the man who was afraid- 第50部分

Foma　watched　Yozhov　bustling　about　the　room；　and　thought　mournfully：

〃Whom　is　he　abusing？　I　can't　understand；　but　I　can　see　that　he　has　been　terribly　wounded。〃

〃How　many　such　people　have　I　seen！〃　exclaimed　Yozhov；　with　wrath　and　terror。　〃How　these　little　retail　shops　have　multiplied　in　life！　In　them　you　will　find　calico　for　shrouds；　and　tar；　candy　and　borax　for　the　extermination　of　cockroaches；　but　you　will　not　find　anything　fresh；　hot；　wholesome！　You　come　to　them　with　an　aching　soul　exhausted　by　loneliness；　you　come；　thirsting　to　hear　something　that　has　life　in　it。　And　they　offer　to　you　some　worm　cud；　ruminated　book…thoughts；　grown　sour　with　age。　And　these　dry；　stale　thoughts　are　always　so　poor　that；　in　order　to　give　them　expression；　it　is　necessary　to　use　a　vast　number　of　high…sounding　and　empty　words。　When　such　a　man　speaks　I　say　to　myself：　'There　goes　a　well…fed；　but　over…watered　mare；　all　decorated　with　bells；　she's　carting　a　load　of　rubbish　out　of　the　town；　and　the　miserable　wretch　is　content　with　her　fate。'〃

〃They　are　superfluous　people；　then；〃　said　Foma。　Yozhov　stopped　short　in　front　of　him　and　said　with　a　biting　smile　on　his　lips：

〃No；　they　are　not　superfluous；　oh　no！　They　exist　as　an　example；　to　show　what　man　ought　not　to　be。　Speaking　frankly；　their　proper　place　is　the　anatomical　museums；　where　they　preserve　all　sorts　of　monsters　and　various　sickly　deviations　from　the　normal。　In　life　there　is　nothing　that　is　superfluous；　dear。　Even　I　am　necessary！　Only　those　people；　in　whose　souls　dwells　a　slavish　cowardice　before　life；　in　whose　bosoms　there　are　enormous　ulcers　of　the　most　abominable　self…adoration；　taking　the　places　of　their　dead　heartsonly　those　people　are　superfluous；　but　even　they　are　necessary；　if　only　for　the　sake　of　enabling　me　to　pour　my　hatred　upon　them。〃

All　day　long；　until　evening；　Yozhov　was　excited；　venting　his　blasphemy　on　men　he　hated；　and　his　words；　though　their　contents　were　obscure　to　Foma；　infected　him　with　their　evil　heat；　and　infecting　called　forth　in　him　an　eager　desire　for　combat。　At　times　there　sprang　up　in　him　distrust　of　Yozhov；　and　in　one　of　these　moments　he　asked　him　plainly：

〃Well！　And　can　you　speak　like　that　in　the　face　of　men？〃

〃I　do　it　at　every　convenient　occasion。　And　every　Sunday　in　the　newspaper。　I'll　read　some　to　you　if　you　like。〃

Without　waiting　for　Foma's　reply；　he　tore　down　from　the　wall　a　few　sheets　of　paper；　and　still　continuing　to　run　about　the　room；　began　to　read　to　him。　He　roared；　squeaked；　laughed；　showed　his　teeth　and　looked　like　an　angry　dog　trying　to　break　the　chain　in　powerless　rage。　Not　grasping　the　ideals　in　his　friend's　creations；　Foma　felt　their　daring　audacity；　their　biting　sarcasm；　their　passionate　malice；　and　he　was　as　well　pleased　with　them　as　though　he　had　been　scourged　with　besoms　in　a　hot　bath。

〃Clever！〃　he　exclaimed；　catching　some　separate　phrase。　〃That's　cleverly　aimed！〃

Every　now　and　again　there　flashed　before　him　the　familiar　names　of　merchants　and　well…known　citizens；　whom　Yozhov　had　stung；　now　stoutly　and　sharply；　now　respectfully　and　with　a　fine　needle…like　sting。

Foma's　approbation；　his　eyes　burning　with　satisfaction；　and　his　excited　face　gave　Yozhov　still　more　inspiration；　and　he　cried　and　roared　ever　louder　and　louder；　now　falling　on　the　lounge　from　exhaustion；　now　jumping　up　again　and　rushing　toward　Foma。

