the man who was afraid- 第42部分

〃She's　my　mistress；〃　said　Foma；　loud；　without　lowering　his　eyes　at　the　keen　look　of　his　godfather。

Sasha　stood　behind　him　calmly　examining　over　his　shoulder　the　little　old　man；　whose　head　hardly　reached　Foma's　chin。　Attracted　by　Foma's　loud　words；　the　public　looked　at　them；　scenting　a　scandal。　And　Mayakin；　too；　perceived　immediately　the　possibility　of　a　scandal　and　instantly　estimated　correctly　the　quarrelsome　mood　of　his　godson。　He　contracted　his　wrinkles；　bit　his　lips；　and　said　to　Foma；　peaceably：

〃I　have　something　to　speak　to　you　about。　Will　you　come　with　me　to　the　hotel？〃

〃Yes；　for　a　little　while。〃

〃You　have　no　time；　then？　It's　a　plain　thing；　you　must　be　making　haste　to　wreck　another　barge；　eh？〃　said　the　old　man；　unable　to　contain　himself　any　longer。

〃And　why　not　wreck　them；　since　they　can　be　wrecked？〃　retorted　Foma；　passionately　and　firmly。

〃Of　course；　you　did　not　earn　them　yourself；　why　should　you　spare　them？　Well；　come。　And　couldn't　we　drown　that　lady　in　the　water　for　awhile？〃　said　Mayakin；　softly。

〃Drive　to　the　town；　Sasha；　and　engage　a　room　at　the　Siberian　Inn。　I'll　be　there　shortly！〃　said　Foma　and　turning　to　Mayakin；　he　announced　boldly：

〃I　am　ready！　Let　us　go！〃

Neither　of　them　spoke　on　their　way　to　the　hotel。　Foma；　seeing　that　his　godfather　had　to　skip　as　he　went　in　order　to　keep　up　with　him；　purposely　took　longer　strides；　and　the　fact　that　the　old　man　could　not　keep　step　with　him　supported　and　strengthened　in　him　the　turbulent　feeling　of　protest　which　he　was　by　this　time　scarcely　able　to　master。

〃Waiter！〃　said　Mayakin；　gently；　on　entering　the　hall　of　the　hotel；　and　turning　toward　a　remote　corner；　〃let　us　have　a　bottle　of　moorberry　kvass。〃

〃And　I　want　some　cognac；〃　ordered　Foma。

〃So…o！　When　you　have　poor　cards　you　had　better　always　play　the　lowest　trump　first！〃　Mayakin　advised　him　sarcastically。

〃You　don't　know　my　game！〃　said　Foma；　seating　himself　by　the　table。

〃Really？　Come；　come！　Many　play　like　that。〃

〃How？〃

〃I　mean　as　you　doboldly；　but　foolishly。〃

〃I　play　so　that　either　the　head　is　smashed　to　pieces；　or　the　wall　broken　in　half；〃　said　Foma；　hotly；　and　struck　the　table　with　his　fist。

〃Haven't　you　recovered　from　your　drunkenness　yet？〃　asked　Mayakin　with　a　smile。

Foma　seated　himself　more　firmly　in　his　chair；　and；　his　face　distorted　with　wrathful　agitation；　he　said：

〃Godfather；　you　are　a　sensible　man。　I　respect　you　for　your　common　sense。〃

〃Thank　you；　my　son！〃　and　Mayakin　bowed；　rising　slightly；　and　leaning　his　hands　against　the　table。

〃Don't　mention　it。　I　want　to　tell　you　that　I　am　no　longer　twenty。　I　am　not　a　child　any　longer。〃

〃Of　course　not！〃　assented　Mayakin。　〃You've　lived　a　good　while；　that　goes　without　saying！　If　a　mosquito　had　lived　as　long　it　might　have　grown　as　big　as　a　hen。〃

〃Stop　your　joking！〃　Foma　warned　him；　and　he　did　it　so　calmly　that　Mayakin　started　back；　and　the　wrinkles　on　his　face　quivered　with　alarm。

〃What　did　you　come　here　for？〃　asked　Foma。

〃Ah！　you've　done　some　nasty　work　here。　So　I　want　to　find　out　whether　there's　much　damage　in　it！　You　see；　I　am　a　relative　of　yours。　And　then；　I　am　the　only　one　you　have。〃

〃You　are　troubling　yourself　in　vain。　Do　you　know；　papa；　what　I'll　tell　you？　Either　give　me　full　freedom；　or　take　all　my　business　into　your　own　hands。　Take　everything！　Everythingto　the　last　rouble！〃

