Irish car driver。 Everybody travels by them； excepting only officers in
uniform； who must not。 Ladies in evening dress； going to ball or opera；
porters with their baskets； sit side by side。 They are all…important in the
streets； and everything and everybody makes haste to get out of their way。
If you do not get out of their way； and you still happen to be alive when
picked up； then on your recovery you are fined for having been in their
way。 This teaches you to be wary of them。
One afternoon Harris took a 〃bummel〃 by himself。 In the evening； as
we sat listening to the band at the Belvedere； Harris said； a propos of
nothing in particular； 〃These Germans have no sense of humour。〃
〃What makes you think that？〃 I asked。
〃Why； this afternoon；〃 he answered； 〃I jumped on one of those electric
tramcars。 I wanted to see the town； so I stood outside on the little
platformwhat do you call it？〃
〃The Stehplatz；〃 I suggested。
〃That's it；〃 said Harris。 〃Well； you know the way they shake you
about； and how you have to look out for the corners； and mind yourself
when they stop and when they start？〃
I nodded。
〃There were about half a dozen of us standing there；〃 he continued；
〃and； of course； I am not experienced。 The thing started suddenly； and
that jerked me backwards。 I fell against a stout gentleman； just behind
me。 He could not have been standing very firmly himself； and he； in his
turn； fell back against a boy who was carrying a trumpet in a green baize
case。 They never smiled； neither the man nor the boy with the trumpet；
they just stood there and looked sulky。 I was going to say I was sorry；
but before I could get the words out the tram eased up； for some reason or
other； and that； of course； shot me forward again； and I butted into a white…
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haired old chap； who looked to me like a professor。 Well； HE never smiled；
never moved a muscle。〃
〃Maybe； he was thinking of something else；〃 I suggested。
〃That could not have been the case with them all；〃 replied Harris； 〃and
in the course of that journey； I must have fallen against every one of them
at least three times。 You see；〃 explained Harris； 〃they knew when the
corners were coming； and in which direction to brace themselves。 I； as a
stranger； was naturally at a disadvantage。 The way I rolled and staggered
about that platform； clutching wildly now at this man and now at that；
must have been really comic。 I don't say it was high…class humour； but it
would have amused most people。 Those Germans seemed to see no fun
in it whateverjust seemed anxious； that was all。 There was one man； a
little man； who stood with his back against the brake； I fell against him
five times； I counted them。 You would have expected the fifth time
would have dragged a laugh out of him； but it didn't； he merely looked
tired。 They are a dull lot。〃
George also had an adventure at Dresden。 There was a shop near the
Altmarkt； in the window of which were exhibited some cushions for sale。
The proper business of the shop was handling of glass and china； the
cushions appeared to be in the nature of an experiment。 They were very
beautiful cushions； hand…embroidered on satin。 We often passed the shop；
and every time George paused and examined those cushions。 He said he
thought his aunt would like one。
George has been very attentive to this aunt of his during the journey。
He has written her quite a long letter every day； and from every town we
stop at he sends her off a present。 To my mind； he is overdoing the
business； and more than once I have expostulated with him。 His aunt
will be meeting other aunts； and talking to them； the whole class will
become disorganised and unruly。 As a nephew； I object to the impossible
standard that George is setting up。 But he will not listen。
Therefore it was that on the Saturday he left us after lunch； saying he
would go round to that shop and get one of those cushions for his aunt。
He said he would not be long； and suggested our waiting for him。
We waited for what seemed to me rather a long time。 When he
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rejoined us he was empty handed； and looked worried。 We asked him
where his cushion was。 He said he hadn't got a cushion； said he had
changed his mind； said he didn't think his aunt would care for a cushion。
Evidently something was amiss。 We tried to get at the bottom of it； but
he was not communicative。 Indeed； his answers after our twentieth
question or thereabouts became quite short。
In the evening； however； when he and I happened to be alone； he
broached the subject himself。 He said：
〃They are somewhat peculiar in some things； these Germans。〃
I said： 〃What has happened？〃
〃Well；〃 he answered； 〃there was that cushion I wanted。〃
〃For your aunt；〃 I remarked。
〃Why not？〃 he returned。 He was huffy in a moment； I never knew a
man so touchy about an aunt。 〃Why shouldn't I send a cushion to my
aunt？〃
〃Don't get excited；〃 I replied。 〃I am not objecting； I respect you for
it。〃
He recovered his temper； and went on：
〃There were four in the window； if you remember； all very much alike；
and each one labelled in plain figures twenty marks。 I don't pretend to
speak German fluently； but I can generally make myself understood with a
little effort； and gather the sense of what is said to me； provided they don't
gabble。 I went into the shop。 A young girl came up to me； she was a
pretty； quiet little soul； one might almost say； demure； not at all the sort of
girl from whom you would have expected such a thing。 I was never
more surprised in all my life。〃
〃Surprised about what？〃 I said。
George always assumes you know the end of the story while he is
telling you the beginning； it is an annoying method。
〃At what happened；〃 replied George； 〃at what I am telling you。 She
smiled and asked me what I wanted。 I understood that all right； there
could have been no mistake about that。 I put down a twenty mark piece
on the counter and said：
〃Please give me a cushion。〃
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〃She stared at me as if I had asked for a feather bed。 I thought；
maybe； she had not heard； so I repeated it louder。 If I had chucked her
under the chin she could not have looked more surprised or indignant。
〃She said she thought I must be making a mistake。
〃I did not want to begin a long conversation and find myself stranded。
I said there was no mistake。 I pointed to my twenty mark piece； and
repeated for the third time that I wanted a cushion； 'a twenty mark
cushion。'
〃Another girl came up； an elder girl； and the first girl repeated to her
what I had just said： she seemed quite excited about it。 The second girl
did not believe herdid not think I looked the sort of man who would want
a cushion。 To make sure； she put the question to me herself。
〃'Did you say you wanted a cushion？' she asked。
〃'I have said it three times；' I answered。 'I will say it againI want a
cushion。'
〃She said： 'Then you can't have one。'
〃I was getting angry by this time。 If I hadn't really wanted the thing I
should have walked out of the shop； but there the cushions were in the
window； evidently for sale。 I didn't see WHY I couldn't have one。
〃I said： 'I will have one！' It is a simple sentence。 I said it with
determination。
〃A third girl came up at this point； the three representing； I fancy； the
whole force of the shop。 She was a bright…eyed； saucy… looking little
wench； this last one。 On any other occasion I might have been pleased to
see her； now； her coming only irritated me。 I didn't see the need of three
girls for this business。
〃The first two girls started explaining the thing to the third girl； and
before they were half…way through the third girl began to giggleshe was
the sort of girl who would giggle at anything。 That done； they fell to
chattering like Jenny Wrens； all three together； and between every half…
dozen words they looked across at me； and the more they looked at me the
more the third girl giggled； and before they had finished they were all
three giggling； the little idiots； you might have thought I was a clown；
giving a private performance。
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