the book of snobs- 第13部分

Nobleman's　Family'　is　on　the　bookshelf；　by　the　'Whole

Duty　of　Man；'　the　Reports　of　the　Missionary　Societies；

and　the　'Oxford　University　Calendar。'　　Old　Hugby　knows

part　of　this　by　heart；　every　living　belonging　to　Saint

Boniface；　and　the　name　of　every　tutor；　fellow；　nobleman；

and　undergraduate。



He　used　to　go　to　meeting　and　preach　himself；　until　his

son　took　orders；　but　of　late　the　old　gentleman　has　been

accused　of　Puseyism；　and　is　quite　pitiless　against　the

Dissenters。







CHAPTER　XV



ON　UNIVERSITY　SNOBS



I　should　like　to　fill　several　volumes　with　accounts　of

various　University　Snobs；　so　fond　are　my　reminiscences　of

them；　and　so　numerous　are　they。　　I　should　like　to　speak；

above　all；　of　the　wives　and　daughters　of　some　of　the

Professor…Snobs；　their　amusements；　habits；　jealousies；

their　innocent　artifices　to　entrap　young　men；　their

picnics；　concerts；　and　evening…parties。　　I　wonder　what

has　become　of　Emily　Blades；　daughter　of　Blades；　the

Professor　of　the　Mandingo　language？　　I　remember　her

shoulders　to　this　day；　as　she　sat　in　the　midst　of　a　crowd

of　about　seventy　young　gentlemen；　from　Corpus　and

Catherine　Hall；　entertaining　them　with　ogles　and　French

songs　on　the　guitar。　　Are　you　married；　fair　Emily　of　the

shoulders？　　What　beautiful　ringlets　those　were　that　used

to　dribble　over　them！what　a　waist！what　a　killing　sea…

green　shot…silk　gown！what　a　cameo；　the　size　of　a

muffin！　　There　were　thirty…six　young　men　of　the

University　in　love　at　one　time　with　Emily　Blades：　and　no

words　are　sufficient　to　describe　the　pity；　the　sorrow；

the　deep；　deep　commiserationthe　rage；　fury；　and

uncharitableness；　in　other　wordswith　which　the　Miss

Trumps　（daughter　of　Trumps；　the　Professor　of　Phlebotomy）

regarded　her；　because　she　DIDN'T　squint；　and　because　she

WASN'T　marked　with　the　small…pox。



As　for　the　young　University　Snobs；　I　am　getting　too　old；

now；　to　speak　of　such　very　familiarly。　　My　recollections

of　them　lie　in　the　far；　far　pastalmost　as　far　back　as

Pelham's　time。



We　THEN　used　to　consider　Snobs　raw…looking　lads；　who

never　missed　chapel；　who　wore　highlows　and　no　straps；　who

walked　two　hours　on　the　Trumpington　road　every　day　of

their　lives；　who　carried　off　the　college　scholarships；

and　who　overrated　themselves　in　hall。　　We　were　premature

in　pronouncing　our　verdict　of　youthful　Snobbishness　　The

man　without　straps　fulfilled　his　destiny　and　duty。　　He

eased　his　old　governor；　the　curate　in　Westmoreland；　or

helped　his　sisters　to　set　up　the　Ladies'　School。　　He

wrote　a　'Dictionary；'　or　a　'Treatise　on　Conic　Sections；'

