cause of this contest； Mrs Winifred Jenkins； seemed overwhelmed
with affliction； and Mr Clinker acted much on the reserve； though
he did not presume to find fault with her conduct。
The dispute between the two rivals was soon brought to a very
unexpected issue。 Among our fellow…lodgers at Berwick； was a
couple from London； bound to Edinburgh； on the voyage of
matrimony。 The female was the daughter and heiress of a
pawnbroker deceased； who had given her guardians the slip； and
put herself under the tuition of a tall Hibernian； who had
conducted her thus far in quest of a clergyman to unite them in
marriage； without the formalities required by the law of England。
I know not how the lover had behaved on the road； so as to
decline in the favour of his inamorata； but； in all probability；
Dutton perceived a coldness on her side； which encouraged him to
whisper； it was a pity she should have cast affections upon a
taylor； which he affirmed the Irishman to be。 This discovery
completed her disgust； of which my man taking the advantage；
began to recommend himself to her good graces； and the smooth…tongued
rascal found no difficulty to insinuate himself into the
place of her heart； from which the other had been discarded
Their resolution was immediately taken。 In the morning； before
day； while poor Teague lay snoring a…bed； his indefatigable rival
ordered a post…chaise； and set out with the lady for Coldstream；
a few miles up the Tweed； where there was a parson who dealt in
this branch of commerce； and there they were noosed； before the
Irishman ever dreamt of the matter。 But when he got up at six
o'clock； and found the bird was flown； he made such a noise as
alarmed the whole house。 One of the first persons he encountered；
was the postilion returned from Coldstream； where he had been
witness to the marriage； and over and above an handsome gratuity；
had received a bride's favour； which he now wore in his cap When
the forsaken lover understood they were actually married； and set
out for London； and that Dutton had discovered to the lady； that
he （the Hibernian） was a taylor； he had like to have run
distracted。 He tore the ribbon from the fellow's cap； and beat it
about his ears。 He swore he would pursue him to the gates of
hell； and ordered a post…chaise and four to be got ready as soon
as possible； but； recollecting that his finances would not admit
of this way of travelling； he was obliged to countermand this
order。
For my part； I knew nothing at all of what had happened； till the
postilion brought me the keys of my trunk and portmanteau； which
he had received from Dutton； who sent me his respects； hoping I
would excuse him for his abrupt departure； as it was a step upon
which his fortune depended。 Before I had time to make my uncle
acquainted with this event； the Irishman burst into my chamber；
without any introduction； exclaiming； 'By my soul； your sarvant
has robbed me of five thousand pounds； and I'll have
satisfaction； if I should be hanged tomorrow。' When I asked him
who he was； 'My name （said he） is Master Macloughlin but it
should be Leighlin Oneale； for I am come from Tir…Owen the Great；
and so I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland； and that
rogue； your sarvant； said I was a taylor； which was as big a lie
as if he had called me the pope I'm a man of fortune； and have
spent all I had； and so being in distress； Mr Coshgrave； the
fashioner in Shuffolk…street； tuck me out； and made me his own
private shecretary： by the same token； I was the last he bailed；
for his friends obliged him to tie himself up； that he would bail
no more above ten pounds； for why； becaase as how； he could not
refuse any body that asked； and therefore in time would have
robbed himself of his whole fortune； and； if he had lived long at
that rate； must have died bankrupt very soon and so I made my
addresses to Miss Skinner； a young lady of five thousand pounds
fortune； who agreed to take me for better nor worse； and； to be
sure； this day would have put me in possession； if it had not
been for that rogue； your sarvant； who came like a tief； and
stole away my property； and made her believe I was a taylor； and
that she was going to marry the ninth part of a man： but the
devil burn my soul； if ever I catch him on the mountains of
Tulloghobegly； if I don't shew him that I'm nine times as good a
man as he； or e'er a bug of his country。'
When he had rung out his first alarm； I told him I was sorry he
had allowed himself to be so jockied； but it was no business of
mine； and that the fellow who robbed him of his bride； had
likewise robbed me of my servant 'Didn't I tell you then （cried
he） that Rogue was his true Christian name。 Oh if I had but one
fair trust with him upon the sod； I'd give him lave to brag all
the rest of his life。'
My uncle hearing the noise； came in； and being informed of this
adventure； began to comfort Mr Oneale for the lady's elopement；
observing that he seemed to have had a lucky escape； that it was
better she should elope before； than after marriage The
