the magic skin- 第30部分

beside　the　fire；　yawned；　and　scratched　her　head。　Every　movement　was

perfectly　natural；　there　was　nothing　whatever　to　indicate　the　secret

sufferings　or　emotions　with　which　I　had　credited　her。



〃　'George　must　be　in　love！'　she　remarked。　'I　shall　dismiss　him。　He　has

drawn　the　curtains　again　to…night。　What　does　he　mean　by　it？'



〃All　the　blood　in　my　veins　rushed　to　my　heart　at　this　observation；　but

no　more　was　said　about　curtains。



〃　'Life　is　very　empty；'　the　countess　went　on。　'Ah！　be　careful　not　to

scratch　me　as　you　did　yesterday。　Just　look　here；　I　still　have　the

marks　of　your　nails　about　me；'　and　she　held　out　a　silken　knee。　She

thrust　her　bare　feet　into　velvet　slippers　bound　with　swan's…down；　and

unfastened　her　dress；　while　Justine　prepared　to　comb　her　hair。



〃　'You　ought　to　marry；　madame；　and　have　children。'



〃　'Children！'　she　cried；　'it　wants　no　more　than　that　to　finish　me　at

once；　and　a　husband！　What　man　is　there　to　whom　I　could？　Was　my

hair　well　arranged　to…night？'



〃　'Not　particularly。'



〃　'You　are　a　fool！'



〃　'That　way　of　crimping　your　hair　too　much　is　the　least　becoming　way

possible　for　you。　Large；　smooth　curls　suit　you　a　great　deal　better。'



〃　'Really？'



〃　'Yes；　really；　madame；　that　wavy　style　only　looks　nice　in　fair　hair。'



〃　'Marriage？　never；　never！　Marriage　is　a　commercial　arrangement；　for

which　I　was　never　made。'



〃What　a　disheartening　scene　for　a　lover！　Here　was　a　lonely　woman；

without　friends　or　kin；　without　the　religion　of　love；　without　faith　in

any　affection。　Yet　however　slightly　she　might　feel　the　need　to　pour

out　her　heart；　a　craving　that　every　human　being　feels；　it　could　only

be　satisfied　by　gossiping　with　her　maid；　by　trivial　and　indifferent

talk。　。　。　。　I　grieved　for　her。



〃Justine　unlaced　her。　I　watched　her　carefully　when　she　was　at　last

unveiled。　Her　maidenly　form；　in　its　rose…tinged　whiteness；　was　visible

through　her　shift　in　the　taper　light；　as　dazzling　as　some　silver

statue　behind　its　gauze　covering。　No；　there　was　no　defect　that　need

shrink　from　the　stolen　glances　of　love。　Alas；　a　fair　form　will

overcome　the　stoutest　resolutions！



〃The　maid　lighted　the　taper　in　the　alabaster　sconce　that　hung　before

the　bed；　while　her　mistress　sat　thoughtful　and　silent　before　the　fire。

Justine　went　for　a　warming…pan；　turned　down　the　bed；　and　helped　to　lay

her　mistress　in　it；　then；　after　some　further　time　spent　in

punctiliously　rendering　various　services　that　showed　how　seriously

Foedora　respected　herself；　her　maid　left　her。　The　countess　turned　to

and　fro　several　times；　and　sighed；　she　was　ill　at　ease；　faint；　just

perceptible　sounds；　like　sighs　of　impatience；　escaped　from　her　lips。

She　reached　out　a　hand　to　the　table；　and　took　a　flask　from　it；　from

which　she　shook　four　or　five　drops　of　some　brown　liquid　into　some　milk

before　taking　it；　again　there　followed　some　painful　sighs；　and　the

exclamation；　'MON　DIEU！'



