the book of snobs- 第21部分

Evergreens；'　and　heaved　a　great　sigh。



This；　then；　was　Mrs。　Major　Ponto；　to　whom　making　my　very

best　bow；　I　replied；　that　I　was　very　proud　to　make　her

acquaintance；　as　also　that　of　so　charming　a　place　as　the

Evergreens。



Another　sigh。　　'We　are　distantly　related；　Mr。　Snob；'　said

she；　shaking　her　melancholy　head。　　'Poor　dear　Lord

Rubadub！'



'Oh！'　said　I；　not　knowing　what　the　deuce　Mrs。　Major　Ponto

meant。



'Major　Ponto　told　me　that　you　were　of　the　Leicestershire

Snobs：　a　very　old　family；　and　related　to　Lord

Snobbington；　who　married　Laura　Rubadub；　who　is　a　cousin

of　mine；　as　was　her　poor　dear　father；　for　whom　we　are

mourning。　　What　a　seizure！　only　sixty…three；　and　apoplexy

quite　unknown　until　now　in　our　family！　　In　life　we　are　in

death；　Mr。　Snob。　　Does　Lady　Snobbington　bear　the

deprivation　well？'



'Why；　really；　ma'am；　II　don't　know；'　I　replied；　more

and　more　confused。



As　she　was　speaking　I　heard　a　sort　of　CLOOP；　by　which

well…known　sound　I　was　aware　that　somebody　was　opening　a

bottle　of　wine；　and　Ponto　entered；　in　a　huge　white

neckcloth；　and　a　rather　shabby　black　suit。



'My　love；'　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　said　to　her　husband；　'we　were

talking　of　our　cousinpoor　dear　Lord　Rubadub。　　His　death

has　placed　some　of　the　first　families　in　England　in

mourning。　　Does　Lady　Rubadub　keep　the　house　in　Hill

Street；　do　you　know？'



I　didn't　know；　but　I　said；　'I　believe　she　does；'　at　a

venture；　and；　looking　down　to　the　drawing…room　table；　saw

the　inevitable；　abominable；　maniacal；　absurd；　disgusting

'Peerage'　open　on　the　table；　interleaved　with

annotations；　and　open　at　the　article　'Snobbington。'



'Dinner　is　served；'　says　Stripes；　flinging　open　the　door；

and　I　gave　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　my　arm。







CHAPTER　XXV



A　VISIT　TO　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



Of　the　dinner　to　which　we　now　sat　down；　I　am　not　going　to

be　a　severe　critic。　　The　mahogany　I　hold　to　be

inviolable；　but　this　I　will　say；　that　I　prefer　sherry　to

marsala　when　I　can　get　it；　and　the　latter　was　the　wine　of

which　I　have　no　doubt　I　heard　the　'cloop'　just　before

dinner。　　Nor　was　it　particularly　good　of　its　kind；

however；　Mrs。　Major　Ponto　did　not　evidently　know　the

difference；　for　she　called　the　liquor　Amontillado　during

the　whole　of　the　repast；　and　drank　but　half　a　glass　of

it；　leaving　the　rest　for　the　Major　and　his　guest。



Stripes　was　in　the　livery　of　the　Ponto　familya　thought

shabby；　but　gorgeous　in　the　extremelots　of　magnificent

worsted　lace；　and　livery　buttons　of　a　very　notable　size。

The　honest　fellow's　hands；　I　remarked；　were　very　large

and　black；　and　a　fine　odour　of　the　stable　was　wafted

about　the　room　as　he　moved　to　and　fro　in　his

ministration。　　I　should　have　preferred　a　clean

maidservant；　but　the　sensations　of　Londoners　are　too

acute　perhaps　on　these　subjects；　and　a　faithful　John；

after　all；　IS　more　genteel。



》From　the　circumstance　of　the　dinner　being　composed　of

pig's…head　mock…turtle　soup；　of　pig's　fry　and　roast　ribs

of　pork；　I　am　led　to　imagine　that　one　of　Ponto's　black

Hampshires　had　been　sacrificed　a　short　time　previous　to

my　visit。　　It　was　an　excellent　and　comfortable　repast；

only　there　WAS　rather　a　sameness　in　it；　certainly。　　I

made　a　similar　remark　the　next　day'。



During　the　dinner　Mrs。　Ponto　asked　me　many　questions

regarding　the　nobility；　my　relatives。　　'When　Lady

Angelina　Skeggs　would　come　out；　and　if　the　countess　her

mamma'　（this　was　said　with　much　archness　and　he…he…ing）

'still　wore　that　extraordinary　purple　hair…dye？'