Hibernian was of a very different opinion。 He said； 'If he had
been once married； she might have eloped as soon as she pleased；
he would have taken care that she should not have carried her
fortune along with her Ah （said he） she's a Judas Iscariot； and
has betrayed me with a kiss； and； like Judas； she carried the
bag； and has not left me money enough to bear my expences back to
London； and so I'm come to this pass； and the rogue that was the
occasion of it has left you without a sarvant； you may put me in
his place； and by Jasus； it is the best thing you can do。' I
begged to be excused； declaring I could put up with any
inconvenience； rather than treat as a footman the descendant of
Tir…Owen the Great。 I advised him to return to his friend； Mr
Cosgrave； and take his passage from Newcastle by sea； towards
which I made him a small present； and he retired； seemingly
resigned to his evil fortune。 I have taken upon trial a
Scotchman； called Archy M'Alpin； an old soldier； whose last
master； a colonel； lately died at Berwick。 The fellow is old and
withered； but he has been recommended to me for his fidelity； by
Mrs Humphreys； a very good sort of a woman； who keeps the inn at
Tweedmouth； and is much respected by all the travellers on this
road。
Clinker； without doubt； thinks himself happy in the removal of a
dangerous rival； and he is too good a Christian； to repine at
Dutton's success。 Even Mrs Jenkins will have reason to
congratulate herself upon this event； when she cooly reflects
upon the matter； for； howsoever she was forced from her poise for
a season； by snares laid for her vanity； Humphry is certainly the
north…star to which the needle of her affection would have
pointed at the long run。 At present； the same vanity is
exceedingly mortified； upon finding herself abandoned by her new
admirer； in favour of another inamorata。 She received the news
with a violent burst of laughter； which soon brought on a fit of
crying； and this gave the finishing blow to the patience of her
mistress； which had held out beyond all expectation。 She now
opened all those floodgates of reprehension； which had been shut
so long。 She not only reproached her with her levity and
indiscretion； but attacked her on the score of religion；
declaring roundly that she was in a state of apostacy and
reprobation； and finally； threatened to send her a packing at
this extremity of the kingdom。 All the family interceded for poor
Winifred； not even excepting her slighted swain； Mr Clinker； who；
on his knees； implored and obtained her pardon。
There was； however； another consideration that gave Mrs Tabitha
some disturbance。 At Newcastle； the servants had been informed by
some wag； that there was nothing to eat in Scotland； but oat…meal
and sheep's…heads； and lieutenant Lismahago being consulted； what
he said served rather to confirm than to refute the report。 Our
aunt being apprised of this circumstance； very gravely
advised her brother to provide a sumpter horse with store of
hams； tongues； bread； biscuit； and other articles for our
subsistence； in the course of our peregrination； and Mr Bramble
as gravely replied； that he would take the hint into
consideration： but； finding no such provision was made； she now
revived the proposal； observing that there was a tolerable market
at Berwick； where we might be supplied； and that my man's horse
would serve as a beast of burthen The 'squire； shrugging his
shoulders； eyed her askance with a look of ineffable contempt：
and； after some pause； 'Sister （said he）； I can hardly persuade
myself you are serious。' She was so little acquainted with the
geography of the island； that she imagined we could not go to
Scotland but by sea； and； after we had passed through the town of
Berwick； when he told her we were upon Scottish ground； she could
hardly believe the assertion If the truth must be told； the
South Britons in general are woefully ignorant in this
particular。 What； between want of curiosity； and traditional
sarcasms； the effect of ancient animosity； the people at the
other end of the island know as little of Scotland as of Japan。
If I had never been in Wales； I should have been more struck with
the manifest difference in appearance betwixt the peasants and
commonalty on different sides of the Tweed。 The boors of
Northumberland are lusty fellows； fresh complexioned； cleanly；
and well cloathed； but the labourers in Scotland are generally
lank； lean； hard…featured； sallow； soiled； and shabby； and their
little pinched blue caps have a beggarly effect。 The cattle are
much in the same stile with their drivers； meagre； stunted； and
ill equipt。 When I talked to my uncle on this subject； he said；
'Though all the Scottish hinds would not bear to be compared with
those of the rich counties of South Britain； they would stand
very well in competition with the peasants of France； Italy； and
Savoy not to mention the mountaineers of Wales； and the red…shanks
of Ireland。'
We entered Scotland by a frightful moor of sixteen miles； which
promises very little for the interior parts of the kingdom； but
the prospect mended as we advanced。 Pas