the book of snobs- 第12部分

Henry　VIII。　talked　as　gravely　about　the　divine　powers

vested　in　him；　as　if　he　had　been　an　inspired　prophet。　　A

wretch　like　James　I。　not　only　believed　that　there　was　in

himself　a　particular　sanctity；　but　other　people　believed

him。　　Government　regulated　the　length　of　a　merchant's

shoes　as　well　as　meddled　with　his　trade；　prices；　exports；

machinery。　　It　thought　itself　justified　in　roasting　a　man

for　his　religion；　or　pulling　a　Jew's　teeth　out　if　he　did

not　pay　a　contribution；　or　ordered　him　to　dress　in　a

yellow　gabardine；　and　locked　him　in　a　particular　quarter。



Now　a　merchant　may　wear　what　boots　he　pleases；　and　has

pretty　nearly　acquired　the　privilege　of　buying　and

selling　without　the　Government　laying　its　paws　upon　the

bargain。　　The　stake　for　heretics　is　gone；　the　pillory　is

taken　down；　Bishops　are　even　found　lifting　up　their

voices　against　the　remains　of　persecution；　and　ready　to

do　away　with　the　last　Catholic　Disabilities。　　Sir　Robert

Peel；　though　he　wished　it　ever　so　much；　has　no　power　over

Mr。　Benjamin　Disraeli's　grinders；　or　any　means　of

violently　handling　that　gentleman's　jaw。　　Jews　are　not

called　upon　to　wear　badges：　on　the　contrary；　they　may

live　in　Piccadilly；　or　the　Minories；　according　to　fancy；

they　may　dress　like　Christians；　and　do　sometimes　in　a

most　elegant　and　fashionable　manner。



Why　is　the　poor　College　servitor　to　wear　that　name　and

that　badge　still？　　Because　Universities　are　the　last

places　into　which　Reform　penetrates。　　But　now　that　she

can　go　to　College　and　back　for　five　shillings；　let　her

travel　down　thither。







CHAPTER　XIV



ON　UNIVERSITY　SNOBS



All　the　men　of　Saint　Boniface　will　recognize　Hugby　and

Crump　in　these　two　pictures。　　They　were　tutors　in　our

time；　and　Crump　is　since　advanced　to　be　President　of　the

College。　　He　was　formerly；　and　is　now；　a　rich　specimen　of

a　University　Snob。



At　five…and…twenty；　Crump　invented　three　new　metres；　and

published　an　edition　of　an　exceedingly　improper　Greek

Comedy；　with　no　less　than　twenty　emendations　upon　the

German　text　of　Schnupfenius　and　Schnapsius。　　These

Services　to　religion　instantly　pointed　him　out　for

advancement　in　the　Church；　and　he　is　now　President　of

Saint　Boniface；　and　very　narrowly　escaped　the　bench。



Crump　thinks　Saint　Boniface　the　centre　of　the　world；　and

his　position　as　President　the　highest　in　England。　　He

expects　the　fellows　and　tutors　to　pay　him　the　same　sort

of　service　that　Cardinals　pay　to　the　Pope。　　I　am　sure

Crawler　would　have　no　objection　to　carry　his　trencher；　or

Page　to　hold　up　the　skirts　of　his　gown　as　he　stalks　into

chapel。　　He　roars　out　the　responses　there　as　if　it　were

an　honour　to　heaven　that　the　President　of　Saint　Boniface

should　take　a　part　in　the　service；　and　in　his　own　lodge

and　college　acknowledges　the　Sovereign　only　as　his

superior。



When　the　allied　monarchs　came　down；　and　were　made　Doctors

of　the　University；　a　breakfast　was　given　at　Saint

Boniface；　on　which　occasion　Crump　allowed　the　Emperor

Alexander　to　walk　before　him；　but　took　the　PAS　himself　of

the　King　of　Prussia　and　Prince　Blucher。　　He　was　going　to

put　the　Hetman　Platoff　to　breakfast　at　a　side…table　with

the　under　college　tutors；　but　he　was　induced　to　relent；

and　merely　entertained　that　distinguished　Cossack　with　a