'Whether　my　Lord　Guttlebury　kept；　besides　his　French

chef；　and　an　English　cordonbleu　for　the　roasts；　an

Italian　for　the　confectionery？'



'Who　attended　at　Lady　Clapperclaw's　conversazioni？'　and

'whether　Sir　John　Champignon's　〃Thursday　Mornings〃　were

pleasant？'　　'Was　it　true　that　Lady　Carabas；　wanting　to

pawn　her　diamonds；　found　that　they　were　paste；　and　that

the　Marquis　had　disposed　of　them　beforehand？'　　'How　was

it　that　Snuffin；　the　great　tobacco…merchant；　broke　off

the　marriage　which　was　on　the　tapis　between　him　and　their

second　daughter；　and　was　it　true　that　a　mulatto　lady　came

over　from　the　Havanna　and　forbade　the　match？'



'Upon　my　word；　Madam；'　I　had　begun；　and　was　going　on　to

say　that　I　didn't　know　one　word　about　all　these　matters

which　seemed　so　to　interest　Mrs。　Major　Ponto；　when　the

Major；　giving　me　a　tread　or　stamp　with　his　large　foot

under　the　table；　said　'Come；　come；　Snob　my　boy；　we　are

all　tiled；　you　know。　　We　KNOW　you're　one　of　the

fashionable　people　about　town：　we　saw　your　name　at　Lady

Clapperclaw's　SOIREES；　and　the　Champignon　breakfasts；　and

as　for　the　Rubadubs；　of　course；　as　relations　…'