〃The　cry；　and　the　tone　in　which　it　was　uttered；　wrung　my　heart。　By

degrees　she　lay　motionless。　This　frightened　me；　but　very　soon　I　heard

a　sleeper's　heavy；　regular　breathing。　I　drew　the　rustling　silk

curtains　apart；　left　my　post；　went　to　the　foot　of　the　bed；　and　gazed

at　her　with　feelings　that　I　cannot　define。　She　was　so　enchanting　as

she　lay　like　a　child；　with　her　arm　above　her　head；　but　the　sweetness

of　the　fair；　quiet　visage；　surrounded　by　the　lace；　only　irritated　me。

I　had　not　been　prepared　for　the　torture　to　which　I　was　compelled　to

submit。



〃　'Mon　Dieu！'　that　scrap　of　a　thought　which　I　understood　not；　but　must

even　take　as　my　sole　light；　had　suddenly　modified　my　opinion　of

Foedora。　Trite　or　profoundly　significant；　frivolous　or　of　deep　import；

the　words　might　be　construed　as　expressive　of　either　pleasure　or　pain；

of　physical　or　of　mental　suffering。　Was　it　a　prayer　or　a　malediction；

a　forecast　or　a　memory；　a　fear　or　a　regret？　A　whole　life　lay　in　that

utterance；　a　life　of　wealth　or　of　penury；　perhaps　it　contained　a

crime！



〃The　mystery　that　lurked　beneath　this　fair　semblance　of　womanhood　grew

afresh；　there　were　so　many　ways　of　explaining　Foedora；　that　she　became

inexplicable。　A　sort　of　language　seemed　to　flow　from　between　her　lips。

I　put　thoughts　and　feelings　into　the　accidents　of　her　breathing；

whether　weak　or　regular；　gentle；　or　labored。　I　shared　her　dreams；　I

would　fain　have　divined　her　secrets　by　reading　them　through　her

slumber。　I　hesitated　among　contradictory　opinions　and　decisions

without　number。　I　could　not　deny　my　heart　to　the　woman　I　saw　before

me；　with　the　calm；　pure　beauty　in　her　face。　I　resolved　to　make　one

more　effort。　If　I　told　her　the　story　of　my　life；　my　love；　my

sacrifices；　might　I　not　awaken　pity　in　her　or　draw　a　tear　from　her　who

never　wept？



〃As　I　set　all　my　hopes　on　this　last　experiment；　the　sounds　in　the

streets　showed　that　day　was　at　hand。　For　a　moment's　space　I　pictured

Foedora　waking　to　find　herself　in　my　arms。　I　could　have　stolen　softly

to　her　side　and　slipped　them　about　her　in　a　close　embrace。　Resolved　to

resist　the　cruel　tyranny　of　this　thought；　I　hurried　into　the　salon；

heedless　of　any　sounds　I　might　make；　but；　luckily；　I　came　upon　a

secret　door　leading　to　a　little　staircase。　As　I　expected；　the　key　was

in　the　lock；　I　slammed　the　door；　went　boldly　out　into　the　court；　and

gained　the　street　in　three　bounds；　without　looking　round　to　see

whether　I　was　observed。



〃A　dramatist　was　to　read　a　comedy　at　the　countess'　house　in　two　days'

time；　I　went　thither；　intending　to　outstay　the　others；　so　as　to　make　a

rather　singular　request　to　her；　I　meant　to　ask　her　to　keep　the

following　evening　for　me　alone；　and　to　deny　herself　to　other　comers；

but　when　I　found　myself　alone　with　her；　my　courage　failed。　Every　tick

of　the　clock　alarmed　me。　It　wanted　only　a　quarter　of　an　hour　of

midnight。



〃　'If　I　do　not　speak；'　I　thought　to　myself；　'I　must　smash　my　head

against　the　corner　of　the　mantelpiece。'



〃I　gave　myself　three　minutes'　grace；　the　three　minutes　went　by；　and　I

did　not　smash　my　head　upon　the　marble；　my　heart　grew　heavy；　like　a

sponge　with　water。



〃　'You　are　exceedingly　amusing；'　said　she。



〃　'Ah；　madame；　if　you　could　but　understand　me！'　I　answered。



〃　'What　is　the　matter　with　you？'　she　asked。　'You　are　turning　pale。'



〃　'I　am　hesitating　to　ask　a　favor　of　you。'



〃Her　gesture　revived　my　courage。　I　asked　her　to　make　the　appointment

with　me。



〃　'Willingly；'　she　answered'　'but　why　will　you　not　speak　to　me　now？'