as　his　nature　and　genius　prompted。　　He　got　a　fellowship：

and　then　took　to　himself　a　wife；　and　a　living。　　He

presides　over　a　parish　now；　and　thinks　it　rather　a

dashing　thing　to　belong　to　the　'Oxford　and　Cambridge

Club；'　and　his　parishioners　love　him；　and　snore　under　his

sermons。　　No；　no；　HE　is　not　a　Snob。　　It　is　not　straps

that　make　the　gentleman；　or　highlows　that　unmake　him；　be

they　ever　so　thick。　　My　son；　it　is　you　who　are　the　Snob

if　you　lightly　despise　a　man　for　doing　his　duty；　and

refuse　to　shake　an　honest　man's　hand　because　it　wears　a

Berlin　glove。



We　then　used　to　consider　it　not　the　least　vulgar　for　a

parcel　of　lads　who　had　been　whipped　three　months

previous；　and　were　not　allowed　more　than　three　glasses　of

port　at　home；　to　sit　down　to　pineapples　and　ices　at　each

other's　rooms；　and　fuddle　themselves　with　champagne　and

claret。



One　looks　back　to　what　was　called　a　'wine…party'　with　a

sort　of　wonder。　　Thirty　lads　round　a　table　covered　with

bad　sweetmeats；　drinking　bad　wines；　telling　bad　stories；

singing　bad　songs　over　and　over　again。　　Milk　punch

smokingghastly　headache　frightful　spectacle　of

dessert…table　next　morning；　and　smell　of　tobaccoyour

guardian；　the　clergyman；　dropping　in；　in　the　midst　of

thisexpecting　to　find　you　deep　in　Algebra；　and

discovering　the　Gyp　administering　soda…water。



There　were　young　men　who　despised　the　lads　who　indulged

in　the　coarse　hospitalities　of　wine…parties；　who　prided

themselves　in　giving　RECHERCHE　little　French　dinners。

Both　wine…party…givers　and　dinner…givers　were　Snobs。



There　were　what　used　to　be　called　'dressy'　Snobs：…　Jimmy；

who　might　be　seen　at　five　o'clock　elaborately　rigged　out；

with　a　camellia　in　his　button…hole；　glazed　boots；　and

fresh　kid…gloves　twice　a　day；Jessamy；　who　was

conspicuous　for　his　'jewellery；'a　young　donkey；

glittering　all　over　with　chains；　rings；　and　shirt…studs；…

…Jacky；　who　rode　every　day　solemnly　on　the　Blenheim　Road；

in　pumps　and　white　silk　stockings；　with　his　hair　curled；…

…all　three　of　whom　flattered　themselves　they　gave　laws　to

the　University　about　dressall　three　most　odious

varieties　of　Snobs。



Sporting　Snobs　of　course　there　were；　and　are　always

those　happy　beings　in　whom　Nature　has　implanted　a　love　of

slang：　who　loitered　about　the　horsekeeper's　stables；　and

drove　the　London　coachesa　stage　in　and　outand　might

be　seen　swaggering　through　the　courts　in　pink　of　early

mornings；　and　indulged　in　dice　and　blind…hookey　at

nights；　and　never　missed　a　race　or　a　boxing…match；　and

rode　flat…races；　and　kept　bull…terriers。　　Worse　Snobs

even　than　these　were　poor　miserable　wretches　who　did　not

like　hunting　at　all；　and　could　not　afford　it；　and　were　in

mortal　fear　at　a　two…foot　ditch；　but　who　hunted　because

Glenlivat　and　Cinqbars　hunted。　　The　Billiard　Snob　and　the

Boating　Snob　were　varieties　of　these；　and　are　to　be　found

elsewhere　than　in　universities。



Then　there　were　Philosophical　Snobs；　who　used　to　ape

statesmen　at　the　spouting…clubs；　and　who　believed　as　a

fact　that　Government　always　had　an　eye　on　the　University

for　the　selection　of　orators　for　the　House　of　Commons。

There　were　audacious　young　free…thinkers；　who　adored

nobody　or　nothing；　except　perhaps　Robespierre　and　the

Koran；　and　panted　for　the　day　when　the　pale　name　of

priest　should　shrink　and　dwindle　away　before　the

indignation　of　an　enlightened　world。



But　the　worst　of　all　University　Snobs　are　those

unfortunates　who　go　to　rack　and　ruin　from　their　desire　to

ape　their　betters。　　Smith　becomes　acquainted　with　great

people　at　college；　and　is　ashamed　of　his　father　the

tradesman。　　Jones　has　fine　acquaintances；　and　lives　after

