call us so； I have reformed this error in my family。＇As did Henry IV。
of France＇ And 'tis also folly and injustice to deprive children； when
grown up； of familiarity with their father； and to carry a scornful and
austere countenance toward them； thinking by that to keep them in awe and
obedience； for it is a very idle farce that； instead of producing the
effect designed； renders fathers distasteful； and； which is worse；
ridiculous to their own children。 They have youth and vigour in
possession； and consequently the breath and favour of the world； and
therefore receive these fierce and tyrannical looksmere scarecrows
of a man without blood； either in his heart or veins； with mockery and
contempt。 Though I could make myself feared； I had yet much rather make
myself beloved： there are so many sorts of defects in old age； so much
imbecility； and it is so liable to contempt； that the best acquisition a
man can make is the kindness and affection of his own family； command and
fear are no longer his weapons。 Such an one I have known who； having
been very imperious in his youth； when he came to be old； though he might
have lived at his full ease； would ever strike； rant； swear； and curse：
the most violent householder in France： fretting himself with unnecessary
suspicion and vigilance。 And all this rumble and clutter but to make his
family cheat him the more； of his barn； his kitchen； cellar； nay； and his
very purse too； others had the greatest use and share； whilst he keeps
his keys in his pocket much more carefully than his eyes。 Whilst he hugs
himself with the pitiful frugality of a niggard table； everything goes to
rack and ruin in every corner of his house； in play； drink； all sorts of
profusion； making sport in their junkets with his vain anger and
fruitless parsimony。 Every one is a sentinel against him； and if； by
accident； any wretched fellow that serves him is of another humour； and
will not join with the rest； he is presently rendered suspected to him；
a bait that old age very easily bites at of itself。 How often has this
gentleman boasted to me in how great awe he kept his family； and how
exact an obedience and reverence they paid him！ How clearly he saw into
his own affairs！
〃Ille solos nescit omnia。〃
＇〃He alone is ignorant of all that is passing。〃
Terence； Adelph。； iv。 2； 9。＇
I do not know any one that can muster more parts； both natural and
acquired； proper to maintain dominion； than he； yet he is fallen from it
like a child。 For this reason it is that I have picked out him； amongst
several others that I know of the same humour； for the greatest example。
It were matter for a question in the schools； whether he is better thus
or otherwise。 In his presence； all submit to and bow to him； and give so
much way to his vanity that nobody ever resists him； he has his fill of
assents； of seeming fear； submission； and respect。 Does he turn away a
servant？ he packs up his bundle； and is gone； but 'tis no further than
just out of his sight： the steps of old age are so slow； the senses so
troubled； that he will live and do his old office in the same house a
year together without being perceived。
And after a fit interval of time； letters are pretended to come from a
great way off； very humble； suppliant； and full of promises of amendment；
by virtue of which he is again received into favour。 Does Monsieur make
any bargain； or prepare any despatch that does not please？ 'tis
suppressed； and causes afterwards forged to excuse the want of execution
in the one or answer in the other。 No letters being first brought to
him； he never sees any but those that shall seem fit for his knowledge。
If by accident they fall first into his own hand； being used to trust
somebody to read them to him； he reads extempore what he thinks fit； and
often makes such a one ask him pardon who abuses and rails at him in his
letter。 In short； he sees nothing； but by an image prepared and designed
beforehand and the most satisfactory they can invent； not to rouse and
awaken his ill humour and choler。 I have seen； under various aspects；
enough of these modes of domestic government； long…enduring； constant； to
the like effect。
Women are evermore addicted to cross their husbands： they lay hold with
both hands on all occasions to contradict and oppose them； the first
excuse serves for a plenary justification。 I have seen one who robbed
her husband wholesale； that； as she told her confessor； she might
distribute the more liberal alms。 Let who will trust to that religious
dispensation。 No management of affairs seems to them of sufficient
dignity； if proceeding from the husband's assent； they must usurp it
either by insolence or cunning； and always injuriously； or else it has
not the grace and authority they desire。 When； as in the case I am
speaking of； 'tis against a poor old man and for the children； then they
make use of this title to serve their passion with glory； and； as for a
common service； easily cabal； and combine against his government and
