were

gone；　and　only　rough　shapes　remained　like　those　just　blocked　out　in

the　sculptor's　marble；　vaguely　suggesting　what　the　creatures　had

been；　as　the　corpse　under　the　sheet　of　death　is　like　a　man。　　He　came

amongst　the　valleys　at　their　feet；　with　their　blue…green　waters

hurrying　seawardsfrom　stony　heights　of　air　into　the　mass