〃Come；　now；　read　about　me！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　longing　to　hear　it。Yozhov　rummaged　among　a　pile　of　papers；　tore　out　one　sheet；　and　holding　it　in　both　hands；　stopped　in　front　of　Foma；　with　his　legs　straddled　wide　apart；　while　Foma　leaned　back　in　the　broken…　seated　armchair　and　listened　with　a　smile。

The　notice　about　Foma　started　with　a　description　of　the　spree　on　the　rafts；　and　during　the　reading　of　the　notice　Foma　felt　that　certain　particular　words　stung　him　like　mosquitoes。　His　face　became　more　serious；　and　he　bent　his　head　in　gloomy　silence。　And　the　mosquitoes　went　on　multiplying。

〃Now　that's　too　much！　〃said　he；　at　length；　confused　and　dissatisfied。　〃Surely　you　cannot　gain　the　favour　of　God　merely　because　you　know　how　to　disgrace　a　man。〃

〃Keep　quiet！　Wait　awhile！〃　said　Yozhov；　curtly；　and　went　on　reading。

Having　established　in　his　article　that　the　merchant　rises　beyond　doubt　above　the　representatives　of　other　classes　of　society　in　the　matter　of　nuisance　and　scandal…making；　Yozhov　asked：　〃Why　is　this　so？〃　and　replied：

〃It　seems　to　me　that　this　predilection　for　wild　pranks　comes　from　the　lack　of　culture　in　so　far　as　it　is　dependent　upon　the　excess　of　energy　and　upon　idleness。　There　cannot　be　any　doubt　that　our　merchant　class；　with　but　few　exceptions；　is　the　healthiest　and；　at　the　same　time；　most　inactive　class。〃

〃That's　true！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　striking　the　table　with　his　fist。　〃That's　true！　I　have　the　strength　of　a　bull　and　do　the　work　of　a　sparrow。〃

〃Where　is　the　merchant　to　spend　his　energy？　He　cannot　spend　much　of　it　on　the　Exchange；　so　he　squanders　the　excess　of　his　muscular　capital　in　drinking…bouts　in　kabaky；　for　he　has　no　conception　of　other　applications　of　his　strength；　which　are　more　productive；　more　valuable　to　life。　He　is　still　a　beast；　and　life　has　already　become　to　him　a　cage；　and　it　is　too　narrow　for　him　with　his　splendid　health　and　predilection　for　licentiousness。　Hampered　by　culture　he　at　once　starts　to　lead　a　dissolute　life。　The　debauch　of　a　merchant　is　always　the　revolt　of　a　captive　beast。　Of　course　this　is　bad。　But；　ah！　it　will　be　worse　yet；　when　this　beast；　in　addition　to　his　strength；　shall　have　gathered　some　sense　and　shall　have　disciplined　it。　Believe　me；　even　then　he　will　not　cease　to　create　scandals；　but　they　will　be　historical　events。　Heaven　deliver　us　from　such　events！　For　they　will　emanate　from　the　merchant's　thirst　for　power；　their　aim　will　be　the　omnipotence　of　one　class；　and　the　merchant　will　not　be　particular　about　the　means　toward　the　attainment　of　this　aim。

〃Well；　what　do　you　say；　is　it　true？〃　asked　Yozhov；　when　he　had　finished　reading　the　newspaper；　and　thrown　it　aside。

〃I　don't　understand　the　end；〃　replied　Foma。　〃And　as　to　strength；　that　is　true！　Where　am　I　to　make　use　of　my　strength　since　there　is　no　demand　for　it！　I　ought　to　fight　with　robbers；　or　turn　a　robber　myself。　In　general　I　ought　to　do　something　big。　And　that　should　be　done　not　with　the　head；　but　with　the　arms　and　the　breast。　While　here　we　have　to　go　to　the　Exchange　and　try　to　aim　well　to　make　a　rouble。　What　do　we　need　it　for？　And　what　is　it；　anyway？　Has　life　been　arranged　in　this　form　forever？　What　sort　of　life　is　it；　if　everyone　is　grieved　and　finds　it　too　narrow　for　him？　Life　ought　to　be　according　to　the　taste　of　man。　If　it　is　narrow　for　me；　I　must　move　it　asunder　that　I　may　have　more　room。　I　must　break　it　and　reconstruct　it。　But　nod？　That's　where　the　trouble　lies！　What　ought　to　be　done　that　life　may　be　freer？　That　I　do　not　understand；　and　that's　all　there　is　to　it。〃