dominion。 If they be males grown up in full and flourishing health； they
presently corrupt； either by force or favour； steward； receivers； and all
the rout。 Such as have neither wife nor son do not so easily fall into
this misfortune； but withal more cruelly and unworthily。 Cato the elder
in his time said： So many servants； so many enemies； consider； then；
whether according to the vast difference between the purity of the age he
lived in and the corruption of this of ours； he does not seem to shew us
that wife； son； and servant； are so many enemies to us？ 'Tis well for
old age that it is always accompanied by want of observation； ignorance；
and a proneness to being deceived。 For should we see how we are used and
would not acquiesce； what would become of us？ especially in such an age
as this； where the very judges who are to determine our controversies are
usually partisans to the young； and interested in the cause。 In case the
discovery of this cheating escape me； I cannot at least fail to discern
that I am very fit to be cheated。 And can a man ever enough exalt the
value of a friend； in comparison with these civil ties？ The very image
of it which I see in beasts； so pure and uncorrupted； how religiously do
I respect it！ If others deceive me； yet do I not； at least； deceive
myself in thinking I am able to defend myself from them； or in cudgelling
my brains to make myself so。 I protect myself from such treasons in my
own bosom； not by an unquiet and tumultuous curiosity； but rather by
diversion and resolution。 When I hear talk of any one's condition； I
never trouble myself to think of him； I presently turn my eyes upon
myself to see in what condition I am； whatever concerns another relates
to me； the accident that has befallen him gives me caution； and rouses me
to turn my defence that way。 We every day and every hour say things of
another that we might properly say of ourselves； could we but apply our
observation to our own concerns； as well as extend it to others。 And
several authors have in this manner prejudiced their own cause by running
headlong upon those they attack； and darting those shafts against their
enemies； that are more properly； and with greater advantage； to be turned
upon themselves。
The late Mareschal de Montluc having lost his son； who died in the island
of Madeira； in truth a very worthy gentleman and of great expectation；
did to me； amongst his other regrets； very much insist upon what a sorrow
and heart…breaking it was that he had never made himself familiar with
him； and by that humour of paternal gravity and grimace to have lost the
opportunity of having an insight into and of well knowing； his son； as
also of letting him know the extreme affection he had for him； and the
worthy opinion he had of his virtue。 〃That poor boy；〃 said he； 〃never
saw in me other than a stern and disdainful countenance； and is gone in a
belief that I neither knew how to love him nor esteem him according to
his desert。 For whom did I reserve the discovery of that singular
affection I had for him in my soul？ Was it not he himself； who ought to
have had all the pleasure of it； and all the obligation？ I constrained
and racked myself to put on； and maintain this vain disguise； and have by
that means deprived myself of the pleasure of his conversation； and； I
doubt； in some measure； his affection； which could not but be very cold
to me； having never other from me than austerity； nor felt other than a
tyrannical manner of proceeding。〃
＇Madame de Sevigne tells us that she never read this passage without
tears in her eyes。 〃My God！〃 she exclaims； 〃how full is this book
of good sense！〃 Ed。＇
I find this complaint to be rational and rightly apprehended： for； as I
myself know by too certain experience； there is no so sweet consolation
in the loss of friends as the conscience of having had no reserve or
secret for them； and to have had with them a perfect and entire
communication。 Oh my friend；＇La Boetie。＇ am I the better for being
sensible of this； or am I the worse？ I am； doubtless； much the better。
I am consoled and honoured； in the sorrow for his death。 Is it not a
pious and a pleasing office of my life to be always upon my friend's
obsequies？ Can there be any joy equal to this privation？
I open myself to my family； as much as I can； and very willingly let them
know the state of my opinion and good will towards them； as I do to
everybody else： I make haste to bring out and present myself to them； for
I will not have them mistaken in me； in anything。 Amongst other
particular customs of our ancient Gauls； this； as Caesar reports；＇De
Bello Gall。； vi。 r8。＇ was one； that the sons never presented
themselves before their fathers； nor durst ever appear in their company
in public； till they began to bear arms； as if they would intimate by
this； that it was also time for their fathers to receive them into their
familiarity and acquaintance。
I have observed yet another sort of indiscretion in fathers of my time；
that； not contented with having deprived their children； during their own
long lives；