their　fashion　like　a　gay　free…hearted　fellow　as　he　is；

and　ruins　his　father；　and　robs　his　sister's　portion；　and

cripples　his　younger　brother's　outset　in　life；　for　the

pleasure　of　entertaining　my　lord；　and　riding　by　the　side

of　Sir　John。　　And　though　it　may　be　very　good　fun　for

Robinson　to　fuddle　himself　at　home　as　he　does　at　College；

and　to　be　brought　home　by　the　policeman　he　has　just　been

trying　to　knock　down　think　what　fun　it　is　for　the　poor

old　soul　his　mother！the　half…pay　captain's　widow；　who

has　been　pinching　herself　all　her　life　long；　in　order

that　that　jolly　young　fellow　might　have　a　University

education。







CHAPTER　XVI



ON　LITERARY　SNOBS



What　will　he　say　about　Literary　Snobs？　has　been　a

question；　I　make　no　doubt；　often　asked　by　the　public。

How　can　he　let　off　his　own　profession？　　Will　that

truculent　and　unsparing　monster　who　attacks　the　nobility；

the　clergy；　the　army；　and　the　ladies；　indiscriminately；

hesitate　when　the　turn　comes　to　EGORGER　his　own　flesh

and　blood？



My　dear　and　excellent　querist；　whom　does　the　schoolmaster

flog　so　resolutely　as　his　own　son？　　Didn't　Brutus　chop

his　offspring's　head　off？　　You　have　a　very　bad　opinion

indeed　of　the　present　state　of　literature　and　of　literary

men；　if　you　fancy　that　any　one　of　us　would　hesitate　to

stick　a　knife　into　his　neighbour　penman；　if　the　latter's

death　could　do　the　State　any　service。



But　the　fact　is；　that　in　the　literary　profession　THERE

ARE　NO　SNOBS。　　Look　round　at　the　whole　body　of　British

men　of　letters；　and　I　defy　you　to　point　out　among　them　a

single　instance　of　vulgarity；　or　envy；　or　assumption。



Men　and　women；　as　far　as　I　have　known　them；　they　are　all

modest　in　their　demeanour；　elegant　in　their　manners；

spotless　in　their　lives；　and　honourable　in　their　conduct

to　the　world　and　to　each　other。　　You　MAY；　occasionally；

it　is　true；　hear　one　literary　man　abusing　his　brother；

but　why？　　Not　in　the　least　out　of　malice；　not　at　all　from

envy；　merely　from　a　sense　of　truth　and　public　duty。

Suppose；　for　instance；　I；　good…naturedly　point　out　a

blemish　in　my　friend　MR。　PUNCH'S　person；　and　say；　MR。　P。

has　a　hump…back；　and　his　nose　and　chin　are　more　crooked

than　those　features　in　the　Apollo　or　Antinous；　which　we

are　accustomed　to　consider　as　our　standards　of　beauty；

does　this　argue　malice　on　my　part　towards　MR。　PUNCH？　　Not

in　the　least。　　It　is　the　critic's　duty　to　point　out

defects　as　well　as　merits；　and　he　invariably　does　his

duty　with　utmost　gentleness　and　candour。



An　intelligent　foreigner's　testimony　about　our　manners　is

always　worth　having；　and　I　think；　in　this　respect　the

work　of　an　eminent　American；　Mr。　N。　P。　Willis　is

eminently　valuable　and　impartial。　　In　his　'History　of

Ernest　Clay；'　a　crack　magazine…writer；　the　reader　will

get　an　exact　account　of　the　life　of　a　popular　man　of

letters　in　England。　　He　is　always　the　lion　of　society。



He　takes　the　PAS　of　dukes　and　earls；　all　the　nobility

crowd　to　see　him：　I　forget　how　many　baronesses　and

duchesses　fall　in　love　with　him。　　But　on　this　subject　let

us　hold　our　tongues。　　Modesty　forbids　that　we　should

reveal　the　names　of　the　heart…broken　countesses　and　dear

marchionesses　who　are　pining　for　every　one　of　the

contributors　in　PUNCH。



If　　　　　　anybody　wants　to　know　how　intimately　authors　are

connected　with　the　fashionable　world；　they　have　but　to

read　the　genteel　novels。　　What　refinement　and　delicacy

pervades　the　works　of　Mrs。　Barnaby！　　　What　delightful

good　company　do　you　meet　with　in　Mrs。　Armytage！　　She

seldom　introduces　you　to　anybody　under　a　marquis！　　I

don't　know　anything　more　delicious　than　the　pictures　of

genteel　life