This　proposition　burst　forth　from　Foma　altogether　unexpectedly　to　himself；　he　had　never　before　thought　of　anything　like　it。　But　now　that　he　uttered　such　words　to　his　godfather　it　suddenly　became　clear　to　him　that　if　his　godfather　were　to　take　from　him　all　his　property　he　would　become　a　perfectly　free　man；　he　could　go　wherever　he　pleased；　do　whatever　he　pleased。　Until　this　moment　he　had　been　bound　and　enmeshed　with　something；　but　he　knew　not　his　fetters　and　was　unable　to　break　them；　while　now　they　were　falling　off　of　themselves　so　simply；　so　easily。　Both　an　alarming　and　a　joyous　hope　blazed　up　within　his　breast；　as　though　he　noticed　that　suddenly　light　had　begun　to　flash　upon　his　turbid　life；　that　a　wide；　spacious　road　lay　open　now　before　him。　Certain　images　sprang　up　in　his　mind；　and；　watching　their　shiftings；　he　muttered　incoherently：

〃Here；　this　is　better　than　anything！　Take　everything；　and　be　done　with　it！　Andas　for　meI　shall　be　free　to　go　anywhere　in　the　wide　world！　I　cannot　live　like　this。　I　feel　as　though　weights　were　hanging　on　me；　as　though　I　were　all　bound。　ThereI　must　not　go；　this　I　must　not　do。　I　want　to　live　in　freedom；　that　I　may　know　everything　myself。　I　shall　search　life　for　myself。　For；　otherwise；　what　am　I？　A　prisoner！　Be　kind；　take　everything。　The　devil　take　it　all！　Give　me　freedom；　pray！　What　kind　of　a　merchant　am　I？　I　do　not　like　anything。　And　soI　would　forsake　men　everything。　I　would　find　a　place　for　myself；　I　would　find　some　kind　of　work；　and　would　work。　By　God！　Father！　set　me　at　liberty！　For　now；　you　see；　I　am　drinking。　I'm　entangled　with　that　woman。〃

Mayakin　looked　at　him；　listened　attentively　to　his　words；　and　his　face　was　stern；　immobile　as　though　petrified。　A　dull；　tavern　noise　smote　the　air；　some　people　went　past　them；　they　greeted　Mayakin；　but　he　saw　nothing；　staring　fixedly　at　the　agitated　face　of　his　godson；　who　smiled　distractedly；　both　joyously　and　pitifully。

〃Eh；　my　sour　blackberry！〃　said　Mayakin；　with　a　sigh；　interrupting　Foma's　speech。　〃I　see　you've　lost　your　way。　And　you're　prating　nonsense。　I　would　like　to　know　whether　the　cognac　is　to　blame　for　it；　or　is　it　your　foolishness？〃

〃Papa！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　〃this　can　surely　be　done。　There　were　cases　where　people　have　cast　away　all　their　possessions　and　thus　saved　themselves。〃

〃That　wasn't　in　my　time。　Not　people　that　are　near　to　me！〃　said　Mayakin；　sternly；　〃or　else　I　would　have　shown　them　how　to　go　away！〃

〃Many　have　become　saints　when　they　went　away。〃

〃Mm！　They　couldn't　have　gone　away　from　me！　The　matter　is　simple　you　know　how　to　play　at　draughts；　don't　you？　Move　from　one　place　to　another　until　you　are　beaten；　and　if　you're　not　beaten　then　you　have　the　queen。　Then　all　ways　are　open　to　you。　Do　you　understand？　And　why　am　I　talking　to　you　seriously？　Psha！〃

〃Papa！　why　don't　you　want　it？〃　exclaimed　Foma；　angrily。

〃Listen　to　me！　If　you　are　a　chimney…sweep；　go；　carrion；　on　the　roof！　If　you　are　a　fireman；　stand　on　the　watch…tower！　And　each　and　every　sort　of　men　must　have　its　own　mode　of　life。　Calves　cannot　roar　like　bears！　If　you　live　your　own　life；　go　on；　live　it！　And　don't　talk　nonsense；　and　don't　creep　where　you　don't　belong。　Arrange　your　life　after　your　pattern。〃　And　from　the　dark　lips　of　the　old　man　gushed　forth　in　a　trembling；　glittering　stream　the　jarring；　but　confident　and　bold　words　so　familiar　to　Foma。　Seized　with　the　thought　of　freedom；　which　seemed　to　him　so　easily　possible；　Foma　did　not　listen　to　his　words。　This　idea　had　eaten　into　his　brains；　and　in　his　heart　the　desire　grew　stronger　and　stronger　to　sever　all　his　connections　with　this　empty　and　wearisome　life；　with　his　godfather；　with　the　steamers；　the　barges　and　the　carouses；　with　everything　amidst　which　it　was　narrow　and　stifling　for　him　to　live。