〃　'To　be　candid　with　you；　I　ought　to　explain　the　full　scope　of　your

promise：　I　want　to　spend　this　evening　by　your　side；　as　if　we　were

brother　and　sister。　Have　no　fear；　I　am　aware　of　your　antipathies；　you

must　have　divined　me　sufficiently　to　feel　sure　that　I　should　wish　you

to　do　nothing　that　could　be　displeasing　to　you；　presumption；　moreover；

would　not　thus　approach　you。　You　have　been　a　friend　to　me；　you　have

shown　me　kindness　and　great　indulgence；　know；　therefore；　that

to…morrow　I　must　bid　you　farewell。Do　not　take　back　your　word；'　I

exclaimed；　seeing　her　about　to　speak；　and　I　went　away。



〃At　eight　o'clock　one　evening　towards　the　end　of　May；　Foedora　and　I

were　alone　together　in　her　gothic　boudoir。　I　feared　no　longer；　I　was

secure　of　happiness。　My　mistress　should　be　mine；　or　I　would　seek　a

refuge　in　death。　I　had　condemned　my　faint…hearted　love；　and　a　man　who

acknowledges　his　weakness　is　strong　indeed。



〃The　countess；　in　her　blue　cashmere　gown；　was　reclining　on　a　sofa；

with　her　feet　on　a　cushion。　She　wore　an　Oriental　turban　such　as

painters　assign　to　early　Hebrews；　its　strangeness　added　an

indescribable　coquettish　grace　to　her　attractions。　A　transitory　charm

seemed　to　have　laid　its　spell　on　her　face；　it　might　have　furnished　the

argument　that　at　every　instant　we　become　new　and　unparalleled　beings；

without　any　resemblance　to　the　US　of　the　future　or　of　the　past。　I　had

never　yet　seen　her　so　radiant。



〃　'Do　you　know　that　you　have　piqued　my　curiosity？'　she　said；　laughing。



〃　'I　will　not　disappoint　it；'　I　said　quietly；　as　I　seated　myself　near

to　her　and　took　the　hand　that　she　surrendered　to　me。　'You　have　a　very

beautiful　voice！'



〃　'You　have　never　heard　me　sing！'　she　exclaimed；　starting

involuntarily　with　surprise。



〃　'I　will　prove　that　it　is　quite　otherwise；　whenever　it　is　necessary。

Is　your　delightful　singing　still　to　remain　a　mystery？　Have　no　fear；　I

do　not　wish　to　penetrate　it。'



〃We　spent　about　an　hour　in　familiar　talk。　While　I　adopted　the　attitude

and　manner　of　a　man　to　whom　Foedora　must　refuse　nothing；　I　showed　her

all　a　lover's　deference。　Acting　in　this　way；　I　received　a　favorI　was

allowed　to　kiss　her　hand。　She　daintily　drew　off　the　glove；　and　my

whole　soul　was　dissolved　and　poured　forth　in　that　kiss。　I　was　steeped

in　the　bliss　of　an　illusion　in　which　I　tried　to　believe。



〃Foedora　lent　herself　most　unexpectedly　to　my　caress　and　my

flatteries。　Do　not　accuse　me　of　faint…heartedness；　if　I　had　gone　a

step　beyond　these　fraternal　compliments；　the　claws　would　have　been　out

of　the　sheath　and　into　me。　We　remained　perfectly　silent　for　nearly　ten

minutes。　I　was　admiring　her；　investing　her　with　the　charms　she　had

not。　She　was　mine　just　then；　and　mine　only；this　enchanting　being　was

mine；　as　was　permissible；　in　my　imagination；　my　longing　wrapped　her

round　and　held　her　close；　in　my　soul　I　wedded　her。　The　countess　was

subdued　and　fascinated　by　my　magnetic　influence。　Ever　since　I　have

regretted　that　this　subjugation　was　not　absolute；　but　just　then　I

yearned　for　her　soul；　her　heart　alone；　and　for　nothing　else。　I　longed

for　an　ideal　and　perfect　happiness；　a　fair　illusion　that　cannot　last

for　very　long。　At　last　I　spoke；　feeling　that　the　last　hours　of　my

frenzy　were　at　hand。



〃　'Hear　me；　madame。　I　love　you；　and　you　know　it；　I　have　said　so　a

hundred　times；　you　must　have　understood　me。　I　would　not　take　upon　me

the　airs　of　a　coxcomb；　nor　would　I　flatter　you；　nor　urge