'Oh；　of　course；　I　dine　there　twice　a…week；'　I　said；　and

then　I　remembered　that　my　cousin；　Humphry　Snob；　of　the

Middle　Temple；　IS　a　great　frequenter　of　genteel

societies；　and　to　have　seen　his　name　in　the　MORNING　POST

at　the　tag…end　of　several　party　lists。　　So；　taking　the

hint；　I　am　ashamed　to　say　I　indulged　Mrs。　Major　Ponto

with　a　deal　of　information　about　the　first　families　in

England；　such　as　would　astonish　those　great　personages　if

they　knew　it。　　I　described　to　her　most　accurately　the

three　reigning　beauties　of　last　season　at　Almack's：　told

her　in　confidence　that　his　Grace　the　D…　of　W…　was

going　to　be　married　the　day　after　his　Statue　was　put　up；

that　his　Grace　the　D…　of　D…　was　also　about　to　lead

the　fourth　daughter　of　the　Archduke　Stephen　to　the

hymeneal　altar：and　talked　to　her；　in　a　word；　just　in

the　style　of　Mrs。　Gore's　last　fashionable　novel。



Mrs。　Major　was　quite　fascinated　by　this　brilliant

conversation。　　She　began　to　trot　out　scraps　of　French；

just　for　all　the　world　as　they　do　in　the　novels；　and

kissed　her　hand　to　me　quite　graciously；　telling　me　to

come　soon　to　caffy；　UNG　PU　DE　MUSICK　O　SALONGwith　which

she　tripped　off　like　an　elderly　fairy。



'Shall　I　open　a　bottle　of　port；　or　do　you　ever　drink　such

a　thing　as　Hollands　and　water？'　says　Ponto；　looking

ruefully　at　me。　　This　was　a　very　different　style　of　thing

to　what　I　had　been　led　to　expect　from　him　at　our　smoking…

room　at　the　Club：　where　he　swaggers　about　his　horses　and

his　cellar：　and　slapping　me　on　the　shoulder　used　to　say；

'Come　down　to　Mangelwurzelshire；　Snob　my　boy；　and　I'll

give　you　as　good　a　day's　shooting　and　as　good　a　glass　of

claret　as　any　in　the　county。''Well；'　I　said；　'I　like

Hollands　much　better　than　port；　and　gin　even　better　than

Hollands。'　　This　was　lucky。　　　It　WAS　gin；　and　Stripes

brought　in　hot　water　on　a　splendid　plated　tray。



The　jingling　of　a　harp　and　piano　soon　announced　that　Mrs。

Ponto's　ung　PU　DE　MUSICK　had　commenced；　and　the　smell　of

the　stable　again　entering　the　dining…room；　in　the　person

of　Stripes；　summoned　us　to　CAFFY　and　the　little　concert。

She　beckoned　me　with　a　winning　smile　to　the　sofa；　on

which　she　made　room　for　me；　and　where　we　could　command　a

fine　view　of　the　backs　of　the　young　ladies　who　were

performing　the　musical　entertainment。　　Very　broad　backs

they　were　too；　strictly　according　to　the　present　mode；

for　crinoline　or　its　substitutes　is　not　an　expensive

luxury；　and　young　people　in　the　country　can　afford　to　be

in　the　fashion　at　very　trifling　charges。　　Miss　Emily

Ponto　at　the　piano；　and　her　sister　Maria　at　that　somewhat

exploded　instrument；　the　harp；　were　in　light　blue　dresses

that　looked　all　flounce；　and　spread　out　like　Mr。　Green's

balloon　when　inflated。



'Brilliant　touch　Emily　haswhat　a　fine　arm　Maria's　is；'

Mrs。　Ponto　remarked　good…naturedly；　pointing　out　the

merits　of　her　daughters；　and　waving　her　own　arm　in　such　a

way　as　to　show　that　she　was　not　a　little　satisfied　with

the　beauty　of　that　member。　　I　observed　she　had　about　nine

bracelets　and　bangles；　consisting　of　chains　and　padlocks；

the　Major's　miniature；　and　a　variety　of　brass　serpents

with　fiery　ruby　or　tender　turquoise　eyes；　writhing　up　to

her　elbow　almost；　in　the　most　profuse　contortions。



'You　recognize　those　polkas？　　They　were　played　at

Devonshire　House　on　the　23rd　of　July；　the　day　of　the

grand　f？te。'　　So　I　said　yesI　knew　'em　quite　intimately；

and　began　wagging　my　head　as　if　in　acknowledgment　of

those　old　friends。



When　the　performance　was　concluded；　I　had　the　felicity　of

a　presentation　and　conversation　with　the　two　tall　and

scraggy　Miss　Pontos；　and　Miss　Wirt；　the　governess；　sat

down　to　entertain　us　with　variations　on　'Sich　a　gettin'

up　Stairs。'　　They　were　determined　to　be　in　the　fashion。



For　the　performance　of　the　'Gettin'　up　Stairs；'　I　have　no

other　name　but　that　it　was　a　STUNNER。　　First　Miss　Wirt；

with　great　deliberation；　played　the　original　and

beautiful　melody；　cutting　it；　as　it　were；　out　of　the

instrument；　and　firing　off　each　note　so　loud；　clear；　and

sharp；　that　I　am　sure　Stripes　must　have　heard　it　in　the

stable。



'What　a　finger！'　says　Mrs。　Ponto；　and　indeed　it　WAS　a

finger；　as　knotted　as　a　turkey's　drumstick；　and　splaying

all　over　the　piano。　　When　she　had　banged　out　the　tune

slowly；　she　began　a　different　manner　of　'Gettin'　up

Stairs；'　and　did　so　with　a　fury　and　swiftness　quite

incredible。　　She　spun　up　stairs；　she　whirled　up　stairs：

she　galloped　up　stairs；　she　rattled　up　stairs；　and　then

having　got　the　tune　to　the　top　landing；　as　it　were；　she

hurled　it　down　again　shrieking　to　the　bottom　floor；　where

it　sank　in　a　crash　as　if　exhausted　by　the　breathless

rapidity　of　the　descent。　　Then　Miss　Wirt　played　the

'Gettin'　up　Stairs'　with　the　most　pathetic　and　ravishing

solemnity：　plaintive　moans　and　sobs　issued　from　the　keys…

…you　wept　and　trembled　as　you　were　gettin'　up　stairs。

Miss　Wirt's　hands　seemed　to　faint　and　wail　and　die　in

variations：　again；　and　she　went　up　with　a　savage　clang

and　rush　of　trumpets；　as　if　Miss　Wirt　was　storming　a

breach；　and　although　I　knew　nothing　of　music；　as　I　sat

and　listened　with　my　mouth　open　to　this　wonderful

display；　my　CAFFY　grew　cold；　and　I　wondered　the　windows

did　not　crack　and　th