The　old　man's　words　seemed　to　fall　on　him　from　afar；　they　were　blended　with　the　clatter　of　the　dishes；　with　the　scraping　of　the　lackey's　feet　along　the　floor；　with　some　one's　drunken　shouting。　Not　far　from　them　sat　four　merchants　at　a　table　and　argued　loudly：

〃Two　and　a　quarterand　thank　God！〃

〃Luka　Mitrich！　How　can　I？〃

〃Give　him　two　and　a　half！〃

〃That's　right！　You　ought　to　give　it；　it's　a　good　steamer；　it　tows　briskly。〃

〃My　dear　fellows；　I　can't。　Two　and　a　quarter！〃

〃And　all　this　nonsense　came　to　your　head　from　your　youthful　passion！〃　said　Mayakin；　importantly；　accompanying　his　words　with　a　rap　on　the　table。　〃Your　boldness　is　stupidity；　all　these　words　of　yours　are　nonsense。　Would　you　perhaps　go　to　the　cloister？　or　have　you　perhaps　a　longing　to　go　on　the　highways？〃

Foma　listened　in　silence。　The　buzzing　noise　about　him　now　seemed　to　move　farther　away　from　him。　He　pictured　himself　amid　a　vast　restless　crowd　of　people；　without　knowing　why　they　bustled　about　hither　and　thither；　jumped　on　one　another；　their　eyes　were　greedily　opened　wide；　they　were　shouting；　cursing；　falling；　crushing　one　another；　and　they　were　all　jostling　about　on　one　place。　He　felt　bad　among　them　because　he　did　not　understand　what　they　wanted；　because　he　had　no　faith　in　their　words；　and　he　felt　that　they　had　no　faith　in　themselves；　that　they　understood　nothing。　And　if　one　were　to　tear　himself　away　from　their　midst　to　freedom；　to　the　edge　of　life；　and　thence　behold　themthen　all　would　become　clear　to　him。　Then　he　would　also　understand　what　they　wanted；　and　would　find　his　own　place　among　them。

〃Don't　I　understand；〃　said　Mayakin；　more　gently；　seeing　Foma　lost　in　thought；　and　assuming　that　he　was　reflecting　on　his　words〃I　understand　that　you　want　happiness　for　yourself。　　Well；　my　friend；　it　is　not　to　be　easily　seized。　You　must　seek　happiness　even　as　they　search　for　mushrooms　in　the　wood；　you　must　bend　your　back　in　search　of　it；　and　finding　it；　see　whether　it　isn't　a　toad…stool。〃

〃So　you　will　set　me　free？〃　asked　Foma；　suddenly　lifting　his　head；　and　Mayakin　turned　his　eyes　away　from　his　fiery　look。

〃Father！　at　least　for　a　short　time！　Let　me　breathe；　let　me　step　aside　from　everything！〃　entreated　Foma。　〃I　will　watch　how　everything　goes　on。　And　thenif　notI　shall　become　a　drunkard。〃

〃Don't　talk　nonsense。　Why　do　you　play　the　fool？〃　cried　Mayakin；　angrily。

〃Very　well；　then！〃　replied　Foma；　calmly。　〃Very　well！　You　do　not　want　it？　Then　there　will　be　nothing！　I'll　squander　it　all！　And　there　is　nothing　more　for　us　to　speak　of。　Goodbye！　I'll　set　out　to　work；　you'll　see！　It　will　afford　you　joy。　Everything　will　go　up　in　smoke！〃　Foma　was　calm；　he　spoke　with　confidence；　it　seemed　to　him　that　since　he　had　thus　decided；　his　godfather　could　not　hinder　him。　But　Mayakin　straightened　himself　in　his　chair　and　said；　also　plainly　and　calmly：

〃And　do　you　know　how　I　can　deal　with　you？〃

〃As　you　like！〃　said　Foma；　with　a　wave　of　the　hand。　〃Well　then。　Now　I　like　the　following：　I'll　return　to　town　and　will　see　to　it　that　you　are　declared　insane；　and　put　into　a　lunatic　asylum。〃

〃Can　this　be　done？〃　asked　Foma；　distrustfully；　but　with　a　tone　of　fright　in