discourse　on　his　own　language；　in　which　he　showed　that

the　Hetman　knew　nothing　about　it。



As　for　us　undergraduates；　we　scarcely　knew　more　about

Crump　than　about　the　Grand　Llama。　　A　few　favoured　youths

are　asked　occasionally　to　tea　at　the　lodge；　but　they　do

not　speak　unless　first　addressed　by　the　Doctor；　and　if

they　venture　to　sit　down；　Crump's　follower；　Mr。　Toady；

whispers；　'Gentlemen；　will　you　have　the　kindness　to　get

up？The　President　is　passing；'　or　'Gentlemen；　the

President　prefers　that　undergraduates　should　not　sit

down；'　or　words　to　a　similar　effect。



To　do　Crump　justice；　he　does　not　cringe　now　to　great

people。　　He　rather　patronizes　them　than　otherwise；　and；

in　London；　speaks　quite　affably　to　a　Duke　who　has　been

brought　up　at　his　college；　or　holds　out　a　finger　to　a

Marquis。　　He　does　not　disguise　his　own　origin；　but　brags

of　it　with　considerable　self…gratulation：'I　was　a

Charity…boy；'　says　he；　'see　what　I　am　now；　the　greatest

Greek　scholar　of　the　greatest　College　of　the　greatest

University　of　the　greatest　Empire　in　the　world。'　　The

argument　being；　that　this　is　a　capital　world；　for

beggars；　because　he；　being　a　beggar；　has　managed　to　get

on　horseback。



Hugby　owes　his　eminence　to　patient　merit　and　agreeable

perseverance。　　He　is　a　meek；　mild；　inoffensive　creature；

with　just　enough　of　scholarship　to　fit　him　to　hold　a

lecture；　or　set　an　examination　paper。　　He　rose　by

kindness　to　the　aristocracy。　　It　was　wonderful　to　see　the

way　in　which　that　poor　creature　grovelled　before　a

nobleman　or　a　lord's　nephew；　or　even　some　noisy　and

disreputable　commoner；　the　friend　of　a　lord。　　He　used　to

give　the　young　noblemen　the　most　painful　and　elaborate

breakfasts；　and　adopt　a　jaunty　genteel　air；　and　talk　with

them　（although　he　was　decidedly　serious）　about　the　opera；

or　the　last　run　with　the　hounds。　　It　was　good　to　watch

him　in　the　midst　of　a　circle　of　young　tufts；　with　his

mean；　smiling；　eager；　uneasy　familiarity。　　He　used　to

write　home　confidential　letters　to　their　parents；　and

made　it　his　duty　to　call　upon　them　when　in　town；　to

condole　or　rejoice　with　them　when　a　death；　birth；　or

marriage　took　place　in　their　family；　and　to　feast　them

whenever　they　came　to　the　University。　　I　recollect　a

letter　lying　on　a　desk　in　his　lecture…room　for　a　whole

term；　beginning；　'My　Lord　Duke。'　　It　was　to　show　us　that

he　corresponded　with　such　dignities。



When　the　late　lamented　Lord　Glenlivat；　who　broke　his　neck

at　a　hurdle…race；　at　the　premature　age　of　twenty…four；

was　at　the　University；　the　amiable　young　fellow；　passing

to　his　rooms　in　the　early　morning；　and　seeing　Hugby's

boots　at　his　door；　on　the　same　staircase；　playfully

wadded　the　insides　of　the　boots　with　cobbler's　wax；　which

caused　excruciating　pains　to　the　Rev。　Mr。　Hugby；　when　he

came　to　take　them　off　the　same　evening；　before　dining

with　the　Master　of　St。　Crispin's。



Everybody　gave　the　credit　of　this　admirable　piece　of　fun

to　Lord　Glenlivat's　friend；　Bob　Tizzy；　who　was　famous　for

such　feats；　and　who　had　already　made　away　with　the

college　pump…handle；　filed　St。　Boniface's　nose　smooth

with　his　face；　carried　off　four　images　of　nigger…boys

from　the　tobacconists；　painted　the　senior　proctor's　horse

pea…green；　&c。　&c。；　and　Bob　（who　was　of　the　party

certainly；　and　would　not　peach；）　was　just　on　the　point　of