〃Yes！〃　drawled　out　Yozhov。　〃So　that's　where　you've　gone！　That；　dear；　is　a　good　thing！　Ah；　you　ought　to　study　a　little！　How　are　you　about　books？　Do　you　read　any？〃

〃No；　I　don't　care　for　them。　I　haven't　read　any。〃

〃That's　just　why　you　don't　care　for　them。〃〃I　am　even　afraid　to　read　them。　I　know　onea　certain　girlit's　worse　than　drinking　with　her！　And　what　sense　is　there　in　books？　One　man　imagines　something　and　prints　it；　and　others　read　it。　If　it　is　interesting；　it's　all　right。　But　learn　from　a　book　how　to　live！　that　is　something　absurd。　It　was　written　by　man；　not　by　God；　and　what　laws　and　examples　can　man　establish　for　himself？〃

〃And　how　about　the　Gospels？　Were　they　not　written　by　men？〃

〃Those　were　apostles。　Now　there　are　none。〃

〃Good；　your　refutation　is　sound！　It　is　true；　dear；　there　are　no　apostles。　Only　the　Judases　remained；　and　miserable　ones　at　that。〃

Foma　felt　very　well；　for　he　saw　that　Yozhov　was　attentively　listening　to　his　words　and　seemed　to　be　weighing　each　and　every　word　he　uttered。　Meeting　such　bearing　toward　him　for　the　first　time　in　his　life；　Foma　unburdened　himself　boldly　and　freely　before　his　friend；　caring　nothing　for　the　choice　of　words；　and　feeling　that　he　would　be　understood　because　Yozhov　wanted　to　understand　him。

〃You　are　a　curious　fellow！〃　said　Yozhov；　about　two　days　after　their　meeting。　〃And　though　you　speak　with　difficulty；　one　feels　that　there　is　a　great　deal　in　yougreat　daring　of　heart！　If　you　only　knew　a　little　about　the　order　of　life！　Then　you　would　speak　loud　enough；　I　think。　Yes！〃

〃But　you　cannot　wash　yourself　clean　with　words；　nor　can　you　then　free　yourself；〃　remarked　Foma；　with　a　sigh。　〃You　have　said　something　about　people　who　pretend　that　they　know　everything；　and　can　do　everything。　I　also　know　such　people。　My　godfather；　for　instance。　It　would　be　a　good　thing　to　set　out　against　them；　to　convict　them；　they're　a　pretty　dangerous　set！〃

〃I　cannot　imagine；　Foma；　how　you　will　get　along　in　life　if　you　preserve　within　you　that　which　you　now　have；〃　said　Yozhov；　thoughtfully。

〃It's　very　hard。　I　lack　steadfastness。　Of　a　sudden　I　could　perhaps　do　something。　I　understand　very　well　that　life　is　difficult　and　narrow　for　every　one　of　us。　I　know　that　my　godfather　sees　that；　too！　But　he　profits　by　this　narrowness。　He　feels　well　in　it；　he　is　sharp　as　a　needle；　and　he'll　make　his　way　wherever　he　pleases。　But　I　am　a　big；　heavy　man；　that's　why　I　am　suffocating！　That's　why　I　live　in　fetters。　I　could　free　myself　from　everything　with　a　single　effort：　just　to　move　my　body　with　all　my　strength；　and　then　all　the　fetters　will　burst！〃

〃And　what　then？〃　asked　Yozhov。

〃Then？〃　Foma　became　pensive；　and；　after　a　moment's　thought；　waved　his　hand。　〃I　don't　know　what　will　be　then。　I　shall　see！〃

〃We　shall　see！〃　assented　Yozhov。

He　was　given　to　drink；　this　little　man　who　was　scalded　by　life。　His　day　began　thus：　in　the　morning　at　his　tea　he　looked　over　the　local　newspapers　and　drew　from　the　news　notices　material　for　his　feuilleton；　which　he　wrote　right　then　and　there　on　the　corner　of　the　table。　Then　he　ran　to　the　editorial　office；　where　he　made　up　〃Provincial　Pictures〃　out　of　clippings　from　country　newspapers。　On　Friday　he　had　to　write　his　Sunday　feuilleton。　For　all　they　paid　him　a　hundred　and　twenty…five　roubles　a　month；　he　worked　fast；　and　devoted　all　his　leisure　time　to　the　〃survey　and　study　of　charitable