incurring　expulsion；　and　so　losing　the　family　living

which　was　in　store　for　him；　when　Glenlivat　nobly　stepped

forward；　owned　himself　to　be　the　author　of　the　delightful

JEU…D'ESPRIT；　apologized　to　the　tutor；　and　accepted　the

rustication。



Hugby　cried　when　Glenlivat　apologized；　if　the　young

nobleman　had　kicked　him　round　the　court；　I　believe　the

tutor　would　have　been　happy；　so　that　an　apology　and　a

reconciliation　might　subsequently　ensue。　　'My　lord；'　said

he；　'in　your　conduct　on　this　and　all　other　occasions；　you

have　acted　as　becomes　a　gentleman；　you　have　been　an

honour　to　the　University；　as　you　will　be　to　the　peerage；

I　am　sure；　when　the　amiable　vivacity　of　youth　is　calmed

down；　and　you　are　called　upon　to　take　your　proper　share

in　the　government　of　the　nation。'　　And　when　his　lordship

took　leave　of　the　University；　Hugby　presented　him　with　a

copy　of　his　'Sermons　to　a　Nobleman's　Family'　（Hugby　was

once　private　tutor　to　the　Sons　of　the　Earl　of

Muffborough）；　which　Glenlivat　presented　in　return　to　Mr。

William　Ramm；　known　to　the　fancy　as　the　Tutbury　Pet；　and

the　sermons　now　figure　on　the　boudoir…table　of　Mrs。　Ramm；

behind　the　bar　of　her　house　of　entertainment；　'The　Game

Cock　and　Spurs；'　near　Woodstock；　Oxon。



At　the　beginning　of　the　long　vacation；　Hugby　comes　to

town；　and　puts　up　in　handsome　lodgings　near　St。　James's

Square；　rides　in　the　Park　in　the　afternoon；　and　is

delighted　to　read　his　name　in　the　morning　papers　among

the　list　of　persons　present　at　Muffborough　House；　and　the

Marquis　of　Farintosh's　evening…parties。　　He　is　a　member

of　Sydney　Scraper's　Club；　where；　however；　he　drinks　his

pint　of　claret。



Sometimes　you　may　see　him　on　Sundays；　at　the　hour　when

tavern　doors　open；　whence　issue　little　girls　with　great

jugs　of　porter；　when　charity…boys　walk　the　streets；

bearing　brown　dishes　of　smoking　shoulders　of　mutton　and

baked　'taturs；　when　Sheeny　and　Moses　are　seen　smoking

their　pipes　before　their　lazy　shutters　in　Seven　Dials；

when　a　crowd　of　smiling　persons　in　clean　outlandish

dresses；　in　monstrous　bonnets　and　flaring　printed　gowns；

or　in　crumpled　glossy　coats　and　silks　that　bear　the

creases　of　the　drawers　where　they　have　lain　all　the　week；

file　down　High　Street；sometimes；　I　say；　you　may　see

Hugby　coming　out　of　the　Church　of　St。　Giles…in…the…

Fields；　with　a　stout　gentlewoman　leaning　on　his　arm；

whose　old　face　bears　an　expression　of　supreme　pride　and

happiness　as　she　glances　round　at　all　the　neighbours；　and

who　faces　the　curate　himself　and　marches　into　Holborn；

where　she　pulls　the　bell　of　a　house　over　which　is

inscribed；　'Hugby；　Haberdasher。'　　It　is　the　mother　of　the

Rev。　F。　Hugby；　as　proud　of　her　son　in　his　white　choker　as

Cornelia　of　her　jewels　at　Rome。　　That　is　old　Hugby

bringing　up　the　rear　with　the　Prayer…books；　and　Betsy

Hugby　the　old　maid；　his　daughter；old　Hugby；　Haberdasher

and　Church…warden。



In　the　front　room　upstairs；　where　the　dinner　is　laid　out；

there　is　a　picture　of　Muffborough　Castle；　of　the　Earl　of

Muffborough；　K。X。；　Lord…Lieutenant　for　Diddlesex；　an

engraving；　from　an　almanac；　of　Saint　Boniface　College；

Oxon；　and　a　sticking…plaster　portrait　of　Hugby　when

young；　in　a　cap　and　gown。　　A　copy　of　his　'Sermons　to　a

Nobleman's　Family'　is　on　the　bookshelf；　by　the　'Whole